The "Nice Guys" Guidelines for when to break up

[mobsterboy]

K, so I had some reconsideration thoughts about doing this one, but after talking to her, it just seems like I should bother to do this.

Guidelines for the everyday "Nice Guy Schmuck that seems to get himself into bad relationships that end worse.

Part 1) The hang outs

-If she seems eager and happy to hang with you, forget about it. She's just looking to destroy your every happiness.

-If she is cool with whatever you decide and doesn't care where the two of you hang out, run in the opposite direction. She's out to make your life a living nightmare later on

-If she texts you early the next morning after you've just enjoyed laying in bed till 10 am, and she sounds too chipper and wants to wish you to have a great day at work, home, with friends, whatever, she's not worth it. She just wants to make sure that you do the same and she will keep you in check the whole way through

-If she compares you to her old boyfriend and you measure out better, drop it like its hot. She shouldn't compare you to anyone, because you are unique and that means she's got issues

-If she said she had a great time, she doesn't necessarily mean it couldn't be better without you.

Part 2) The dating

-Drastic mood swings are one thing, but when she's got a different face for everyone, throw her out. She's a)trying to please too many ppl and b)has no clue where her priorities lie and who she's living for

-If she whines and complains about something the two of you did the night before but falls into the same hole the next night, she should be old news. She can't control herself and feels guilty about her actions but likes to blame them on you

-If she asks you for what your thinking about, the stuff you say better not be the truth, because she can't handle your lusts as a man, she can't understand that there's more to thinking than just the present and she won't ever understand that guy's thoughts and girl's thoughts are completely different. (apples and oranges, its like descriptions. Girls describe with traits and colors, guys describe with attributes, and you can figure out the only attributes we remember)

-If she wants to talk every night and makes you feel bad about when you don't talk, she can't handle the matter of space. Everyone needs space, thats why she retreats to her hideout of her bestest friend, who she confides in, schemes with, etc...

-If you are unexplainably happy around her, always have a smile and a warm feeling in your heart whenever you are near her, end it. Its not worth the heartache that you will feel. Nothing lasts forever, and if your heart never experiences it, it won't miss it

-If she has done things in the past that she gets OVERLY defensive about and those actions lead you to think she needs something from you or she will find it elsewhere, this is usually a good sign things aren't going to work out.

Part 3) Meeting others

-If her parents, brother(s), sister(s), relatives like you, its over. No parent can be that comfortable with you dating their daughter, and siblings should know better.

-If her parents, brother(s), sister(s), relatives like her, its finished. Its never a good sign when your parents approve, and family members just bring heartache when she's gone and they inquire about her

Part 4) The overall.

-Overall, happiness doesn't last long. Things you hold dear can come crashing down in an instant, and a confused girl is like playing with matches while you're drenched in gasoline. No girl will ever have her mind made up and by the end of a discussion, she could be holding a completely 180 degree opposite stance than when she started.

Part 5) Note to girls

-You dont want to know what we're thinking, so don't ask

-If we say you don't wanna know something, it usually means that a)we're gonna get in trouble for saying it, b)you really dont want or need to hear it, and c)we're looking out for you regardless of what you think our reasons are

-If you're gonna tell us something you dont ever want us to bring up, cry when you talk about it.

-Karma works a lot in relationships. For instance, if you lead us on, make us believe you care and then completely destroy us after some of the best nights in our lives, you better believe you're gonna feel pain. And with an experienced nice guy, direct quotes are our best friends

-Just because you say you never lie to us and are always honest doesnt mean you are open. Open and honest are two very different things. Being open is being vurnerable, being honest is just admitting things you're asked about

-If you think its our fault, it might be, but just because you admitted stuff taht was your fault, dont expect us to do the same

-If you dont even bother to give explanations as to why you did stuff until a week later, you better believe that we are gonna think you made it up. After all, what else would you be thinking about all that time

-And here's a key part. If you broke up with us and we're just trying to make it through the day without you, its usually because we had misplaced trust. So things we say are just to reassure us we're better of alone, not necessarilly true at all and definitely not how we feel. A break up is not embarassing, its not demeaning, it just leaves you vurlnerable, because someone you trusted and cared about enough to ask out just gave you the shaft, and in the moment you don't really see anyone else you could be like that with.

end rant

[billybob_81067]

So I take it that you and your girlyfriend broke up? Eh... there's plenty more out there for ya.

[BobTheCow]

Bitter much?

[Maggot6]

Reminds me of a thread on AO a while ago..

How you like your girls/coffee'
- Ground up and in the freezer
.......................

Some good guidelines in there, and some bad ones...But we can all understand exactly why you said them.

[spwz99]

i agree with maggot. some good, some bad. take it with a grain of salt.

now my two cents:
relationships take a lot of effort. if you BOTH aren't willing to try harder at this than at anything else you have ever done in your lives, then it won't work. but for me, its been worth it all and more.

