Trigger Happy Battles the Paintball Gladiators!
That’s right, I’m back! Just when you thought the forums were safe, someone says “YIPE!” and all heck breaks loose. Heck, in this case, being yet another 3000 word post
For those of you who don’t know me, I used to post more frequently on the message boards but I have spent the summer months playing non-stop paintball in preparation for a major showdown… Trigger Happy vs. the Paintball Gladiators. I’m the team captain for Trigger Happy, a team of staunch Mag supporters who have practiced with such AO favorites as BlackVCG, and this is our tale.
The showdown took place yesterday morning under a heavy, brooding fog and spanned long into the day. After the last chamber was cleared, scuba tanks drained, four cases of paint emptied and all our strength spent, Trigger Happy walked away from the field weary, painted and – but wait I won’t spoil the ending! Anyone who likes a good story, or is really bored and avoiding work, read on…
GLADIATORS – Cable Access TV Stars
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Gladiators, they are a local 5-man team coached by Bob “Sarge” Shano, the man who introduced Oregon to paintball back in the mid-1980s. Needless to say, he knows how to play competitive paintball – and so does his team. For the past five years, the Gladiators have been challenging regional tournament teams to step into the “gladiatorial arena” and battle them… in front of the cameras!
That’s right, the Gladiators record their games for rebroadcast on cable access television, which puts a new spin on the standard tournament experience. What do I mean by that exactly? Normal tournament games are fast-paced, and while the action inside the Gladiators’ arena definitely compares to any Ultimate Air field I’ve played on, the filming process adds some new and lengthy dimensions to the game. Waiting for the proper sunlight, background noise to reside, exchanging camera batteries (there were four professional cameras filming the action) and shooting retakes all added up to make the 30 minute match last nearly six hours! Whew. Let’s just say that is a long time to keep your goggles on.
Of course, all that time and attention to detail is not without merit, and their show has proven quite popular. The Gladiators’ games are televised in several states ranging from Oregon to New York, and have garnered “Sarge” awards for excellence and innovation in film.
Each month, the Gladiators invite one team out to their home field to capture the thrill of victory or the shame of defeat… permanently. While the Gladiators are young players, they know their home field and the rules of “Arenaball” – the special game format developed by their coach – inside and out. This makes them tough opponents, and since their inception the Gladiators have only lost once.
TRIGGER HAPPY – We Have Paint and We Like to Shoot
On the flipside, we have Trigger Happy. As I mentioned before, I’m the captain of the team, and I share the limelight (read secretary’s duties) with my co-captain Zagnut. Primarily a 3-man rookie team, Trigger Happy took up the Gladiators’ challenge, recruited additional players and prepared to do battle. Knowing the Gladiators held the home field advantage, Trigger Happy concentrated on good teamwork, aggressive play and the tried and true tactic of “layin’ the smack down”. Of particular interest to AO, four out of the six players on Trigger Happy shoot Automags, including a Z-Grip, Warp Feed, RT and a few Flatlines to top everything off. Whoever says the Automag is not a tournament level marker needs to see our team in action!
ARENABALL – Don’t Drop the Cone
Here’s what happens in a typical Arenaball match. First, the field is a painfully close 75 foot by 50 foot rectangle with a total of 16 wedge-style bunkers. The bunkers become increasingly smaller towards the center of the field, with the middle four only 3 feet (or less!) off the ground. In the center of the field is a drum, atop which sits a vinyl cone. The match is divided into two 15-minute halves, and the object of the game is to take the cone into the opposing team’s end zone to score a point. When a team scores, that round is over and everyone reloads, gets back into their starting positions and resumes play until the half ends. Simple, right? Well, the rules are similar to a standard tournament in some ways, but very different in others. For example, players can start anywhere up and down the end zone line before the whistle blows. You score an extra point for taking the cone across the goal line in the first 5 minutes of a half, and also if you score while there are opposing players still left on the field. You score zero points for eliminations, so it can be advantageous to keep one of the other team’s players alive while running in the cone. Plus, there are a few other rules oddities, such as stopping the games for paint checks and eliminating players who pick up the cone and subsequently let it touch the ground (Doh!).
