View Full Version : need help with a moral decision
here goes guys.
while back i posted a thread that I started seeing this girl that I thought was wicked awesome. [click] (http://www.automags.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80370) weve been dating now for 5 months, and things couldnt be better.
she seems to be taking an iterest in my interest in paintball, mainly the fact that I want to get a featherlite viking.
now, here is my moral dilemma.. and to give you a bit of background.
me and her have the same exact personalities. same likes, same dislikes, we think alike, criticize people alike and think of the same things at the same time.
we cant come to a compromise on anything, both are rediculously bullheaded and stubborn.
for my birthday, she tried to buy me a plane ticket to san diego to visit some of my friends, because she notices i am happy most when i talk about paintball and san diego.
my mom talked her out of buying me that ticket, and i am kinda glad.
well, she's at it again, and wants to buy me the featherlite.
i REALLY want this marker, but morally, i dont think i could let her purchase it for me.
i know you guys re saying.. you fool, let her buy the marker.. if only it were that easy.
so, i now look to you, the AO army, the morally minded.. i need your opinions.
the only thing thats currently stopping her is the 2 mods i want done to it while JMJ has it.. she already knows I want sapphire blue
Paintchucker
10-05-2003, 09:31 PM
It it your decision and should depend on how you feel about the girl. If you have been saving your $ for a new gun, what little "trink-it" are you going to buy her after she buys you the gun? :)
Relationships are give and take. As long as you are both satisfied with the relationship, then why not give each other presents. Now if it would cause her a hardship to lay out that much money, then you might want to reconsider but otherwise, go with it!
Originally posted by Paintchucker
It it your decision and should depend on how you feel about the girl. If you have been saving your $ for a new gun, what little "trink-it" are you going to buy her after she buys you the gun? :)
thats the thing. i told her that if she bought me this, I would have to get her something in return. since i dont have money saved for this marker yet, i didnt plan on purchasing it until after january.
however, i told her I wanted to get her something, she told me no. she wont have it, wont hear of it. similar to my plight. i dont really want her to buy me this marker, though I do want it.
on the other hand, I already bought her xmas present, and its a gold necklace with a 1/4 carat diamond.. cost me a little more than a featherlite.
Paintchucker
10-05-2003, 09:51 PM
Originally posted by joey d
however, i told her I wanted to get her something, she told me no. she wont have it, wont hear of it.
Don't under any circumstances fall for that trick. :D
thing about that is, shes serious. she would get upset. I tried to tell her that I would AT LEAST take her out to dinner somewhere nice.. she told me that i couldnt make her go anywhere.. :rolleyes:
Konigballer
10-05-2003, 09:57 PM
dude I'm in your same predicament. My girlfriend wants to buy us tickets for a cruise cause she knows how much I always wanted to travel and she makes more money than me. I wont let her even though I want to. I dont think your dumb for not lettin' her get you the gun. My girlfriend just cant understand it, but its just how I was raised. I just cant except a gift like that or yours. Its not even the fact that she's a girl, its just that people in my family didnt give each other or other people gifts of that size cause we never had the money. It just feels to weird for someone to try and GIVE me something that nice without me having to do anything for it. I definetley know what your talkin' about.
Originally posted by Konigballer
dude I'm in your same predicament. My girlfriend wants to buy us tickets for a cruise cause she knows how much I always wanted to travel and she makes more money than me. I wont let her even though I want to. I dont think your dumb for not lettin' her get you the gun. My girlfriend just cant understand it, but its just how I was raised. I just cant except a gift like that or yours. Its not even the fact that she's a girl, its just that people in my family didnt give each other or other people gifts of that size cause we never had the money. It just feels to weird for someone to try and GIVE me something that nice without me having to do anything for it. I definetley know what your talkin' about.
thank you. i totally understand you and your situation too. i feel the same. not being able to do anything for her in return for such a great gift.
tony3
10-05-2003, 10:26 PM
tell her you dont want anything for your birthday or something like that, and maybe she'll get it for you for xmas, then you give her the necklace and its all happy and everyone is drinking egg nog and having a jolly ol' time....now im just rambling...
