un *OFFICIAL* .:The Family Guy:. Favorite quote/episode THREAD

[Echo419]

I'll get us started. In case you arent familiar with the show

Sunday-Thursday 11:00 Eastern on Cartoon Network
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-Episode where brian for some reason is in the truck with the latinos

Brian - Hola me llamo es Brian

Latino - haha not bad but you dont need to say "es", just, Me llamo Brian

Brian - You Speak English?

Latino - No, just that little intro, and this speach explaning it

Brian - Are you serious...?

Lation - ¿Que?

[lord1234]

if only you could spell

my favorite quote:

Women are just objects put on this earth by God to entertain men"

[Echo419]

Stewey - So my goal is clear... I must destroy all brocoli...

[dwab3000]

hmmm

what if we like them all

[Echo419]

Then post them all

[nt2004]

Chris: Want some ice cream dude?

Stewie: Yes but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle i find, i'm going to kill you

[1stdeadeye]

Chris: WHat word am I thinking of?

Meg: Kitty

Chris: Argh, get out of my mind!!!

[MiniSpdRcr]

heheheh Im gonna turn you into poo.

Sir you cant park your van here.
Oh its not a van its just a fat kid

[Mango]

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!

[Benfica4ever]

stewie- Somtimes i wonder, if all woman are this difficult, and then i think to myself, wouldent it be marvoulos(sp) if i became a homosexual.

[Rumble]

stewie - whats this? my wee-wee seams to have been strucken with rigamortis.
:D

[Benfica4ever]

(when stewie was in momas stomach:)) Hm i seem to have sprouted another finger, that makes 11

[fcpchop]

Stewie: (in refrence to his mom) Its not so much that i want to kill her, as much as is it is i want her to not be living anymore.

my real favorite is the first one echo put up

[Echo419]

my real favorite is the first one echo put up

Rock on

[Rumble]

Peter- Dont worry, I read a book on this sort of thing once.
Brian- Are you sure it was a book? are you sure it wasent nothing?
Peter- oh, oh yeah.

:clap:

[ZSigErik]

Chris: WHat word am I thinking of?

Meg: Kitty

Chris: Argh, get out of my mind!!!

Theres so so so much more to that to understand it, lol.

Also, Echo, GREAT SIG, Hawthorne Heights is amazing! "BECUASE MY HEART IS IN OHIO!!!!!" HAhahaha

Carry on.

[Echo419]

The one where brian is trrying to find his mom

Farmer - Your fired! you Put A Seed in my farmers belly
Guy - but but but
Farmer - I'd KILL you if you werent my son!
Brain - Hello Sir, We can fly the plane for you. I am of a different species, and my companion here is too young to put a seed in your daughters belly
Farmer - Alrite you've got the job
they roll 10 feet in the plan, knock off both wings inbetween 2 cows
Stewey - Oh Jolly, can't wait till they find the black box on this one ^ ^

If some of you didnt find that humorous, the guy was the farmers son... read it carefully :p ;)

[Echo419]

Chris - Hey Meg, guess what word im thinking of.. and its not kitty!
Meg - ....... ok.... car
Chris - Ahahaha, It WAS Kitty!!!
later in show
Chris - Now guess what word im thinking of!! ^ ^
Meg - Is It Kitty...
Chris - AAAHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Chris runs away

[Rumble]

Chris - Hey Meg, guess what word im thinking of.. and its not kitty!
Meg - ....... ok.... car
Chris - Ahahaha, It WAS Kitty!!!
later in show
Chris - Now guess what word im thinking of!! ^ ^ and its definetly not kitty
Meg - Is It Kitty...
Chris - AAAHHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD
Chris runs away

fixed :p

[ScatterPlot]

Stewie:
I've got a present for you (,Brian,) and I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

Chris, being spoken through as Stewie:
Hello shopkeep!
I require a hand operated buzz saw capable of cutting through a human sternum. It's for a school project, I'm in, oh what the devil do these kids study these days, Latin class!
Hardware guy:
I'm sorry son, but I just can't sell power tools to minors. See if I did that then---
Chris cuts him off...
What? Who the deuce are you? No I don't have any change, where do you think I keep it, in my diaper? Oh crap, is this thing on?

If you need an explanation well just watch that episode.

[Echo419]

omg that was classic bertmcmahan

[AGDlover]

Peter: Whats the one gift in the hole world you've wanted but never got?
Stewie: A dead lois??
Peter: well there all right down stairs!

