Stupid things girls do when they are flirting with you...

[tech-chan]

Oh yeah, this could be a funny forum.

My story: We are at Camp and we are sitting on the dock of the lake. My girlfriend is sitting beside me and reaches over and pinches my friends butt. She said she meant to pinch mine afterwards, but wait this gets better! The girl he likes is sitting with her bac to him and sees her hand creep over there... She waited until "THE PINCH" and then let loose an attack that would have made Mortal Kombat proud. My gf goes flying across the canoes, manages to balance herself on the last on(the canoes are all lined up) and yells "What the F***!?!? Can't I pinch my own boyfriends butt?!" the other girl screams, "You pinched my bf's Butt!" While making at least an 8 ft leap into my gf's punch, knocks herself out cold and I got to revive her with...
You guessed it, MOUTH TO MOUTH resuscitation!!!!
That mess took us days to straighten out.

Give me some funny storys!!!!
I gave you my best!!!
tech-chan

[grEnAlEins]

:spit_take I cannot top that... :rofl:

[geekwarrior]

I think you'll have more stories of "stupid things guys do while flirting"...if you can get anyone to admit to them.

I don't really have anything...well, cept maybe at NPPL OC the Lucky girls (dressed in their whore outfits, which don't go well with cottage cheese, but i digress) were talking to me and some friends and the one burped in my friends face mid sentence. Sexy.

[warbeak2099]

My girlfriend turned the Pirates of the Carribean themesong on during sex... not stupid, but incredibly funny and surprising. And yes I did keep up with the music.

[maxama10]

Wow
Ill never be the same again.

thanks :eek:

[Lenny]

My girlfriend turned the Pirates of the Carribean themesong on during sex... not stupid, but incredibly funny and surprising. And yes I did keep up with the music.
Try jungle...

[geekwarrior]

My girlfriend turned the Pirates of the Carribean themesong on during sex... not stupid, but incredibly funny and surprising. And yes I did keep up with the music.


wow...all the pirate jokes that could be inserted here...

[behemoth]

wow...all the pirate jokes that could be inserted here...

did you swab the poop-deck?

[Rudz]

did you swab the poop-deck?

arr matey polished my mast and went land ho!!!!

[NotKai]

Oh yeah, this could be a funny forum.

My story: We are at Camp and we are sitting on the dock of the lake. My girlfriend is sitting beside me and reaches over and pinches my friends butt. She said she meant to pinch mine afterwards, but wait this gets better! The girl he likes is sitting with her bac to him and sees her hand creep over there... She waited until "THE PINCH" and then let loose an attack that would have made Mortal Kombat proud. My gf goes flying across the canoes, manages to balance herself on the last on(the canoes are all lined up) and yells "What the F***!?!? Can't I pinch my own boyfriends butt?!" the other girl screams, "You pinched my bf's Butt!" While making at least an 8 ft leap into my gf's punch, knocks herself out cold and I got to revive her with...
You guessed it, MOUTH TO MOUTH resuscitation!!!!
That mess took us days to straighten out.

Give me some funny storys!!!!
I gave you my best!!!
tech-chan

Boy that was really well written.

You should write a novel.

[Pneumagger]

Welcome to a one week ban for deliberate cussing. Army

[Thordic]

Hahaha, nice one Pneumagger.

Here is one of me working my game:

The year is 2000, and I'm sitting in Contemporary Applied Math for Everyone at Montclair State University. I had to take a math, but it didn't matter which one, so I took this one. It was by far the easiest math course on the planet, and actually taught you some cool information. An added bonus was that since it was math for liberal arts majors, there were tons of hot girls in my class. I was one of maybe 5 guys in a class of 30+.

One girl in particular caught my eye. She was 18 (I was 20 at the time), art history major. Short red hair, amazing body. But I kept putting off making a move.

So the day of the final exam, I say screw it, he who waits masturbates. I finished my exam before her, but I waited a few minutes, and left when she did (Retelling this, I feel like Jason Schwartzman in Slackers, but I promise I had no hair doll).

We walk out of the building, talking about the exam, and then about school, standard smalltalk bs. I knew she cut across this one section of grass every day because I generally walked that way too, so when we got to it, I started to head across. But it had rained a bit, and it was a little muddy, so she said she was going to walk around.

I turned around to head back onto the walkway, and promptly trip over a low chain fence. Fall flat on my face, right on the concrete. She laughs. Prior to this, I had been doing pretty well, but afterwards, I felt like such an idiot I had to let her go. Never saw her again.

