An update on my life...if anyone cares...(kinda interesting)

[InfinatyBPS]

Wow, if you guys haven't noticed I haven't been on AO or the feild at all for a while. Well heres my life story as of this school year and how I slipped through the cracks of society into a dark underworld of addiction and depression. I start school, become lonely and depressed. Meet a girl, Anna. She becomes my best friend. We spend every day together. We would smoke weed almost everyday scince she sold it. We decide to get together in about october. We have some good times, always happy, always laughing, always together, she would call me as soon as I left her house to go home, we would stay on the phone until 3:00 in the morning talking about stupid crap, or how much we make eachother happy and how I was the best thing to ever happen to her, and how she loves me more than anyone in the world. Just listening to eachother breath until we fell asleep then woke up and one of us decided to hang say goodnite. One day she said she wanted to change her ways, and she promised me that she wouldn't do it with anyone else for a year, and if she did it would be me and when the year is over I would be the first and I would lose my virginity to her, after a while, it turned into when we had the chance we would do it(but it was still on even after we break up). It really meant alot to me because I "loved" her so much, and I really wanted to lost my virginity to her. But a few months down the road, she calls off her promise and said she just can't do it with me without an explination(thats wasn't good for my self esteem) I noticed that things felt akward between us, she started treating me weird and like didn't even want to hug me, I picked up a weird vibe so I wouldn't sit by her when we went places on the bus, when we got places. She breaks up with me because I was fat in about late november, a couple days before thanksgiving, a couple days after she gave me my first kiss. I cried myself to sleep for a good couple weeks. I soon realize that she is the biggest lieing ho in the world. She was 14 and had ****ed almost 30 guys within the last year. But its too late. I already fell in "love". So I lost 30 pounds for her(I'm at 50 now). We get back together after she gets with a guy(Frank) who was a total idiot/*******/wangster, who she treated me(her best friend, or at least thats what she called me scince about a month after we met) like total crap. But I liked her so much, and I was a lonely fat guy. So we get together a couple days after Christmas. And we break up right when school is about to start. So we were together less than a week. But in that week we actually did "stuff" not all that but ya, we made out and stuff. Then she broke up with me. About 2 weeks later she comes over my house and we go a couple steps further. But not all the way.

Soon after she finds out she's pregnant. She hides it from me until I overhear a phone conversation. Then I soon find out that it was by my friend Anthony, Frank's best friend. Well I also find out that it was while she was with me.

*I remember the night it happened. We were at her house, home alone, it was the chance we were waiting for. It was January 3rd(the day before she broke up with me). I asked her about it and she pretty much rejected me and makes me feel stupid for bringing it up. So she calles Frank and Anthony up. They come over drunk. We all blaze when they get there. Anna is being all flirty with both of them. I'm with her so I'm getting really mad, but don't say anything. Frank leaves. Anthony passes out on Anna's bed. She knows I'm mad when I'm about to leave when my dad came to pick me up. When I'm about to leave, before I open the door, she kisses me and says, "I'm sorry for doing all this bull**** tonight, I don't know why I was doing it. I just want you to know, you don't have to worry about anything you can trust me, and remember I love you." she kisses me again. All my worries fly away, I leave with the biggest smile on my face because I love her so much, and she was mine and she loved me. And then I find out that right after I left she pretty much gos in her room and starts getting all up on Anthony and they do it. When I found out it crushed me so much, any bit of self esteem I had scrapped up and tried to hold on to, got thrown into the wind. All she could say was "it happened oh well". She knew before we got together, that that was the one thing I told her to never do is cheat on me, and she did it. I soon find out that she never really liked me. Only as a friend, and as much as she says its not because I'm fat, I can't beleive her ever again. I felt worthless, ugly, fat, stupid, and broken. Well after a month or so our friendship starts mending. But my heart and mind to this day haven't.*

And she's with another guy. But I was still with her like all the time. And every now and then we would be in her room and things would happen. And scince I still liked her so much, I wouldn't object, I would just go with it. And then feel guilty about it afterwards. It was around this time that I started drinking more than every now and then. Then one day we blazed with some guy we met at the bus stop, lets call him Louie because...well thats his name. I could tell she liked him right away. This was in about early march I think. So I right away didn't like him, first off, I could tell he was a total ***. Within the first week she ditches me to hang out with him like 4 times. And I get mad and confront her about it and tell her how hes an ******* whos just looking for a peice of ***. And she didn't beleive me and got really mad at me. Then after about a month of being around him(while being with her other boyfriend) we goto a party, everyone gets drunk. Everyone seems to have somebody except for me and is messing around, so I just sit there depressed as all hell with the big bottle of vodka and drink about a quarter of a 2 litter bottle. Anna is going all crazy, running around with her shirt off, everyone licking chocolate off her nipples. She starts passing out and stuff, so Louie takes her upstairs and ends up screwing her while she's passed out.

*Oh ya, that party is pretty much how my current group of friends formed. To describe us, its easy. We're street kids, we hang out in the cuts, the allys, the back of the school, the bus stops, the parks, drinking, smoking weed, breaking things, causing havoc. We are the dirty underbelly of society, that everyone wants to ignore but can't because we're everywhere. We're the group of kids on the corner that you hope your children aren't associating with. But if you continue to ignore who they are and their feelings, and keep the cover of undeserved trust over your eyes, its going to happen. But anyways we aren't your normal street kids that go out and look for fights, goto the mall to look cool with your group of trendily dressed friends. We don't give a crap about you, because we know you don't give a crap about us. We do what we want, we aren't trying to impress anyone. We are our own people, and we don't need to be anything that we're not while we're around eachother.*

After that day she admits to being in love with him. And she is pretty much "with" him, they were with eachother all the time, she would take him to her house all the time to screw him. She soon realized that he was just in it for the ***, and didn't even like her, but she didn't care, she "loved" him dispite that. I pretty much didn't have a best friend from March until about 2 weeks ago. I have been drinking pretty much everyday for about 2 months, and smoking weed on top of it. Every day, I feel myself getting deeper and deeper into a dark pit of depression and hatred for the world and myself. I've become a dark, unhappy person inside. Never a time to feel good about myself. Any time that I seem happy is an act. My head has been screwed with too much in my life, and Anna was the last...10 straws that broke the camel's back. Now here I am, I'm too weak minded to deal with my problems, so I'm just drinking and smoking my life away and every second I'm sober I just sit there feeling the after effects of overwealming depression from the alcohol, hating that I have to be alive, I wish I would die, but I'm too much of a wuss to kill myself, and because mabe deep inside I have a small amount of hope that things can get better, but they don't seem to be looking up. Hell I'm even drunk right now. I didn't. When I don't have money I beg for money in front of liquor stores, or I barrow money from people and never pay them back because as soon as I get money I buy more alcohol, cigarettes or weed. And if me and my friends can't get money for our alcohol, we steel it. I'm not against stealing, I'm against getting cought by the police. I would never actually steal, but I would be an accomplice. We've gotten cought a good number of times. But luckily not by the police. But theres about 3 liquor stores that I can't go around anymore.

