Funny Quotes

[Chipper]

I haven't seen anything like this for a while and I hate upping old stuff so here. I have a bunch but I love hearing other peoples. They can be from movies, polotics, pretty much anything.

One thing though, put down the person who said it, I think its alot better that way.


"You can have the Model T Ford in any color you wish as long as its black." - Henry Ford


"First, you must bring us a shrubbery." -Knights Who Say Ni - Monty Python and the Holy Grail (funniest movie ever)


"Chris, put down the gun and let your marching band go." *RING* "Oh wait, phone, we'll talk about this later." -Ed - Anchorman (2nd funniest movie ever)

[MiniMag84]

"Wrong! The real Mastershake thinks blood drives are a pyramid sceam perpitrated(sp?) by Dracula and his night-slaves." - Frylock

"Good morning, Carl." "Yeah, it's 3 o'clock in the friggin' morning! All I know is that this cord is plugged into my house and your house is glowin' like the friggin' sun. So, I put two and two together and decided that you're pissin me off." -Carl



Man, I love that show.

[RoadDawg]

"Wrong! The real Mastershake thinks blood drives are a pyramid sceam perpitrated(sp?) by Dracula and his night-slaves." - Frylock

"Good morning, Carl." "Yeah, it's 3 o'clock in the friggin' morning! All I know is that this cord is plugged into my house and your house is glowin' like the friggin' sun. So, I put two and two together and decided that you're pissin me off." -Carl



Man, I love that show.
We are superior cause our gravity is only 1/3 of yours and allows us to jump higher. *small jump* Err come explain our highly superior ways. -Moonites

[SlipknotX556]

"Kif, I have made it with a women, inform the men." - Zap Branigan from futurama

[dwab3000]

lol ATHF

"the spaghetti got wet when i was boiling it, so i put it in the dryer" "well why didnt you say so its prolly dry by now" *door close* *laughter* :)

man my new pool is b-wordin, its tearing *** around the yard, while stayingf still, yet still waters run deep""

*after the guy in the first quote gets back from the dryer, and is shockin master shake* move him closer to the ceiling fan

[behemoth]

"Camelot!"
"Camelot!"
"Camelot!"
"Its only a model"
"Shh"

;)

I could go all day with movie quotes...
but heres one more

"and sheppards we shall be for thee my lord for thee, power hath decended forth from thy hand and our feet shall carry out thy command, and we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris et filli, et spiritus sancti."

-Josh

[devildog]

once i ate a wookie, he was chewie.

[MiniMag84]

"I pooped a hammer."
"I pooped a cornish game hen"

-Rick from Anchorman

[skife]

"your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
~french knight


"you silly english KINNNNIGET!" ~again, french knight

[GotMag?]

What do you call the best fisherman? the Master-Baiter

[Maksimus54]

"I'm strangely comfortable with it" -boondock saints
"I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total *****" -Stewie
"Yes madam I am a drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly" -Churchill
"Ron Burgundy?..." -Anchorman
"F-ck Chuck Norris" -Dodgeball

[Chipper]

"First thou shalt pull out the holy pin. Then thou shalt count to 3, no more, no less, 3 is the number thou shalt count to and the number of the counting shall be 3. 5 is right out! So is 4, and 2, unless thou procedeth directly to 3. After counting to 3, being the 3rd number which is reached, thou shalt lob the holy hand grenade in the direction of thine enemy whom, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." - Brother Edward (reading from the Book of Weapons) -Monty Python and the Holy Grail (this was made completely from memory)

"1, 2, 5!" "No sir, 3" "Oh yes, 3!" -King Arthur (after ^)


"I fart in your general directoion!"

[Stix]

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

"If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut." - Albert Einstien

[sharpshooter1286]

"That guy is so annoying and he walks around all day with no shirt on"-Robot from ATHF

"Do you want to come to the pants party? 'Do you mean do I want to come to the party in your pants?' Yeah thats the one? 'Did Brian tell you to say that' N--Yes....Do you want to come to the pants party (to the man)" - Rick

for anyone who stayed to watch the credits-

"I will shoot you in the back of the head with a BB gun when you're not looking. IT will hurt."

"I got you gin and tonic. 'I hate gin an tonic' you do?" "You guys are the worst twins EVER"- Eurotrip

lol this isnt exactly a quote-

(Brown Baggin It scene) Brian says "Rick hasn't been able to sleep" (Rick emphasizes the banana and smiles at it) :rofl: :rofl:

[SlipknotX556]

"This isnt where I parked my car" EuroTrip

"Rupert, I told you to watch the bags!, O you were looking at the boys again werent you?" Stewey talking to his tedd bear - Family Guy

[Warewolf50]

2 part quote
peter- why are the dinasaurs extinct
teacher-cause u touch yourslef at night.
--- family guy

It 430 in the afternoon and some of us are tryoing to sleep in here. Master shake ATHF

We live in the north east, that means, it meaaaans, it meanns,.... 2 days later.... THAT WE CAN GO TO KISSSTOCK.... drill goes into dentis eye. Family guy

Baby needs to suck ash, not *** you pervert save it for the intern. Stewie, Family guy.