Smooth as sandpaper.

[Thordic]

Also, in the same class, I told a really hot chick that she was dumb to her face. I didn't mean to, it just kinda slipped out after she got a 60 on the easiest test I've ever taken in my life. Boy can I work it.

[Altimas]

Yeah in my History Class there was a really cute girl I used to flirt with and thought she was flirting back with me. We talked a lot after class and from how she talked she was not happy in the relationship she was in. One day while the proffessor was talking we were playing "Hangman." So I decided I would make a cunning move and Guess the Letters to Spell U R HOT to see if she would figure it out. (I was writing my letters to guess her word on a peice of paper.) So I got all the way to O and she gave me a mean look and turned and faced the class and wouldn't talk to me, I looked down and realized I had wrote:

U R HO....

:cry:

[Pneumagger]

http://www.thecelebrityblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/Ludacris.jpg

[Lohman446]

Stupid things I've done involving flirting.... http://automags.org/forums/showthread.php?t=185861&highlight=hay+wagon


Once a year my sister has a get together at her house, and we have a hay wagon ride. We had two wagons this year because there were a bunch of people there. I'm talking to this one girl and walking between the wagons (theres like six feet there). In hindsight it was a stupid place to be, but the tractors going like four miles an hour and I'm kinda just off the wagons to make sure everything is going smooth and noone falls out, whatever, mostly kids there. I've done this several several times for the past years, no big deal. I turn and somehow my foot gets under the wheel, which then gets my leg, and somehow I end up sideways in front of the wheel with the wheel against my ribs, Its a gravel road and the wagon doesn't quite go over me, instead pushing me twenty feet or so down the road (pinning me partway under the wheel and the road) before they can get the driver's attention and get the tractor stopped (second wagon, so the driver really couldn't see me). In the end I expect that I really really lucked out on this one and it could have been far far worse. I managed to walk to the side of the road, get back on the wagon, and then call a truck to come get me, I road back to the barn, and one of the people there was a nurse. They got worried that my one lung wasn't working all the way (yeh, I was in a severe amount of pain, but didn't think it too severe) and I ended up going to the hospital. I walked into the ER, and had a room, an IV, and someone taking my vitals in like three minutes... they were quick about it.

[BobTheCow]

I can't believe I'm telling this on AO...

Last weekend I threw a party at my place thanks to the parents being out of town. Lots of people came over, shenanigans ensued. I ended up getting tanked, but still managed to make it to bed with the girl I had a thing for. I don't remember saying anything, but in the middle of doing the deed, she goes "WHAT?!"

Confused as hell, I responded (eloquently, as always), "huh?"

"You just mumbled something about two tickets... how in the HELL are you thinking about football right now?"

I did in fact have a pair of tickets for the Redskins game the following afternoon... apparently I let my mind wander.

She's managed to make fun of me for that every night since then, but I guess the fact that she's still around makes her a pretty cool girlfriend. :)

[tropical_fishy]

I can't believe I'm telling this on AO...

Last weekend I threw a party at my place thanks to the parents being out of town. Lots of people came over, shenanigans ensued. I ended up getting tanked, but still managed to make it to bed with the girl I had a thing for. I don't remember saying anything, but in the middle of doing the deed, she goes "WHAT?!"

Confused as hell, I responded (eloquently, as always), "huh?"

"You just mumbled something about two tickets... how in the HELL are you thinking about football right now?"

I did in fact have a pair of tickets for the Redskins game the following afternoon... apparently I let my mind wander.

She's managed to make fun of me for that every night since then, but I guess the fact that she's still around makes her a pretty cool girlfriend. :)


I just burst out laughing and my roommate is now looking at me really funny. That is classic.

[Pneumagger]

LOL... I do that like once a month. Only it's about nerdy things like mills, computer coding, paintball, etc.
:rofl: I know exactly how you feel!

(smootching, noises, mushy stuff, .... )

g/f: I love you sweethart
me: yeah... mumble-mumble-(inaudible sounds) ... but the Xvalve needs another shim... :sleeping:
g/f: What?? :confused:
me: (wakes up a bit) say wha'? yeah/no... I mean nothing hun... I love you! :tard:

[Pneumagger]

der

[geekwarrior]

LOL... I do that like once a month. Only it's about nerdy things like mills, computer coding, paintball, etc.
:rofl: I know exactly how you feel!