I pretty much messed up my chance to goto a decent college because I've messed up in school so bad this year. I've went from a's and b's in the beginning of a year, to c's(rare) d's and f's. I feel that my life is hopeless now and don't see much of a point to anything. I really can't blame anyone but myself for all of this. I can't blame my parents becuase they know nothing about my life, I wake up and goto school, I come home, and goto sleep, thats all they know. I know nobody cares about anything I just said, and I'm not looking for help. I just felt like sharing the bull**** in my life. And if anyone on here knew me, I'm not who I was, and I doubt I ever will be that person again.

*Oh ya, I forgot to mention that Louie got tired of her being obsessed with him, he got with his old girlfriend and told her to never talk to him again. Now shes being all nice to me and stuff. But she said that she dosen't like me, not not because I'm fat but because I'm so depressed and I bring her down, and I think thats pretty messed up scince its kinda her fault that I'm like this*

[Automaggin2]

Wow dude, thats nuts man. I leanred over thepast 3 months and over my prom weekend that some girls are way to manipulative and they lie like no other. They will say stuff to you that would make a huge impact on you but shes just playing games with you.


Cut that connection with her. Dont let your life slip away becuase of a girl. Everyone meets someone eventually. Your in high school, chances are you wont be with her when you get out and go to college. Dont drink and smoke weed everyday, it iwll just lead you into a darker despression. Find something to motivate yourself with to keeo you busy. Alcohol and Weed could very easily lead to coke, ecstacy, and other drugs.

[ZapTheMad]

No chick is worth tossing your life away. Snap out of it man, get your life back together for yourself. Don't force yourself to live up to someone else's expectations. The only person you need to make happy is yourself. Screw everyone else...

Once you find your own happy place, then you can start thinking about letting someone else into your life. Make the commitment to yourself before anything else.

The neat part is, once that happens, the girls you find are a different breed.

[ZAust]

please pardon my condescending tone, but as i was reading i couldnt help getting equal feelings of pity and disgust. you seem like a fairly intelligent kid. you need to realize just how royally you are screwing yourself, just for the sake of a foolish teenage romance(if you can even call it that). its painfully obvious that this girl doesnt give a crap about you. all she cares about is her next fix, her next ****, her next high. to throw your life away over something so undeserving of your time is just retarded. zap really hit the issue on the head. you need to kick the expectations that the people you hang out with put on you, that society puts on you. show them that you are not one of those who burns out as a teenager, who drifts about aimlessly fo the rest of your life. show them that you can buck the trend, that you can make something of your life. you need to make a personal commitment to yourself, to your family, to anyone who truly cares for you. a good place to start is by talking to your counselors at school. they are there to help you out, and will listen to what you have to say without judgement. they can refer you to local clinics and detox centers. also check out the local alcoholics anonymous. here you can listen to others who have been in the same boat you have been in, and have risen above the challenges to become a better person. aa can serve as the strong foundation you need to turn your life around. lastly, i would take some time out to talk to your parents. try coming home right after school and just having a nice long talk with them. despite what you think, they are pretty intelligent, and have seen a lot more of life than you have. but lastly, it really all comes down to you. do you have the constitution to break out of this cycle and become a better person? feel free to pm me if you are interested int aking this further.

edit: i notice you are in san jose. you should come out to the ao*norcal meet this sunday at scp! hell, you dont need to play. just come to hang out and have some good clean fun. trust me. we wont bite, well, except for steelrat.

[1stdeadeye]

Welcome to the real world. :(

Many women are selfish manipulating people. Cut bait and run from her while you have the chance. Pour your energy back into your studies. Go to a 2 year community school to get your grades up then transfer to a decent 4 year school to finish up.

Drinking, Drugs, and Self pity are not good things. Screw her and move on. You don't need a ho like that in your life.

[behemoth]

...*****es...

[Rooster]

What a waste of bandwidth. I unfotunately read a quarter of that, and now I want that time I wasted back. Your problems are insignificant and trivial. You arn't starving, you arn't homeless, you arn't being hunted down, you have no excuse.

You are merely looking for pity. You won't find it here.

[Automaggin2]

What a waste of bandwidth. I unfotunately read a quarter of that, and now I want that time I wasted back. Your problems are insignificant and trivial. You arn't starving, you arn't homeless, you arn't being hunted down, you have no excuse.

You are merely looking for pity. You won't find it here.


You are a complete arse Rooster. Depression is a serious thing. Alot of people cant help it, its a neurological thing, once your in depression its very hard to get out of it.

[Miscue]

You are merely looking for pity. You won't find it here.

I agree with you 99% of the time, but not in this case.

My experiences are not too entirely different from yours, InfinatyBPS. The problem is, personalities like what mine used to be (although I have not changed entirely) and yours can be self-destructive - when you care too much about something you should not.

And I think the problem with us is, we are looking for an escape from it - and a wonderful human being to call your partner is the cure. For me personally, I can think of no other.

But the thing is, when you're looking for that jackpot it's easy to latch on to it when you think you've found it, but what you've really found is fool's gold - a filthy dirty hole who manipulates you for selfish reasons and really does not care about you... and if she does 'care' about you, it's really about what you can DO for her. I think part of that search for a jackpot stemmed from home, because nobody there or anywhere else in the world gave a damn about me... so there was always something lacking that I was looking to fill.

