New Jersey voted "Worst State in Union":

[Patron God of Pirates]

PGoP Times Op.Ed.
"A State of Dismay"
01.08.04


Every state has it's good points and bad points. Arguments, strong ones, can be made favoring just about any one over another. Realizing this, the NJ sate government set out to correct that issue. In sending spies to the other 49 states, PR, Guam, and the District of Columbia, Jersey has successfully implemented just enough programs to settle the argument once and for all.

In a secret ballot vote done this AM in my office, Jersey was unanimously voted "Worst in the Union" by a final tally of one to zero. In an effort to avert countless phone calls, television and radio appearances, and an invitation to the state house, I've listed my reasons here... In no particular order.

- The Union Tolls -
Most of the questionably named Garden State Parkway is a decent road. That is of course until the express lane vanishes and you find yourself not on a highway, but at a series of closely packed drive though windows that cost 35 cents a piece and never hand out salt or catsup. The most daunting of these is the parking lot called the Union Toll plaza. Backed up for an average of 3 to 4 hundred miles, this plaza adds insult to injury when you finally make it though and realize traffic is still at a dead stop on the other side. After several hours the traffic mysteriously breaks up and you're back to a good clip. No off ramps to explain this phenomenon, just what I believe is one of two things; A state wide conspiracy to bore me into getting off the road and paying highway robbery prices for a Big Mac, Or... A local police force dedicated to pulling people over on the wrong side of the road derring rush hour.

- BK on the Parkway -
What happened to "have it your way"? How can I possibly have it my way in a pre-prepared buffet!? This mystery confounded me for awhile until I discovered that those people in the back standing in a circle and talking to one and other were in fact cleverly disguised BK employees. Unfortunately this does not help since they alternately ignore me or don't speak English well enough to understand the phrase "catsup only". At last the only solution is to take what they give you and the surgically remove the unwanted parts.

- No left turns -
Who's brilliant "protect me from myself" idea was this: "ooh ooh I've got it! Instead of letting people take one potentially dangerous left hand or U turn, we'll pave entirely to much property to create an elaborate series of right turns instead!" Sweet! Now I get to sit at the same set of lights up to three times just to turn around.

- Off Ramps with no on Ramps -
What! What in the holy hell do you mean I can't get back on the highway I just got off! This is to absurd to even merit a humorous quip.

- Auto Insurance -
First off, it's impossible to find anyone willing to ensure you if you've got a good driving record and pay your bills on time. As if that wasn't odd enough, when you do find one, they come back with quotes that would out cost your car in two years. Apparently the "Mature Driver" age for single males in this state is 30. At that point the cost drops by a whopping 1/3! Stop the freakin presses! one whole third! I will be maintaining my residence in MA enough to qualify for Auto Registration there. Just for Perspective, I pay less in a year in MA then just the down payment would have been in Jersey.

So I suppose all of my complaints are driving related. But you can't much enjoy a state this difficult to get around. In addition to all of this nonsense, getting into Jersey is free. Leaving costs 3 bucks.

[dansim]

hehe catsup;)

[Dayspring]

Ah yes. Home sweet home. :D

[FactsOfLife]

1DE response in....


3.....
2......
1.......

[Mango]

I hate New Jersey and I live here. *sigh...

[Muzikman]

Does this surprise anyone? I mean NJ is the armpit of the USA:) To be quite honest, I have been to many states and many cities, NJ is my least favorite. That might be because I go to all the garden spots in the garden state, Newark and Camden;)

[Mango]

Originally posted by Muzikman
Does this surprise anyone? I mean NJ is the armpit of the USA:) To be quite honest, I have been to many states and many cities, NJ is my least favorite. That might be because I go to all the garden spots in the garden state, Newark and Camden;)

Ohh yes your visiting the best NJ has to offer right there. Some of the state is really beautiful but it is just so crowded. It is the most highly populated state in the country per square mile. I can't wait to get out of here.

[Vendetta]

- No left turns -

Three rights make a left.
God I hate driving through NJ.

[MantisMag]

the only thing nj has to recommend it is the proximity of major cities in other states. that and the "jersey shore" which is populated by people from states farther north because they're the only ones who like it.