Torbo
10-05-2003, 10:33 PM
i know i feel so much better when i buy stuff for myself. I dont have too much, but i can say that i worked my *** off bussing dishes, so that the cocker, bike or whatever, is MINE, not something someone else worked for and gave to me.
Splat
10-05-2003, 10:38 PM
Let her buy the marker...
But then you MUST spend a good chunk of money on her...
Trust me, she'll be thinking EXPENSIVE JEWELERY.
dinger
10-05-2003, 10:52 PM
let her get it for you
why?
ill tell ya why.
back when i was in 8th grade, i was SOO freakin in looove with this blonde girl. i mean i drooled for her, and she was night and day thought.
but one day, i got too crazy about her. and i got her this diamond necklace [yes expensive, dont ask how i got it. no, its not my moms]. i gave that to her, and she just melted. we weren't even going out anymore either lol.
but my point is if you love someone enough, you'll do stuff in spite of them being in existance.
so trust me, let her get you that. and at least sorta try to do something for her in return. this relationship shouldn't just be 1-sided with gifts ;)
just be sure to give some good-lovin' :D :D
pbcustom98
10-05-2003, 10:52 PM
i understand how u feel. im the same way. it feels much better knowing u worked hard for something and then bought it, instead of someone seeing how much u want it and then buying it for you. knowing how hard u worked for it gives u a sense of accomplishment. to me it would be an easy choice just to tell her no. if she gets it anyway, then i would get something for her even if she doesnt want it. she bought the gun when u didnt want her to, so do the same thing to her.
Daniel
Originally posted by tony3
tell her you dont want anything for your birthday or something like that, and maybe she'll get it for you for xmas, then you give her the necklace and its all happy and everyone is drinking egg nog and having a jolly ol' time....now im just rambling...
see, this is what i tried to do as well. my birthday was the 27th of last month. now, im a simple person. I didnt want anything for my birthday (as a matter of fact, I got my mom and my girl presents for my b-day.. they were a little suprised) i kept telling roxy, I dont want anything. you get it, fine, ill take it, but its in protest because I dont want anything. it ended up that we just got in an arguement about it, because we are both stubborn and bullheaded. my mom stepped into the equation, told me I was being an unfair *******, and I just said, rather than fight about petty things, just get me a present. (all i wanted was a card, if that).
she ended up buying me a fitted red sox hat, and a $100 g/c to Hot topic. my girl rocks the socks.
Originally posted by Torbo
i know i feel so much better when i buy stuff for myself. I dont have too much, but i can say that i worked my *** off bussing dishes, so that the cocker, bike or whatever, is MINE, not something someone else worked for and gave to me.
same here. im not big on handouts and such, even if its some holiday or whatnot when you should be handing things out.
Originally posted by Splat
Let her buy the marker...
But then you MUST spend a good chunk of money on her...
Trust me, she'll be thinking EXPENSIVE JEWELERY.
i already got her expensive jewlery for christmas. thing is, she is as simple as me. doenst want it, trust me, I tried for her birthday. this is one thing I like about her. I dont have to spend $1000's on her to keep her happy, but, something in the way I was raised said I gotta keep her way happy all the time.
Originally posted by dinger
let her get it for you
why?
ill tell ya why.
back when i was in 8th grade, i was SOO freakin in looove with this blonde girl. i mean i drooled for her, and she was night and day thought.
but one day, i got too crazy about her. and i got her this diamond necklace [yes expensive, dont ask how i got it. no, its not my moms]. i gave that to her, and she just melted. we weren't even going out anymore either lol.
but my point is if you love someone enough, you'll do stuff in spite of them being in existance.
so trust me, let her get you that. and at least sorta try to do something for her in return. this relationship shouldn't just be 1-sided with gifts ;)
just be sure to give some good-lovin' :D :D
i agree with the 1-sided-ness. but, for some reason, she doesnt. and on the subject of lovin... you havent read my website before have ya.. no problems in that department :D
Originally posted by pbcustom98
i understand how u feel. im the same way. it feels much better knowing u worked hard for something and then bought it, instead of someone seeing how much u want it and then buying it for you. knowing how hard u worked for it gives u a sense of accomplishment. to me it would be an easy choice just to tell her no. if she gets it anyway, then i would get something for her even if she doesnt want it. she bought the gun when u didnt want her to, so do the same thing to her.
