The adventures of FatMan and Uncle Phil
The Adventures of FatMan and Uncle Phil North of the Mason-Dixon Line:
Old Farts Visit the Yankees and are greeted with considerable
hospitality.
We headed out at 5:30am on Friday morning with a truckload of gear and
two sleepy kids. Uncle Phil was at the wheel and we had NPR on the
radio. Outside of Charlotte we stopped and had breakfast at Hardee's.
We headed North over the mountains. The morning ride waa uneventful, I
read, the boys slept, and Phil drove.
Stopped in VA for lunch at Mickey-D's then I took over driving. We
spwnt the better part of the day in VA. Lots of caves in VA. Luray
Caverns, Endless Caverns, Shenandoah Caverns, Lost River Caverns, Indian
Echo Caverns, Crystal Cave, Skyline Caverns, ... Finally we took a shot
jaunt across West VA then a short trip across MD and we were into PA.
PA Dutch country is beautiful, at least until Allentown where it gets
urban again. There the roads got tricky as we made our way north and
prepared to cross the Delaware. I don't know why GW had such a time
with the Delaware, there's a perfectly nice bridge. We noticed that you
can get into NJ for free, but it costs three dollars to leave! Still,
traffic was lined up for a mile trying to get out.
NJ was nothing like we expected. Rolling hills, long ridges, trees, and
lots and lots of farms dominated the scenery. We turned off I-80 and
headed north through Andover, Newton, and then finally into Sussex.
This area was quite beautiful with nice houses, well kept farms, old
tunnels, and quaint town squares.
Once into Sussex we had to call the hotel to find out how to get there.
A nice sounding young guy answered and one I told him where we were he
told me to go 100 feet, turn right and proceeded to name every building
on the road. After about 12 I broke in and asked if the hotel was ON
that road or if there were more turns. That was it so I asked which
side and how far down and got off the phone.
Minutes later we met this genious. He had red hair sticking out in all
directions, a long but sparse red beard, and a smashed in face all pasty
with freckles. His teeth indicated he' been on the losing end of too
manybar fights. I guess they have rednecks everywhere. We saw
confederate battle flags in VA, NRA stickers and Charleton Heston for
president decals and one truck with the sign "attack Iraq Iran
Afghanistan." Makes me tired of taking crap about South Carolina.
We were told the hotel was "not a three star hotel and looks like a
dump." The Sussex Motel was NOT three star and it WAS a dump! But it
was clean, there were no fleas, and we didn't see any roaches as long as
we kept the lights on.
We had an hour of daylight left so we went to find the field.
Apparently we weren't invited to the planning dinner with Jon, Mel, the
Mills, and Capo. No matter, we headed off. Good thing since our
directions were all messed up and trievto take us the wrong way up a one
way street. Not sure why Sussex needs a one way street anyway. Anyway
we eventually found a little country road that dead-ended in a farm with
a "private drive - beware of dog" sign. I assured Phil this was it so
we headed in until comming around a bend in the drive we spied a farmer
in his garden giving us glare that might have killed a lesser man!
I quickly suggested that Phil get the hell out of there when we spotted
a parking sign. So we ducked in there. We found a trailer with some
paintball signs and not much else. So we decided to head out, but
before we could get out the old farner was at the road wanting to stop.
"Who are you?" was all he asked. The guy was in his sixties, but by the
look of him he could have taken Phil and I appart ant not break a sweat.
We told him we had just drove 800 miles from SC to play paintball. Then
he told us his life story and told us his son - a former body builder -
was the field owner and was down at the barn getting the air system
going. He sent us down there - nice guy!
Steve, the field owner/operator was the "most built teenager in America"
when he was 19. He looks like a young Arnold Schwartzhisnager, and he's
the nicest guy you'll meet. Phil's first impression was "that's guy's
wife must be gorgeous!" and she was (she pictures). The fields were
newly completed that day - a hyperball field, airball field, and woods
field. We got the private tour, including the opportunity to pic out
some sweet spots to later play (heh heh).
Back to the hotel for a beer, then out for dinner. Only one place to
eat in Sussex - the Sussex Queen Diner. Highly recommended. No,
really! We ate all our meals there and the waitresses got to know us
pretty well (me maybe a little more than they wanted). Finally back tot
he hotel to crash. For some reason they don't do wake-up calls there.
Go figure!
Next morning after a breakfast of eggs, scrapple, bacon, and toast at
the diner, we arrived at the field about 7:20 - ahead of most of the
field staff - and got our tent set up. Zach the dog (Big dog! Big
brown hunry dog!) loved hangin' with us! We took care of the important
stuff first - shade, chairs, cooler, grill, tables, paintball cocktails
(blue Gatorade), and candy for the little girls. Eventually we got out
the markers and masks and pads and jerseys and stuff too.
People started arriving - first on the scene was Kaiser_Bob (who looks
NOTHING like a "Kaiser_Bob" - a Bob maybe, but I don't get the "Kaiser."