[fire1811]

there was a good joke in playboy this month here ya go



A man from New Jersey moved to Hawaii and became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but no one could help him. Finally he met a doctor who was in town on vacation. After the man explained his symptoms, the doctor said, "Go into an outhouse and put your head over the hole. Breathe in the fumes for 10 minutes" The man was willing to try anything, so he did as he was told. The next day he saw the doctor and said, "IT WORKED. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "You were homesick"

:p

[PissedGodzilla]

The Union toll Booth, I have discovered, is seated directly over the mouth of HELL. The place is rank with demons and evil thigs. The worst section of driving in the entire state. Guess what? I gotta drive it every FREAKING DAY!!!!


It doesn't suprise me anymore that I am always Pissed....

[Patron God of Pirates]

Originally posted by PissedGodzilla
The Union toll Booth, I have discovered, is seated directly over the mouth of HELL

LMAO! I'll be stealing that material from you...

[Thordic]

You can all kiss my arse :)

Mango, you don't live in NJ. You live in an annex of Pennsylvania that for some reason belongs to NJ. South Jersey is NOT part of NJ. All the people who live there are Pennsylvanians. Don't argue, its the truth. You like the Eagles and the Flyers down there. No self-respecting NJ resident would ever sink that low.

Everyone likes to crap on NJ, well, I hate to break it to you, but your states are frickin boring. Ohio? Illinois? Texas? What the hell do they have?

A whole cartload of nothing, thats all. I've been to Chicago. It's not a real city. The bars were empty, the streets were dead. The excuse I heard? "Well, its a holiday."

REAL CITIES DON'T SHUT DOWN ON HOLIDAYS!

It's just sad really.

Any man who wants to talk crap about New Jersey can officially consider himself challenged to a drinking contest. Anyone who can drink me under the table can keep talking smack, all others must shut up and admit their state sucks more than Andy Dick at a Chippendales party.

That is all.

[PissedGodzilla]

Thordic, don't get me wrong here. I didn't fully explain my post. I was just complaining about the demonseed "Union Tool Booth"

I love NJ and I will never live anywhere else. It has the best of everything. Youu want the shore, it's 30 minutes away. You want the city, it's 30 Minutes away. You want to go skiing, it's 45 minutes away. Atlantic City, Sandy Hook, LBI, Shaolin (I know it's technically NY, but it's really NJ), The Statue of Liberty (It's a NJ thing, Trust me), Rumson, The Stone Pony, Asbury Park Convention Center, THE BEST TRAIN LINES IN THE USA (Seriously), Cape May, Seaside Height.... I can go on and on... I love NJ.... But traffic does suck ***, you gotta admit it!

[Patron God of Pirates]

I'd take you up on that, but I don't drink. I know some Irishmen from Southie who'll gladly take you on though. ;)

[fire1811]

Originally posted by Thordic
You can all kiss my arse :)

Any man who wants to talk crap about New Jersey can officially consider himself challenged to a drinking contest. Anyone who can drink me under the table can keep talking smack, all others must shut up and admit their state sucks more than Andy Dick at a Chippendales party.

That is all.


*raises hand* challenge accepted :)

[straightshot]

hell yeah Thordic, I've been all over the place and north jersey is the only place I call home. Now if we could just do something about all the idiots on the road.....

[impostal22]

Originally posted by Thordic
Everyone likes to crap on NJ, well, I hate to break it to you, but your states are frickin boring. Ohio? Illinois? Texas? What the hell do they have?


NY...has NYC i believe...so ya...i can crap on NJ all i want. my job is in mahwah (only like 5 miinutes past the border) and i STILL hate driving through it..so..nyah:p

[1stdeadeye]

LOL Facts!!!!

Leave my home alone!

South Jersey is great. Affordable homes, open space, the shore, National Paintball Supply's headquarters (;) ), .....

Patron,
If NJ stinks so bad, why are you all here? :eek: That's right we have lots of jobs here. We are the most affluent state in the Nation!

[ShooterJM]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye
We are the most affluent state in the Nation!

For some reason I thought CT still held that title....

[Muzikman]

Thordic, One question, what is a "Real" city in NJ?

South Jersey is an annex of PA, North Jersey is an Annex of NYC.

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by Thordic
Everyone likes to crap on NJ, well, I hate to break it to you, but your states are frickin boring. Ohio? Illinois? Texas? What the hell do they have?

Clean air? The sure knowledge they they aren't called "The armpit of the country"?

Any man who wants to talk crap about New Jersey can officially consider himself challenged to a drinking contest. Anyone who can drink me under the table can keep talking smack, all others must shut up and admit their state sucks more than Andy Dick at a Chippendales party.