Daniel
*agree* on the work hard thing. and it is still my intention to just go out and do for her, as she has done for me.. :)
Will Wood
10-06-2003, 07:30 AM
Let her buy it. Deal with the quilt.
kosmo
10-06-2003, 09:25 AM
In my encounters with those of the female type, Ive learned something about them and their "gifts".
ITS A TRAP
If you simply cant resist, just watch your back man.... watch your back.
Pacifist_Farmer
10-06-2003, 10:32 AM
I dont like money, it makes us want to spend it, and then it makes us feel guilty for spending it, of course it has already made us feel bad that we don't have more of it.
I think Roxy buying the Viking is a bad idea, what if for some strange reason you dont like it, or you want something different right away? It will still be the gun she bought you, that means your obligated to use it, charish it and never ever get rid of it..
My fiancee is only allowed to buy small things for paintball, add ons, etc. (in fact I've got a LX sitting in a box on the floor over there but I cant have it till christmas)
I say buy the Viking yourself let her pay for the mods...
i know whats going to happen here.
(by the way, i appreciate everyones opinions.. but what I am about to post is unavoidable)
she is going to call JMJ and order the featherlite. she told me she tried to go to the site last night and look it up (luckily, JMJs site is under construction right now)
all she will do, is order it.. and come christmas time, it will show up at my door. (there is a month wait on bodies from AKA, then another 4-6 week wait on construction and anno for the marker.. roughly 2 months) so, she sneakily orders it and doesnt tell me about it, i dont find out till the package comes.
i gurantee you guys, massive heart seizure will occur if a package from JMJ shows up at my door unexpectedly.
Albinonewt
10-06-2003, 12:38 PM
One thing to think about is what it means to her to get you the marker. Some people really like to give gifts to people that are important to them. They take gift giving very seriously and it means a lot to them. Not accepting it is really a pretty big insult because they really put the time and effort in and all they want to see is you get the gift, love it, and say thanx with a smile on your face.
If she's like that then she wants to buy you the marker as much as you want it, and by all means let her do it. If she's "just trying to be nice" then it's a different story. At that point I would tell her that I don't want her spending that kind of money on me and then letting the chips fall where they may.
matt = nails things right on the head all the time.
roxy is HUGE on gifts. she loves giving to others as much as I do. and I understand that not accepting this could upset her or be insulting, but in my mind, i cant justify my gilrfriend of 5 months spending over $1000 for a present for me.
it doesnt seem that she is trying to be nice, she genuinely wants to get this for me, because she sees how happy I am when i talk about paintball. but again, im not sure i can morally accept a gift like this from her.
now, if JMJ decided to present me this as a gift for some reason (prolly something along the lines of already using viking products, speaking well of their business and always supporting them), thats a different story. ive done something for them to warrant them relinquishing a marker to me.
with roxy, ive done nothing special, other than be her best friend/boyfriend. which i dont think warrants the purchase of the marker. *sigh* such a perdicament.
MayAMonkeyBeYourPinata
10-06-2003, 06:27 PM
Honestly it seems that its going to be hard for you to stop her from buying this gift. Because of the stubborn bullheadedness you both have. So if she does end up buying this for you pay her back with a couple of romantic nights, or something along that lines, seeing as how she seems to enjoy expensive gifts, but doesnt need them.
Ohh and on a side note its gonna be a Cubs Red Sox World Series i can feel it in my bones.
AngelBoy
10-06-2003, 06:38 PM
I agree with Albinonewt. Let her get it for you, because that is what will make her happy. Give her the necklace, because it will make you feel better about yourself.
And, she definately sounds like an awesome girlfriend;)
pbcustom98
10-06-2003, 07:23 PM
Originally posted by AngelBoy
I agree with Albinonewt. Let her get it for you, because that is what will make her happy. Give her the necklace, because it will make you feel better about yourself.