My junior year in high school was pretty bad, and I went into full loner mode - anti-social and didn't talk to anyone by the time I was a senior. It took me 2 years to get the guts to ask someone I had been friends with to take the next step. She said yes, but within a month ignored me entirely - I would have preferred her to have provided some closure rather than lead me on. Her sister knew what was going on and got mad at her, and she kind of apologized for it later. But by then I was well into my tailspin - a depression that would continue for several years... and I had not really faced depression until that point. Well, if I think about it - I always did but did not realize it until it went to the next level. At the same time I was battling an English teacher who was playing around with my grades and even accused me of plagiarism - which pisses me off to this day... that screwed me up. Asides from that, I pretty much had the grades and scores to go to about any school I wanted, but I did not apply for scholarships - and I applied to my local university on the last possible day - simply because I did not care about anything anymore. But really, that's turned out to be a blessing in disguise. And this girl situation of yours, I think you should view it as such as well.

I stopped fearing girls in college as far as asking them out - partly because they were asking me out 75% of the time, which I was not used to... and I developed a lot more confidence. It's easier when you know it's a good chance she's just a dirty hole and sucks as a person (which takes a while to figure out sometimes), so who cares if you get turned down. I learned how to flirt and show interest in those I had no interest in - you learn how to play the game - I think it's an important skillset. I think that's a good thing to do - you need to get to know a lot more females and don't set your heart on just one. Keep 3 or 4 of them on your list at least! Seriously, if you get stuck on one and that falls through - you got a few others to work on and the one you lost is not as important.

My GF in college turned out to be a dirty hole, and I was with her for almost 2 years. She got really mad when I got rid of her because she was used to doing that with her past relationships, but I don't miss her and felt a sense of accomplishment afterwards - a sense of relief really. The girl in high school prepared me for future relationships - a blessing in disguise.

Depression really sucks - and I suppose that's an understatement. But what you need to understand is... your depression is not because of the girl. It was already there, she just pushed the button. And if this is a fresh thing, you'll probably be in it for a while. But what you need to do is figure out what can help take the edge off, figure out what helps, quit smoking weed especially and other unhealthy things, keep working on your weight and fitness for yourself (and consider there will be another girl, unfortunately right now you can only think of one... I know...)

If nothing works, get yourself medicated. In retrospect I should have done that, but did not realize that option was available. Look forward to the atmosphere of college - try to get involved with something, I think it will change many of your perspectives about people and yourself... as it did mine.

[penguinpunk555]

My opinion on girls. They suck. Heartless,lieing,cheating whores.


Hate them.

[Miscue]

My opinion on girls. They suck. Heartless,lieing,cheating whores.


Hate them.

You forget: "Filthy Dirty Holes"

[BlackVCG]

http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

[Rooster]

"Alot of people cant help it, its a neurological thing, once your in depression its very hard to get out of it."

So take some pills. I thought this guy actually had something serious wrong. This is a bunch of 90210 bullcrap.

[ZAust]

"Alot of people cant help it, its a neurological thing, once your in depression its very hard to get out of it."

So take some pills. I thought this guy actually had something serious wrong. This is a bunch of 90210 bullcrap.

rooster.. have some freaking compassion. coming into this thread to simply trash this guys problems solves nothing. stay constructive or stay out.

[zacbot]

rooster you are the biggest prick i have ever met..its not your problem so why should you care..right?

[paintballer20]

Hey Rooster, also pills don't fix everything, they just trick but you still fell sad and suidical or whatever sometimes. For me when I felt like that, it was during this last school year, I had great friends, but my parents were gettitng a divorce and it was awfull. The only thing that helped me was getting away from what I thought was the source of the problem, my dad, so now I live with my mom and im fine, happy as can be. So what I think you need to do is just start over socially, earse that girl from your memory, forget about her, and either stop what your doing with alchol and drugs, or get new friends. Trust new I've seen with drugs and alchol can do to a sad, angry, aldult man, and, you don't want it. Get friends who care about enough to stop you from doing that kind of stuff to yourself, or atleast get friends who fake intrest in it, hey, its better than no intrest at all. O and also, if you do happen to get a shrink, I find talking about it does help, but get a shrink you like, and not one that doesn't understand what you have been through, find someone who cares. O and talking with your parents wouldn't be all that bad, find the one you think cares most about you and would understand better, and not just give you a cold shoulder but an outlet for your pain, and angst. You can get out of that hole, you just have to want to, you have to try. Hey if you want more help you can PM me, or if you just want to chat hell I don't care PM just to tell me you read my post and it sucked, just do something to help yourself.

[magman007]

Look Rooster, get off your high hat, and have some FN compassion for this guy. He was one of the first Aoers i saw post, and in his previous part of his life, he was truely a great kid. I enjoyed reading his posts, and he seamed like a genuine good guy. Just recently i found my self wondering what ever happened to him, and i am quite sad to see that it has turned out this way.

Infinity, i truely understand partly what you are going through. I for one am Fat. Il admit it. And i just play it off. I never have turned to drugs or drinking, i just repress everything, then let it out every once and a whil;e. It is a hard thing. I have been used by filthy holes as miscue puts it, and i have ZERO self esteem.


I for one would like to offer a helping hand. I would like to give you the oppertunity to talk with my self. Contact me on aim or any other messenger service, as you can see i subscribe to all of them, and i will be here to talk to you. I am going away to italy tomorow, but once i return, i want to offer you my helping hand.

I will listen to you, and i dont pass judgement. I want to help you turn your life around. You are a good kid inside, i truely believe that. So please, take the time, and get some help. ok buddy?

[Army]

Infinity, I'm your bud, right? Been with you here since you first came to AO, right?

OK, sit down.

Since you already can catagorize what is problematic in your life, start eliminating those things that bring you down:

Smoking dope will do NOTHING but continue to mess up your person...stop it.

Drinking will do NOTHING but continue to mess up your person...stop it.

Living the "street people" lie ('nobody loves us, we are society's throw aways') will continue to mess up your person...stop it.

Thinking this stupid little girl wants anything to do with you, other than to mess up your person, is continuing to lie to yourself...stop it.