[Warewolf50]

"This isnt where I parked my car" EuroTrip

"Rupert, I told you to watch the bags!, O you were looking at the boys again werent you?" Stewey talking to his tedd bear - Family Guy


Hahah the rest of that is stewie says its that stewart over there isnt it.

and one more quote
"yes mr giralff lick off all the marmolade" stewie family guy.

[dre1919]

"I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that?"

[Head knight of Ni]

"Oh oh! You could just walk on your hands and use your feet to give high fives and eating sandwiches. You know the important stuff."
-Caboose from redvsblue

"You killed Church you team killing :cuss: -tard."
-Tucker also from rvb

"Oh you back stabbing :cuss: -bite."
-Simmons from rvb

Now the Obligatory Monty Python scene.

Arthur: Look you stupid bastard you've got no arms.
Black knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: No you haven't.
Black knight: It's just a flesh wound. Now fight me you Pansy.
Arthur: Just a flesh wound!?

:hail: and for the last one look at my Sig.

[digitard]

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.
JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!
-- Bubba Ho-Tep

Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.
-- Ash: Evil Dead II

[NJPaint]

Family Guy quotes :D

Stewie: Stupid, greedy savages!
Lois: Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say.
Lois: This one particular tribes has lost their way.
Lois: But most Native Americans are proud hardworking people who are true to their spiritual heritage.
Lois: They are certainly not savages.
Stewie: That's funny, Mother.
Stewie: Just this morning you said they were lazy like the dirty Mexicans. Just kidding.
Stewie: The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.
Meg: Yeah. Not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes.
Meg: Actually, the Swedish people run the gamut from very short to tall.
Meg: And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?
Peter: Yeah. Which is more than we ever got from those freeloading Canadians.
Peter: ...(silence)... Canada sucks.


"And remember, guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do." -Gun Promoter's video


Peter: Yea, I'm looking for a book on potty training. What do you suggest?
Bookstore Guy: Well, there's the always popular "Everybody Poops".
Peter: Eh, too generic. What else do you have?
Bookstore Guy: Then we have an alternative version, "Nobody Poops But You"
Peter: No, no, those won't work...you see...we're Catholic.
Bookstore Guy: Ah! Then this one here is for you: "You're a Naughty Boy and that's Concentrated Evil coming out the back of you".
Peter: Perfect! I'll take it.


Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ...Can't it be both?


Chris: Hey birthday dude you want some ice cream
Stewie: Yes, but NO sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall kill you!


A beer commercial on the television shows two women in bikinis sunbathing. One is applying tanning lotion on the other.

Television: Boy that lotion sure feels good. Sure is hot! And it just got hotter, here now let me do you... *Pawtucket Patriot Beer, if you buy it, hot women will have sex in your back yard!*

Lois: ehhhh... typical male fantasy. Women drinking beer... I guarantee you a man made that commercial.

Peter: Of course a man made it, it's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

[NJPaint]

Peter: Hey, is the Counte a vampire?
Brian: Whats that?
Peter: Well, he, he's got those big fangs. Have, have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're, You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Counte kills somebody, and then sucks their blood for sustenence?
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No they've never done that.


Peter: Brian my there's a message in my alphabets. it says "oooooooooooo"
Brian: Peter those are cheerios.


Peter: "Don't worry, I read a book on this once."
Brian: "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't...nothing?"
Peter: "Oh yeaaah."


Chris : There's this game at the arcade... you put in a dollar.. AND YOU GET FOUR QUARTERS!!! I WIN EVERYTIME!!


Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.


Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got twenty!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: Twenty-one!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's thirty.
Peter: Hit me.

[1stdeadeye]

Family Guy quotes :D
Peter: Yea, I'm looking for a book on potty training. What do you suggest?
Bookstore Guy: Well, there's the always popular "Everybody Poops".
Peter: Eh, too generic. What else do you have?
Bookstore Guy: Then we have an alternative version, "Nobody Poops But You"
Peter: No, no, those won't work...you see...we're Catholic.
Bookstore Guy: Ah! Then this one here is for you: "You're a Naughty Boy and that's Concentrated Evil coming out the back of you".
Peter: Perfect! I'll take it.

The Family Guy rules all!!! :headbang:

[CasingBill]

"He who farts in church, sits in his own pew."-Confuscius