[tropical_fishy]

Resident female, checking in: you're all morons.

Ok, I can't resist adding this.

If, as a guy, all you're thinking about is her "attributes," or sex... then, well, I think one of you is better off without the other. And here's a hint: it's not you.



If she compares you to her old boyfriend and you measure out better, drop it like its hot. She shouldn't compare you to anyone, because you are unique and that means she's got issues

I call BS. It's the nature of people to compare and contrast. Critical thinking and all that. You are doing something wrong if she's looking at you and going, "yeeeahhh, the last one was better."


If she has done things in the past that she gets OVERLY defensive about and those actions lead you to think she needs something from you or she will find it elsewhere, this is usually a good sign things aren't going to work out.

Wow, I don't see how these are similar. At all. I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of but that's not linked in any way to the second part of your statement.


If she whines and complains about something the two of you did the night before but falls into the same hole the next night, she should be old news. She can't control herself and feels guilty about her actions but likes to blame them on you

I can't work out if by actions you mean sex or not. If she feels guilty about sex and you notice this pattern, why don't you stop having sex with her? Jesus, it's not that difficult. She probably doesn't want to say no because she feels like that would make her a bad girlfriend, but at the same time she feels guilty for one reason or another. If it doesn't have to do with sex, then I don't see why she'd feel guilty for anything? :confused:



Karma works a lot in relationships. For instance, if you lead us on, make us believe you care and then completely destroy us after some of the best nights in our lives, you better believe you're gonna feel pain. And with an experienced nice guy, direct quotes are our best friends

Wow, preteen girl much? Hope you're not Christian, you definitely don't turn the other cheek too well.


And here's a key part. If you broke up with us and we're just trying to make it through the day without you, its usually because we had misplaced trust. So things we say are just to reassure us we're better of alone, not necessarilly true at all and definitely not how we feel. A break up is not embarassing, its not demeaning, it just leaves you vurlnerable, because someone you trusted and cared about enough to ask out just gave you the shaft, and in the moment you don't really see anyone else you could be like that with.

Fair enough. Just make sure she KNOWS that... and that yuo're not assuming that she does.

In conclusion, there's no such thing as a nice guy. There are doormats, there are men, and there are... jerks. Decide which category you define yourself as. If you have to write lists like this, then doormat it is.

[billybob_81067]

Bitter much?
It seems that there's now two bitter posts in this same thread! the first one and ^^^...

LOL :)

[tropical_fishy]

It seems that there's now two bitter posts in this same thread! the first one and ^^^...

LOL :)


At least I'm not pretending to be a "nice girl" while acting bitter. I'm bitter and angry, and I'm also that word that rhymes with "witch." At least I'm not in denial.

[geekwarrior]

Resident female, checking in: you're all morons.

Ok, I can't resist adding this.

If, as a guy, all you're thinking about is her "attributes," or sex... then, well, I think one of you is better off without the other. And here's a hint: it's not you.




I call BS. It's the nature of people to compare and contrast. Critical thinking and all that. You are doing something wrong if she's looking at you and going, "yeeeahhh, the last one was better."



Wow, I don't see how these are similar. At all. I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of but that's not linked in any way to the second part of your statement.



I can't work out if by actions you mean sex or not. If she feels guilty about sex and you notice this pattern, why don't you stop having sex with her? Jesus, it's not that difficult. She probably doesn't want to say no because she feels like that would make her a bad girlfriend, but at the same time she feels guilty for one reason or another. If it doesn't have to do with sex, then I don't see why she'd feel guilty for anything? :confused:




Wow, preteen girl much? Hope you're not Christian, you definitely don't turn the other cheek too well.



Fair enough. Just make sure she KNOWS that... and that yuo're not assuming that she does.

In conclusion, there's no such thing as a nice guy. There are doormats, there are men, and there are... jerks. Decide which category you define yourself as. If you have to write lists like this, then doormat it is.


who hurt you fishy?

[tropical_fishy]

who hurt you fishy?


Shouldn't you be asking the OP that?

[geekwarrior]

Shouldn't you be asking the OP that?


OP?

[tropical_fishy]

OP?

Mobsterboy, the original poster.

[geekwarrior]

Mobsterboy, the original poster.

lol...probably, but he kinda spells out his story in his post, you just seemed bitter about all men (as he does about women) I'm sure with good reason, guys and girls can be jerks. :(

[tropical_fishy]

lol...probably, but he kinda spells out his story in his post, you just seemed bitter about all men (as he does about women) I'm sure with good reason, guys and girls can be jerks. :(


Hardly about all men. There are a few in particular. But really, I just have an issue with guys that say they're "nice guys." It's codeword for "I'm a doormat, step on me please, and then listen to me complain about it."

[Dubstar112]

Im so doomed. why. why why why why. lol...

[mobsterboy]

Resident female, checking in: you're all morons.

Ok, I can't resist adding this.

If, as a guy, all you're thinking about is her "attributes," or sex... then, well, I think one of you is better off without the other. And here's a hint: it's not you.




I call BS. It's the nature of people to compare and contrast. Critical thinking and all that. You are doing something wrong if she's looking at you and going, "yeeeahhh, the last one was better."



Wow, I don't see how these are similar. At all. I've done things in the past that I'm not proud of but that's not linked in any way to the second part of your statement.



I can't work out if by actions you mean sex or not. If she feels guilty about sex and you notice this pattern, why don't you stop having sex with her? Jesus, it's not that difficult. She probably doesn't want to say no because she feels like that would make her a bad girlfriend, but at the same time she feels guilty for one reason or another. If it doesn't have to do with sex, then I don't see why she'd feel guilty for anything? :confused:




Wow, preteen girl much? Hope you're not Christian, you definitely don't turn the other cheek too well.



Fair enough. Just make sure she KNOWS that... and that yuo're not assuming that she does.

In conclusion, there's no such thing as a nice guy. There are doormats, there are men, and there are... jerks. Decide which category you define yourself as. If you have to write lists like this, then doormat it is.
umm, ask any guy to describe their perfect girl, then ask the girl to describe their perfect guy. Compare results and I'll be right and you still won't admit your wrong

No, it was never me doing things wrong, it was just that she was too willing to be comfortable around me and compared it to her last "serious" relationship, which was 3 years ago, so she really didnt understand that she's grown up since then and things are different

No, I never went as far as actions being sex. Nothing even super sexual, she's psycho when it came to stuff. It was like we'd hang out for a night, make out(only upon her prodding, seducing and wanting, cuz it was totally against my policy for how long we were going out for) and it wasnt as much the making out as the position she was in and the places she placed my hands. Then she'd ***** about it the next day as if it was my choice.

No, there are guys who are genuinely nice and care about the people they are in relationships with, and there are guys who treat girls like trash. How the girl treats the nice guy usually defines whether or not you would see him as a doormat or a man.

You know, you women have more power over guys than you really know. I guess you missed the memo on "With great power comes great responsibility." And you really dont wanna turn this into a war, cuz when I emotionally want to hurt someone, it happens, and i don't even have to try.(You had a pm a couple weeks back, is that why you're going through all this?)

[mobsterboy]

At least I'm not pretending to be a "nice girl" while acting bitter. I'm bitter and angry, and I'm also that word that rhymes with "witch." At least I'm not in denial.

denial? hehe, no. It was a big mistake to even date her, i know this now. She made herself out to be different than she really was. What i saw was this good girl with good morals that was going to a christian college. I guess its just the new trend, fakeness. And everyone seems to be in style...

**** it, i wouldn't expect you to understand anyway.

[tropical_fishy]

denial? hehe, no. It was a big mistake to even date her, i know this now. She made herself out to be different than she really was. What i saw was this good girl with good morals that was going to a christian college. I guess its just the new trend, fakeness. And everyone seems to be in style...

**** it, i wouldn't expect you to understand anyway.
You misunderstand me. When I say "nice guys" are fiction, I say so because it's true. There are guys who are nice people-- but the guys that define themselves as "nice guys" are the ones that whine about how women never go for nice guys like them, and only use them as listening ears, etc. I shall reiterate: if yuo never get laid and girls only use you as a sounding board, it's because you are a doormat. If you want a girl, be proactive. The worst that could happen is a kick in the crotch or a derisive laugh.

As far as the rest of it goes, you didn't clarify in your post about any of it.

I responded to your PM, and I didn't mean any of this as a personal attack on you. Hell, I don't care enough to attack you personally. BTW, what WAS that about, anyway?

Women have power over men? Bah. Women with nice boobs and a cute butt have power over men. There is still so much inherent sexism in our society that the bedroom is about the ONLY place women have power over men-- and sometimes not even there. All I can offer is that maybe this girl of yours felt she had certain... duties to fullfill as your girlfriend/f-buddy/significant other, and then felt bad about it. But then, I don't know your situation-- and you aren't being very specific, so I responded to what yuo wrote about.

Look, I know what it's like to think you know someone-- to have them tell you that they don't believe in something, to have them lie to your face about who they are, and what they see as right and wrong. I know what it's like to feel betrayed like that and it's a terrible, terrible feeling. It's worse when you have to pretend day to day that everything is okay because there's no alternative, or because if you say what you really think, life will be miserable for all involved.

But you're right-- I wouldn't understand.

[TheAngryDrunkenRussian]

Getting a little bit older are we monsterboy? There is a lot to learn out there about how a lot of women tick. I got in that pickle that your presently in when my 1st fiance told she cheated on me when I stationed at camp pendleton the kicker was she told me on christmas day over the phone. Stay away from the swamp donkey's trust me. And one thing I recently learned was that swamper's love money. I was sitting at my watering hole
She: "so what do you do?"
Me: "I own a business"
She: "really?" as dollar sign roll through her eyes "buy me a drink"

what I do in this sitiuation (since I've fallen to pieces over 3 of their kind already) is either end it while your ahead or see the dark side of yourself and go with it when it comes time to leave just unlock your car door and drive off. Besides I think money is more important and don't be that nice of a guy it shows that you have confidence in yourself trust me its good to be a little cocky and arrogant.

[silentdeath55]

Tropical Fishy- I hope YOU'RE not Christian (well I do hope you are, but following your line), because you took the Lords name in vain in the line before you mentioned Christianity. Not to mention the clear adulterous connotations throughout your post.

Mobsterboy- Basically what your saying is that NO relationship is going to work EVER. I think you pretty much covered every possible event in any relationship. So, if you follow your guidelines, have fun being single forever.

[slade]

haha, i actually sort of like your post mobsterboy. definately dont agree with everything, but its rather humorous. i would tear it apart with quotes and overanalization, but ive done that enough today, and ill leave it the way it is.


I call BS. It's the nature of people to compare and contrast. Critical thinking and all that. You are doing something wrong if she's looking at you and going, "yeeeahhh, the last one was better."
people will compare and contrast, and people will talk about their previous relationships... but its in general a bad idea to talk to someone youre with about a previous relationship, or bring up a previous relationship. not in all situations, but most.


In conclusion, there's no such thing as a nice guy. There are doormats, there are men, and there are... jerks. Decide which category you define yourself as. If you have to write lists like this, then doormat it is.
/lolz?


You misunderstand me. When I say "nice guys" are fiction, I say so because it's true. There are guys who are nice people-- but the guys that define themselves as "nice guys" are the ones that whine about how women never go for nice guys like them, and only use them as listening ears, etc. I shall reiterate: if yuo never get laid and girls only use you as a sounding board, it's because you are a doormat. If you want a girl, be proactive. The worst that could happen is a kick in the crotch or a derisive laugh.
ahh. i was wondering what you really meant. true, a "nice guy" can be a guy whos nice, or a guy who complains excessively. a guy who complains about being a sounding board isnt really a "nice guy".


What i saw was this good girl with good morals that was going to a christian college. I guess its just the new trend, fakeness. And everyone seems to be in style...
ahh, christian college... thats your problem right there :p

/just kidding
//has friends at christian schools


Women have power over men? Bah. Women with nice boobs and a cute butt have power over men. There is still so much inherent sexism in our society that the bedroom is about the ONLY place women have power over men-- and sometimes not even there. All I can offer is that maybe this girl of yours felt she had certain... duties to fullfill as your girlfriend/f-buddy/significant other, and then felt bad about it. But then, I don't know your situation-- and you aren't being very specific, so I responded to what yuo wrote about.
funny, a guy i work with has ranted quite a bit on how much power a woman has over a man in todays society. it really goes both ways, but i wont go into that at any length.

[tropical_fishy]

I'm not a Christian, but I don't see how that really has any bearing on this. But hey, I'm a sinner. Let he without sin cast the first stone, right?

[mobsterboy]

a) this was by no means serious
b) if you really thought it was, lolzors
c) just venting some bitterness, yeah, i'll admit it, im bitter
d) it wasnt about the bedroom. I pretty much let her set the rules about everything with some of my own standards in between and she didnt like the stuff we did even though it was her rules
e) yeah, at this point, im done being the nice guy, im done trying to care, im not compromising, but im not about to go out of my way to get another girlfriend atm.
f)russian, see that was the problem, you name a problem you've had or anyone else has had and it wasnt a problem with us. Everything was too perfect, EVERYTHING. thats what makes me so mad. I mean, ive had thousands of chances to do anythign with anyone, but i was pretty much holding out for THE GIRL. looked at it from every angle, tried to find faults, waited it off, i put like 6 months of just figuring out her, talking with others and her, it was ridiculous that it only lasted 3 weeks. Just really pissed off that i did a lot of stuff with such a whore (relationship wise, not really slut wise)

[mobsterboy]

I'm not a Christian, but I don't see how that really has any bearing on this. But hey, I'm a sinner. Let he without sin cast the first stone, right?

hey, look in the distance....JESUS is coming... :ninja: ...and he's got...A STONE IN HIS HAND!!!

I was gonna ask you about the background story from my pm question, bc he never really bothered to elaborate, even though he brought the subject up

[Miscue]

Some how this thread went wrong... closed.

BTW... you can be a nice guy and still be the man.