Get your head on straight first, by really believing that you are what matters in your life, not what others think of you. Nobody won over any friends by being what the other person wants you to be. Friends accept you for what and who YOU are, and for no other reason.

Go back to school. Nobody ever hired a dumbass dropout for his personal management skills. Get your grades up where you had them, since you ARE capable of productive thinking, and go to college.

DO IT! START RIGHT NOW AND PULL YOUR HEAD OUTTA YOUR BUTT:mad: Stand up straight and face reality, then kick it in the teeth. Only YOU can decide if you want to have a great future, or wind up in the gutter totally anonymous and forgotten.

Love ya buddy, but nobody can help you better than you can.
Dave

[MadChild]

maan i know how you feel...might not be as bad as your story but my best friend recently moved away. she was the sister i never had. i still cant get over it and ive been really depressed too...like modest mouse says: "We'll all float on ok"

Rooster is a jack*** depression is hard to snap out of and pills dont fix **** so stop posting you have no idea what your talking about

[Chipper]

I feel very little pity for you.

Heres my best advice...

SHAPE UP AND PLAY SOME PAINTBALL!

Amen.

[OysterBoy]

I feel very little pity for you.

Heres my best advice...

SHAPE UP AND PLAY SOME PAINTBALL!

Amen.

How'd they let you in???

I can sympathize, I'm 14, depressed, 'pothead' with low self esteem and no money. BUT, all I have to do is realize I could be doing much worse, and that usually helps shape me up a little. Just tough it out, but don't go half assed. Some things you cant shake slowly, to quote Jerry Seinfeld 'One motion, like a bandaid, RIGHT OFF'. I've been worse, but I'm doing alot better now. Get some new friends, I did and am happy I did. Block out the people who try to bring you down, and dump that hoe, trust me I know what you were goin thru, except my 'Anna' nearly died from alcohol poisoning. Haven't talked to her since, once again, I'm glad for it.

[CaptaiN_JacK]

where are your parents at when all this is happening? my god, are they that ignorant that they cant tell that youve been smoking weed all the time and drinking and smoking? if i EVER came home drunk, high, or smelled like smoke, my parents would would ground me forever. it sounds like not only you need to shape up, but your parents too. not that its their fault that youre like this, but now its their problem to stop it. broken homes :(

[MrMag]

"Alot of people cant help it, its a neurological thing, once your in depression its very hard to get out of it."

So take some pills. I thought this guy actually had something serious wrong. This is a bunch of 90210 bullcrap.

Hey rooster, why dont you get the hell out of this thread.

Infinity- I'm really sorry about all of what you have been going through. My best suggestion would be to get on some sort of med. My friend is going through this sort of thing right now cept he is a total jock who everyone likes, but can't seem to stop thinking that everything sucks and that life isn't worth living. I don't know why it happens, but the chemicals are unbalanced in your brain and it really messes you up. There are people out there that care, and girls are just manipulative whores. You should just tell this Anna girl off and then come hang out in Marin with me.

[coolcatpete]

You say no one cares well AO cares.
Pete

[Chipper]

I just find it hard to have pity for someone who screws up thier life by drinking to much and smoking weed. I'll admit this girl whom he is supposedly "in love with" is whats causing it, but that can be fixed. He just has to face that he would be better off with out her, you can't "love" people who are going to bring you down. Thats not what I believe "love" to be.

And yall no one of the best meds is paintball. Once I got really stressed from a bunche of stuff so I went and played paintball. Next thing I know I'm smil'in. Nothing beats being able to shoot a person and then shake thier hand and laugh.

[coolcatpete]

We are all saying he should stops those things however it helps someone who is depressed if you show compassion. And well your not chipper. I will take the advice in your sig and just say you are wrong. ;)
Pete

[Restola]

InfinatyBPS, you are so stereotypical that it hurts to read. You're depressed...you're insecure...you're friends are making bad choices.... You are exactly like everyone else. Everyone feels that way at your age.

I'm going to be direct because you need it: you're a doormat and a drugged up loser. If I was standing in front of you I would punch you in the teeth. Unless you turn your life around, I look forward to seeing you on an episode of Cops.

The chances of you turning around...almost zero.

[Chipper]

InfinatyBPS, you are so stereotypical that it hurts to read. You're depressed...you're insecure...you're friends are making bad choices.... You are exactly like everyone else. Everyone feels that way at your age.

I'm going to be direct because you need it: you're a doormat and a drugged up loser. If I was standing in front of you I would punch you in the teeth. Unless you turn your life around, I look forward to seeing you on an episode of Cops.

The chances of you turning around...almost 10! .


Much better, refer to above, play some paintball, forgot drugs and drinks for a day, even a week if you can manage it, then go get new friends who play alot of paintball so you can play with them.

[CaptaiN_JacK]

after reading this thread, ive concluded that Friendly Corner is the next Small Talk.

the kid's bordering on suicide and you guys are kicking him while he's down. way cool! going against popular opinion, this is NOT the way kids his age deal with problems. yes, they feel alone and unwanted and ugly etc, but most dont deal with it by boozing every night and smoking pot every day. rooster, some of your comments in this thread shows that you must be a 12 year old kid that wants everybody to think hes older. 14 year olds shouldnt be doing drugs as much as he does. its NOT normal. he HAS a problem. he NEEDS help. he doesnt need some people with below average self esteem laughing at his problems so they feel better about their crappy lives.

[coolcatpete]

after reading this thread, ive concluded that Friendly Corner is the next Small Talk.

the kid's bordering on suicide and you guys are kicking him while he's down. way cool! going against popular opinion, this is NOT the way kids his age deal with problems. yes, they feel alone and unwanted and ugly etc, but most dont deal with it by boozing every night and smoking pot every day. rooster, some of your comments in this thread shows that you must be a 12 year old kid that wants everybody to think hes older. 14 year olds shouldnt be doing drugs as much as he does. its NOT normal. he HAS a problem. he NEEDS help. he doesnt need some people with below average self esteem laughing at his problems so they feel better about their crappy lives.
Thanks man I was about to have the same post. Dot kick him while he is down, lend him a hand.
Pete

[Restola]

Much better, refer to above, play some paintball, forgot drugs and drinks for a day, even a week if you can manage it, then go get new friends who play alot of paintball so you can play with them.
Maybe a bowl of icecream and a hug would help too...