[AGDlover]

Lois: Your going to make the cutest baby jesus ever.
Stewie: By all means yes dress me up like a child porn star and maby we can move to cala-forn-i-a and wrangle me a 3sum with the olsen twins.

[tard]

Family Guy > All other shows

[TraXeR]

Stewie: Oh yeah baby.. I'm gonna sex you up, gonna sex you up SO crazy

(Stewie modelling CK diapers)

[The Action Figure]

lois- o great that means I dont have to cook tonight

Peter- No No No, cook anyway well throw it out, I wouldnt want you to get rusty :)

[68magOwner]

Gideon... nice nice nice
::edit:: this is Echo419

[RevBrown]

Stewie runs into the bathroom points at the toilet "YOU GET A JOB"

And anything with Chris's evil monkey. That monkey cracks me up everytime.

[maxama10]

The one where brian is trrying to find his mom

Farmer - Your fired! you Put A Seed in my farmers belly
Guy - but but but
Farmer - I'd KILL you if you werent my son!
Brain - Hello Sir, We can fly the plane for you. I am of a different species, and my companion here is too young to put a seed in your daughters belly
Farmer - Alrite you've got the job
they roll 10 feet in the plan, knock off both wings inbetween 2 cows
Stewey - Oh Jolly, can't wait till they find the black box on this one ^ ^

If some of you didnt find that humorous, the guy was the farmers son... read it carefully :p ;)

Correction
Farmer-Your fired! you put a seed in my daughter belly!
Pilot- but but but
Farmer-I'd KILL you if you werent my son!
Brain-Hello Sir, We can fly the plane for you. I am of a different species, and my companion here is too young to put a seed in your daughters belly
Farmer-Alrite you've got the job
*they roll 10 feet in the plan, knock off both wings inbetween 2 cows*
Stewey-Oh Jolly, can't wait till they find the black box in this one

[LittlePaintballBoy]

One thing explains it all:

[LittlePaintballBoy]

And again:

[LittlePaintballBoy]

http://www.automags.org/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=77344&stc=1

[mcdkid]

Peter: Brian my there's a message in my alphabets! it says "oooooooooooo"
Brian: Peter those are cheerios.

it will be funny if another channel airs a new show the same time that the new family guy episodes are supposed to come out.... cause i know what every tv in the world will be watching.

[Rumble]

peter- oh quagmire, is seams we made another 500 million in stocks.
quarmire- good thing we swore off women forever!
peter- yeah, excuse me while I go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
quagmire- butters in the fridge!

:tard:

[Echo419]

lmao rumble... ive never seen that one, thats funny as hell

[Kai]

You're not a pilot. I know every pilot in the world!

[ScatterPlot]

LOL I <3 the pilot one :D

[ZSigErik]

keep this thread goin' full steam!!!

[TraXeR]

*Michelangelo's David's penis goes flying through Mr. Weeds window, he grabs it, holds it close to his face*

'I shall call you Eduardo!'

------------------

*Sexual Harassment work ethic video*

'Nothing says good work like a nice slap on the behind.'

------------------

Stewie: Ooooh, well. Someone has a dirty diaper. What the.. why does that turn me on?

------------------

Stewie: You like cleaning my doody don't you Brain? Say it 'I like cleaning your doody Stewie'.

------------------

*at a petting zoo*

Stewie: And where Mr. Sheep today? Is he being b-a-a-a-d?.. Yes, that's right you're all ripe for parody.

..im done.

Btw, in that lost quote, Stewie confuses me, he can make time machine,but he calls a Sheep a he? Last time I checked.. Goats were he, Sheep were she. Ah well.

[The-Z-Man]

Stewie-You get me a copy of the wallstreet journal, you two fight to the death, you cut my milk!
Butler- I cant sir, its liquid.
Stewie-Freeze it then cut it!

[ScatterPlot]

... and don't ever question me again!!!

[Rumble]

*In a NRA video*
Did you know jesus and moses used guns to fend off the romans?

[Chris42050]

Peter nervously talking to the gangster Don

"wha what are you gonna make me do, wack a guy, off a guy, wack off a guy, cuz I'm married"

[gimp]

Lois: Peter! Your drunk!
Peter: No I'm not, I'm just exhausted from drinkin all night.



Also, the big fart he has on stage when he does his version of the king and I. That was priceless.

