For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement..

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living...

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.

And there you have it.
Let your next action reveal your true self.

Drinking Bud and Miller is nothing to be proud of

Haha! That is one of the greatest things I've ever read!

but wait, how did they reproduce before liberals evolved from these prehistoric conservatives?

Funny. Incredulous straw man, but funny.

If only conservatives could have their way- I miss my slaves, women don't need the right to vote, I like working 14 hours a day, and coal should be the primary, uncontested fuel source in the world.

Someday us conservatives will be back, someday...

Thanks tuna. This is all very tongue-in-cheek. Supposed to be funny.

I lol'd.

Thanks tuna.

America has so many better beers to offer than macro brewed crap

I have to admit, in the last 6 months I haven't had a beer that wasn't by Magic Hat or Rogue (I'm partial to #9 & Howl, and Double Dead Guy Ale & Old Crustacean respective to each brewery). That said, I can't say no to a Budweiser when it's handed to me and frankly I dig all the darker Sam Adams creations.

The only imports that impress me are Becks Dark, Murphy's Stout and Guiness.

Youngster!

In the 70's it was Coors, NOT Cuurs light (I was too young to drink)
In the 80's it was Buswiser (Still too young to drink, but did anyway)
In the 90's it was Miller High Life (Still what I drink today)

What is it today? (I still drink Bud and Miller)

He may be young, that doesn't make any of those good beers in any way.

All of em are like having sex in a canoe: f-ing close to water.

miller high life ...

I'm pretty partial to mostly local brews even though it kills the wallet.
I'm mad I just moved now, I can't get my Gritty's Winter Ale.

When it comes to beer, I'll drink what ever "you're" buying.
However, I do like strong coffee, but not strong beer.

Murphy's Irish Stout; the texture of hot cocoa (like grandma used to make it, with milk and actual chocalate). Tastes like liquid heaven only sexier.

Yeah, I love that stuff.

Personally I don't bother with cheap watery beer. I would much rather enjoy one good beer than suffer through 2 or more Buds or Miller High Lifes.

I have been drinking beer for a mighty long time. I will say that there is not much finer that a ice cold Miller High Life. Been drinking them since high school. Very smooth.

Nearly frozen Strongbow for me thanks. I miss the Irish pub where I could get that on tap.

Last one I drank was Corona, with a lime.
But I gave up adult beverages over 20 years ago.
That and left handed cigarettes.

One of the best decisions I ever made.
I traded self medication in for a sweet tea and/or a Starbucks espresso and/or strong coffee
(none of those crapachinos or any of that girly foo foo stuff for me).

My opinion is they ought to put all of it (beer) back in the horse where it came from.
Only thing worse smelling than a spilled stale beer the next morning is a spilled
stale beer with a few cigarette butts in it.