He needs to commit to a change of lifestyle. It's the hardest thing he'll ever do, and you know what? He probably won't do it. It's easier to hang out with that disgusting slutty child/girl and his drugged up friends, rule the parks and alleys on their bicycles, and think they are tough crap as they look like total losers...

I knew kids like him in highschool. They rarely change. The few that do are stronger for it. But its a trap, and every direction he turns is darker than the hole he dug himself.

This has nothing to do with kicking him while he's down. He is seriously messing up his life. He needs to realize everything he is doing is incredibly stupid. Sure they can pump him full of anti-depressants, but he still needs to seperate himself from this childish desire to be near total losers (i.e. all of his friends).

[OysterBoy]

Much better, refer to above, play some paintball, forgot drugs and drinks for a day, even a week if you can manage it, then go get new friends who play alot of paintball so you can play with them.

WTF!!! God damn people like you annoy me to know end, you make it sound as easy as flicking on a light switch. ****, you know how many of my friends have tryed quiting their addictions and failed??? God damn, get off your high horse for once and realize that people like him / me to a lesser extent are in need of repair.

[Restola]

WTF!!! God damn people like you annoy me to know end, you make it sound as easy as flicking on a light switch. ****, you know how many of my friends have tryed quiting their addictions and failed??? God damn, get off your high horse for once and realize that people like him / me to a lesser extent are in need of repair.
He's 14. He's approaching the problem like a 14 year old.

InfinityBPS is almost an adult, and also approaching life like a 14 year old. Grow up dude.

[OysterBoy]

Hmm, that seems to be the magic number here, surprise surprise, I am 14.

[MayAMonkeyBeYourPinata]

Infinity you need to take the advice of people like Army and Miscue.

And get some therapy, go to AA, and stay away from those excuses of friends of yours.

[Restola]

Hmm, that seems to be the magic number here, surprise surprise, I am 14.
Some people are more mature than others.

[Rooster]

"Hey rooster, why dont you get the hell out of this thread. "

Don't post bullcrap, and I won't give my opinion on it.

And little Jackie, thats amusing. You always know how to make me laugh.

[-=Squid=-]

Look, stop whining.

Its a highschool relationship; you dont love her and she doesn't love you. RARELY are two people "smart" enough in high school to build a lasting relationship with real meaning anyways.

Call me a jackass, or tell me that im inconsiderate, but you know im right. This is the exact reason teenagers dont deserve opinnions, feelings, hell, even a brain.

In about 10 years you are going to feel REALLY stupid; assuming your not a crackhead on the street.

Why even waste time on an easy hobag 14 year old? Your 18? Not a big enough age difference if you really love her; but you dont and she doesnt. A fourteen year old isnt going to love you back, or treat you how you want to be treated.

Get over it. Oh, may as well throw in the obligatory "I hate teenagers" comment. Which I do.

EDIT: Now that I have read the comments on roosters reply, I suppose I can expect the same.

Go for it, because the only people who will "flame" me are the teenagers who think that they have problems to. Its high school, get the hell over it.

[Python14]

I think Army's post said about everything I was gonna say.

Just drop what is causing the problem and find something better to replace it....plus, highschool relationships are way overrated.

[OysterBoy]

...plus, highschool relationships are way overrated.

...says the guy who never had a date...

lol, jk man, I agree... sounded too funny not to comment on... :)

[paintballrulzs]

All I am going to say is WOW. I just read this entire thread and would have to say I feel some pity and sympathy for you. As many have said you seem very intelligent and also are very young. You have more than enough time to turn things around. I am 18 and can honestly say I have never drank or smoked in my entire life and have no intentions to do so. I can say I dont do it for my family, my friends, my parents......anyone, just myself. I have seen so many people close to me fall down that path, and it always ends the same way, just sometimes takes longer to get there. I am not condemning you or anyone who smokes or drinks just because I don't. I remember you Infinity from way back. I saw the name and instantly was curious where you have vanished to. I know my advice probably isn't the best, but you should show your parents this thread. I know they will more than likely be angry and upset, but they will help you. You are still young and can easily accomplish many great things in your lifetime, you just have to get out of your "slump." Girls can make you do things you never thought you would do. Many times I will drop everything just because my girlfriend calls or wants to hang out. I am not going to tell you I don't tell my girlfriend I love her, but I think i truly do. I have been with her for about a year and everything has just been perfect. Before her I never told a girl I loved her. Now enough about my love life. You have to try and get friends who can truly be friends. If you hang out with people who continuly do these things, it is a matter of time it starts to have an impact on you. I don't know really what to say, but good luck. You can easily pull this around and AO is here for you.

PS sorry if the grammar and spelling is horribe......I AM SO TIRED! (and on the phone with my gf)

Infinity things will get better and people do care despite what you think.

[-Carnifex-]

Mmm, angsty.

[Python14]

...says the guy who never had a date...


Me and the girlfriend just celebrated 16 months. :)

[nippinout]

Something to take into consideration- colleges do look at improvement in your grades.

a few of my buddes went to community college first just to take care of their general classes more cheaply. Then they transferred to the state university.

[MrMag]

"Hey rooster, why dont you get the hell out of this thread. "

Don't post bullcrap, and I won't give my opinion on it.

And little Jackie, thats amusing. You always know how to make me laugh.

Hmm that is interesting seeing how you seem to post non-stop on AO. Are you infering that AO is a load of bullcrap alltogether? jackass...

[-=Squid=-]

here you go:

http://maddox.xmission.com/suicide.html

[paintballrulzs]

here you go:

http://maddox.xmission.com/suicide.html
Wow that is harsh dude. I don't think he should commit suicide, but does need to seriously rethink his current lifestyle. If he keeps on this path his life won't be worth living.

Btw squid the other day i was jk when i was calling u a post whore. I wouldn't even care if you were.

[CoFFeY[NiTrO]]

I 'fell in love' with someone like that. She would always play with peoples minds. Making any guy she wanted, do anything for her. I finally snapped out of it when I found out she had an 18 year old boyfriend who got her pregnet with twins. I saw her at the mall a little while back and she tried to give me her new cell # and wanted me to 'come see her twins'. I hate chicks :mad: .