[RogueFactoryKid]

Girl: Are you guys telling jokes, I love jokes
Peter: Ok ok, Why did god give women Boobs?
Girl: Disgusted expression
Peter: So you got somethin to look at while your talkin to them.....Neheheheheheh
Girl: Very Disgusted Expression
Peter: So you got somethin to look at while your talkin to them.....neheheheheheh

[RogueFactoryKid]

Oh yeah and this one

Chris: *alks out with Poster saying John 3:16*
Meg: What does that mean anyway?
Brian: *Pulls out Bible* And God said unto thee, Go Sox.

[TraXeR]

Oh yeah and this one

Chris: *alks out with Poster saying John 3:16*
Meg: What does that mean anyway?
Brian: *Pulls out Bible* And God said unto thee, Go Sox.

It's actually 'And the Lord said, Go Sox'

another contribution:

------------------------

*Peter comes into the room after liposuction*

Lois: uuuh, hwaaa, eeeh, daaaa...
Stewie: My God!!! He's become so massive, he's collapsed INTO himself like a neutron star!!

[matmc89]

Uh Oh....

[TraXeR]

Uh Oh....


Uh.. what? :confused:

[temps]

Stewie: [hitting on some co-eds] I must say, the most recent campus sporting event was quite spectacular.
Co-ed: Aw. Are you in a fraternity, little boy?
Stewie: Not yet, but I'm thinking of joining I Felta Thigh.



Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.



Quagmire: Hey there Gorgeous, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18?
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I Like where this is goin'!

[eddie885221]

old guy: hey little boy do u like popsicles?
chris: yea, but i have more papers to deliver so maybe next time, bye
old guy: get back here fat ***


old guy on answering machine: this is mr._______ i was just callin to see where the paper boy has been, i still got those popsicles



then the commercial on adult swim for it: o hi there, you scared the crap out of me, im just here to introduce the new season........................


:shooting: :dance:

[spantol]

From "One If By Clam" -

Lois : [Nigel is charming.]
Peter: "Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Disraeli)."

Cut to Benjamin Disraeli, writing on his desk with a quill. He looks up, and says: "You don't even know who I am."

He then looks back down, and continues writing.


That about killed me. I didn't even have time to finish the thought "Who the hell is Benjamin Disraeli?" Perfect timing.

[Fixion]

*Peter watching a painting show*
Guy on TV: Alright, now we're going to use a fan brush here... and uh... why don't you take some 100 green... and we're going to put a happy little bush right down here, in the corner there...
...And that'll just be our little secret...
*long pause*
...AND IF YOU TELL ANYONE!... THAT THAT BUSH IS THERE... I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND CUT YOU!!!
Peter: Ah geez, mine doesn't look anything like his.

Road to Rhode Island
*After Stewie got Brian (drunk) from the bar.
Brian: Wo, wo, where are the bags?
Stewie: What the deus do you mean where are the bags? Their right uh.... *notices bags are gone, they where by his bear Rupert*
Stewie: Rupert! I told you to watch the bags! You were watching the boys again weren't you? Its that stewart isn't it, the one who looks like Tab Hunter? Oh forget it, lets just get on the bloody plain and go home.

Latter, Stewie wakes up with brian in a cheap motel room to answer the phone, grabs the heater by accident
Stewie: Hello? Ah, ah, ah, oh, damnit! A pus spewing blood gutted hell!!!

[MicroMiniMe]

From the episode where the house has termites.

[Checking into Hotel]
Stewie: [with CSI blacklight type penlight]
Hmmm, whats this?
Oatmeal.
Semen.
Spittle.
It looks like this is where Wilford Brimly and Bob Krane had some kind of orgy.

/sorry if I mangled the order or exact wording.

From the Toad episode.

Towards end of episode.
Meg and Peter are getting into S&M leather bondage and gimp outfits.
Meg: The safety word is 'bananna.'
[punches Peter to the ground]

The Judd Nelson scene where Peter runs off to the football field with 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simply Red in the background as in The Breakfast Club is great too.

[eddie885221]

stewie: what the hell are you doing those are my grahamcrackers
peter: stewie, daddy needs to be alone right now
stewie: pardon me while i get somthing to strike you with
(stewie comes back with a bat and hits peter in the head once and lays him out)




stewie (while sleeping with brian and brian is sleep licking him): thats it mr. girrafe, get all the marmalade

[Echo419]

TO THE TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

*When They Win A boat*
starting of show.