That is all.


I already know NY sucks. We have the second highest insruance rates in the country(you guys are numero uno there). Hell, we even have NYC attached to us, and we even elected Billary Clinton to the senatorial seat.

And despite all that, Jersey STILL sucks more...

[1stdeadeye]

Originally posted by ShooterJM


For some reason I thought CT still held that title....

No they do not currently. We usually swap it with them every few years. But we are always in the top 3!

NJ is not an annex of any area. I hate the Eagles and the Giants, so there!

Jersey ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye
We are the most affluent state in the Nation!


I think that's spelled EFFLUENT.....

[Patron God of Pirates]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye
Patron,
If NJ stinks so bad, why are you all here? :eek: That's right we have lots of jobs here. We are the most affluent state in the Nation!

Company Loyalty. If not for that chink in my armor I'd be back in NH or MA in a heartbeat. MA is pleanty afluent and compared to NH, Jersey is a police state.

That said, outside of everything having to do with travel, NJ not as bad as people say. ;)

[FalconGuy016]

Im glad I dont live there. Those traffic patterns would murder me

[Thordic]

I look at it this way.

No one from upstate NY (like 99% of the actual state, landwise) wants to be associated with NYC. Most of NY is farms and country.

No one from North Jersey wants to be associated with South Jersey.

South Jersey wants to be associated with Pennsylvania.

A large portion of North Jersey's population are people who used to live in NYC.

My solution?

Pennsylvania annexes South Jersey, they can have it.

New York City (and areas such as Yonkers) and North Jersey merge to form their own state.

Upstate New York gets to be its own state.

This way, everyone is happy. NYC'ers and North Jersey people may crap on each other, but we're all a-holes anyway, so we'll fit in with each other. South Jersey gets to be associated with the state they love so much (G**damn philly fans), and Upstate NY'ers get to be free and happy.

But anyway, Muzik, to answer your question, without counting NYC as something we have (which is questionable at best since Jersey people spend more time in NYC than New Yorkers who don't live in the city).

You may think Newark is a craphole, but its really not. I've had tons of fun in Newark. There are tons of bars and whatnot, you have NJPAC for concerts and other events, the Newark Bears baseball team, and Newark has a great public transportation system (NJ Transit buses and trains, Newark City Subway, and Amtrak). There are crappy parts of Newark, but they are mostly on the far side of town. I always thought Newark was a total useless sewer as well until I went to school at NJIT for a year and lived in the dorms there. Now I hang out in Newark all the time. Newark has the appearance of being old and decrepit, which is partially true. Newark has a lot of crime, drugs, and whatnot, but it seriously does have its positive points too. Most of all, Newark has character.

Paterson, Camden, etc. Those are cesspools.

But, if you look at North Jersey, its like one big city. We have millions of people living in a relatively small geographic area. When you have population density like we do, you don't NEED a big city. Theres enough population around that major things (such as, lets say, Giants Stadium) can be located in a small town (East Rutherford is fairly small), instead of needing to be located in a city. We have the unique advantage of not NEEDING big cities. We get all the benefits of having a city (Businesses, jobs, attractions, shopping, whatever) without all of the drawbacks (crime, overcrowding, etc). If you move to the country, you are stuck having to drive 30 minutes just to go get milk. If you live in the city, the milk is right around the corner, but you might get mugged walking there, and god forbid you take your car because then you'd lose the parking spot it took you 5 hours of circling the block to get. In North Jersey, the milk is 2 minutes away, and no one is gonna drag you into an alley if you decide to walk down there to get it.

You can say all you want about New Jersey, but its just words. You can't beat living here :)

[Thordic]

One more thing though. Even I, the tireless defender of the Garden State, must rant about New Jersey traffic. It isn't just NJ, but basically the entire stretch of 95 and its nearby highways between Washington DC and Boston. You can't just blame NJ, because its just as bad, if not worse, everywhere in that stretch. I think Delaware probably wins as the worst traffic, then NYC, then Boston, then NJ.

But the traffic gets ridiculous sometimes. The Parkway tolls are ridiculous all over. It was supposed to be a temporary way to pay for construction costs, but of course, they never bothered to get rid of it. Why they don't just run it like the turnpike I'll never understand.