(smoothing, noises, mushy stuff, .... )

g/f: I love you sweethart
me: yeah... mumble-mumble-(inaudible sounds) ... but the Xvalve needs another shim... :sleeping:
g/f: What?? :confused:
me: (wakes up a bit) say wha'? yeah/no... I mean nothing hun... I love you! :tard:

better than my wife...she started talking in her sleep dreaming about work (she's in accounting) and started getting mad at me for not knowing about a project :tard: took me about 5 min to get her to wake up and realize she was dreaming :sleeping:

[jenarelJAM]

That's why they invented snowboards :P
/Cause they're just cooler

[master_alexander]

my sixteenth birthday party... we were messing around and actually talking about sex, and i said id do soemthing and she was like "if you do ill punch you!" so i say yeah right and turn my head and point to my cheek... she laughs and i look back and she punches me, makes my nose bleed for about 20 minutes. on my birthday. it was sad.

[txaggie08]

I dont know about funny sotries while flirting.....



If it helps my roommae is doinking a girl in his room for the second time in two hours. THe temptation to press my ham on his window and knock is growing steadily... :dance: :dance: :dance: :cheers:

**edit**
apparently they were done, he just went out to smoke a cigarete and tell me she was still here(she was here about thre days ago to......i walk out of my room at 1am...underdressed for polite company ;)...... and there she sits. You know, for a half asleep, half necked fat guy i can move realy fast...

[-Snake-]

I didn't do this, but a guy on my paintball team told me this story:

In 1987, he took his prom date on his Ninja. She b*tched the entire way, and even when they got there she was still complaining. She went off with her friends and he was by himself for a couple of minutes until a girl walked up to him and asked, "hey, is that your Ninja out front?" He said yes, and then she said, "Well, I've got some shorty shorts on and a halter top on under this. You want to get out of here?"

He left.

With tires screeching.

With a different girl than who he came with.

[Altimas]

Thats not stupid, thats smart.

[Lohman446]

I had an RA once tell me if I would quit trying to pick her up she would never write me up for anything

/Win/win solution

[Pneumagger]

We had an RA once that tried to write us up... we just said to her, "No... you won't" and kept playing ultimate dodgeball in the hallways @ 1am

[jenarelJAM]

I wanna go to college...

/Next year, can't wait!

[txaggie08]

"this is my rifle, This is my gun" at 2AM housed is a recommended dorm activity btw. Must be in, at MOST, boxer shorts for it to realy be funny. Must also knock on the RA's door and ask him/her if they have prince albert in a can..... :tard: :cheers: :cheers:

[tropical_fishy]

"this is my rifle, This is my gun" at 2AM housed is a recommended dorm activity btw. Must be in, at MOST, boxer shorts for it to realy be funny. Must also knock on the RA's door and ask him/her if they have prince albert in a can..... :tard: :cheers: :cheers:


I hate people like you, because you wake people like me (who are supposed to be sleeping for a meet or a game in the morning) up. If you're going to be drunk and stupid on Saturday, that's cool. Thursday and Friday? If I catch you in my dorm being drunk and stupid, you will be drunk, stupid, and written up for noise violations and being drunk as a minor. You will also probably be escorted out by campus safety.

[Pneumagger]

If the powers to be are fairly aloof and blond, my application for RA will go through and I will be teh sweetest RA evr. All my freinds will have graduated and I'll be all alonez by fall '07 anyways.
I want freshman dorms.

My first day speech will start, "Hi, I'm Joe. This is my fifth year here. If your wondering why I didn't leave after four, it's because I didn't drink enough the first time around. I'll be your RA...."
After which I expect an even mixture of distusting scowls and high-fives.

[Altimas]

We had an RA once that tried to write us up... we just said to her, "No... you won't" and kept playing ultimate dodgeball in the hallways @ 1am


Good use of the Jedi Mind Trick!

[Pneumagger]

Good use of the Jedi Mind Trick!

It didn't work once though :(
We put a trash Can (large) in front of someone's door so as to block their exit. :D Now, any mere mortal would've just been able to move it... if it hadn't been filled with just under half a cubic meter of water from a hose :cool:
The RA saw it and made us move it :(

for those who don't know... 1 cubic meter of water weighs = 1000kg = 2200 pounds
That sucker had to wiegh 700+ pounds cause me and my roomates (both of us starting defensive linemen) had to empty some of it before moving it. :rofl:

[tech-chan]

