The Hobbit 2: Patrons's Official Review
Before I go into any detail I would like to clarify that although I intend to be critical, I truly enjoyed this film for what it was; two and a half hours of dwarfs running away from stuff. In a vacuum this was an excellent fantasy action adventure. But this is not a vacuum. There are a number of ways to look at the film. Lets do that.
The film oozes overly dramatic nerdy dialogue. Virtually everything that is said is said with dramatic emphasis, dramatic lighting, and dramatic camera movement. Particularly when elves are speaking. Peter Jackson loves (male) elves.
Well, technically speaking there were no ninja's in the film, but since Mr. Jackson does not know the difference between elves and ninja's... There were lots of Ninja's. Including, much to my dismay, Legolas. "Oh man, what if there was a totally beautiful, male elf, with dreamy eyes, that was also a completely invincible ninja archer, that could overpower eight foot tall orcs, and that was a little bit somewhat obviously gay?". Why the hell is Legolas in this movie?
TRAVEL SCENES SANS COMBAT: 3
No, not 3 out of 10, 3 out of movie. Evidently there was not enough action and suspense in the book so Mr. Jackson decided that anything moving should get ambushed by orcs. Thrilling? Yes. Huge departure from original story? Yes. Necessary? No. Tiresome? Yes.
Is it possible to film a two and a half hour movie with bridges, and/or cliffs in very nearly every scene. I thought not. I was wrong. Almost the entirety of the film takes place on a cliff or a bridge. Even when they are traveling through the forest it is done so on fallen trees of beside cliffs that fall into nowhere. Peter Jacksons vision of Middle Earth is one where every citizen lives in constant danger of falling into an abyss.
ARROGANT RE-WRITING OF BELOVED CLASSIC: 10/10
While many of the classic scenes remain intact, the central literary conflict of the story (Man Against Self) has been replaced with (Man Against Alien Force). "The Hobbit" does not have a primary antagonist, it is about Bilbo the homebody growing into Bilbo the adventurer by facing a series of antagonists. The Movies have cast all the antagonistic forces under the yolk of the big fozzle from The Lord of The Rings. The steps taken to do this are nothing short of a total rewrite. It would take me way to long to itemize these changes, but they are stupid.
Maybe the best dragon in a movie. Totally worth the 2 hour orc chase scene the preceded his appearance.