And, she definately sounds like an awesome girlfriend;)
im lost..i thought he gave her the necklace last xmas...or am i just really not paying attention here :confused: either way. good luck with whatever ur decision is.
Daniel
she has some serious need issues.
how about you guys dont buy each other presents for like 6 months? Just do the normal date'sy stuff.
My wife stays away from the present buying since I am so picky.
Originally posted by pbcustom98
im lost..i thought he gave her the necklace last xmas...or am i just really not paying attention here :confused: either way. good luck with whatever ur decision is.
Daniel
no, i bought the necklace over the summer for her to give to her for chrstmas.
dinger
10-06-2003, 10:31 PM
if worse comes to worse,
tell her "back dat *** up *****! and show me wha ya got! drop it to da floor and shake it all night!"
then go play some pb
WAIT IDEA!! LET HER GET YOU THE GUN aaaaaand, then she gets ur old one ^^
we need more pbing couples ;)
after reading your initial post I voted "don't let her"... but now i've changed my mind reading the thread...
Albinonewt hit it on the head, and you yourself already have a pretty nice gift for her... just make sure she knows that you didn't buy it as a gift swap, but as a true gift to her, since she does appear to be pretty great for you.
---Fred
Caffiend
10-07-2003, 03:06 AM
if someone mentioned this already, my bad. i skimmed over most of it.
you said she liked paintball, right? and in your other topic you said you let use your dragun right? instead of her buying you a marker, have her spend the money on a mask, marker, hopper, and tank for herself. tell her that would be even better than getting the viking, seeing her with her own gear. if she already has her own gear, is there anything besides the marker you'd like/need? or is there anything she needs in terms of upgrades/backups? have her spend the money on that, instead of the viking, if at all possible. she sounds like a keeper man, congrats.
Originally posted by Caffiend
if someone mentioned this already, my bad. i skimmed over most of it.
you said she liked paintball, right? and in your other topic you said you let use your dragun right? instead of her buying you a marker, have her spend the money on a mask, marker, hopper, and tank for herself. tell her that would be even better than getting the viking, seeing her with her own gear. if she already has her own gear, is there anything besides the marker you'd like/need? or is there anything she needs in terms of upgrades/backups? have her spend the money on that, instead of the viking, if at all possible. she sounds like a keeper man, congrats.
yea, from that thread, she never came out to play. its unfortunate, but im still trying to get her out on the field.
i think the idea that dinger had is what I will go with, give her my old marker if she gets me this. then i can just get her some a tank and hoppper, because I have an extra mask already that I can give.
well, i talked to her thismorning about this.
with everyones input in mind, mainly newts, i told her that i would understand if she wanted to purchase this for me, and what it meant to her.
i tried to tell her that I would give her my mag if she bought this, and i made her promise that she would come out and play with me just once if she bought this. im still working on this.
anywhoo.. looks like around xmas time, i will have a new vike.. though i still protested the buying of this marker on the grounds that I did nothing to deserve it. she insisted that ive done everything in the world for her, such as make her happy, feel loved and things along these lines.
so, if she does get this, only thing I have to worry about, is what color it will come in. i told her to choose the color.
sapphire blue
silver dust to black fade
silver dust to sapphire blue fade.
<- likes suprises... sometimes :D
Albinonewt
10-07-2003, 11:51 AM
Sounds good Joey.
May I suggest using the money you were saving for the Viking and bringing the two of you out to the Texas AO Day in Feb.?
You live in Boston, in Feb ya'll are gonna' be cold. Might as well come play paintball with us :)
ANyways, glad we could help. I'm sure everything will work out great. It sounds like you'll both be satisified with this purchase.
definitely. I just started saving for this myself, didnt plan on purchasing until january.. (im a slow saver.. i see something i like.. there goes money)
ill put some dough away for texball, and hopefully by the time it rolls around, ill have some cash for both of us to show up. im still trying to find a way to AO SE in clemson :D..
thanks guys!
well, I would say tenatively that accepting the gift is the best thing. I myself am a giver, and fairly hate getting really big gifts... but I love giving them.