[-=Squid=-]

Wow that is harsh dude. I don't think he should commit suicide, but does need to seriously rethink his current lifestyle. If he keeps on this path his life won't be worth living.

Btw squid the other day i was jk when i was calling u a post whore. I wouldn't even care if you were.
Its cool man; I over reacted anyways. I was in a "I dont care about consequences" mood and just flamed the accusers all to hell. So, my apologies as well.

I dont think he should kill himself, but people who get so worked up over something so trivial should always remember that that IS an option.

[Miscue]

My God the level of jackassery in this thread is ridiculous.

InfinityBPS... ignore them.

However, you do not want to be complacent about it. Yes, you do need to stop the drugs and alcohol - you gotta do that. If you cannot by yourself, get outside help - and I gather you're plenty smart enough to figure out how to do that. You MUST do this.

You want to better your life, as we all do. However - it is up to you to do so. You gotta find SOMETHING that helps you out. Volunteer for a hospital, or work with kids, or something like this - find a way to get transportation there. If you do stuff like this, you will be appreciated and I think it would be mentally healthy. There are things that can help you that you feel uncomfortable doing, or don't want to. DO IT ANYWAY!

Change your daily routine. Classify activities as either mentally healthy, or unhealthy. Do healthy things as much as you can, unhealthy things - replace it with something healthy that you like to do.

If possible, surround yourself with older, educated, more mature people - high schoolers your age are retards and often horrible people.

Part of the problem is a small view of the world - and you know only one way of life. Do things outside of that world, a little at a time. Let the world get bigger for you, and you may find that a new way of doing things is really good for you, replacing the old, broken way of doing things.

[Miscue]

Its cool man; I over reacted anyways. I was in a "I dont care about consequences" mood and just flamed the accusers all to hell. So, my apologies as well.

I dont think he should kill himself, but people who get so worked up over something so trivial should always remember that that IS an option.

Squid... just shut up. Shut up.

[MadChild]

I'm a ninja :ninja:

[cphilip]

Its never too late to start over. Remember that every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Get help. You cannot do this alone. Seek help now and stay away from this girl and any other friends that will keep you into this lifestyle. It's time to make the change. Its not going to be easy and you do need help. Seek it. Put away your pride and go immediately to a treatment center.

You cannot change anyone but yourself. Do it . Now

[Brownie]

wow.... i want that 5 minutes of my life back that i just wasted reading that crap...Removed because thats the most heartless and disgustingly ugly thing I ever heard posted here - cphilip .... and thatsthe way it should be since u get on here trying to get people to feel sorry for you.... boo hoo welcome to the real world!!

[Flamebo]

This is probably the first thread I'll agree with Rooster on. Don't get used to it, I doubt it'll ever happen again...

While your problems may seem completely out of control at the moment, realize that the vast majority of the teenage population goes through the same stuff all the time. It's nothing to get worked up over, and certainly nothing to complain about on an internet forum. Personally, I'd suggest you work the problems out on your own. If you can't, talk with a counselor/psychologist. The internet is the absolute WORST place for serious help concerning your personal life. I can't feel bad for someone who invites the entire world into their life asking for sympathy rather than dealing with it like a man.

Congratulations on losing 50 pounds. That's a difficult task, and I support that.
Shame on you for whining over some underage skank. She sounds like quite a whore of a 14-year-old, and I don't see how you could develop emotional attachment to something like that.

Females are an entire galaxy of problems, and if you can't learn to ignore their BS you're going to be a doormat your entire life.

[Ov3rmind]

wow.... i want that 5 minutes of my life back that i just wasted reading that crap... ur a good canidate of suicide and i recomend it. by the way ur a loser and will not ever amount to anything and will die a very very lonely person.... and thatsthe way it should be since u get on here trying to get people to feel sorry for you.... boo hoo welcome to the real world!!
Shut the Warning for curse filter violation. Don't over react - cphilip

No one on here has ANY right to tell him that his problems are insignificant. Guess what? Everyone's problems are insignificant when compared to another person. How about this, next time you have a family member die, I'll tell you to shutup and stop acting like a child, because about a million other people have FAR worse problems. Everyone has things they need to deal with, that does not mean they should treat them as meaningless.

Infinaty, my only advice would be to go with what Army and Miscue are saying. Simply put, you need to kick yourself back in shape. You'll probably need outside help, but it's something you have to do. Feeling sorry for yourself will get you no where.

[Ov3rmind]

While your problems may seem completely out of control at the moment, realize that the vast majority of the teenage population goes through the same stuff all the time. It's nothing to get worked up over, and certainly nothing to complain about on an internet forum.
We all realize that. The reason it is a problem is because it's led to him becoming an alcoholic in addition to an abuser of drugs. Most teenagers do not get to that point, and that's where it has become a serious problem. I don't think the people offering advice are trying to help him cure his girl troubles, but more to stop him from making his lifestyle any worse.

[ASDadam]

I think a bit of over reacting is going on here ladies and gentlemen. First off, this kid is FAR from an alcoholic and FAR from a drug addict. He smokes pot alitte, congrats, you're like 90% of the kids your age. Although its not a totally destructive habbit, i'd stop it. Its not helping to bring your emotions up, nor is it helping the situation, so i'd advise against it. Second, this kid lives with his parents and is 14. If he had a serious drinking problem, his parents MOST likely would know. I doubt he does, but none the less dude, drinking solves nothing so drop it. Drinking only adds problems not remove them.

Agreed with quite a few of the people here that you're looking for sympathy or compassion.
Honestly you shouldn't get any. You made these choices yourself, with no one forcing you. You seem to realize that these were bad choices so DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You felt as if you were overweight and you lost 50 lbs. Congrats dude thats an acomplishment there, now take that attitude you had about your weight and apply it to your LIFE. Change the things that need to be changed and work on it.

About the girl, dear god get rid of her like something stuck on the bottom of your shoe. You're 14 and not meaning to sound rude, but there will be plenty more women to choose from and plenty more heartbreaks in your future. I'm 20 and i've definately had my fair share, as i'm sure most of the older AO memebers have as well. Its a part of growing up. You take the lessions this witch taught you and use them with future women(or men, hey, whatever floats your boat).