Try driving down to Wildwood in the summer. It SHOULD be a two hour drive for me, yet I've seen it take close to five. It's not all NJ drivers, though. Especially going down to the shore in the summer, we get all the northern people who just stop at the first place the water isn't so cold it freezes your balls all the way up into your throat. (I've gone swimming in Maine in August, and its like ice water)

But yes, I'll concede your point on traffic. It gets ridiculous bad sometimes. If you think parkway traffic is bad, though, try driving from NJ to West Islip, NY on a friday night. NYC into Long Island is the most ridiculous traffic on the face of the planet, period.

[Patron God of Pirates]

But you sure can beat driving here (see: anywhere else).

[Thordic]

Are you kidding me? I'd rather weave through traffic at 80 miles an hour than sit on a boring empty stretch of road anyday.

If the traffic isn't heavy, driving in NJ is always fun. Driving on empty roads is boring. Driving on a highway with spotty traffic and people changing lanes without turn signals is adventure!. Do NASCAR cars have turn signals? I think not, my friend.

[logamus]

i for one have never even been to jersey, but im not in a big hurry to change that either.

;)

[Gunga]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye
We are the most affluent state in the Nation!

Isn't that the most flatulent? :p :D I know Thordic emits more than his share of methane.



Originally posted by Thordic
I've been to Chicago. It's not a real city. The bars were empty, the streets were dead. The excuse I heard? "Well, its a holiday."

REAL CITIES DON'T SHUT DOWN ON HOLIDAYS!

It's just sad really.

Pff. Just because you guys pack together like sardines in a can, doesn't mean the rest of the country has to.

Population Density per square mile (1999)

New York City: 24,047
Chicago: 12,318

We've got room here in the midwest and we use it! Don't try to disguise your real estate envy with anger! :p Not our fault you live in a crowded area.

[Muzikman]

All I gotta say is that the two times that I had to stay in Newark, the hotel had barb-wire fence around it and two armed scurity guards. I have been all over the world and can say that I have never stayed in a hotel so well protected before:)

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by Muzikman
All I gotta say is that the two times that I had to stay in Newark, the hotel had barb-wire fence around it and two armed scurity guards. I have been all over the world and can say that I have never stayed in a hotel so well protected before:)

Dude, that wasn't Newark, that was Baghdad....

[logamus]

Bagwark?

[Thordic]

Just because you are in a decent section of town doesnt mean a crappy section of town isn't nearby :)

The main problem in Newark is car thefts. Newark is the car theft capitol of the world, or at least the US, so that was probably the reason for the guards.

[cphilip]

My one trip up there it was Beautifull! Although they tell me I was in the only spot left like that. But it is supposedly what it used to be like back in the day when it earned it's title "The Garden State". However I encourage all of you to continue to believe it is a wonderfull place. Least you all move down here.... :D

[FactsOfLife]

They don't call it the The Garden State because it's green, they call it that because it smells like fertilizer....:p

[Automaggin2]

Car Insurance for a 18 year old male driving a 94 Mercury-$2500.00 a year

[the_next_guy_]

Originally posted by Automaggin2
Car Insurance for a 18 year old male driving a 94 Mercury-$2500.00 a year
Good god man! And you guys can have the east coast, SoCal is the place to be:)

[1stdeadeye]

Originally posted by FactsOfLife
They don't call it the The Garden State because it's green, they call it that because it smells like fertilizer....:p

Yes, but Hilarry Clinton is still not my Senator!:eek:

:p

[p8ntball1016]

Originally posted by the_next_guy_

Good god man! And you guys can have the east coast, SoCal is the place to be:) I'll laugh when the big one hits.:D

[1stdeadeye]

Originally posted by the_next_guy_

Good god man! And you guys can have the east coast, SoCal is the place to be:)

Rumble rumble rumble....

:eek:

Run away....run away!

Riots, Rodney King, WORLDS WORST TRAFFIC, and 1 big one away from falling off!! Yeah So-Cal rocks!:rolleyes:

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by the_next_guy_

Good god man! And you guys can have the east coast, SoCal is the place to be:)

Let's see, the ground I'm standing neither shakes, burns, turns to mud nor tries to slide around and kill me.

How's SoCal better again??:p

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye


Yes, but Hilarry Clinton is still not my Senator!:eek:

:p


you cheap shot artist!

[p8ntball1016]

Originally posted by FactsOfLife


Let's see, the ground I'm standing neither shakes, burns, turns to mud nor tries to slide around and kill me.

How's SoCal better again??:p they have aaahhhhnold for governor

[bleachit]

jersey can have NYC, might as well take hillary with that deal too.

