friends dad dieing

[penguinpunk555]

my friends dad is dying of cancer i dont know what to say to her cept i love her any things that could help she has always been here for me and i wanna be here for her any ideas of what i can say?

[chizle97]

my grandad died of leukimia, so i know what shes goin through, just asure her that you will always be there. and tell her to call you when ever she wants even if its at lik 3:30 in the morning. and hustle over there to be with her.hope that helps. best wishes

[slateman]

Then you've done all you can. Just keep doing it.

[penguinpunk555]

thanks guys she is one of the nicest girls i know her dad has a 50 /50 chance with the surgery he is going threw right now i want it to work he is having trouble breathing

[CoFFeY[NiTrO]]

Yeah, in about 7th grade my best friend's dad died of cancer too, a week after he bought a paintball gun to go and play paintball with us.

[gam-e]

my friends mom died of cancer about a month ago.

you need to let her talk about it on her terms. offer to listen, you know, a simple "you wanna talk about it" will suffice, but dont force a conversation.

you need to be there with her, even if it is doing something completely unrelated with her father. if she wants to go handbag shopping, go with her and help her pick out one..make her feel comfortable.

thats about all you can do.

Everybody, guy to a guy, girl to a girl, guy to a girl, it doesn't matter. remember to say "i love you" its very powerful, and as corny as it sounds, it is important to let people know how you feel, you never know when it could end.

Dion

[manike]

My Father has cancer.

The last few months of my life have been some of the hardest ever. We still don't know what it is going to mean. He has more scans and tests to go through.

To be honest, I would not go out of your way to talk to her about it. If she wants to talk then listen, but it's not good to start the subject up.

Sometimes I just wish the 'Well wishers' would shut up and go away. I know people mean well but it doesn't always help. Often it really doesn't help.

I had to deal with all the well wishers wanting news and speaking to my family because no-one else could handle it. It was aweful.

The very best thing you can do as gam-e points out, is be there for her, keep her company, enjoy good times and live life.

It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it to be able to post this, which is probably why it's best not to force or bring up any conversation about it that she doesn't want to have or starts. Sometimes she might want to talk, and there are plenty of ways she will start the conversation if she feels the need for it.

[shartley]

I was going to post about the same thing manike did… but he mirrored my thoughts exactly. I too have had family members with cancer… and who have died from it.

[beam]

Be there for her now...but then be there for her 3, 6, 9 months after he passes away.

My best friend's dad died when we were seniors in highschool. Right around christmas time. I was there for him, went to his house, etc. But then, my life went on as normal... and I wasn't there for him. That following summer, we were camping for two weeks in the Rockies and it all came out. We got into a huge argument and I thought he was gonna kill me (he is much bigger/stronger than me).

However, the truth came out. I was young and stupid...thought I had done a good job as a friend, but in reality, I was just a stupid self-absorbed teen.

Be there for her now, and be there for her in the future. That will show that you are a true friend.

[Torbo]

you dont even really need to say anything. just be there with her. not just now, but be a person who she can be with even if she doesnt feel like talking. tell her she can talk to you any time. 2 in the morning, or whatever.

[.bolink]

Ive been in your exact spot. Last year at christmas my girlfriend of over 2 years, her father died of non-smokers lung cancer that he had had for over 6 years. It had been in remission for years...then all the sudden in November, things would go numb on him. Next thing you know, he was not able to leave his bed or talk, then he was...gone. Those were some hard nights... I made it a point to go over to her house every night. You dont even have to say anything, usually just your presence, just your touch is enough. I would hold her in my arms, get her to fall a sleep then leave at 12 or so. School suffered, but my parents approved of it. Otherwise the poor girl would have never slept. Its rough. I could barely handle it. I mean we had a lot of nights where we would cry for hours. Just remember to just physically be there for her, she will crave being held, hugs, ect. You don't really have to say anything, cause lets face it...there is nothing you can say to make it any better. And usually someone in their posistion gets really tired and pissed off from the "Everything is gonna be ok" comment. If you are a really close friend, and close to her family, then you will prolly be the friend that gets most of her attention because you understand, because you hurt too.

In a few words...be available to her, whether in person, or on the phone. Its hard, and cancer is really tough to watch. But only time will be able to heal the pain.