So, what happened?
Let’s just say, the grass was very slippery and I ended up dropping the cones a few times… and someone must have thrown a voodoo curse on Zagnut because he dropped the cone for no reason at all. Oops. Aside from our mishaps with the cone, the action was fierce and the field proved to be extremely “bunker” friendly – or unfriendly depending on your point of view. Multiple bunkerings were definitely the play of the day, and some bunker virgins went home with a new respect for playing tourney ball. Each player had great moves throughout the match, too many to recount them all, so here is a short list of highlights:
Blaine ended up as the bunker king, racking up multiple bunker moves not once, not twice, but three times in a single day. Way to play crazy! Even better, he took part in the “Reservior Dog” walk alongside Steve and myself. With 19 seconds remaining in the second half, the three of us ran side-by-side off the break to the middle of the field guns-a-blazing! Without stopping to take cover, I picked up the cone and bunkered a player at the 80 yard line before being eliminated, and Blaine made it all the way to opposing team’s end zone. That was definitely worth a few laughs over beers later on.
Mike, Zagnut, Kool-Aid, whatever we call him, his RT is amazingly fast. Mike pummeled the opposition, gogging his mirror backman three times in the second half and he even ran in the cone while the opposing team still had players left on the field. Nuts! Maybe we should move you up front?
Vicki, a brand new front player, made an incredible 80-yard dash off the break and used her position to call plays for the backmen who ended up taking out the entire team. Nice going Speed Racer!
Steve proved that an Autococker can peacefully co-exist on a team of Mags, and not only shot out the first Gladiator of the day, but managed to single-handedly stop an all out charge by the Gladiators and walk the cone in for a point. Very nice.
Last but not least, the Gladiators made a hard push in the second half, running out of cover and bunkering all three of our players in a beautifully timed move. Sitting in the dugout, the rest of our team could simply watch in silence. Ouch!
Though the day was long (as in very, very long to accommodate the film crew), Trigger Happy defeated the Paintball Gladiators in a rare landslide victory - six games to three. I want to personally extend my thanks to everyone on Trigger Happy who has given up their personal time to practice, play tournaments and practice even more. Therefore, thanks to Blaine, Mike, Sean, Steve and Vicki for showing up, making us all laugh during the film delays and layin’ the smack down. What more could a captain ask for?
Sincerely,
Matt
P.S. - There is one more part of the story… and as this will probably come out sooner or later, I figured sooner was better. The score I listed above only represents the second 15-minute half. Unfortunately, the entire Gladiator team could not show up to play (shame-shame), and in the end only three were ready. We offered to play 3-on-3 for both halves, but their coach would not hear of it (apparently they had spanked a team last month playing 4-on-5). Everyone on Trigger Happy felt 3-on-5 was a little heavy handed, but who were we to argue? So, after the score was 20+ to 1, their coach decided a 3-man match would be better. Once the odds evened up, we got to see what the Gladiators were all about as they hammered down some very nice plays, include a simultaneous triple bunkering move that caught our team sleeping.
P.S Squared - Trigger Happy extends its thanks to AGD for making such fantastic paintguns and accessories. My Mag didn't cut or break a single ball, the Warp Feed rocked all day, and got a lot of attention (and hopefully screen time as well). Mike's RT literally rained paint and our only technical problem was easily fixed. Apparently, Blaine's powertube spring (yes I said spring, this is an old Minimag), shattered. Unaware of what had happened, but noticing a difference in the gun's performance, he unscrewed the powertube tip only to have five or six pieces of metal fall out. Unphased, he slapped in a spacer, rechronoed and he was back in the next round. What's truly amazing is that his Mag still shot, albeit not as well, with a shattered powertube spring and he was able to finish out the round. Man, what a friggin' awesome gun!
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