[1stdeadeye]

Originally posted by bleachit
jersey can have NYC, might as well take hillary with that deal too.

Oh no! We won the coin toss. Our first choice stands! We will take the Superfund sites and NY gets Hillary!:eek:

;)

[Riotz]

Ah man, I couldn't read any more of this. I'm moving. :p

[bleachit]

1stdeadeye, in reference to your coin toss.... much like the NFL playoffs a while back, the ref thought you called tails, and it was heads, we get the ball and you get Hillary.

[xXHavokXx]

I've been to Jersey. It was annoying. I'd take California any day. Warm water beaches, no hurricanes, women without that horrible accent, and lots of paintball

[darwin]

Originally posted by xXHavokXx
I've been to Jersey. It was annoying. I'd take California any day. Warm water beaches, no hurricanes, women without that horrible accent, and lots of paintball

i love that jersy girl accent. hell if anyone has a cute chick with that jeresy accent that they dont want up north please alert me. Texas could use a few of them :D

[MagMan5446]

It's all about NorCal...

East coast sucks, and your women are ugly. :p

And you can't drink as good as us either.

[darwin]

i dunno bout that. i think the east coast can do a fair ammount of drinking

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by MagMan5446
It's all about NorCal...

East coast sucks, and your women are ugly. :p

And you can't drink as good as us either.

We drink adult beverages around here. I know it's a lot different than that Double Latte Girly stuff you all sit around swilling with your pinkies stickin out....

[Riotz]

Originally posted by xXHavokXx
I've been to Jersey. It was annoying. I'd take California any day. Warm water beaches, no hurricanes, women without that horrible accent, and lots of paintball

And earthquakes.

[Riotz]

Oh and people who don't know who to drive when it drizzles. It's called HYDROPLANING!

[xXHavokXx]

Earthquakes arent that bad here, its not like Iran where all the building collapse. Plus our earthquakes happen and not build up. There a couple faults back east that havent shifted in a long time.

From what i've noticed paintball is cheaper out here. On PBN people were talking about field prices and paint prices and it seemed like all the expenisve stuff was back east.

It's also not as humid here.

[magking1971]

I have to just laugh at you east coasters every time you talk about traffic, 35 miles to work for me, travel time..45min!
And Thordic what is wrong with an empty bar? I look at it as better service, I get my drinks faster:D
you might think empty bar = no women, well lets just say with the women around here that is a good thing.
Oh ya and we don't have those annoying accents (jersey,boston....)

[cphilip]

Originally posted by magking1971
I have to just laugh at you east coasters every time you talk about traffic, 35 miles to work for me, travel time..45min!

Don't confuse the North East Coast with the South East Coast.... Not the same. Me 18 miles from work... 20 minutes!

[Eckzlnt]

New Jersey is the best, and that's all there is to it.
There may be better perks in other states with some things, but NJ has it all. The traffic can get bad at some places/times, but it's still better than the world's largest parking lot (the LIE) There's 4 distinct seasons here, and you can do pretty much anything you can think of, and get this within a reasonalble amount of time (even with traffic :rolleyes: ) And, if you're looking to go out and drink at bars, what better city is there to go to than Hoboken? There's no point in arguing, if people wanted to live somewhere else, they could most likely move if they wanted to.

[Patron God of Pirates]

Originally posted by Eckzlnt
if people wanted to live somewhere else, they could most likely move if they wanted to.

Nope. They're stuck here because they can't afford car Insurance. ;)

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by Eckzlnt
There's 4 distinct seasons here,

Sewage, Dead Fish, B.O., and Flatulence are NOT seasons!

[1stdeadeye]

Originally posted by FactsOfLife


Sewage, Dead Fish, B.O., and Flatulence are NOT seasons!

Yes, but who is your senator again?:p

[FactsOfLife]

Originally posted by 1stdeadeye


Yes, but who is your senator again?:p


all of the above....:p

[p8ntball1016]

Originally posted by xXHavokXx
Earthquakes arent that bad here, its not like Iran where all the building collapse. Plus our earthquakes happen and not build up. There a couple faults back east that havent shifted in a long time.

From what i've noticed paintball is cheaper out here. On PBN people were talking about field prices and paint prices and it seemed like all the expenisve stuff was back east.

It's also not as humid here.
this is your governor
http://www.famousdudes.com/pics/ArnoldSchwarzenegger/arnold8.jpg






california sucks