I know how I'd feel if I gave somebody something and they refused on principal. It's almost like you reject the person rather than the gift, because the gift is just the expression of the person's heart.
Now, I also understand where you're coming from. I don't really like accepting large gifts... makes me feel a little obligated. However, it's something you have to accept in relationships. Gifts happen.
So, if you love her, and you're sure this isn't her just trying to "buy" your affection, take it like a man, and accept the fact that she digs you and wants to give you really nice crap. :)
And if you don't take the Viking, you can tell her to send it to me instead...
DK1
dre1919
10-07-2003, 01:16 PM
I say you let her get it, but then in turn buy her something of the same value.
I would take it but I am a mooch and there is very few people who I would not take money/gifts from.
Caffiend
10-08-2003, 03:20 AM
Oh, didn't know she didn't go out and play that time. Since it sounds like she's going to get it for you, definately "drag" her to the field with you. You might even want to offer to let her use the viking before you do...well maybe:) Definately try and get her into the sport, we can always use more decent people in the sport, especially when they're female.
Originally posted by joey d
though i still protested the buying of this marker on the grounds that I did nothing to deserve it. she insisted that ive done everything in the world for her, such as make her happy, feel loved and things along these lines.
isn't great when you get gifts just for being you :)
pbcustom98
10-08-2003, 09:58 AM
isn't great when you get gifts just for being you :)
----------------------------------------------------
i think so...when its from ur parents or something...joey d is 22/23...and for his gf to spend that much on him..just to get him something nice, is a nice jesture...but if it was me..i wouldnt let her get me that. i wouldnt feel right accepting a gift of that much money from my gf, unless weve been going out for a long long long time and joey d said hes been going out with her for 5 months or so....and then id still get her something very nice in return. good luck !
Daniel
Originally posted by pbcustom98
isn't great when you get gifts just for being you :)
----------------------------------------------------
i think so...when its from ur parents or something...joey d is 22/23...and for his gf to spend that much on him..just to get him something nice, is a nice jesture...but if it was me..i wouldnt let her get me that. i wouldnt feel right accepting a gift of that much money from my gf, unless weve been going out for a long long long time and joey d said hes been going out with her for 5 months or so....and then id still get her something very nice in return. good luck !
Daniel
im 22, and I feel the same way. had it been my wife of several years or something, yea.. it may be cool.. but, meh, iunno anymore.. im just going to sit back and let things happen. she wont tell me if she bought it, im not going to ask, i think i may purposely upset her so she doenst get it :D
E-mag-uy
10-08-2003, 05:09 PM
This all depends on what you can give her in return if she does buy this, if you can get her something of equal value $$ or sentimental wise then definetly TAKE IT. Otherwise, let her get you something else and be happy with it, or be greedy let her buy it for and break up....:cool: JK!
pbcustom98
10-08-2003, 08:25 PM
Originally posted by E-mag-uy
or be greedy let her buy it for and break up....:cool: JK!
my sisters old bf did that to her..she bought him a snowboard for xmas...whobang week later...he left..messed up..but kinda funny..i knew something like that would happen.
Daniel
Carbon
10-09-2003, 12:30 AM
Hey man a gift is a gift, it is not a "call-in-a-favor-card". If yer gal wants to give ya the Vike, take it. But at all cost, do not allow yourself or similarly, your gal to think "i owe her/him one". You give a give because its the thought that counts. If you give her a necklace, its beacause you think she is a special gal, she deserves it, she makes you happy and you want to thank her for making you feel happy and swell and so on and ect. Belive me, when you get the gun:
1) Thank her! look her in the eyes, notice the joy in her eyes as you get stoked on the present.
2) Hug her. Give her a kiss and tell her she is the coolest, greatest ect. girl in the world And she'll know you really mean it to.
3) Cuddle. Always cuddle.
This should work vice versa. Remember, you are not buying each other joy or happiness. It could be you gave her a $1000 necklace, or wrote here a free love song or really good love poem/letter. In anycase you are expressing your fondness for each other.
Now, here is the reality of what may occur. IF you break up with her, the $1000 question would be. Would you give back/take the gun back?
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