Oh well!), soon followed by Tunaman and TunamanJr (who set up next to
us) and Jon from AGD, and RPM07. After a bit I had to head back up to
the parking lot to visit the little paintball player's room and ran into
Thordic and Riotz (who presented me with my very own official NJ AO club
member card - honorary of course). After joking with tha ladies camped
out by the port-o-johns about the fact that they had one "resevered" for
ladies only (which means that's where the guys go when the need to sit
down - cause the ladies never use those things anyway) and getting
"refreshed" we started talking with all the folks who were arriving. We
talked to Capo and SprayingMango and I met Steve's wife, and Mel, and
Mel's wife, and I made a point of meeting any other ladies in the area
(as is my special calling). SpacemanSpiff and Gunga and other were
around. It was getting interesting.
They kept calling everyone up to the parking area for orientation, but
then they never had orientation. I guess they didn't realize us old
guys have a hard time walking up and down that hill! The thing must
have been 10 feet high! Seems they had trouble with air for a bit, but
got that worked out. The paint arrived (which looked a little funny,
but shot just fine) we got air, we got oriented and the next thing you
know, there's pick-up games going on the speedball fields! We jumped in
for a few games to get the lay of the fields. I found both fields to be
a LOT of fun. There were just the right size for 3 to 7 players per
team, they were sparse enough that they weren't a maze, but there was
plenty of opportunity for movement. No huge lanes, but lots of good
angles. All the day the play was very exciting and I think they were
very good speedball fields.
Woods ball got started - I didn't do this until later, so I'll tell you
about it then. There was a "mini 3-man" tourney scheduled. There were
8 teams. Unfortunately it was not "mini." The tourney took up both the
speedball fields for most of the day. I would suggest next time playing
two division of 4 and then let the division winners play for the whole
thing - and do it on one field so others can play pickup on the second
field. Anyway, the tourney WAS fun to watch. After a bit I headed to
the woods. It was a very interesting field, maybe 300 yards long, maybe
75 yards across at the 50 and tapered to a point at each end. There was
a ridge running lengthwise down the middle, with a road to either side
of it. All bunkers were of natural construction (logs, rock, etc.).
Lots of nooks and crannies to hid it. Lots of poison ivy EVERYWHERE!
After two games I am convinced the narrower side of the ridge is the key
to the field. Whoever owned that could move back and forth along the
ridge and then pop up to shoot. A very fun field, and there were usually
15 or more players per team.
Last game I played in the woods, after a nasty firefight between three
of us and three of them, that resulted me standing along, I moved into
some thick stuff to cross the ridge and run up on some kid with a
Tippman. Never even saw him - he stitched me with about 6 rounds from
about 10 feet. Left a welt on my left shoulder that is destined to
become the most memorable paintball wound I have ever taken. This was
the first time I have taken a hit where ten minutes later I was whining
about how much it hurt - so I had to take some Motrin and put ice on it.
The bruise it left looks like I'm growing a third eye or a teet or
something! The thing STILL hurts now two days later! See the pictures!
Finally, as the tourney wound down, Kaiser_Bob did his chair thing
(where he played the game sitting in a chair behing a cone - and earned
himself an honorary "Old Fart"d title) they played the top-gun contest
and then there was more pickup ball on the courts. By now there were
lots of pent-up players wanting to play speedball and they got into some
10-on-10's on a 5-man court - which meant there were sheets of paint
flying all over the place. I had to jump in on a couple of those - it
was just so much mayhem - how could I not?
Finally, I was out of paint, out of energy, out of just about
everything. Called it quits. Spent the rest of the day talking and
taking pictures. Had a couple of good conversations with Bill and Dawn
Mills - did you know Dawn has a REALLY nice butt? She does! She showed
it to me even, and I told her I was quite impressed! We talked about
the future of paintball, paintball clubs in college, putting on events
like this one, and other stuff! Phil and I told her stories of South
Carolina. Also talked to Patron God of Pirates, FreshmanBob,
OldSoldier, Will, and of course Capo!
Finally it was over, everyone was packing up. There were hugs all
around and promises to road-trip to South Carolina when we get our AO
meet going (soon - any southeast AO's who want to have an AO meet down
here?). We didn't want to leave, but hunger was calling, so we headed
back to the hotel and showered, then back to the Diner for another great
dinner!
The next morning it was one last breakfast of eggs and scrapple at the
diner, then we started heading south! The ride back wasn't as much fun
as the ride, up, maybe because we were all dead tired and sore and
wishing we were playing more paintball - but there were lots of great
memories and stories to tell. The trip was uneventful and 14 hours
later, we were back in Clemson, tired, but happy.
This was a wonderful event! The fields were great, the games were a LOT
of fun, but most of all it was great to meet everyone and talk and hang
out and play together. I highly recommend AO meets - if you get a
chance to go to one, you should, and if you don't have one in your area,
you should try to find other AO'ers around and get one going. The folks
on the boards will be happy to help you set one up, and the folks at AGD
will be supportive. Thanks to Thordic and Riotz and those guys for
putting this on and inviting us up (we better see you when we throw
ours)!. Thanks to Capo for being such a good sport when the fan club
was doing "gimme a C ... C ... gimme a A ... A ..." and so on. Thanks
to Jon for being Jon! Thanks to Steve and Mel and Steve's dad, and Zach
for being the hosts. Thanks to all the ladies to had some candy or a
paintball cocktail! Thanks to ALL the ladies, just for being you!
Thanks to Bill and Dawn for their support! Thanks to Dawn for letting
me check and out her butt (and Bill for not getting mad about it).
Thanks to Uncle Phil for driving my sorry butt up there.
That's all for now,
FatMan
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