[penguinpunk555]

thanks guys im planing on going to a few of her volleyball games and stuff like that i always like to hang out with her weve gotten close over the past 2 years and have fun with each specialy when i chase her around my house with a pillow she is going up to milwakee to st. lukes hospital right now her dad has a 50 50 chance with the surgery he had he has another one soon dont know when she knows that she cantalk to me abotu anything but i reminded her and ive been thinking how soon this stuff can ahppen to any of us and we need to know were we r goin keep this in mind guys if u have any ideas on stuff i could do with her tell me thanks guys always can rely on AO!

[SpongeBobSquarePants]

Originally posted by manike
My Father has cancer.

The last few months of my life have been some of the hardest ever. We still don't know what it is going to mean. He has more scans and tests to go through.

To be honest, I would not go out of your way to talk to her about it. If she wants to talk then listen, but it's not good to start the subject up.

Sometimes I just wish the 'Well wishers' would shut up and go away. I know people mean well but it doesn't always help. Often it really doesn't help.

I had to deal with all the well wishers wanting news and speaking to my family because no-one else could handle it. It was aweful.

The very best thing you can do as gam-e points out, is be there for her, keep her company, enjoy good times and live life.

It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it to be able to post this, which is probably why it's best not to force or bring up any conversation about it that she doesn't want to have or starts. Sometimes she might want to talk, and there are plenty of ways she will start the conversation if she feels the need for it.

I know what your saying manike, my father doesn't have cancer but my grandfather died of it about two years ago. I remember being there, and just the family was there. I also remember going to the funreal home for the veiwing and there were a million of people there, that couldn't have cared less about him when he was alive. I know they meant well but they seemed to only be there for a apperance. I'll pray for ya buddy I know its ruff.

As to you penguine- Don't bring it up, if she wants to talk about it then talk about it if not don't strick up a conversation with her about it. The occasional hows your Dad doing is ok, just to let her know you care. Just be there for her when she needs you. Tell her you love her and that everything will be ok. Best wishes to you and her.

[chunk_daddy]

wow.....reading some of this stuff brought tears to my eyes, my mom had cancer when i was in 7th grade, it was the hardest thing ive ever been threw, and like other people have said ALWAYS being there isnt good, i mean always asking, but being there just waiting to help is, some tips, just go tell her how much you care, take her out to get her mind of things, talk about other things that wont get her mind on her dad, and if it does, give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be okay, just like everyone else said.....be there for her

[Automaggin2]

I have seen so much death in my short years.


In 3rd grade, i watched my own friend die right in front of me in gym class.


I have watched my best friends dad die, right in front of me


I have seen my grandma die, right in front of me

I have seen people die in car accidents, right in front of me.

I have seen a close family friend die, right in front of me.


I have seen so much death, with my own eyes, the only way to escape from it is to forget about it, but not the person.

[Konigballer]

My dad died of cancer when I was nine. We had him moved into our house the last few weeks but he couldnt even leave his bed, he didnt even know who I was the week before he died. All you can do is let her know you'll be there for her, but dont force her to talk about it if she's not ready. The most annoying thing is when people think they cant say anything to you without talking about what happened so dont smother her. She's gonna' have a lot of emmotions to deal with an they are'nt all nice either so you gotta watch out for that. Sometimes I would think I was doing alright untill something triggered all kinds of emotions. Three months after my dad died, this kid at school who hated me came up in the hallway and said he "was sorry about my dad being dead", real sarcastically with a smile on his face. I didnt even know what I did until it already happened but I broke his nose without thinking right there in the hallway. Not very bright, but I did'nt even know I was that angry about the whole thing until that happened. Good luck with your friend man.

[penguinpunk555]

Update. Her dad died this morning while she was at school.I just got back from her house we had a few people over and just hung out tried to get her mind off of it.I talked to her for a lil bit and she said that she was happy that i was here for her i told her to call whenever.I told my parents that if she calls to wake me up. Please guys pray for here she realy needs it right now.She is one of the nicest girls i know and she doesnt deseve it...:(

[breg]

My father died of cancer when I was 18. Now, my grand mother has Adrenal Carsonoma (sp?)

When it happened for me, I was grateful for everyone that talked to me and told me that they were there for me. Just remember that when she wants to talk, she will. It may not be right away, it maybe tonight, or never. But the thing is that you need to be there when she needs you. Just let her know that you care.

[chunk_daddy]

wow........tell her im srry for her......and hey if she ever needs to talk im here too.......i know how it feels to lose someone.....hope everything works out ok for her

[penguinpunk555]

She is not doing good today.
Her dads funeral is monday. i think im going not sure yet but please keep her in mind . thanks guys i want this thing to be up here for a lil bit if possible.

thanks