[pputkowski]

InfinatyBPS, you are so stereotypical that it hurts to read. You're depressed...you're insecure...you're friends are making bad choices.... You are exactly like everyone else. Everyone feels that way at your age.


Wrong, try again.

[-=Squid=-]

Squid... just shut up. Shut up.

Removed for your own protection. You can thank me later - cphilip

Just because people like to take things ridiculously literal, I will say this. Dont kill yourself; but quit being a damn fool. I dont know you, obviously, but based on your posts you seem like a cool guy, so just stop wasting your life in something as retarded as this.

[Rather]

Some "family Forum" this is..........

Thought this was a forum where people would help each other out from time to time... This thread right ehre looks similar to something I could scoop out of PBN its that bad...

Everyone seemed to want to help KB out.... but then again mabey the only reason they did that was because they wanted their stuff to no ends... not actually try and help the guy... only person i saw trying to do that was Code MA.



Infinity, I hope you get everything figured out. If your having troubles with some of your deep pshycological problems, shrinks help like oyu wouldn't believe. Provided you talk to them openly about everything. No im not saying your a nut go get therapy. I've done it too when I broke down and was in a similar state of mind as you are. My therapist helped like you wouldn't belive and now im actually doing better. I have a job, brought my grades up to a decent level... and I no longer have woman problems with some skank that I used to be head over heals for.

Your a mess. get yourself cleaned up. Cphillip and Army have some good points. Follow them. Shrinks help but they can't do everything for you.


As for everyone else, that has been inhumane in their words, should you have problems... you reap waht you sew... :nono:

[nt2004]

Why dont you shut up? Oh ya, because your a mod and you disagree with me. Your allowed to tell me to "shut up" for no reason. You posted your opinnion, and I happen to think this whole thing is typical teenage drama taken to a ridiculous level. WHICH IT IS. I say again, just stop wasting your time on stupid crap Infinity.

Just because people like to take things ridiculously literal, I will say this. Dont kill yourself; but quit being a damn fool. I dont know you, obviously, but based on your posts you seem like a cool guy, so just stop wasting your life in something as retarded as this.

he was telling you to shut up because your post seemed to suggest suicide. Even if you were joking, thats not something you should tell someone in this state of discussion.

As for this thread, this has turned into quite a flame fest. A person obvioulsy wants HELP or ADVICE, but a lot of the people who posted seem to only offer insults and "tough love." I really hope this isnt how a lot of you conduct yourselves in real life. If a close friend came to you with these problems, would you turn them away? Would you insult them? I dont see how this situation could be any different.

All i see in this thread, besides the few people who lent out a helping hand, is a lot of "holier than thou" b.s. He has a problem, he doesnt need people acting like they are better than him. Everyone makes some bad decisions in their life, but thats not going to change with people telling that person how stupid they are.

A lot of replys in this thread are really PBN quality. I really dont want to see the day where the friendly corner dies as a place where serious problems can be assesed and where people can find some support from their friends. Stop kicking the poor kid while hes down, and act likee a real AO'er. Offer a few words of advice, hes not going to learn from abuse

[-=Squid=-]

he was telling you to shut up because your post seemed to suggest suicide. Even if you were joking, thats not something you should tell someone in this state of discussion.

If my "joke," which DID in fact say NOT to commit suicide, actually drove him to do so, good. NOBODY is that stupid.

[Hasty8]

I pretty much messed up my chance to goto a decent college because I've messed up in school so bad this year. I've went from a's and b's in the beginning of a year, to c's(rare) d's and f's. I feel that my life is hopeless now and don't see much of a point to anything. I really can't blame anyone but myself for all of this. I can't blame my parents becuase they know nothing about my life, I wake up and goto school, I come home, and goto sleep, thats all they know. I know nobody cares about anything I just said, and I'm not looking for help. I just felt like sharing the bull**** in my life. And if anyone on here knew me, I'm not who I was, and I doubt I ever will be that person again.

*Oh ya, I forgot to mention that Louie got tired of her being obsessed with him, he got with his old girlfriend and told her to never talk to him again. Now shes being all nice to me and stuff. But she said that she dosen't like me, not not because I'm fat but because I'm so depressed and I bring her down, and I think thats pretty messed up scince its kinda her fault that I'm like this*


Quick note before I get back to work.

First, women suck. :cuss: I finally left my sons mother and had to, at the age of 30, move back in with my folks which now has me contemplating murder. :mad:

Second, don't worry about the school thing. Get into another school, get your grades back up and transfer out to your top choice school for your sophmore year. No matter how bad it is, it's never that bad. :headbang:

Dude, I care about what you just said. Email, PM or carrier pigeon me if you need.

Best of luck and good joss to you friend.

:cheers:

[Steelrat]

Why don't you join the rest of the Norcal bunch this Sunday, and forget about your worries while we mow down the rec crowd. While you are there, I can share stories of mine that are strikingly close to yours (minus the drugs and booze) if you so choose.

SCP, Sunday the 13th, be there! ;)

[ZAust]

thats some damn good advice my friend.. i suggest you take it.

[Torbo]

people do care. You just have to let them care. Listen to code ma, army and miscue. People do care, and you will never know how much they care untill you open up and give them the opportunity to help you.

It wont be easy for you, but you can turn around. i wish you the best of fortune, and i hope you have the strength to pull though. Dont waste this time. You cant have it back.

[Restola]

If a close friend came to you with these problems, would you turn them away? Would you insult them?
If a close friend of mine was going through this I'd tell him straight up that he needs to change. I would do this repeatedly in many different ways until he understood, no matter how bad it hurt his feelings. Then I would offer advice and support on how to do it.

That's exactly what's going on in this thread, with the exception of 2 posters.

[-=Squid=-]

If a close friend of mine was going through this I'd tell him straight up that he needs to change. I would do this repeatedly in many different ways until he understood, no matter how bad it hurt his feelings. Then I would offer advice and support on how to do it.

That's exactly what's going on in this thread, with the exception of 2 posters.
I know your talking about me, but mabe you should put more thought into what I said?