::commercial::
Babe 1 - Boy that lotion sure feels good
Babe 2 - sure is hot
Babe 1 - And it just got hotter, here now let me do you
Anouncer - Paul Tucket Patriot Beer, if you buy it... hot women will have sex in your backyard.

Louis - ahh typical mail fantasy, women drinking beer. I guarantee a man made that commerical
Peter - of course a man made it louis, its a commercial. Not a delicious homemade turkey dinner

[ZSigErik]

TO THE TOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

*When They Win A boat*
starting of show.

::commercial::
Babe 1 - Boy that lotion sure feels good
Babe 2 - sure is hot
Babe 1 - And it just got hotter, here now let me do you
Anouncer - Paul Tucket Patriot Beer, if you buy it... hot women will have sex in your backyard.

Louis - ahh typical mail fantasy, women drinking beer. I guarantee a man made that commerical
Peter - of course a man made it louis, its a commercial. Not a delicious homemade turkey dinner


HAhahaha, i LOVE that one!

[Rumble]

rofl, dont rember it, but it sounds awesome. Im gunna have to use that one sometime :)

[The Action Figure]

(British Guy) I wont take no for an answer, unless its to the question do you not not like me. DoublE negative you see

[matmc89]

Uh.. what? :confused:

From wish upon a weinstein...there at dinner....then at temple

[Chris42050]

Uh oh. :spit_take

I have to agree that is the best line in family guy. The way Peter says it is hilarious. Can not be imitated and typing it just doesn't do it justice.

[ScatterPlot]

LOL! That one ROCKS!!!!!

[Echo419]

UPPP :headbang:

[eddie885221]

up, keep these quotes comin

[SlipknotX556]

"911, yeah its Quagmire, yeah its in the window this time." - Quagmire

[Hasty8]

Brian: Oh my god. They ate Tricia Takanawa.
Peter: Why? They're just gonna get hungry again in an hour.

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankels behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."

Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?

Lois: What's going on down here?
Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
Lois: That boy's all tied up.
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

Stewie: Augh! What the hell do you think you're doing?
Brian: I'm cleaning myself.
Stewie: You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on vacation.

Stewie: Can I count to three? For God's sake, I'm already shooting at a fifth grade level.

Eliza: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter.
Stewie: I was curious!

Stewie (picking his nose): Does this not disgust you?
Brian: Kid, you're talkin' to a guy who uses his tongue for toilet paper.

yeah, Stewie is my fav.

[Toro216guy]

Peter: [writing letter] Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog. :rofl: :rofl:


Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.


Peter: No, Silly Rabbit Trix are for kids. Damn long ears, trying to steal Easter from Jesus.



Peter: I'd like to propose a toast to our neighbors. Sure they might be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound, but hey, if they moved out some smelly Hawaiians might move in.

[taylor492]

Man i need to start watchin this show.

:rofl:

[The Action Figure]

Man i need to start watchin this show.

:rofl:

yes you do ;)

[ZSigErik]

Man i need to start watchin this show.

:rofl:

motion thirded.

[ScatterPlot]

I love the washing machine/sock/Narnia episode, that one was awesome.

[Echo419]

Man i need to start watchin this show.

:rofl:
motion 4thed.... (sp? :p )

ALERT DID THEY CHANGE THE TIME FOR FAMILY GUY ON ADULT SWIM TO 10:30 :confused: CUZ FUTURAMA WAS ON WHEN I SWITCHED TO AS AT 11 :cuss:

[RogueFactoryKid]

actually its 11:30, and ibelieve its on TBS tonite also.

[SlipknotX556]

"I have to fart but I dont know which way to lean." - Peter

[Rumble]

lois - peter thats almost as silly as that time you bought cloud insuance.
peter - that wasent silly at all! just look at them plotting up there.
*zooms in on two clouds*
cloud 1- We attack tomorrow.
cloud 2- yes, tomorrow
*silence*
cloud 1- I mean it this time!
cloud 2- oh yeah definetly

(yeah i know i butchered it but oh well, you get the point)

[blackclown]

Meg:i just want to kill myeself im gonna go upstair and eat a whole bowl of peanuts (louis and peter staire in silents) Meg: im alergic to peanuts.
(peter and lous stareing) Meg: u dont no anything about me! (runs upstairs)
Peter: who was that guy?

[AGDlover]

the song peter sings about him needing a jew!! :headbang: :rofl: