Should I talk to this married woman??

[RavishingEddie]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

[Steelrat]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said no ofcourse, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though :( Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath is. :) She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

Don't do it.

[CasingBill]

As a husband, I would prolly go postal on you.

[geekwarrior]

agreed you're asking for trouble, both from her husband and from her. Know if she has kids? Don't do it.

[Papa_Smurf]

walk away man, it happend to my parents, something of the like, and it screwed things up BAD. Dont do it!

[tropical_fishy]

If she's married, she's off-limits.

If she has a boyfriend, she's off-limits.

If she wants you, tell her to leave either or. If she's playing them, she'll play you when she gets tired of the novelty.

[RavishingEddie]

agreed you're asking for trouble, both from her husband and from her. Know if she has kids? Don't do it.

No, I didn't ask. I know I should but I don't know why I didn't. I do know that she teaches dance to little kids at the recreational park. All that went through my head was b00ty call, I would never take a girl like this in any other way.

[SCpoloRicker]

You're 25?? :tard:

/yeesh
//I'd stay away from women aged 25-32ish in general
///particularly married ones

[Lohman446]

For a short term relationship? Sure.. why not. For something more - yeh right. Experience tells me, if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. -

[Pacifist_Farmer]

This story reminds me of a guy I knew in college who started dating a girl cause she had a kid, and he thought that meant she put out. It gets real uncomfortable when she takes you home and the kids father is there, or a husband with a gun.

Avoid it until she can show you a death cirtificate for the husband, and then don't eat anything she cooks.

[neppo1345]

get in where you can fit in.

[slade]

i take it you are looking for a one time thing anyway, because it would be quite a bad idea to be in a relationship with a girl like that.


Experience tells me, if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.
that would also be common sense speaking, but yeah, thats the general idea.

anyway, the kant-esque moralistic response would be that no, you shouldn't do it. you would never want to be in the husband's situation, and you recognize that. its the wrong thing to do.

then again, im guessing you're thinking more along the lines of existentialism, in which case its about the consequences. could you deal with ruining someone elses marriage (which could just be going through a rough spot), with the ensuing drama that could erupt, or with the potential situation of having a man who literally wants to kill you? would you consider it worth those risks? its up to you.

personally i think you should just say to her that if she's unhappily married, she should get a divorce. then again, getting a divorce could be pretty hard and messy, and it could just be a bad point in the marriage. i dont know the specifics, so i cant say.

/if you decide to go through with it, post up your name, so i can keep an eye on CNN.

[Shirow]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

The question you should ask yourself is.. how many other guys has she been through the 'unhappily married' conversation with?

BTW her husband has herpes.

[Lohman446]

There is nothing wrong with playing wiht married women. Just... dont expect a meaningful relationship out of it.

/Is shallow
//not scared of getting butt kicked either

[SCpoloRicker]

slade: Please do not use the phrase "kant-esque moralistic response" or "existentialism" again, particularly in all lower caps, and in a thread like this.

/now, get off my lawn

[slade]

slade: Please do not use the phrase "kant-esque moralistic response" or "existentialism" again, particularly in all lower caps, and in a thread like this.

/now, get off my lawn
*tear*

/i guess i treated the shift key as a means instead of an end, eh? eh?
//its one of those jokes thats so bad its funny, right?
///okay, maybe its just bad.

[sk8dood]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

Do it. Its just a b00ty call.

[wimag]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

not a good idea. i assume you realize that seeing as you have mixed emotions about this and called out for advice.
she is playing you for a fool as well

[robnix]

No.

[Killer V]

I have done this before and 15 minutes of pleasure is not worth the following:
1. Making a trip to the VD clinic (yep, twice)
2. Having a psycho husband track your every movement for 6 months
Because when they have a fight she WILL tell it especially if she doesn't love him and wants him to leave anyway. Also if the marriage is that bad you know he checks her phone.
3. Stay away from whores(yes, she is a whore)
4. Never do anything you wouldn't want ot come back on you in 10 years after you are married(BAD KARMA)
In the end 15 minutes with the finest woman in the world is not worth any type of bullcrap at all. Been there Done that.

[grEnAlEins]

RavishingEddie, I would not do it if I were you...

[grEnAlEins]

I have done this before and 15 minutes of pleasure is not worth the following:
1. Making a trip to the VD clinic (yep, twice)
2. Having a psycho husband track your every movement for 6 months
Because when they have a fight she WILL tell it especially if she doesn't love him and wants him to leave anyway. Also if the marriage is that bad you know he checks her phone.
3. Stay away from whores(yes, she is a whore)
4. Never do anything you wouldn't want ot come back on you in 10 years after you are married(BAD KARMA)
In the end 15 minutes with the finest woman in the world is not worth any type of bullcrap at all. Been there Done that.
:rofl: Sorry to laugh at your plight, but that amused me.

[RavishingEddie]

The only reason I even bothered to think this through is because she looked so dang fine and had a nice round b00ty, but a girl like that can get any guy I guess, so I'm sure something has to give. The weird thing is that she teaches dance class at a local youth center close to my house, and is the same youth center I worked at when I was in High School. I wish I would of asked how big her husband was :(.

The closest I came was when I met a lady about the same age and she was foxy as well and had a boyfriend who was in jail for drug trafficking. It was october 04 and he was to get out december 04. I did my :dance: :dance: with her stopped talking to her November 04. But this is different because he can get me and is not behind bars :( So I am leaning to no here.

[geekwarrior]

The only reason I even bothered to think this through is because she looked so dang fine and had a nice round b00ty, but a girl like that can get any guy I guess, so I'm sure something has to give. The weird thing is that she teaches dance class at a local youth center close to my house, and is the same youth center I worked at when I was in High School. I wish I would of asked how big her husband was :(

well, my friend is having marraige problems, his wife likes to go out clubbing. He's 6 ft, about 220, just got out of the Army, was in the marines prior, and could kick you around the room. So go ahead, roll the dice....

/lakewood isnt too far from me
/ and I'm not making any of that up

[grEnAlEins]

well, my friend is having marraige problems, his wife likes to go out clubbing. He's 6 ft, about 220, just got out of the Army, was in the marines prior, and could kick you around the room. So go ahead, roll the dice....

/lakewood isnt too far from me
/ and I'm not making any of that up
and the plot thickens :p small world might be getting smaller. Thats gotta suck though, having marriage problems :( glad I don't need to worry about that for a while yet ;)

[Recon by Fire]

I would advise against hitting it with this woman, you don't need her drama in your life. Also, being unhappily married is the story she tells you. Her husband may have a different tale to tell, like the "tale of the gun".

Not worth it. :shooting:

[RavishingEddie]

well, my friend is having marraige problems, his wife likes to go out clubbing. He's 6 ft, about 220, just got out of the Army, was in the marines prior, and could kick you around the room. So go ahead, roll the dice....

/lakewood isnt too far from me
/ and I'm not making any of that up


Cool!! Does that mean you will be going to SC on the 28th? I have an Emag, what gun do you have? :cheers:

[Lohman446]

Bleh. In my experience a lot of people say they are going to kick your butt, very few do.

That being said, "love" triangles are dangerous things for a lot of reasons.

[Tunaman]

You said she was only an "8". You have your answer already. Find some fresh "10" women...and DON'T belittle yourself. Our motto back in the clubbing days was "go ugly early". The next morning is a horrible scene that finds you muttering "what the hell did I do"?! The "8"'s usually have girlfriends that are "10's". They will find you. Wait. ;) :D

[geekwarrior]

Cool!! Does that mean you will be going to SC on the 28th? I have an Emag, what gun do you have? :cheers:

I'm the one who started the thread, so I guess I better show up :bounce:

I'm shooting an Angel Gat and a ninja mag :ninja:

[RavishingEddie]

You said she was only an "8". You have your answer already. Find some fresh "10" women...and DON'T belittle yourself. Our motto back in the clubbing days was "go ugly early". The next morning is a horrible scene that finds you muttering "what the hell did I do"?! The "8"'s usually have girlfriends that are "10's". They will find you. Wait. ;) :D


You are so right Tunaman you are so right. Also I go to school and work so I only got friday and saturday to hang out with chicks or my friends. Looking at it that way, if I am booked then I might be missing on better opportunity. Wow AO is trully the best place to be ;). I was going to ask my friends but they think Smart Parts makes good guns so they pretty much lost all credibility to me.

Thank you all for the advices I really did think through each one.

[ahellers]

better yet, tell one of your friends that you met this really cool chick that is interested in him! ;) then at least you can see what would have happend. you know like a learning experience that doesnt hurt. :ninja:
t

[MagMan5446]

hey man it's allllll good.

nothin at all to feel bad about. the older ones are the better ones. it's not like her hubbys gonna find you or anything.

just give the girl what she needs....

[Altimas]

I would give you my valued relationship counselor opinion....but I need Pics first.

:clap:

[Thordic]

I've compiled 5 simple rules for your situation. The fact a girl is married or has a BF is never YOUR problem, its her problem. And his problem. But if you can get there and do your thing on the side, then its all good for you. As long as you don't expect anything more than a fun night and then dissapearing ASAP. If you follow the simple checklist below, you should know whether or not shes a Go or a NoGo.



Kids - Red Light
No Kids - Green Light

Husband bigger than you - Red Light
Husband smaller than you - Green Light

Not hot enough to be worth getting your *** kicked for - Red Light
Hot enough to be worth getting your *** kicked for - Green Light

She knows your full name, where you live, and phone number - Red Light
She knows nothing about you, and you can do her in a hotel room under a fake name - Green Light

You've gotten laid recently - Yellow Light
Havn't gotten laid in a year - Green Light

[BigEvil]

I've compiled 5 simple rules for your situation. The fact a girl is married or has a BF is never YOUR problem, its her problem. And his problem. But if you can get there and do your thing on the side, then its all good for you. As long as you don't expect anything more than a fun night and then dissapearing ASAP. If you follow the simple checklist below, you should know whether or not shes a Go or a NoGo.


Listen to Thordic, the man is wise beyond his years....

Under no circumstances should a married woman you are fooling around with have any of your personal info. Another big NO-NO, is messing around with a married woman you work with. The old saying goes; "Never get your meat where you get your bread"

[slade]

I would give you my valued relationship counselor opinion....but I need Pics first.

:clap:
but remember, she's married... you won't be able to hymenate her.

[Altimas]

This is very true... I mostly enjoy the virgins...

[slade]

This is very true... I mostly enjoy the virgins...
...with whom you can have uninhibited, socially awkward phone conversations :ninja:

[SCpoloRicker]

This is very true... I mostly enjoy the virgins...

Obviously, you're new at all this. ;)

[Pneumagger]

I say it's a Go situation.

1) Make sure she doesn't know your phone numers, name, address, hiar stylist, occupation, etc... Hell, give her a newly made gmail address if she needs to contact you.

2) Don't do **** at her house, go elsewhere... this could help you avoid any future *** beatings on your behalf.

3) This is like a one time deal man; get in, get up, get it down :dance: , get out. Like it never happened :ninja:

Once in a lifetime opportunity. You sound like a nice guy, but remember... this isn't a relationship - This is the much superior alternative to getting down with "Jill" every night. Use protection, cover your back, and :dance: :dance: :dance:

/she's "experienced", unhappy, horney, and in all probability a freak ;)

[Altimas]

I'm actually married myself to a girl I dated for 6 1/2 years but we've been having some problems lately after we moved to the Lakewood, California area... wait... WTF THAT IS MY WIFE!!!! :mad:

[geekwarrior]

....no wonder we have a 50-60% divorce rate in this country :rolleyes:

[RavishingEddie]

I'm actually married myself to a girl I dated for 6 1/2 years but we've been having some problems lately after we moved to the Lakewood, California area... wait... WTF THAT IS MY WIFE!!!! :mad:

hahhaha LOL, good try but she doesn't live in lakewood only works close to it. ;)

[Altimas]

*phew* ;)

[slade]

I say it's a Go situation.

1) Make sure she doesn't know your phone numers, name, address, hiar stylist, occupation, etc... Hell, give her a newly made gmail address if she needs to contact you.

2) Don't do **** at her house, go elsewhere... this could help you avoid any future *** beatings on your behalf.

3) This is like a one time deal man; get in, get up, get it down :dance: , get out. Like it never happened :ninja:

4) take pictures, and mail them anonymously to her husband.

[BREAD_DA_PAINTER]

a 8????

all i can say is a 2 at 10... is a 10 at 2.....lol..... :rofl:

just use it abuse it and get rid of it..... 4 f's find them, finger them, **** them, forget them..... best rule to live by....... :headbang: .....

[beam]

This thread makes me sad. :(

[Pneumagger]

It's okay beam...

I'm sure we can find you a club in Iowa to troll. :)

[maxama10]

This has to be the most morally challanged thread AO has ever seen.

[beam]

It's okay beam...

I'm sure we can find you a club in Iowa to troll. :)

I see the humor in your comment. But seriously, it's sad to see the responses.

Most people started off by saying don't do it. I'm not sure if the reasoning was principal or just a "watch your own butt" mentality.

Eventually, though, people start chiming in with their "I'd hit it" comments.

Now, I know that AO is not made up of a bunch of hypocrites so that leads me to believe that all of the "just do it" crowd really would do it.

That makes me sad.

But maybe marriage means something different to me than it does to others. :(

[Pneumagger]

Personally, I wouldn't do it in the situation I am in (engaged). I just told him to do it. You have to remember... alot of people on the internat aren't married (or old enough to be married). Alot of the paintball demographic also has teenage hormone ifested blood rushing through their you-know-what :rolleyes:

[geekwarrior]

I see the humor in your comment. But seriously, it's sad to see the responses.

Most people started off by saying don't do it. I'm not sure if the reasoning was principal or just a "watch your own butt" mentality.

Eventually, though, people start chiming in with their "I'd hit it" comments.

Now, I know that AO is not made up of a bunch of hypocrites so that leads me to believe that all of the "just do it" crowd really would do it.

That makes me sad.

But maybe marriage means something different to me than it does to others. :(

thankyou, finally someone with some morals

maybe some of you are just having fun, but think about this:

maybe the woman has a child, and you could be part of the reason for the divorce.
woohoo, you're such a pimp, you nailed a married woman...and helped to destroy the life of a child

whats the matter with you guys, can't find any single women? got to pick up the emtionally damaged and desperate? pathetic

[geekwarrior]

Personally, I wouldn't do it in the situation I am in (engaged). I just told him to do it. You have to remember... alot of people on the internat aren't married (or old enough to be married). Alot of the paintball demographic also has teenage hormone ifested blood rushing through their you-know-what :rolleyes:

so you wouldnt mind if I picked up your wife to be at her bachelorete (sp?) party? it'd just be a last fling...

[maxama10]

thankyou, finally someone with some morals

maybe some of you are just having fun, but think about this:

maybe the woman has a child, and you could be part of the reason for the divorce.
woohoo, you're such a pimp, you nailed a married woman...and helped to destroy the life of a child

whats the matter with you guys, can't find any single women? got to pick up the emtionally damaged and desperate? pathetic
:hail:

[ahellers]

I had a conversation kinda like this at work the other day.
If my wife was cheating on me I would be Pissed. Real Pissed. But I would be more pissed at Her then I would be the guy. well at least if I took the time to think about it I would. The way I see it he was just looking out for his own stuff and trying to get laid, but if the wife wanted to ruin the marrage that her choice, not her BF.
t

[TheAngryDrunkenRussian]

sry but this is like picking up chicks in the self help section of the book store. Personaly I'd leave little willie in the pants. Your in school at age 25 so your either pretty much done or on the way to a P.hD or something last thing you need is some weird VD wart on something or the crabs. Ends that scare.

Second with bad marrage in the picture I'd walk away for now. And then come back after a divorce. Don't get in the middle of it because its like "As the World Turns" all over again. so don't just leave her just avoid the subject. If she wanted you to know shes in a bad mariage its asking for trouble.

But hey you just never know. If you knew everything to life it would be boring.

[RavishingEddie]

Ok just to clear some things up. I do not have a girl friend and am single. I would never cheat on my wife and I am not hunting for married women. I went to a club to look for some fresh you know what and it pretty much ended up finding me. If I knew a woman was married I would never even walk up to her. The only reason I didn't look at her finger was because I don't expect to see married women by themselves at a club that I go to occasionally for fresh you know what.

It has been 1 year since I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years (my fault) and sex has not been as casual as I was used to. Before I broke up I felt like a king, sex was abundant like water. Now I feel like a dying peasant in the sahara. :( I do get lucky and find oasis here and there but the river is what I need. ;)

[grEnAlEins]

Before I broke up I felt like a king, sex was abundant like water. Now I feel like a dying peasant in the sahara. :( I do get lucky and find oasis here and there but the river is what I need. ;)
:spit_take Nice metaphor with the whole water theme. I got a chuckle out of it ;)

[ahellers]

:spit_take Nice metaphor with the whole water theme. I got a chuckle out of it ;)

What you need is indoor pluming
t

[MoeMag]

If she cheats on her current husband... she’s going to do it again.
Stay away from bad news...
Now if it’s just a fling, and her husband is scrawny... your call, but be careful. Cause if he is too small he might be packin for compensation.

[punkncat]

If she's married, she's off-limits. Agree

If she has a boyfriend, she's off-limits.Sorry, if its just a boyfriend there has been no vow made. There are no papers signed. Its possibly bad form, but not like married...

If she wants you, tell her to leave either or. If she's playing them, she'll play you when she gets tired of the noveltyExactly right. Consider the type of person you are dealing with. Cheat on him, cheat on you....

As a husband, I would be super pissed at my wife for cheating and leave her sorry butt. If I found out that the guy KNEW that she was married and still went through, I would hunt him down and make a lasting impression on him for certain. Like some Aligator would be chewing what little was left of him....

She is either looking for a good time at your expense, or is looking for someone to "save" her. Either way...damaged goods.

Added on EDIT- I am also glad after reading through the thread that there are SOME people still on here with good sense and a shred of morality.

[Altimas]

What you need is indoor pluming
t

Or a Pond Like Recon Built...

[Soopa Villain17]

go for it dude. if i had the chance you bet your *** id do it. youll probaly never see her again so why not ?

[Lohman446]

As a husband, I would be super pissed at my wife for cheating and leave her sorry butt. If I found out that the guy KNEW that she was married and still went through, I would hunt him down and make a lasting impression on him for certain. Like some Aligator would be chewing what little was left of him....

She is either looking for a good time at your expense, or is looking for someone to "save" her. Either way...damaged goods.

Added on EDIT- I am also glad after reading through the thread that there are SOME people still on here with good sense and a shred of morality.


Morality is not black and white.

[geekwarrior]

Morality is not black and white.

oh? I thought a ring made it pretty clean cut.

No wonder there are few women on this forum....there's such a high regard and respect for woman on here. :rolleyes:

[Lohman446]

oh? I thought a ring made it pretty clean cut.

No wonder there are few women on this forum....there's such a high regard and respect for woman on here. :rolleyes:


Whos moral responsibility is that ring? Yours or hers?

[billybob_81067]

go for it dude. if i had the chance you bet your *** id do it. youll probaly never see her again so why not ?

There's your answer... if soopa would do it you probably SHOULD NOT DO IT! :p

[geekwarrior]

Whos moral responsibility is that ring? Yours or hers?

It used to be both, but obviously you have no respect for your fellow man.

[Lohman446]

It used to be both, but obviously you have no respect for your fellow man.


I made no vows involving that woman. Nor is my intent long term interference with a relationship :p

[beam]

Whos moral responsibility is that ring? Yours or hers?

Holy friggen wow.

Next time you see someone getting mugged/raped/beatdown...don't get involved wimp.

In the words of Peggy Noonan: "Nihilism is not manly, it is the last refuge of sissies."

http://www.opinionjournal.com/columnists/pnoonan/?id=95001309

That's just sad.

[geekwarrior]

I made no vows involving that woman. Nor is my intent long term interference with a relationship :p

your 5 mins stooping his wife is long term, maybe not for you, but for there marraige it could be forever. I know if I found out my wife cheated on me, I'd never forget it. (Thankfully I don't ave to worry about that)

But thats our society I guess, everyone only thinks of themselves, and is not responsible for the actions or the consequences of their actions. I need to stop reading this thread...its depressing. :tard:

[Lohman446]

Next time you see someone getting mugged/raped/beatdown...don't get involved wimp.

.

You can't possible compare non-consensual criminal acts to acts between consenting adults that at most are a violation (not on your part) of a civil contract.

[wimag]

your 5 mins stooping his wife is long term, maybe not for you, but for there marraige it could be forever. I know if I found out my wife cheated on me, I'd never forget it. (Thankfully I don't ave to worry about that)

But thats our society I guess, everyone only thinks of themselves, and is not responsible for the actions or the consequences of their actions. I need to stop reading this thread...its depressing. :tard:


you are correct. And it is a wonder 50% of marriages fail. For all the people saying be cautious of her husband and if he is bigger than you or not, well that holds alot of merit.
I will put it this way. Three days in jail was not that bad, well worth it. :)

[Lohman446]

FYI: for those judging me... I have had my (now ex) wife cheat on me. Was it his fault or responsibility? No. It was 100% her fault and her responsibility.

[geekwarrior]

FYI: for those judging me... I have had my (now ex) wife cheat on me. Was it his fault or responsibility? No. It was 100% her fault and her responsibility.

yes, its a 100% her fault, but is there no responsibility from the guy she cheated with?! Especially if he knows she's married? Its one thing if he didnt know....

You whine and complain (with good reason) about the cheating that goes on in a paintball game, yet you have no problem sleeping with other peoples wives. Thats like the player saying, well it's the companies fault for making the board have cheater modes, I'm just using them. Or the ole arguement, its the refs fault for not seeing the hit, its not my responsibility to call out, I just play until the ref pulls me. You make a big deal about it when its just a paintball game, but whens its peoples lives, oh its no big deal. hypocrit.

Along your lines of reason, your wife coud say its your fault. Your were such a jerk, you mistreated her, were rude, couldnt please her, thats the reason she left, shes the victim. :rolleyes: no responsibility.

[Lohman446]

yes, its a 100% her fault, but is there no responsibility from the guy she cheated with?! Especially if he knows she's married? Its one thing if he didnt know....

You whine and complain (with good reason) about the cheating that goes on in a paintball game, yet you have no problem sleeping with other peoples wives. Thats like the player saying, well it's the companies fault for making the board have cheater modes, I'm just using them. Or the ole arguement, its the refs fault for not seeing the hit, its not my responsibility to call out, I just play until the ref pulls me. You make a big deal about it when its just a paintball game, but whens its peoples lives, oh its no big deal. hypocrit.

Along your lines of reason, your wife coud say its your fault. Your were such a jerk, you mistreated her, were rude, couldnt please her, thats the reason she left, shes the victim. :rolleyes: no responsibility.

When you enter the game you agree to the rules (don't enter if you don't). When you enter a marriage you agree to the ruels (don't enter if you don't). How can I be responsible for her actions? And yes, the multiple people my wife had affairs with knew.

Edit: As to the "lack of responsibility" That marriage was already "invaded" when she began a course of actions that would end with sleeping with someone.

[tropical_fishy]

As a husband, I would be super pissed at my wife for cheating and leave her sorry butt. If I found out that the guy KNEW that she was married and still went through, I would hunt him down and make a lasting impression on him for certain. Like some Aligator would be chewing what little was left of him....

She is either looking for a good time at your expense, or is looking for someone to "save" her. Either way...damaged goods.

Added on EDIT- I am also glad after reading through the thread that there are SOME people still on here with good sense and a shred of morality.


No, no, no, no, no. Just because she doesn't have a ring on her finger, that doesn't mean it's okay to hit it if she's got a boyfriend. She's in a relationship. Not cool.

Damaged goods, huh? Pffffft. You just invalidated your entire opinion.

Lohman's been cheated on-- been in a bad, even abusive, marriage. How come he isn't "damaged goods?" But to an extent, I see his point. The male getting into the relationship with the married woman is less at fault than she is. She's the one that went and got married (which seems like a bad plan all around), she's the one looking for someone to sleep with, she's the one looking for an affair, for whatever reason she's looking for said affair.

No, you shouldn't sleep with a married woman. You shouldn't sleep with a taken woman. End of story.

[beam]

Lohman...if you think that I'm judging you because I find the fact that you would sleep with a married woman despicable...then fine. So be it.

Your wife had an affair. That sucks. But why would you do the same thing to a fellow man? Because it's the bizzo's responsibility? Not yours?

The analogy of not helping someone in need because it's "not your responsibilty" is totally relevant. You know why? Because this isn't a cheating issue...it's a character issue.

And you've shown your quality. I disagree with it. I guess I'm the worst of them all...me and my judgemental ways.

[bleachit]

No, you shouldn't sleep with a married woman. You shouldn't sleep with a taken woman. End of story.


probably the only time I will ever agree with you.

[RavishingEddie]

What if I do the Bill Clinton, would I still be at fault? :confused:

[geekwarrior]

What if I do the Bill Clinton, would I still be at fault? :confused:

lol.....yes

This touches close to home because someone I know is going through this. My friend supsected his wife of cheating.

3 weeks ago I was installing a keylogger program on his wifes computer. My friend also dropped $2000 and put a GPS tracking device on his wifes vehicle. Well, he tracked her to some place and caught her coming out of a bar with some other guy. And proceeded to beat the crap out of him. They have several kids, and it kills me to see what they are going through. Me and my wife had them at our house for awhile to keep them away from all that is happening, but at some point they had to go home. Please, if you do do this, find out if she has kids, they dont need to see all this if you get caught!

[tropical_fishy]

What if I do the Bill Clinton, would I still be at fault? :confused:


You can't unsink the ship. You know she's married, you can't un-know.

If you cheat or help someone cheat, it will come back and bite you. Trust me.

[SCpoloRicker]

There's your answer... if soopa would do it you probably SHOULD NOT DO IT! :p

Thread over. :)

[Soopa Villain17]

Thread over. :)



hes waited to long anyways. shes moved on to the next dude at the club. you lost yur chance buddy sucks to be you.

[geekwarrior]

When you enter the game you agree to the rules (don't enter if you don't). When you enter a marriage you agree to the ruels (don't enter if you don't). How can I be responsible for her actions? And yes, the multiple people my wife had affairs with knew.

Edit: As to the "lack of responsibility" That marriage was already "invaded" when she began a course of actions that would end with sleeping with someone.


there are unspoken rules in relationships/life, like not sleepy with someones wife or girlfriend. I guess you missed that day in class. Other wise we have this scenario. :p

consent (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbQhzz_RWNE)

[MANN]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Nice find.

[slade]

Sorry, if its just a boyfriend there has been no vow made. There are no papers signed. Its possibly bad form, but not like married...
so the legal forms are what matters? if someone is in a relationship they are off limits. you can show interest, but you shouldn't do anything until the relationship ends. especially if youre looking for a relationship with them, as others have said.


Morality is not black and white.
true. so i guess, who am i to say?


go for it dude. if i had the chance you bet your *** id do it.
/rofl
//what happened to that girl of yours?


No wonder there are few women on this forum....there's such a high regard and respect for woman on here. :rolleyes:
could it, perchance, have anything to do with the number of women you find at the average paintball field?

honestly i would bet that AO is a fairly representative selection of men.

[billybob_81067]

No, you shouldn't sleep with a married woman. You shouldn't sleep with a taken woman. End of story.

I'm with bleachit on this one... probably one of the very very few times I'll agree with you on here. :)

[Pneumagger]

meh... do it or don't do it.

Remember, you can always have fun and think back on how you shouldn't have done something. But where's the fun in thinking back on what you could've done. If any part of you wants to do it, then you will regret moreso having not done it than having done it.

To all the people saying, "you could be responsible for the breakup of a marriage" just GTFO. I think the wife pretty much just **** all over the relationship and ended with the choices she was willing to make and attempted to make. It's not like you're trying to wedge into someones relationship that was perfectly normal and mess it up.

You owe it to everybody to do this. Especially your johnson. ;)

[slade]

Remember, you can always have fun and think back on how you shouldn't have done something. But where's the fun in thinking back on what you could've done. If any part of you wants to do it, then you will regret moreso having not done it than having done it.
true, there is that. but its not too much fun looking back on that time you got an STD or had a homicidal husband after you.

[geekwarrior]

meh... do it or don't do it.

Remember, you can always have fun and think back on how you shouldn't have done something. But where's the fun in thinking back on what you could've done. If any part of you wants to do it, then you will regret moreso having not done it than having done it.

To all the people saying, "you could be responsible for the breakup of a marriage" just GTFO. I think the wife pretty much just **** all over the relationship and ended with the choices she was willing to make and attempted to make. It's not like you're trying to wedge into someones relationship that was perfectly normal and mess it up.

You owe it to everybody to do this. Especially your johnson. ;)

try looking back when you have some psycho husband hunting you down, or you have an STD.

And its a lot harder to repair a marraige if the person has cheated on the other than person, than if they have thought about cheating on them.

and your last sentence pretty much sums up your thinking. think with your male unit and of yourself, screw the husband.

edit: slade beat me to it

[Pneumagger]

At this point in the game, it sounds like the wife doesn't want to preserve the mairrage. Plus, if she would want to preserve the marriage... just don't get caught. Probably about as easy as said too. Just don't let her know any of your personal info, besides your "A" moves of course :dance:

Also, Protection comes in many forms...
Condoms, guns, etc ... :rolleyes:

And relationships can be repaired after something like this happens.

[geekwarrior]

At this point in the game, it sounds like the wife doesn't want to preserve the mairrage. Plus, if she would want to preserve the marriage... just don't get caught. Probably about as easy as said too. Just don't let her know any of your personal info, besides your "A" moves of course :dance:

Also, Protection comes in many forms...
Condoms, guns, etc ... :rolleyes:

And relationships can be repaired after something like this happens.


lol....still the same mentality, screw the other guy. Does your wife to be know what a winner she's getting? :clap:

and getting caught is easy, read my post above about my friend who put GPS tracking on his wifes car.

[Pneumagger]

lol....still the same mentality, screw the other guy. Does your wife to be know what a winner she's getting? :clap:

and getting caught is easy, read my post above about my friend who put GPS tracking on his wifes car.

I would personally never do this to my wife or somebody husband. I simply reccomend it to him to do. If I ever did this I would be killed (and not by the husband or STD).

Now say I was single, hadn't knocked boots in awhile, not looking for a relationship... Then I would have to step back and evaluate the situation. Blessings come in many disguises ;)

[tropical_fishy]

and getting caught is easy, read my post above about my friend who put GPS tracking on his wifes car.

That's screwed up.

How would you like it if she read your emails, or your PMs, or instant messages? Or if she followed you or put a GPS on your car, etc.

Messed up, dude.

[geekwarrior]

That's screwed up.

How would you like it if she read your emails, or your PMs, or instant messages? Or if she followed you or put a GPS on your car, etc.

Messed up, dude.

I wasnt reading her stuff, I just installed the program for him and showed him how to use it. After that I had no access to the computer. I didnt look at a single email/message. Neither did I put the GPS on the car, or help in tracking her.

Do you mean its screwed up to do that to your wife if you have very good reason to believe she's cheating on you?

[slade]

That's screwed up.

How would you like it if she read your emails, or your PMs, or instant messages? Or if she followed you or put a GPS on your car, etc.

Messed up, dude.
umm, what?

being suspicious can be reasonable, especially considering that they found out that she WAS cheating on him.

the only thing wrong with being suspicious is that it means he lacks trust in her, but hey, if she isnt trustworthy...

[geekwarrior]

umm, what?

being suspicious can be reasonable, especially considering that they found out that she WAS cheating on him. the only thing wrong with being suspicious is that it means he lacks trust, but hey, if she isnt trustworthy...

that and she cheated on him before, and he took her back for the kids sakes.....

she was chatting online all the time, was erasing her call log on her cellphone, and would say she was going somewhere, and he would later find out she hadnt gone there and wouldnt tell him were she went.

The reason I helped him install the program is because she was set as admin and he couldnt install the program without her password, so I found a way to bypass the admin rights through the guest/limited account.

[tropical_fishy]

I wasnt reading her stuff, I just installed the program for him and showed him how to use it. After that I had no access to the computer. I didnt look at a single email/message. Neither did I put the GPS on the car, or help in tracking her.

Do you mean its screwed up to do that to your wife if you have very good reason to believe she's cheating on you?


I think it's screwed up for anyone in a relationship to invade the other's privacy. I've had it done to me and I've done it, and it's not right, even if you suspect the person is cheating. In my case I found out that the person WAS cheating, but I should have just asked-- I should have trusted my gut and not snooped through his emails and such. And honestly, why on earth are you IN a relationship if you can't trust the other person?

Being suspicious is reasonable, but I don't think an invasion of privacy is ever warranted. Speaking from experience.

ETA: "for the kid's sakes" is a bad cop-out. There's no reason for a person to stay in an unhappy relationship-- when you have kids you do not forfeit your right to happiness. If you're unhappy in a marriage, you have every right to end it, with or without children.

[geekwarrior]

I think it's screwed up for anyone in a relationship to invade the other's privacy. I've had it done to me and I've done it, and it's not right, even if you suspect the person is cheating. In my case I found out that the person WAS cheating, but I should have just asked-- I should have trusted my gut and not snooped through his emails and such. And honestly, why on earth are you IN a relationship if you can't trust the other person?

Being suspicious is reasonable, but I don't think an invasion of privacy is ever warranted. Speaking from experience.


he did confront her several times, and she just lied about it. I think the fact that she was cheating trumps the invasion of privacy.

I can see if your dating, thats a little different. But if your married and your honest in a relationship, what does it matter, you should have nothing to hide?

[tropical_fishy]

he did confront her several times, and she just lied about it. I think the fact that she was cheating trumps the invasion of privacy.

I can see if your dating, thats a little different. But if your married and your honest in a relationship, what does it matter, you should have nothing to hide?


Even if I have nothing to hide... even WHEN I have nothing to hide, I consider an invasion of privacy unwarranted and unnecessary, let alone the fact that it's a HUGE sign of disrespect for the other party. For example: having to speak or write in another language so that your significant other can't understand, because you want to have some thoughts that he or she isn't privy to.

If he has evidence like he did/does, that's when he just has to step up and say, "you're either cheating on me or doing something that you know I'll dislike immensely. So this is it-- either come clean, or get out."

This is getting really off-topic.

[SlartyBartFast]

If you're unhappy in a marriage, you have every right to end it, with or without children.

While marriage CAN be happy and joyful, hapiness is NOT what it's all about.

It's about responsibility. And what's responsibility? It's putting the rights of others first. The love of, and resposibility to children is what should come FIRST in a family.

Too many self centered idiots who won't live up to their commitments and are thinking only of themselves is what makes the divorcerate what it is.

Any relationship is give and take. Is there a line over which the relationship is unrecoverable? Sure. But the above quote is too general. Until the relationship involves abuse, some effort should be made to respect the commitments taken.

BTW, if you cheat with a married person, you mock the sanctity of mariage. And by doing so make a mockery of your own marriage vows in the future.

[slade]

she was chatting online all the time, was erasing her call log on her cellphone, and would say she was going somewhere, and he would later find out she hadnt gone there and wouldnt tell him were she went.
sheesh, and that wasnt enough proof?


The reason I helped him install the program is because she was set as admin and he couldnt install the program without her password, so I found a way to bypass the admin rights through the guest/limited account.
...you have to show me how to do that. :ninja:


While marriage CAN be happy and joyful, hapiness is NOT what it's all about.

It's about responsibility. And what's responsibility? It's putting the rights of others first. The love of, and resposibility to children is what should come FIRST in a family.

Too many self centered idiots who won't live up to their commitments and are thinking only of themselves is what makes the divorcerate what it is.

Any relationship is give and take. Is there a line over which the relationship is unrecoverable? Sure. But the above quote is too general. Until the relationship involves abuse, some effort should be made to respect the commitments taken.
personally, id say its better for a child to grow up with divorced parents than with parents who are constantly fighting, in an unhappy relationship, and cheating on each other. but thats just me.

[MicroMiniMe]

There's your answer... if soopa would do it you probably SHOULD NOT DO IT! :p



Thread over. :)

AOs unique form of Godwin?
:argh:

[SlartyBartFast]

personally, id say its better for a child to grow up with divorced parents than with parents who are constantly fighting, in an unhappy relationship, and cheating on each other. but thats just me.

Well, that's where the shades of gray come in. Far too many people have a very limited tolerance for "unhappy".

Fighting and toxic environments should not be forced on kids, I agree.

[tropical_fishy]

While marriage CAN be happy and joyful, hapiness is NOT what it's all about.

It's about responsibility. And what's responsibility? It's putting the rights of others first. The love of, and resposibility to children is what should come FIRST in a family.

Too many self centered idiots who won't live up to their commitments and are thinking only of themselves is what makes the divorcerate what it is.

Any relationship is give and take. Is there a line over which the relationship is unrecoverable? Sure. But the above quote is too general. Until the relationship involves abuse, some effort should be made to respect the commitments taken.

BTW, if you cheat with a married person, you mock the sanctity of mariage. And by doing so make a mockery of your own marriage vows in the future.

I disagree. When you enter into a relationship, marriage or no, you, as a human, deserve to be happy. I don't mean all the time, but if you wake up every morning unhappy and go to bed every night unhappy, there is NO reason you should have to stay in that marriage. How can you be a good parent if you can't make yourself happy? How can you provide the emotional support and attention your children need when you're depressed and unhappy? There is no need for an adult to continuously be unhappy just for the kid's sake.


You can love your children and yourself. When/if I have kids, I'll love them to death. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I adore children. That doesn't mean I'll give up what makes me ME for them, because that would be cheating them out of a mother they could have had. If I allow myself to stay in an unhappy relationship "for their sakes" they are losing out on a mother who would otherwise be happy, attentive, and loving.

[geekwarrior]

this is turing into a Ann Landers column :p

[tropical_fishy]

this is turing into a Ann Landers column :p

My shrink says I need to start letting out my aggression and anger in positive ways.

Thus far I have not condemned the entire male population to death; it's a good day.

[SlartyBartFast]

I disagree. When you enter into a relationship, marriage or no, you, as a human, deserve to be happy.

Define "happy". You can't. It all depends on circumstance and the source of your unhappiness.

If you are unhappy, there is only ONE honourable way to behave. And that's discussion with your partner.

I'm unsubbing. This IS too much like Ann Landers....

[geekwarrior]

My shrink says I need to start letting out my aggression and anger in positive ways.

Thus far I have not condemned the entire male population to death; it's a good day.

:clap: congrats...we're not all evil, although we can all be jerks at times


...but I'm suprised this thread hasnt pissed you off though, with all the screw her and leave her votes(and I guess the invasion of privacy thing) ....its kinda upset me, but I guess its just the internet

[tropical_fishy]

:clap: congrats...we're not all evil, although we can all be jerks at times


...but I'm suprised this thread hasnt pissed you off though, with all the screw her and leave her votes(and I guess the invasion of privacy thing) ....its kinda upset me, but I guess its just the internet

I amuse myself with the thought that most of the guys in this thread aren't getting laid, and the ones that are are either married (which is a punishment in and of itself) or going to get laid by the kind of women I hate (which is kind of awesome all around).

[slade]

Well, that's where the shades of gray come in. Far too many people have a very limited tolerance for "unhappy".

Fighting and toxic environments should not be forced on kids, I agree.
hey look at that, it would appear that we can agree on something!


My shrink says I need to start letting out my aggression and anger in positive ways.

Thus far I have not condemned the entire male population to death; it's a good day.
when did you see your shrink? you were condemning the entire male population for quite a while there.

[geekwarrior]

I amuse myself with the thought that most of the guys in this thread aren't getting laid, and the ones that are are either married (which is a punishment in and of itself) or going to get laid by the kind of women I hate (which is kind of awesome all around).

i'm sorry that your bad experiences have made you have such a negative view of marraige. :cry:

I havent been married too long, (4 yrs) but so far it has been the best decision I have made in my life, and has given me so much more meaning and enjoyment in life. I hope someday you can experience the same.

[SCpoloRicker]

Gents, don't get married, don't have kids. Problem(s) solved.

/gets laid plenty
//'cos I'm so suave and sophisticated ;)
///pokes tropical_fishy with a misogynist stick

[Lohman446]

lol....still the same mentality, screw the other guy. Does your wife to be know what a winner she's getting? :clap:

and getting caught is easy, read my post above about my friend who put GPS tracking on his wifes car.


Yeh... there relationship was just peachy before that.

Look, if the relationship is problematic that the woman is cheating (and remember, women often view sex far differently than men, it is an emotional act) there is already something far wrong. If there is so little trust that GPS and other forms of tracking (reading E-mails, etc.) the relationship has far more serious problems. The overt act is not the underlying problem, just an easy place to put blame

[Lohman446]

While marriage CAN be happy and joyful, hapiness is NOT what it's all about.

It's about responsibility. And what's responsibility? It's putting the rights of others first. The love of, and resposibility to children is what should come FIRST in a family.

Too many self centered idiots who won't live up to their commitments and are thinking only of themselves is what makes the divorcerate what it is.

I call BS on this. This is said too often by people who have not been there. I agree, a happy, stable household with both natural parents is the ideal situation for children.

Notice the qualifiers. Happy and stable. An unhappy and unstable environment is exceptionally harmful for children. I am very certain my child is much better off by the fact I am divorced from my (legally) nuts ex wife and provide her with a much better home than she had with her mother living here.

[billybob_81067]

SNIP the ones that are are either married (which is a punishment in and of itself) /SNIP


I disagree. When you enter into a relationship, marriage or no, you, as a human, deserve to be happy.

So when marriage is a punishment in and of itself, then how can you possibly be happy???


:D

[tropical_fishy]

So when marriage is a punishment in and of itself, then how can you possibly be happy???


:D


You're married, you answer that question.

[Steelrat]

Gents, don't get married, don't have kids. Problem(s) solved.

/gets laid plenty
//'cos I'm so suave and sophisticated ;)
///pokes tropical_fishy with a misogynist stick

The standards in San Francisco must have gone down since I left. Unless you are getting your action at the Squat & Gobble.

[beam]

To anyone reading this thread who is too young to be married, thinking about getting married in the future, etc. Don't listen to half the posters on this thread.

Just because your marriages failed for some reason or another, you want to give everyone else out there the impression that they will follow suit...and that is a lie.

Many marriages are very successful. It is possible to be married and happy.

It is very egotistical to think that just because it didn't work for you, it won't work for anybody.

Another thing, If your marriage does suck, it can get better. That is a fact. It has been done. It's called reconciliation and I've seen it happen in marriages that should have gone to the crapper and back.

Bottom line, anyone who has gone throught the extreme pain of a failed marriage has my sympathy, but the moment you try to sabotage someone else's marriage or potential marriage....it's on.

I take you Heather to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part. ;)

[ahellers]

does any one else think this thread is unreasonably long? :ninja:
oh and after reading this thread i will never be able to look at this guy :dance: the same :(
t

[PyRo]

I don't know how everyone is makeing these calls without pictures.


Oh, and if I were her husband and found out I would grab the nearest blunt object and kill you.

[ahellers]

heres whats gona happen.
hes gona post pics for us to take into account for our opinions. then one of the people that said to go for it is gona realize it there wife.
then posters gona get his *** kicked.
t

[TheAngryDrunkenRussian]

love them leave them your just goin gto end up with a handful of sand.

[Lohman446]

To anyone reading this thread who is too young to be married, thinking about getting married in the future, etc. Don't listen to half the posters on this thread.

Just because your marriages failed for some reason or another, you want to give everyone else out there the impression that they will follow suit...and that is a lie.

Many marriages are very successful. It is possible to be married and happy.

It is very egotistical to think that just because it didn't work for you, it won't work for anybody.

Another thing, If your marriage does suck, it can get better. That is a fact. It has been done. It's called reconciliation and I've seen it happen in marriages that should have gone to the crapper and back.

Bottom line, anyone who has gone throught the extreme pain of a failed marriage has my sympathy, but the moment you try to sabotage someone else's marriage or potential marriage....it's on.

I take you Heather to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part. ;)

"OMG... you slept with my wife, you sabotaged my marriage" is what I hear there. Many marriages are successful and a good and healthy relationship. However, the one where the wife is out clubbing, trying to pick up men - is probably not one of them. I am not advocated hunting married women at soccer games and trying to seduce them from a position where they were not looking for it in the first place. This is an entirely different situation. If the woman is out in the club actively looking for men (as the original poster indicates) sleeping with her is an act, it is surely not the single act in the destruction of a marriage. Sorry, no go there.

There is a big difference in "picking someone up" in a club and the long term seduction of a married woman from a stable marriage.

[Head knight of Ni]

"OMG... you slept with my wife, you sabotaged my marriage" is what I hear there. Many marriages are successful and a good and healthy relationship. However, the one where the wife is out clubbing, trying to pick up men - is probably not one of them. I am not advocated hunting married women at soccer games and trying to seduce them from a position where they were not looking for it in the first place. This is an entirely different situation. If the woman is out in the club actively looking for men (as the original poster indicates) sleeping with her is an act, it is surely not the single act in the destruction of a marriage. Sorry, no go there.

There is a big difference in "picking someone up" in a club and the long term seduction of a married woman from a stable marriage.

It's still morally wrong. You don't park your car in another man's garage because the door was open. The other guy is the one who invested in the garage, supported the garage, and trusts/trusted his garage/neighbours. There is also the distinct possibility that the other guy owns a gun.

I apologize for the apparent chauvenism in my above analogy. If I were married and my wife cheated on me. I would drop her :cuss: ASAP and make sure the bastard who kowingly slept with my wife could never do such a thing again, via some un-neccessary amputations.

/I can't stand the idea of cheating/being cheated on.
//Murder would seem quite acceptable.

[Gitaroo Man]

TTIWWOP

[Lohman446]

It's still morally wrong. You don't park your car in another man's garage because the door was open. The other guy is the one who invested in the garage, supported the garage, and trusts/trusted his garage/neighbours. There is also the distinct possibility that the other guy owns a gun.

I apologize for the apparent chauvenism in my above analogy. If I were married and my wife cheated on me. I would drop her :cuss: ASAP and make sure the bastard who kowingly slept with my wife could never do such a thing again, via some un-neccessary amputations.

/I can't stand the idea of cheating/being cheated on.
//Murder would seem quite acceptable.

From experience I'm going to tell you that its highly unlikely. Been there, on both sides. Yes, I said very similiar things (though they involved a gun). Just not real in the end.

Wife, not property :) I realize you acknowledge the chauvenism of your your analogy. That being said I am surprised at the amount of "morally right" people who almost seem to look at that ring as being a sign of slavery.

Again, making a large distinction between "picking up" at a club and some long term seduction.

[tropical_fishy]

It's still morally wrong. You don't park your car in another man's garage because the door was open. The other guy is the one who invested in the garage, supported the garage, and trusts/trusted his garage/neighbours. There is also the distinct possibility that the other guy owns a gun.

I apologize for the apparent chauvenism in my above analogy. If I were married and my wife cheated on me. I would drop her :cuss: ASAP and make sure the bastard who kowingly slept with my wife could never do such a thing again, via some un-neccessary amputations.

/I can't stand the idea of cheating/being cheated on.
//Murder would seem quite acceptable.

There's nothing "apparent" about your chauvenism.

It's just downright disgusting.

You have every right to drop a cheater. You do not have any right to own a woman. She is not a garage for your penis. She is a human being. You also have no right to perpetrate violence against anyone who cheated with your wife. Trust me, I know the feeling, but that doesn't make it okay to go out and castrate men (or women) who your wife chooses to be with. Because as screwed up as it is, she's ALLOWED to not want to be with you anymore. She's ALLOWED to do so, and shouldn't fear for her safety or the safety of others if, for some reason, she does leave you.

I have a hard time fathoming where this mindset comes from.

[geekwarrior]

so if it was your friends wife, would you do it?

is you say yes, you are a jerk

if you say no, than there's your answer. just cause you don't know the husband doesnt make you any less of a jerk.

[Lohman446]

so if it was your friends wife, would you do it?

is you say yes, you are a jerk

if you say no, than there's your answer. just cause you don't know the husband doesnt make you any less of a jerk.

Yes it does. It can be argued I have a moral responsibility to that friendship.

FYI "I have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed" is out of the Lutheran catechism. The wife's consideration of cheating is just as bad as actually doing it by my moral standards.

[geekwarrior]

Yes it does. It can be argued I have a moral responsibility to that friendship.

FYI "I have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed" is out of the Lutheran catechism. The wife's consideration of cheating is just as bad as actually doing it by my moral standards.

Yes, I am aware of that, but since I know alot of people don't believe in God or the Bible, I didnt think there was any point in bringing it up. And there is no disputing the wife is in the wrong. If you want to bring up the Bible or catechism about this point, you will lose your arguement, I dont think the teachings of the Bible would advocate this.

And to use your previous arguement against you, you never signed a form with your friend saying you wouldnt cheat with his wife, so its all good.

[Lohman446]

Yes, I am aware of that, but since I know alot of people don't believe in God or the Bible, I didnt think there was any point in bringing it up. And there is no disputing the wife is in the wrong. If you want to bring up the Bible or catechism about this point, you will lose your arguement, I dont think the teachings of the Bible would advocate this.

And to use your previous arguement against you, you never signed a form with your friend saying you wouldnt cheat with his wife, so its all good.


My previous argument was morality is not black and white. It was also that you have no obligation to the husband in the circumstance given (and it was assumed he did not know him). You have certain moral obligations to your friends, and not sleeping with his wife may be one of them. Depends who you are. I was just getting sick of the "its ok as long as she didnt do it" theory.

[geekwarrior]

My previous argument was morality is not black and white. It was also that you have no obligation to the husband in the circumstance given (and it was assumed he did not know him). You have certain moral obligations to your friends, and not sleeping with his wife may be one of them. Depends who you are. I was just getting sick of the "its ok as long as she didnt do it" theory.

I still think it's going against your fellow man, but if you don't have a problem with that, oh well I guess. It certainly has been interesting hearing the arguements on here, but maybe its time to let this thread die. :cheers:

[Lohman446]

I still think it's going against your fellow man, but if you don't have a problem with that, oh well I guess. It certainly has been interesting hearing the arguements on here, but maybe its time to let this thread die. :cheers:


I argue for the sake of arguing, I like to :). Factually, I have far less interest in a short term relationship than I had ten years ago, and would probably pass on this particular set of circumstances. And, since I have noted such circumstances are not good for long term... well you get the drift

[Pneumagger]

The poster knows it's not right to pound this tied down broad. She want's it, he want it, period. I think his primary concern in posting was to get other opinions about it.

Ya'll need to watch more "Sex in the City" and less "Jerry Springer" ;)

also:

She is not a garage for your penis.
This need needs discussed in a separate thread with a poll

[geekwarrior]

The poster knows it's not right to pound this tied down broad. She want's it, he want it, period. I think his primary concern in posting was to get other opinions about it.

Ya'll need to watch more "Sex in the City" and less "Jerry Springer" ;)

also:

This need needs discussed in a separate thread with a poll

:rofl:


you know, we all made a mistake in assuming she was going to put out. But the fact that they didnt "git down" the first night kinda sounds like she's looking for someone to talk to too. :ninja:

[PumpPlayer]

:rofl: "Penis garage" is awesome! I'll vote for that.


Back to reality...

I've avoided this thread until now but like bad daytime TV, you need to take a peek every once in a while just to see what you're missing. Note that I have actually done it due justice by reading the thing and I'll try not to simply repeat other posts.

I think SBF has it pretty close.


First of all, morality IS black and white. At least in so far as right and wrong can be defined within a given situation. Killing is an absolute wrong but I think we can all agree that within some situations, it can be justified. (hint: anger that your wife cheated on you is not one of them)

Sexual promiscuity is hardly on the same level as murder and I'm not trying to suggest that it is, although there is still a very clear-cut guideline for right and wrong. It is wrong to have sex with anyone you're not married to. Done. Sure, I'll accept that other people don't believe that pre-/extra-marital sex is immoral. However, that doesn't mean that I think morality is strictly relative. My morality applies to everyone and I'm not going to excuse an action simply because someone else doesn't believe that it's wrong. I'm not perfect myself by any means, but I'm not going to fudge morality just because someone else doesn't think as I do. Of course, I'm not going to go around condemning people - that's stupid and hypocritical.

I will, however, present my opinion when asked. PF asked what we think he should do. My opinion is that he shouldn't mess around with married women.


Secondly, there is some truth in that, at least in America, sexual promiscuity isn't criminal so long as it occurs between consenting adults of legal age, married or no. However, it is a civil grievance and is recognized as a mitigating/aggrivating factor for most proceedings. One should be careful not to put themselves in a legally vulnerable position. From a legal perspective, it's much better to divorce/separate with a clean record than one where the other party has evidence of sexual infidelity.


Thirdly, speaking of evidence of infidelity, it's not wrong to collect it. I will grant you that it is less than honest and certainly not ideal behavior to spy on one's spouse. However, when you're faced with such a problem (especially as a male, given that legal decisions statisticaly favor women), the personal danger of being unprepared outweighs a right to "privacy".

Now I use the word "privacy" in quotations because you stil need to abide by the regulations for lawful search. If you snap some pictures of two people walking through a park together, for example, that's acceptable as they were in public. Spying inside another residence or tracking a private vehicle or computer is out, though. Green light if you can prove partial or full ownership, though.

If you suspect that your wife is cheating on you, the first thing you should do is go to a lawyer and follow their instructions as far as you feel comfortable with them. From a strictly legal point of view, that is.


Lastly, regarding advice to the unmarried...
As for me, I'm 23 and engaged to a girl I've been dating for over 7 years. I love her very much and I look forward to getting married next year. We have not had sex yet, in case anyone is really all that interested, not that it's anyone's business. I generally don't mention anything regarding sexuality but in the context of this discussion, I feel it is warranted.

Suffice to say I know, work with, have met, etc. some very "salty" people in my short time on Earth. Many of them have given me the "don't get married" speech part out of genuine concern for me and part out of personal therapy and validation for them.

I think it's total BS. There is a reason marriage exists and even outside the realm of religious influence, that reason is pure. Perhaps you feel that I'm naive, but 'true love' does exist. Not that it's the fairy-tale version of "happiness for ever after", but true, honest, selfless love does indeed exist. I certainly agree that far too many people think that a loving relationship means that both parties should be "happy". Happiness isn't really the issue - love is.


If this woman is out clubbing with the intent of cheating on her husband, then there is clearly something wrong with their relationship, as so many others have pointed out. However, IMHO, that's none of your concern and you would do best to refuse to be a party to it and simply walk away. I feel that it's immoral to have sex with a married woman and I don't mind saying so, but it's only an honest suggestion and nothing more.



Of course, if you're just looking to get your rocks off and you don't care... well, whatever then.

[bleachit]

She's ALLOWED to do so

there is a RING and a marriage CONTRACT that says otherwise.

if she doesnt WANT to be there then she SHOULD get a DIVORCE.

[geekwarrior]

Pumpplayer- just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your response.

That is all.

[Lohman446]

I am going to reiterate a very general point. For a man to cheat means far less than a women cheating. As a general rule women are much more emotionally invested in the sexual act than men. Both are wrong I'm not defending one over the other.

And there may be some truth. Is "do you mind talking to a married woman" a hint that I'm married and not going home with you, if its all about sex find someone else? Someone may be looking far to shallowly into the conversation.

[Pneumagger]

seconded, good post pumpplayer

[SCpoloRicker]

I slept with a married woman last night. I feel bad. (was late to work)

/Lykis 101
//ladder theory
///lol@ pump player

[geekwarrior]

I slept with a married woman last night. I feel bad. (was late to work)

/Lykis 101
//ladder theory
///lol@ pump player

so did I. and she cooked me breakfast.

/lol@those who have to go looking for sex

[SCpoloRicker]

so did I. and she cooked me breakfast.

/lol@those who have to go looking for sex

Uh, you missed a step in there.

/not married

[geekwarrior]

Uh, you missed a step in there.

/not married

no, I got it. But i think you missed the step, the whole " do you ricker..." :p

and nice you slept with a married women. was that before or after her husband....

/lol @ sloppy seconds

[slade]

First of all, morality IS black and white. At least in so far as right and wrong can be defined within a given situation. Killing is an absolute wrong but I think we can all agree that within some situations, it can be justified. (hint: anger that your wife cheated on you is not one of them)

Sexual promiscuity is hardly on the same level as murder and I'm not trying to suggest that it is, although there is still a very clear-cut guideline for right and wrong. It is wrong to have sex with anyone you're not married to. Done. Sure, I'll accept that other people don't believe that pre-/extra-marital sex is immoral. However, that doesn't mean that I think morality is strictly relative. My morality applies to everyone and I'm not going to excuse an action simply because someone else doesn't believe that it's wrong. I'm not perfect myself by any means, but I'm not going to fudge morality just because someone else doesn't think as I do. Of course, I'm not going to go around condemning people - that's stupid and hypocritical.
why is there a clear-cut guidline? who created that guidline? why is it "wrong" to have sex with anyone you aren't married to?


I think it's total BS. There is a reason marriage exists and even outside the realm of religious influence, that reason is pure. Perhaps you feel that I'm naive, but 'true love' does exist. Not that it's the fairy-tale version of "happiness for ever after", but true, honest, selfless love does indeed exist. I certainly agree that far too many people think that a loving relationship means that both parties should be "happy". Happiness isn't really the issue - love is.
so is there only one perfect person or "soul mate", or are there multiple people someone could be in "true love" with?

[billybob_81067]

there is a RING and a marriage CONTRACT that says otherwise.

if she doesnt WANT to be there then she SHOULD get a DIVORCE.

You know I was just about to post that exact same response to Tropical Fishy's post and when I scrolled down lo and behold you had already done it for me! :clap:

If that woman is truly that unhappy she should get a divorce BEFORE screwing around.... not after.

[PumpPlayer]

Slade,

I don't mind defending my ethical ideals but rather than get deeply into a religious and moral discussion in order to do so (which would just unnecessarily clutter the already huge thread), suffice to say that the moral guidelines I subscribe to are the product of a wealth of theological information and historical precedent combined with a personal belief in their accuracy. I believe that everyone knows right from wrong regardless of what they are taught but that through experiences, we can support or break down that which we "know" naturally.

In short, I believe that it is so and I believe that my morality is not subjective - it applies to everyone. I wouldn't dare berate my sex-having friends for their actions as that's just stupid. I don't particularly approve of it but it's not my job to judge. I'm far from perfect myself, even within the context of sexuality. As to why I believe that it is wrong to have pre-/extra-marital sex?

Simply put, sex is, at an ideal level at least, a key component to a loving, permanent ('till death, anyhow) relationship which serves to deepen that love and to procreate. Anything less than that is less than ideal. Is less-than-ideal sex wrong in terms of the burn-in-hell type thing? I don't really think so, but I'm sure some people might. I do think it is wrong, though, and I'm not going to try and justify my own or someone else's actions by lowering the standards.



As to whether there is one perfect "soul mate" for everyone or not... I don't think there is. It wouldn't make sense if there were. Not only do remarried widows/widowers strike that one right down, the fact that people change to a certainly does. I know I am not the same person I was when I was 13 and I seriously doubt I'll be the same person I am now at 33. Sure, some things remain the same but by and large, people change as their experiences change.

In light of that, I don't think that it makes sense that there would be one and only one "soul mate" for every person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there's no "perfect" mate for anyone at all. Couples are always going to have minor grievances with each other, no matter how "compatible" they are.

~Side note, compatibility in a relationship is BS. I don't care what eHarmony says, a good relationship is about shared love and commitment, not whether you both like the same flavor of ice cream.~

The vital thing is that they realize that the love and commitment is more important than whatever the problem du jour happens to be. It's foolish to assume that a problemless relationship can be expected, is proper or common, that it necessarily provides hapiness to each party or that current problemlessness is a sign of a healthy relationship.

Sh*t happens, deal with it. Deal with it together, but deal with it. Be willing to compromise.
And you know what the crazy thing is? None of that has to do with sex.




And there I go typing too much again... :rolleyes:

[RavishingEddie]

AHHHH :eek: I created a monster! All I wanted was simple advice :spit_take

[-Tab]

Trust me, I know the feeling, but that doesn't make it okay to go out and castrate men (or women) who your wife chooses to be with. Because as screwed up as it is, she's ALLOWED to not want to be with you anymore. She's ALLOWED to do so, and shouldn't fear for her safety or the safety of others if, for some reason, she does leave you.

I have a hard time fathoming where this mindset comes from.

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.

[Lohman446]

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.


They are contractual obligations at most under the legal system. They do not excuse behavior on a man's part that makes someone feel physically unsafe in doing anything that is not a direct and imminent physical threat. I don't care what someone does (short of a threat of imminent serious bodily harm, kidnapping, or rape) there is no excuse to take physical action against them. "OMG if you touched my wife I'd killed you cause I'm so much more moral" is perhaps the peak of hypocrisy.

[-Tab]

They are contractual obligations at most under the legal system. They do not excuse behavior on a man's part that makes someone feel physically unsafe in doing anything that is not a direct and imminent physical threat. I don't care what someone does (short of a threat of imminent serious bodily harm, kidnapping, or rape) there is no excuse to take physical action against them. "OMG if you touched my wife I'd killed you cause I'm so much more moral" is perhaps the peak of hypocrisy.


The legal system can call them contractual obligations all they want, but marriage is a promise. There may not be an excuse (even though, I believe there is) to take physical action against them, but there is absolutely no excuse for cheating on your husband or wife. Being unhappily married has got to quite possibly be one of the crappiest things in the world, but I don't believe that justifies cheating. I also dislike divorce, but I'd much rather divorce my wife then have her cheat on me. I guess it's the lesser of two evils here.
I will agree with you on the physical action aspect. It doesn't need to happen, but nothing needs to happen to provoke it, either.

I understand I have a huge lack of knowledge when it comes to this stuff as I'm only a teenager and have hardly thought of marriage, but I hate cheating. Very few things make me as angry than even the mere thought of cheating.

[tropical_fishy]

Ya know, I almost felt badly for you because of your relationships, but not so much anymore.
Does a ring mean anything to you? Do wedding vows mean anything to you? Does a wedding mean anything to you?


I have a hard time fathoming where your mindset comes from.
You really disgusted me with that post, and I'm not even married.


Let me clarify: I don't condone cheating. But I also don't like the idea that a person should be bound to someone if they're unhappy. I'll be honest... if a wife is in an abusive marriage, and cheating on her abusive husband empowers her, I don't have an issue, regardless of wedding vows. That's more what I was thinking of when I was writing the post... if a guy (or a woman, but I'll generalize and say most of the time it's the man abusing the woman) is abusing his wife, he's breaking his wedding vows... even voiding them.

Do I think you should end a marriage or relationship before cheating? Yes. Of COURSE. Cheating and being cheated on sucks monkey balls. Do wedding vows mean anything to me? No, not really. I'm not a big fan of marriage. But I do respect other people's marriages.

Lastly: I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me about my relationships. You don't know his side of the story, nor do you know the circumstances surrounding the cheating. I could be at fault-- you don't know. I just add in my personal experience so you know where i'm coming from.

[-Tab]

Let me clarify: I don't condone cheating. But I also don't like the idea that a person should be bound to someone if they're unhappy. I'll be honest... if a wife is in an abusive marriage, and cheating on her abusive husband empowers her, I don't have an issue, regardless of wedding vows. That's more what I was thinking of when I was writing the post... if a guy (or a woman, but I'll generalize and say most of the time it's the man abusing the woman) is abusing his wife, he's breaking his wedding vows... even voiding them.

Do I think you should end a marriage or relationship before cheating? Yes. Of COURSE. Cheating and being cheated on sucks monkey balls. Do wedding vows mean anything to me? No, not really. I'm not a big fan of marriage. But I do respect other people's marriages.

Lastly: I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me about my relationships. You don't know his side of the story, nor do you know the circumstances surrounding the cheating. I could be at fault-- you don't know. I just add in my personal experience so you know where i'm coming from.


I totally agree on the abusive part. If I had an abusive husband, I wouldn't have any problem breaking my wedding vows.
What I got our of your post was "cheating is OK, and I will even support it."
Obviously, that's not what you were saying. My apologies.
For me, wedding vows and a ring would mean everything. But who knows? Maybe my view of marriage will coincide with yours someday. I'm sorry you had to be that unlucky one.


I also realize you're not asking me to feel sorry for you. From being "around" you on the forums, I know you're not one of those people, thank God. But I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out, and I can understand why you have the outlook you do have on marriage. I also hope that maybe you'll find someone else to give it a second shot at and change your view.

[tropical_fishy]

I totally agree on the abusive part. If I had an abusive husband, I wouldn't have any problem breaking my wedding vows.
What I got our of your post was "cheating is OK, and I will even support it."
Obviously, that's not what you were saying. My apologies.
For me, wedding vows and a ring would mean everything. But who knows? Maybe my view of marriage will coincide with yours someday. I'm sorry you had to be that unlucky one.


I also realize you're not asking me to feel sorry for you. From being "around" you on the forums, I know you're not one of those people, thank God. But I am sorry that your marriage didn't work out, and I can understand why you have the outlook you do have on marriage. I also hope that maybe you'll find someone else to give it a second shot at and change your view.


LOL. I'm ALMOST 19. And not ANYWHERE near married.

[billybob_81067]

LOL. I'm ALMOST 19. And not ANYWHERE near married.

I got married when I was 19! :)

[tropical_fishy]

I got married when I was 19! :)

Yeah, I can't even imagine going anywhere near marriage for the next 10+ years. It blows my mind when I hear about people getting married so young.

[IronCore]

The only reason I even bothered to think this through is because she looked so dang fine and had a nice round b00ty, but a girl like that can get any guy I guess, so I'm sure something has to give. The weird thing is that she teaches dance class at a local youth center close to my house, and is the same youth center I worked at when I was in High School. I wish I would of asked how big her husband was :(.

The closest I came was when I met a lady about the same age and she was foxy as well and had a boyfriend who was in jail for drug trafficking. It was october 04 and he was to get out december 04. I did my :dance: :dance: with her stopped talking to her November 04. But this is different because he can get me and is not behind bars :( So I am leaning to no here.



AHHHH :eek: I created a monster! All I wanted was simple advice :spit_take

...do a poll.

My vote is YES.

Looks like you have a taste for women that are already taken.

No worries, Karma will come back and bite ya :)

[BeaverEater]

well the whole once a cheater always a cheater comes to mind when i think about this. I mean frankly i think cheating is ethically wrong and technically illegal in marrige. But you have to stop and think if your the only one shes going after. You may be able to dodge her husband but what about possibly others. Karma will probably turn out that her husband is a Navy SEAL or something in that nature.

[slade]

Slade,

I don't mind defending my ethical ideals but rather than get deeply into a religious and moral discussion in order to do so (which would just unnecessarily clutter the already huge thread), suffice to say that the moral guidelines I subscribe to are the product of a wealth of theological information and historical precedent combined with a personal belief in their accuracy. I believe that everyone knows right from wrong regardless of what they are taught but that through experiences, we can support or break down that which we "know" naturally.

In short, I believe that it is so and I believe that my morality is not subjective - it applies to everyone. I wouldn't dare berate my sex-having friends for their actions as that's just stupid. I don't particularly approve of it but it's not my job to judge. I'm far from perfect myself, even within the context of sexuality. As to why I believe that it is wrong to have pre-/extra-marital sex?

Simply put, sex is, at an ideal level at least, a key component to a loving, permanent ('till death, anyhow) relationship which serves to deepen that love and to procreate. Anything less than that is less than ideal. Is less-than-ideal sex wrong in terms of the burn-in-hell type thing? I don't really think so, but I'm sure some people might. I do think it is wrong, though, and I'm not going to try and justify my own or someone else's actions by lowering the standards.

As to whether there is one perfect "soul mate" for everyone or not... I don't think there is. It wouldn't make sense if there were. Not only do remarried widows/widowers strike that one right down, the fact that people change to a certainly does. I know I am not the same person I was when I was 13 and I seriously doubt I'll be the same person I am now at 33. Sure, some things remain the same but by and large, people change as their experiences change.

In light of that, I don't think that it makes sense that there would be one and only one "soul mate" for every person. In fact, I would go so far as to say that there's no "perfect" mate for anyone at all. Couples are always going to have minor grievances with each other, no matter how "compatible" they are.

The vital thing is that they realize that the love and commitment is more important than whatever the problem du jour happens to be. It's foolish to assume that a problemless relationship can be expected, is proper or common, that it necessarily provides hapiness to each party or that current problemlessness is a sign of a healthy relationship.
so if there is no such thing as a "soul mate", then any one person could form a loving, committed relationship with more than just one person. You yourself said that people change over time - so therefore, two people in a loving, committed relationship could not only run into problems, but change enough that the relationship no longer works. It doesn't sound like you would advocate divorce, as divorce would only lower the importance marriage holds, and it would no longer be "permanent". So therefore, wouldn't sex outside of marriage be justified?



~Side note, compatibility in a relationship is BS. I don't care what eHarmony says, a good relationship is about shared love and commitment, not whether you both like the same flavor of ice cream.~
wonderful example, ice cream is of such high marital importance. :rolleyes:

anyway, compatability is very important in a relationship. suppose you couldn't stand the person you were with. you seem to hold theology in high regard - suppose there is a woman who is not only athiest, but she believes there is nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, and aside from that, you simply don't like her personality, how she acts, how she talks, etc. do you think you could have a loving and committed relationship with her? no. You would have much more success with a woman who is religious, does not approve of pre-marital sex, and is like you in many other ways. in fact, I'm guessing that that's a fairly accurate description of your fiance.


now i wonder... based on this conversation so far, how would you judge me?

[Recon by Fire]

Holy cow, this thread is still going? Let me sum it up for all those who are confused at the ethical salad bar of life:

1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong.
2. Having sex with someone while you are married to another - wrong.
3. Abusing your spouse - wrong.

It's pretty simple, not much discussion needed :nono:


/thread
:cheers:

[slade]

Holy cow, this thread is still going? Let me sum it up for all those who are confused at the ethical salad bar of life:

1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong.
2. Having sex with someone while you are married to another - wrong.
3. Abusing your spouse - wrong.

It's pretty simple, not much discussion needed :nono:
/slap

theres not much more you can do to argue with this kind of illogical hardheadedness than to simply ask, why? why is it wrong, on what account, and who decided it was? specifically regarding your first statement. you have no merit if you have no reasoning.

[Recon by Fire]

Why is your question? It is a simple answer of morality, ethics, and respect.

[BeaverEater]

well if you main reasoning is who decided it was considered to be wrong its a fairly empty argument. You could keep going with your reasoning and say why is it wrong to steal or murder. It has been decided by the structure of society a long time ago. Some societies deem it as acceptable, but the majority dont.

[geekwarrior]

and again, would you do it to your friends wife? no. just because you dont know the other guy doesnt make it ok. thats just an excuse so you dont feel guilty about it

[punkncat]

No, no, no, no, no. Just because she doesn't have a ring on her finger, that doesn't mean it's okay to hit it if she's got a boyfriend. She's in a relationship. Not cool.

Damaged goods, huh? Pffffft. You just invalidated your entire opinion.

Lohman's been cheated on-- been in a bad, even abusive, marriage. How come he isn't "damaged goods?" But to an extent, I see his point. The male getting into the relationship with the married woman is less at fault than she is. She's the one that went and got married (which seems like a bad plan all around), she's the one looking for someone to sleep with, she's the one looking for an affair, for whatever reason she's looking for said affair.

No, you shouldn't sleep with a married woman. You shouldn't sleep with a taken woman. End of story.


Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.
The whole point of dating is to find someone who you are interested in to some degree either for right now or down the road. Thats why you are dating and not married. There are no rules concerning dating someone who is dating. No commitment, no papers. That does not mean I am trying to say there should not be some disclosure/honesty about the situation between the dating couple....

Yes damaged goods. Either she is screwing around on her husband, which makes her damaged, or she is looking for someone else to do for her what she can't or won't the "proper" way (divorce) so once again, damaged.

From the posts Lohman is making here, yes I would say he is definately damaged goods. I hope he is playing devil's advocate to some degree. MOST SURELY by and probably because of his experiance with ex.....

IF you know someone is married and you continue down a "relationship" path with said individual it brings up many questions about your character. You may not have made vows to either of those people, but you have to recognise that they did, and you are involved at least to some degree in the destruction of that sanctity. Everyone knows what is involved in being married and facilitating the object of said unfaithfulness is tantamout(sp) to commiting it yourself.

[tropical_fishy]

Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.
The whole point of dating is to find someone who you are interested in to some degree either for right now or down the road. Thats why you are dating and not married. There are no rules concerning dating someone who is dating. No commitment, no papers. That does not mean I am trying to say there should not be some disclosure/honesty about the situation between the dating couple....

Yes damaged goods. Either she is screwing around on her husband, which makes her damaged, or she is looking for someone else to do for her what she can't or won't the "proper" way (divorce) so once again, damaged.

From the posts Lohman is making here, yes I would say he is definately damaged goods. I hope he is playing devil's advocate to some degree. MOST SURELY by and probably because of his experiance with ex.....

IF you know someone is married and you continue down a "relationship" path with said individual it brings up many questions about your character. You may not have made vows to either of those people, but you have to recognise that they did, and you are involved at least to some degree in the destruction of that sanctity. Everyone knows what is involved in being married and facilitating the object of said unfaithfulness is tantamout(sp) to commiting it yourself.


I don't understand what you mean by damaged goods. Hell, someone could be damaged by their first long-term relationship, or by molestation in their childhood... but is that the kind of damaged you mean? Is becoming "damaged goods" purely a function of whether or not you're married and divorced?

I don't care what you say: when a person is in a long-term relationship, that bond between them is just as legit as a marriage vow. Just because they haven't wanted to get married for some reason does not mean that they're any less in love.

[slade]

Why is your question? It is a simple answer of morality, ethics, and respect.
i just realized that what you said wasnt worded too well. "1. Having sex with someone not married to you - wrong." ...is that with someone not married to you or anyone, or someone not married to you but married to someone else?


I don't care what you say: when a person is in a long-term relationship, that bond between them is just as legit as a marriage vow. Just because they haven't wanted to get married for some reason does not mean that they're any less in love.
thats pretty much what i was going to say to punkncat.

a marriage vow in itself holds no significance, other than artificial and legal. it could mean everything or nothing. what matters is the relationship between two people, whether theyre married or not.

a marriage ceremony doesn't mystically endow a relationship with love, meaning and committment, and the fact that someone isn't married doesn't mean that they aren't committed, the person is "fair game", or "Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons".

[Lohman446]

Boy/girlfriends come and go like the seasons. Anyone who is involved in a "long term" relationship, and claims to love the other and hasn't committed to the relationship (through marriage) has some sort of issue either with themselves or the partner.

I disagree. What about an "open" marriage per agreement of the parties? I use this as the counterexample. If two people are in a monogomous(sp) committed relationship marriage vows are meaningless. How can one justify "invading" a such a relationship and not a marriage?

[stop whining buy a mag]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.

I finally feel the need to post in this thread after all the talk of morality and morals.

Do whatever the heck you want to do.

I don't believe in much of this wedding and morality garbage so I'd do it.

[geekwarrior]

I finally feel the need to post in this thread after all the talk of morality and morals.

Do whatever the heck you want to do.

I don't believe in much of this wedding and morality garbage so I'd do it.

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.

[Lohman446]

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.


If you beleive the majority of Americans 18-30 hold true to "no sex unless married" I think you are sadly mistaken. This started out asking you if this is a position that was taken before marriage or just a convenient position after you were married, but I was concerned your answer would be reflective of a very very small percentage of the population in the current generation.

Most people in that age bracket who trumpet "no sex outside of marriage" do so only after being married, and many of them were not exactly shining examples of their own new found beleifs.

[geekwarrior]

If you beleive the majority of Americans 18-30 hold true to "no sex unless married" I think you are sadly mistaken. This started out asking you if this is a position that was taken before marriage or just a convenient position after you were married, but I was concerned your answer would be reflective of a very very small percentage of the population in the current generation.

Most people in that age bracket who trumpet "no sex outside of marriage" do so only after being married, and many of them were not exactly shining examples of their own new found beleifs.


Um, what? I wasnt talking about no sex until married...and I'm not that niave to think that most people wait until married. I while I havent trumpeted no sex until marraige because I know the majority laughs at that, I could and I would be a shiny example, so sit back down. If you dont beleive that fine, but respect someone else's vows. Just because the woman doesnt seem to want to uphold her vow (although again, who said she was looking for sex) doesnt mean that vow has been broken yet.

[slade]

there we have it, the winner!

do what ever the heck you want, because in the end, who gives?! its all about me, myself and I, what ever the - I want to do is ok, because I dont answer to anyone. Stab you friend in the back, piss on the marraige vows, go hump anything that moves because you dont have character enough to find someone single! Its great to know there's always scum out there who are going to hit on my wife, and try to get in bed with my daughter because they feel like personal gratification. Morals? who nees them, take what you can and give nothing back. I do what I want when I want because I'm the poop and I dont give a rats about anyone else. The only reason I HAVE friends is so I can have personal gratification and so I can see what I can get out of them. Relaitonships? who needs them when theres always the hooker down the street, or the whore who's just looking for a good time like me.
what if you do whatever you want to do, but what you want to do is guided by your own sense of morality?

[geekwarrior]

what if you do whatever you want to do, but what you want to do is guided by your own sense of morality?


yes your OWN sense of morality....so go ahead, do what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to believe in some religious teachings. All I'm saying is that alot of this discussion has been argued by thinking of self, and self gratification. your still stabbing the husband in the back, wether you know him or not. but no one seems to have aproblem with that.

[Lohman446]

yes your OWN sense of morality....so go ahead, do what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to believe in some religious teachings. All I'm saying is that alot of this discussion has been argued by thinking of self, and self gratification. your still stabbing the husband in the back, wether you know him or not. but no one seems to have aproblem with that.


The argument is that you have no obligation to the husband. That is solely the wife's. I'm not arguing anything non-consensual

[geekwarrior]

The argument is that you have no obligation to the husband. That is solely the wife's. I'm not arguing anything non-consensual

and why not? just because you don't know him?

[Lohman446]

and why not? just because you don't know him?

Because I made no wedding vows to him, nor have anything defined by friendship. I understand the watch out for your fellow man, and I very generally follow that. However, in the partciular circumstance I don't see it. Remember, I beleive, truly, that marriage is already gone when she looks to cheat - assuming she did. As noted thats not clear.

[geekwarrior]

Because I made no wedding vows to him, nor have anything defined by friendship. I understand the watch out for your fellow man, and I very generally follow that. However, in the partciular circumstance I don't see it. Remember, I beleive, truly, that marriage is already gone when she looks to cheat - assuming she did. As noted thats not clear.

who's says the marraige is gone? Just because she's out at a bar, or even if you sleep with her, there have been many instances were husbands have forgiven there spouses for their infidelity, and the marraige has come back together. you are interferring with someones marraige. Maybe the woman just had a bad night, and things can get better for them. gonna be a lot harder if she sleeps with someone.

[Lohman446]

who's says the marraige is gone? Just because she's out at a bar, or even if you sleep with her, there have been many instances were husbands have forgiven there spouses for their infidelity, and the marraige has come back together. you are interferring with someones marraige. Maybe the woman just had a bad night, and things can get better for them. gonna be a lot harder if she sleeps with someone.

As a general rule, psychology notes that sexual acts are far more emotionally based for women. I doubt its a "slip in judgement" for just a moment.

[geekwarrior]

As a general rule, psychology notes that sexual acts are far more emotionally based for women. I doubt its a "slip in judgement" for just a moment.

but it doesnt mean the marraige is gone, and you're still interferring

[slade]

yes your OWN sense of morality....so go ahead, do what you want. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to believe in some religious teachings. All I'm saying is that alot of this discussion has been argued by thinking of self, and self gratification. your still stabbing the husband in the back, wether you know him or not. but no one seems to have aproblem with that.
remember, you're arguing based on your own sense of morality.


As a general rule, psychology notes that sexual acts are far more emotionally based for women. I doubt its a "slip in judgement" for just a moment.
sources? it makes sense in some regard, but ive known a considerable number of counter-examples.

[geekwarrior]

remember, you're arguing based on your own sense of morality.



and thats the problem with making up your own morales, you can do whatever you want.

[slade]

and thats the problem with making up your own morales, you can do whatever you want.
im sorry, did you just negate your own argument along with mine?

[Triangle]

It really isn't worth the hassle man.
Sometimes it is, and it can be amazing.
But sometimes it's not.
You can make your own decisions, but be prepared to deal with the consequences.

[geekwarrior]

im sorry, did you just negate your own argument along with mine?


simple answer, yes. theres no point in agrueing about it, because you believe what you want, and base your morals on what you feel is right. apparently if there is no written contract or law against it, it than falls to whatever you feel like. So yes, do whatever you want, theres no one to judge you for it.

[SCpoloRicker]

http://www.shipbrook.com/karen/blog/images/buddychrist1.jpg

Hit that, bro.

J.C. style.

/I think some of you forgot about J.C.

[Lohman446]

To the watch out for other guys crowd:

If your wife asked someone to sleep with her and they said no solely because she was married, and you found out about it, would it make you feel better?

[stop whining buy a mag]

To the watch out for other guys crowd:

If your wife asked someone to sleep with her and they said no solely because she was married, and you found out about it, would it make you feel better?

I'm not married but....if my wife tried to get with a guy and he said no I would be thoroughly surprised.

This man:
1.Must have not had enough to drink.
2.Is gay which is why he wouldn't want your wife.

Maybe I'm living under a rock but I'm still under the impression that a man will not say no to sex if the woman is at least a 7. (3.5 if you're drunk.)

[slade]

Maybe I'm living under a rock but I'm still under the impression that a man will not say no to sex if the woman is at least a 7. (3.5 if you're drunk.)
ehh, not true. (especially if the guy is in a relationship)

[grEnAlEins]

If your wife asked someone to sleep with her and they said no solely because she was married, and you found out about it, would it make you feel better?
Nope :D

[beam]

To the watch out for other guys crowd:

If your wife asked someone to sleep with her and they said no solely because she was married, and you found out about it, would it make you feel better?

Yes.

[tropical_fishy]

Blah blah blah, more of the same, men have no control over their genitalia when drunk, etc...



Maybe I'm living under a rock but I'm still under the impression that a man will not say no to sex if the woman is at least a 7. (3.5 if you're drunk.)


Not all men think with sex as a primary goal in mind. Generally, they get out of that rut at about 18/19/20, when booze becomes the primary goal and tail becomes the secondary one. Because jeez, who wants to have sex and a) stay awake through it and b ) remember it in the morning. Duh.

Oh, and also: my roommate will attest to just how hard it is to have sex with a drunk guy. So guys, I'm just sayin', if you can't get it up when you're drunk, it doesn't matter HOW hot she is on a scale of 1-10. And wouldn't that be embarassing.

[-Tab]

Yes.

I doubt it.

[beam]

I doubt it.

Then you don't know me.

[geekwarrior]

I doubt it.

so you're saying you'd rather find out your wife cheated than thought about cheating?

[beam]

so you're saying you'd rather find out your wife cheated than thought about cheating?

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question.

I thought the question was: Would I feel better if my wife intended to cheat on me but was unable to because the guy was unwilling to sleep with a married woman, versus if she actually did sleep with another man.

I said, yes, I would feel better to find out that she had wanted to but was unable to rather than finding out that she wanted to and did.

Tab doesn't think I would be happier to find out that my wife actually didn't physically cheat on me even though she "cheated" on my in her heart and mind.

I told him that because he doubts my answer, it is an indication that he doesn't know me.

Savvy?

[geekwarrior]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the question.

I thought the question was: Would I feel better if my wife intended to cheat on me but was unable to because the guy was unwilling to sleep with a married woman, versus if she actually did sleep with another man.

I said, yes, I would feel better to find out that she had wanted to but was unable to rather than finding out that she wanted to and did.

Tab doesn't think I would be happier to find out that my wife actually didn't physically cheat on me even though she "cheated" on my in her heart and mind.

I told him that because he doubts my answer, it is an indication that he doesn't know me.

Savvy?

i was agreeing with you bud

[SCpoloRicker]

i was agreeing with you bud

Maybe you need a cup of coffee? ;)

[grEnAlEins]

so you're saying you'd rather find out your wife cheated than thought about cheating?
IMO it is the thought that counts :p Seriously though, it is. In either case the thought/desire was there, and that is what would hurt/anger me. Maybe I am the only one, but that's how I see it. They are equally bad, or about equally bad.

[billybob_81067]

They are equally bad, or about equally bad.

Only one is worse... think about it.

Thought about cheating and tried to but couldn't

OR

Made funky monkey love with some stranger.

I agree they are both bad, but one is definately worse.

[tropical_fishy]

Only one is worse... think about it.

Thought about cheating and tried to but couldn't

OR

Made funky monkey love with some stranger.

I agree they are both bad, but one is definately worse.


As a female, I'd say the thought hurt so so so so so much worse than the actual action. I could forgive a drunken hookup. I can't forgive someone who acts with intent.

[geekwarrior]

Maybe you need a cup of coffee? ;)

nah, just a vacation :cry:

[billybob_81067]

As a female, I'd say the thought hurt so so so so so much worse than the actual action. I could forgive a drunken hookup. I can't forgive someone who acts with intent.

Either way she was acting with intent though... just in one scenario she can't pull it off and in the other she does

Maybe I should go back and edit my post to say:

Thought about cheating and tried to but couldn't

OR

Thought about cheating and tried to and ended up making funky monkey love with some stranger.


There... is that better? :)

[tropical_fishy]

Either way she was acting with intent though... just in one scenario she can't pull it off and in the other she does

Maybe I should go back and edit my post to say:

Thought about cheating and tried to but couldn't

OR

Thought about cheating and tried to and ended up making funky monkey love with some stranger.


There... is that better? :)


Yes.

I also think it's worse if the person they cheat with is an ex or a good friend. Thoughts?

[grEnAlEins]

Yes.

I also think it's worse if the person they cheat with is an ex or a good friend. Thoughts?
Yes... :(

And I do maintain that the intent is not forgivable. Odds are the spouse has mad funky munky love with someone else before the relationship, so there it is not like lovin is exclusive to you anyways... The fact that there was an attempt, whether there was a result or not, is the worst case in my opinion. But I am a hard-*** when it comes to the cheating thing, even taking a crack at cheating is an auto dealbreaker.

[billybob_81067]

Yes.

I also think it's worse if the person they cheat with is an ex or a good friend. Thoughts?

Agreed, it would be like a double stab in the back with either an ex or a friend. (Sorry there's not many thoughts to go along with my conclusion. My head hurts, it's gloomy outside, I'm P.O.'ed, and little girls can't stfu when playing video games... kinda makes it hard to gather thoughts) :p

[billybob_81067]

Agreed, it would be like a double stab in the back with either an ex or a friend.

(Sorry there's not many thoughts to go along with my conclusion. My head hurts, it's gloomy outside, I'm P.O.'ed, and little girls can't stfu when playing video games... kinda makes it hard to gather thoughts) :p

/Ahhhhhhh!!!! EVERYONE STFU!!!

[Lohman446]

This is not thought about cheating and then let the thought slip out of her mind and never acted on it.

This is the moment of going to the hotel room, at the door she says 'you don't mind that I'm married' or some such and the guy calls it off and walks away. Is that situation better than if she had gone through with it?

[billybob_81067]

This is not thought about cheating and then let the thought slip out of her mind and never acted on it.

This is the moment of going to the hotel room, at the door she says 'you don't mind that I'm married' or some such and the guy calls it off and walks away. Is that situation better than if she had gone through with it?

Barely BARELY better, but better none-the-less...

Kinda like what's worse, eating your crap or eating some fat ugly person's crap... They both SUCK, but if I had to eat crap I think I'd rather eat my own!

LOL

lovely analogy huh?

/I do not eat crap nor do I condone the eating of crap
//... can't believe I just typed this post

[tropical_fishy]

This is not thought about cheating and then let the thought slip out of her mind and never acted on it.

This is the moment of going to the hotel room, at the door she says 'you don't mind that I'm married' or some such and the guy calls it off and walks away. Is that situation better than if she had gone through with it?


Absolutely not. IMHO.

[Lohman446]

As a female, I'd say the thought hurt so so so so so much worse than the actual action. I could forgive a drunken hookup. I can't forgive someone who acts with intent.

I have to agree with this one, if we are getting into a "thats worse" situation. A drunken oops is bad, and one has to question the person who would be part of one. However, it would be far less damaging if it were to happen to me then a long considered relationship.

My ex dated people online for months before "visiting" them. A drunken oops would have been far more forgiveable

[grEnAlEins]

Absolutely not. IMHO.
That's what I was sayin... It is the thought that counts! It kinda scares me that that the only person who seems to agree is a chick (or female if you prefer that title instead). [feels his manliness dwindle]

[tropical_fishy]

That's what I was sayin... It is the thought that counts! It kinda scares me that that the only person who seems to agree is a chick (or female if you prefer that title instead). [feels his manliness dwindle]

There are some good guys in the world. Not too many. Sometimes I really envy men. Except for that whole PMS thing. Then I really feel for you.

[Lohman446]

That's what I was sayin... It is the thought that counts! It kinda scares me that that the only person who seems to agree is a chick (or female if you prefer that title instead). [feels his manliness dwindle]


I actually agree with you. Sadly it ends in a totally different view of how I should handle it if given the opportunity, but the base consideration that the line has already been crossed is part of it.

As to the feeling that I would not "look out for a guy", When I am talking to a woman I look for a ring, and that ring can define a line that I will not push the relationship across quicker than any conversation. However, if she pushed the line, I would probably follow like a nice little puppy... :p

[grEnAlEins]

There are some good guys in the world. Not too many. Sometimes I really envy men. Except for that whole PMS thing. Then I really feel for you.
I see where you would envy men, we can write our names in the snow :p As for the PMS thing, it is not soo bad. But I hunt, so there is always something in season, and always a reason to get away for a few days :D :rofl:

[grEnAlEins]

However, if she pushed the line, I would probably follow like a nice little puppy... :p
[Shakes head] That is somthing I don't think I would/could do, even if she was pushing the issue. Different strokes for different folks, I guess :cool:

[slade]

It kinda scares me that that the only person who seems to agree is a chick (or female if you prefer that title instead). [feels his manliness dwindle]
if your "manliness" dwindles when other guys dont support your opinion, you never had much of it to begin with.

[grEnAlEins]

if your "manliness" dwindles when other guys dont support your opinion, you never had much of it to begin with.
Twas a bit of a joke, but thanks for your input ;)

[Recon by Fire]

Intent or the act, it is all betrayal in my book.

[Triangle]

sigh.
:(

[Steelrat]

sigh.
:(

I thought you were leaving?

Liar.

[grEnAlEins]

Intent or the act, it is all betrayal in my book.

sigh. :(
[nods to both]

Just curious, but how would you fellas (or ladies) handle a situation like this, where no actual act was performed (no services rendered :rofl: ), but there was a legit effort put forth? I think I said it before, (don't recall and too lazy to check, but I thought it) I would probably cut'n'run :confused:

[slade]

Just curious, but how would you fellas (or ladies) handle a situation like this, where no actual act was performed (no services rendered :rofl: ), but there was a legit effort put forth? I think I said it before, (don't recall and too lazy to check, but I thought it) I would probably cut'n'run :confused:
if they thought about it or had the opportunity and decided against it, no problem. if they did something minor and admitted it, i'd look past it. if they tried to cheat, cheated, lied, etc... cut and run ASAP.

[grEnAlEins]

if they thought about it... and decided against it, no problem.
not to harp on this or anything :spit_take but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...

[slade]

not to harp on this or anything :spit_take but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...
well, yes it would, and it would also depend quite a bit on the circumstances... but the fact that they decided against it would make it at least acceptable.

[tropical_fishy]

not to harp on this or anything :spit_take but does the thought really not bother you? That is what would get me...

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another? The difference is between action and thought. Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.

[slade]

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another? The difference is between action and thought. Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.
well, i suppose the thing is "thinking" is so vague. is it a brief fleeting thought or something more substantial?

[grEnAlEins]

I dunno. Doesn't everyone think, or at least have a fleeting thought about cheating at one point or another?
:rofl: No. Thought has never crossed my mind. {enter someone to call shens, but it is the truth}

Everyone has irrational, even insane thoughts. I don't think you can hate or think badly of someone for thinking about cheating if they make no action towards doing it.
True, but action is derived from thought. The whole "Yeah, I could bang Billy and he would never know, but I will not because blah" thing does not blow my skirt up (not that I wear skirts :spit_take ) The thought is still bad. I can't say that I would be super pissed off about it, because it hasn't happened (that I know of ;) ), but I would be hurt for sure.

[grEnAlEins]

well, i suppose the thing is "thinking" is so vague. is it a brief fleeting thought or something more substantial?
I was on the "somthing more substantial" train of thought.

[PumpPlayer]

Wow... miss a weekend, miss a lot.
Don't you guys ever play paintball? :p


RbF's statement on page 6 is something I was surprised to see.

I know I'm a bit within the "moral minority" with my no sex with anyone you're not married to so it's somewhat interesting to see that I'm not completely alone.


Anyhow, on the current issue... yes, it is better if the act itself is not committed. It doesn't impact the relationship between you and your wife much differently but it does save the "other guy" from being involved. As with RbF's post, it's sometimes refreshing to see that there are people around who still have morals congruent with your own. Even if you never meet the guy, it's nice to know that there are people like that out there. Not much consolation, I'll admit, but it is something.

More importantly, it give you an opportunity to repair things without any remaining bad blood.

Once a spose cheats, I would imagine that even if forgiven, it's always going to be on their mind. They may even resent the precieved lack of anger on your part and cheat again just to get a rise out of you. With the "no sex" situation, it seems that it would be easier to reach a mutually acceptable peace. Much different? Really? No, but it may prove to be easier in the long run if you decide to stay together.



Slade, about my "endorsement" of divorce in light of the "there is no one and only soul mate" comments...

Absolutely not.
I said that I do not believe that two people are ever "made for each other". Just as with everything else in life, I believe that you have to chose whether or not to express a love with someone. I'm not so sure that absolutely anyone can love anyone (in a husband-wife type of love at least) but I do believe that they can certainly refuse to carry a love forwards. You have to say "yes" to love, I think.
Without choice, it's not worth it, if you ask me.

That said, once you say "yes" and you get married, you're obligated to keep your vows, 'till death do you part. I recognize that people will change even if they are married. It is still their responsibility to love, honor, cherish, etc. their spouse even through those changes. Even through changes, it's still the same person.

As for cheating to fill up an emptiness your spouse doesn't provide... that's crap, man. It's a cheap way out and the sh*t thing of it is, it doesn't even solve the 'problem'. Marriage is not about sex, contrary to what a lot of people apparently believe. Marriage is about love, commitment and family. Sex is simply one means to those goals, albeit the most natural and recognized of those means available. A sexless couple could just as easily adopt and still share fully in a married relationship. Uncommon, perhaps, but possible.

[tropical_fishy]

As for cheating to fill up an emptiness your spouse doesn't provide... that's crap, man. It's a cheap way out and the sh*t thing of it is, it doesn't even solve the 'problem'. Marriage is not about sex, contrary to what a lot of people apparently believe. Marriage is about love, commitment and family. Sex is simply one means to those goals, albeit the most natural and recognized of those means available. A sexless couple could just as easily adopt and still share fully in a married relationship. Uncommon, perhaps, but possible.


Humans are sexual beings (for the most part... I have a few friends I wonder about). No, marriage doesn't equal sex, but a couple who is unhappy in bed is more likely to have problems in other aspects of their relationship.

[billybob_81067]

The whole "Yeah, I could bang Billy and he would never know

Please don't....

/for the love of God!!!! Noooooooo!

[kosmo]

:rofl: No. Thought has never crossed my mind. {enter someone to call shens, but it is the truth}


Oh look, a virgin.

[Altimas]

Seriously? Did you do her or not? We need to know...

[grEnAlEins]

Oh look, a virgin.
fair enough. In my defense:
1) I believe that sex is to be an act of consummation of love. I have not been lucky enough to meet a girl that I felt/feel love for (not romantic love anyways). Tried dating a couple chicks and saw that I definately didn't love them. In fact, I learned I didn't even like most of them. In short, the "HS relationship" thing didn't do anything for me.
2) I am a tough grader, especially when it comes to this sort of thing
3) I am not a good looking guy by any stretch
4) I am not wealthy
5) I come off as an A-hole (bad first impression personality wise)

My idea about what sex means may be flawed, it is certainly not common... as for the rest, they are personal problems.

[tropical_fishy]

fair enough. In my defense:
1) I believe that sex is to be an act of consummation of love. I have not been lucky enough to meet a girl that I felt/feel love for (not romantic love anyways). Tried dating a couple chicks and saw that I definately didn't love them. In fact, I learned I didn't even like most of them. In short, the "HS relationship" thing didn't do anything for me.
2) I am a tough grader, especially when it comes to this sort of thing
3) I am not a good looking guy by any stretch
4) I am not wealthy
5) I come off as an A-hole (bad first impression personality wise)

My idea about what sex means may be flawed, it is certainly not common... as for the rest, they are personal problems.


I think that Kosmo's point (however sarcastically he chooses to package it) is that you don't know, nor do you completely understand the facets that sex adds to a relationship. It makes things infinitely more complicated. Most people have had that fleeting thought of, "I could totally do _______ and _________ would never know about it." The difference is between doing it and thinking it.

[kosmo]

Yeah, what she said.

Egads, I just realized how absolutely effed up my sex life is. Damned army screws everything up. Well, no, its not entirely the armys fault. Its more like 65% womens fault 34% armys fault, 1% the presidents fault.

/off to, uh, the bar

[SCpoloRicker]

1st rule of Fight Club!!1

/lol at the advanced wisdom on display


Yeah, what she said.

Egads, I just realized how absolutely effed up my sex life is. Damned army screws everything up. Well, no, its not entirely the armys fault. Its more like 65% womens fault 34% armys fault, 1% the presidents fault.

/off to thorums for profanity laced post

[kosmo]

Er, yeah. Fixed.

[PlayDoe]

You know what, if you say no then she will just find it with another man. You are not the reason she is cheating.

[FactsOfLife]

Ok, I met this lady at a club this past weekend. First I am 25 yrs old and she is 28 yrs old. We started dancing and after a couple drinks and some laughs she started getting more comfortable with me. When I asked for her number she asked if we could go outside, so we did. Then she tells me that she is unhappily married :( , I was like :confused: and then she asked me if I mind talking to a married woman. I said immediatly said no, but the thing is I never hooked up with a married woman before so I am not sure it was a good response. Do you guys think I should go for it and call her? She kissed me after I got her number so I am sure that I will :dance: :dance: :dance: I kind of feel sorry for her husband though. All I think she wants is a b00ty call. Any advice would be cool specially those who have been or seen what the aftermath this would be. She was an 8 in looks so that is pretty good for me.


it ain't the husband you should be worrying about, it's his guns and ammo....