Soul Searching...

Greetings one and all,
Ever found yourself wondering “Well, now what?” trying to get a grip on something that's bothering you but you just can't put your finger on it.
Well I came to the grand discovery that is exactly what has been eating at the back of my mind for longer than I can actually imagine.
Gotten kind of serious of late too; spending days at a time in bed. Only getting up to talk my dog to the park or use the head. Not eating, although I'm looking good at 190lbs, and feeling weaker and weaker by the day.
O.K. This is kind of a rant mixed with self exploration and I'm sharing because there maybe someone out there that is going through the same thing or maybe someone can offer advice or support. After all we all can use as much support as we can get; even if it's just a well wisher or that person that pushes your buttons pissing you off enough to bring you to action.

1999,
was the last time I played out with a band.
For those that don't know I'm a drummer. Started playing drums at age 6... “and boy are my arms tired!”... buh dump bump!
O.K., that joke is both old and bad, but you get the idea; I have played Drums for the majority of my life.
Beginning in 2003 I made a stab at running my own business. Unfortunately for reasons beyond my control my business failed and I lost pretty much everything. Although by fall of 2007 I was “Free and Clear” all debts paid.
I had moved into a tiny apartment and I more or less tried to keep my head down and find a new way of getting by.
I have built Paintball Guns, Carved Wood Rifle Stocks, made other artsy fartsy Wood Projects like Jewel Boxes and such, even taken up Leather Working of late.
While I can do it all; reasonably well too, but nothing seemed to motivate me. It was all just another job to try and earn a buck.
Then a week ago I went to see a former band-mates current band play. I even sat in for 2 numbers.
It nearly killed me I'm so radically out of shape; but it showed me what my self-inflicted depressive blue funk was being caused by...

I need to play drums again!
I need to be fit enough to play out again!
I need a drum Kit!

So starting immediately I will be working on my fitness level, I will be finishing up all incomplete Paintball Gun Projects, I will be applying all my learned skills in addition to my life experience to build my next drum kit!

This is going to be a long climb upward. For me to play at the level I once did is several miles high but I know the path as I have walked it before.

Anyone that cares to throw any kind of support my way;

It will be more than gratefully accepted and appreciated.

Wayne Shaw. :cool:

http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u...01123302AM.jpg

well dood it sounds like you are already on your way to getting out of the funk of depression.

you already figured out something aint right, decided to try to figure out what that something was, and made a plan to make it easier to get outta bed each day! thats awesome man!

try not to put a time limit on anything tho...any life changing progress happens when it happens...your goal is to be ready for it when it does happen!

Get up off your ASS, quit tha poor pity me party...that was some advice i got about 7 years ago when i was in your shoes...and was told to make your choice to start living or start dying man!!! definitely great advice to piss u off, make you think, and make you realize "Wow im not done yet...I still got ShNiT to do!"

Get up and go do it man!!!

Go to the doctor and get a physical. Explain in detail your issues and see what they recommend. Sounds like you are suffering from depression which can be caused by/exacerbated by certain medical conditions. I found out lately that I am suffering from low testosterone levels, one of the side effects of is depression. After discussing this with my doctor it explains a LOT of things going on with me over the past few years. Doctors are there for a reason, go see one. Depression isnt something that just goes away by putting on a happy face. Yes exercise, eating right etc, can help, but you may need more than that to make it through it.

Good luck.

Sounds like you have got it figured out and doing something that makes you happy will bring you out of your funk. And the truth is we could all use a little more cow bell.

What is ur location?

I've been going through the EXACT same thing, except with baseball. I've been dying to play a game of baseball. I can't find any non-church leagues, and none of my friends are into it. It's been killing me.

I think it shows wisdom and strength to put your problem out there to see if you can get any help from outside. Not everyone does that. I hope you find the way to pass beyond this problem. Here's what I will suggest:

If you take a couple of weeks to visit a monastery, you would be able to go really deep into your mind and see what's really going on. With some effort you could learn to see life and death more clearly, develop your own strengths, and start making real progress. You could even set yourself up for some very intense and long-lasting happiness with enough work and support from the right people. Bad people will only pull you down. Death is coming soon, you gotta choose what you want to bank on. We're not the first people to start life and death on this earth. Many many people have gone before us, some wise and some foolish. The wise made their findings available, they taught what worked. We can either try our best to develop ourselves, or die failures, with no re-do's. It's hard for all of us. No one is perfect. But in the end, we cannot escape the results of our actions, so it's definitely worth doing the best we can. Good luck to you, and good luck to me too and all the rest of us, we're all in a similar struggle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMaG...A0FFA&index=27

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xv0...e#.UcTPVRXYWTA