[Restola]

I know your talking about me, but mabe you should put more thought into what I said?
Actually I wasn't talking about you specifically...I didn't read your posts.

[-=Squid=-]

Actually I wasn't talking about you specifically...I didn't read your posts.
Akk... im retarded sometimes.

Carry on. :)

[InfinatyBPS]

I don't feel like posting my replies to everything yet, I would just like to set 1 thing straight. I'm 17 years old, not 14, I don't know where u get that bs from.

[Trigger_Happy]

I don't feel like posting my replies to everything yet, I would just like to set 1 thing straight. I'm 17 years old, not 14, I don't know where u get that bs from.

Yeah, I tried to post that you were not 14, but my post got redirected to a random thread thanks to a glitch, and I gave up. Here's teh jist...


I remember back when you posted all the time. I've read through your website. Mostly, I can't believe you are still after a girl that did all that. What a faker. She's just in it to get you to react and chase. She says I'm sorry and then scews your friend? FOrget it, she's just playing with you so she can feel "wanted". Best thing to do would be to blow her off and let her see how unwanted her constant BS is. If you're smart, you'll never look back.

I think you need something to do. Stop doing what you've been doing because it's not working out for you. I mean, you don't do stuff because "you just do", you do stuff because you enjoy it. Hanging out with dicks, stealing, and smoking doesn't seem to have left you with an overwhelming feeling of happiness. Why don't you do something you actually like? Just my take on this complicated mess...

[dre1919]

Dude, you know what? YOU need to be stronger than this. Are you serious? Are you really going to let this crazy, whacked out crack-headed chick drop you so low as to make your life meaningless? That's some BS. I'm not dogging on you...hear me out. First thing, High School sucks for everybody and if it doesn't, then you missed the point and your life will probably suck later on. The "really cool" people in my class are bowling alley managers now in my home town, not CEO's and lawyers. High School is a proving ground of sorts...both emotionally and physically to see if you have the stones to make it out in the real world. Trust me...real life is way harder than anything I EVER screwed with in HS. Oh yeah...it's true. Life will roll up and kick you in the jimmy if you let it...the trick is not giving it the chance. You have to go out and make your way...spit back in life's face and tell it no matter what it has it ain't going to be enough to take you down.

You have a golden opportunity in front of you...you have the chance to leave all this BS you're currently mired in and make any changes you want in your life but YOU have to do it. Don't give me this stuff about "I can't"...yes, you can. I did, so can you. I wanted to make lots of changes about myself after HS...step out of my shell and become more popular with ladies, get bigger and stronger, etc. and I did it. First thing you need to do it stop feeling sorry for yourself and letting others drag you down. People like this crazy chick and a labeling society will keep you down as long as you let them. If you don't stick up for yourself, the world will tread on you forever. Why should it stop? If you could just put down the weed, the liqour, and the feelings of dispair and focus on the positive for five minutes you'd be infinitely better. Substance abuse, depression, low self-esteem, weight problem...these are all things you can overcome but you have to get tough. You have to get mean and find the courage to get strong.

Don't do it for your parents, this dumbass girl, friends...do it for YOU. Stop providing excuses why you don't get better and get better. It's as simple as that and anybody who tells you different is selling something. That's one of the biggest things wrong with our society these days...everything is always 'What someone did to me". Stop letting them do things to you...YOU have the power. This girl will continue to hurt you as long as you let her. Become invincible to all outside negativity and you will rise above all the decadence and evil you currently reside amongst. Trust me bro...as bad as you have it now, when you're 25 you'll sit back and think "Why was I so worried? That was nothing." You really will...I promise you. Things could always be worse than they are right now. Think about it, you could have been born into a Ugandan village and starved to death before you were even seven years old. Life gets better, but it does get tougher so you better be ready. Good luck on getting over this stuff man, don't let all this outside crap beat you. You'll let us down! We AO'ers are fighters!

Give 'em hell.
:shooting:

[InfinatyBPS]

Ok, first off I would like to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice. I have an appointment for a phsyciatrist on friday. Hopefully I can get some help and figure out what to do and why I do what I do. I couldn't take the depression anymore, I just about broke, and I told my mom about how I've been depressed for so long and its getting worse and worse and she made me an appointment. I don't know what I'm going to do exactly yet, but I guess I'll just have to see. To those who just had <B>*POOF*</B> to talk, thank you too, you just made me see how many <B>*POOF*</B> there are in the world.

<B>*Warning: No Cussing*</B> -Miscue

[Spleen]

wow... i just read the first post and a few after that and... wow..

I was the exact opposite of you. I mean, i smoked and drank a lot, but other than that, the opposite. I would get b's and c's in school while getting baked before school, at lunch and after school. (not <B>*POOF*</B> you here). I was really positive about stuff.

Well, i eventually just got tired of the hassle of smoking and drinking before school / after school / weekends / midnight snack. It just ended up costing too much (that was around the time i started playing pb also so the fundage was really tight). Soo, i stopped smoking and cut down on drinking quite a bit, grades fell, a really good friend died, and ditched the Hole. I got pretty depressed. I never really showed it much, i just had a bland face for everything after i quit.

Well, senior year i barely graduated, but i did, and i busted my balls to get out of school. After getting out i took some time to think about what i wanted to do in life. I really didnt know. I mean, ive been having the good times "now" i really havnt gotten to think about what i was goona do for my future.

So, im out of school now, busting my *** doing 100 +/- hours a week as a chef. Its hot, a ***** of a job and not very rewarding. I have no time to paintball, no time to hang out with anyone and no time to hook up with this non-hole that just moved back around here.

I wanted to go to college in AZ (yes, a college actually accepted me) for graphics arts, but that kinda got shot down by my alcoholic father who incidentally is my employer. Thats all i see him as anymore. Its the only time i see him not drinking, 10am - 4pm. For the past year and a half.

I think i have yet to see my "blessing in disguise" as miscue said. Atleast, i dont think ive seen it yet. :ninja:

Anyways.. my post was pointless pretty much.. just felt like sharing :\. Soo - Get yer <B>*POOF*</B> together :)

<B>*Warning: No Cussing*</B> -Miscue