This is so way off topic its sad... :cry:
Im going to tell you guys another one:
My gf was sitting beside me on a bench in town right in front of the only good bar in town. The bar owner walks up and asks us if we would like some shots while were sitting out there making out. We said no and he went back in(we were only 15 and a half at the time). He came back out and brought some milkshakes with him this time(now that i think about it he was probably checking her out! She had on one of those shirts you just can't look away from!)... He offered them to us "on the house" and it turns out they had some serious tequila in them. We thought they tasted weird but he said they had been halfway thawed and then frozen again and the ice cream was'nt top caliber so he could'nt sell it. We were so drunk walking home I did'nt even notice she was sucking on my bottom lip. I got home took her to my bedroom after i had explained to mom about the big red thing hanging off my lip. She had given me a huge red hicky that dwarfed my nose!!! I was teased aat school for that until i told them to go ask the bartender for a "milkshake."
:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

[jenarelJAM]

Uhm...
I'm pretty sure you can sue the bartender for that.
I dunno if you're on good terms with him or not, but if someone drugged me(and that's exactly what he did) I wouldn't just laugh it off. I'd be pissed.
Plus you are/were a minor. And wait, you took your gf back to your room after getting drunk? Sounds like a good way for <i>you</i> to get sued...

/Sorry, I just don't find that last one funny.

[Thordic]

I hate people like you, because you wake people like me (who are supposed to be sleeping for a meet or a game in the morning) up. If you're going to be drunk and stupid on Saturday, that's cool. Thursday and Friday? If I catch you in my dorm being drunk and stupid, you will be drunk, stupid, and written up for noise violations and being drunk as a minor. You will also probably be escorted out by campus safety.

Stuff like that is just asking to be abused for the rest of your college career.

[tech-chan]

Actually i did'nt touch her when i got in my bedroom. My friend called and asked me if I wanted to play some pb. I can't resist pb so we got in his car and I forgot my pb marker and had to play with my friends back-up. and yeah the bartender's my cousin in law(recently happened).
tech-chan

[warbeak2099]

Stuff like that is just asking to be abused for the rest of your college career.

Yea I know, Thursdays and Fridays are normal for drinking and partying. Saturdays too. But the kids in my dorm party on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays...

When I have to get up for PT on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday @ 5am, that's not cool. Rly good earplugs = fixed.

[tropical_fishy]

Stuff like that is just asking to be abused for the rest of your college career.

Most people here are too drunk to remember where they were, or that they had campus safety called on them, let alone who called campus safety. I picked my dorm because it's supposed to be quiet; it's relatively small, and tucked away on the corner of campus where all the assaults happen. It's also on the opposite side of the campus as the frats, so I dunno how the drunks wander that far, unless they take the drunk bus.

[Jackel411]

A while back hell I was like 19 atleast... Myself and my marine buddy decided "Hey! Lets go hit up this club!" It was great beacause it was an 18 and over place and rarely hassled any one walking in with a DOD ID that combined with us knowing the bouncers it always made for a great night.

Well one night my cousin (female no shush) and a pack of here friends tagged along with us. One girl was good looking but some what self consious of the fact she was a little thicker than the group of friends.. but Im talking like maybe 5 pounds thicker so not bad she was just the fatty in the group. Well this girl came up to me and was overtly flirty but nothing I can say or I will get banned here.. asked me if I wanted a beer.. being 19 I said "SURE!" She knew the bartender or soemthing like that she was 20 or so.. Well let me tell you good looking girl + beer = best thing ever.. she just kept asking me if I wanted another... 10 beers later last call.. I can barely see strait or walk strait.... The girl comes up to me and goes.. " Want to come back to my place? " My answer was the funniest thing I ever remember involving beer and me... " IM so drunk thanks to you.. I cant walk strait.... JUst right your number on my arm Ill wake up tomarrow and we will do what ever you had in mind for tonight.. right now.. I want to go puke "

[Thordic]

"I cant walk strait.... JUst right your number on my arm Ill wake up tomarrow and we will do what ever you had in mind for tonight.. right now.. I want to go puke "

Haha, its funny cuz its true.

[onedude36]

Lol'd at the last one.

[Rudz]

oh man the thats great...

[tech-chan]

Maybe we need to get this thing changed to the drunken thread...

[Kyle.Kimber]

Okay I was bangin this chick..and...Okay and........ :rolleyes:

... I got nothin :cry:

[ahellers]

Okay I was bangin this chick..and...Okay and........ :rolleyes:

... I got nothin :cry:
Worst response to a thread.... ever :nono:
t

[Kloki1971]

Along the bad girlfriend night thing....
Went to a party in college, drank too much. Woke up the next morning with coyote ugly next to me. Don't know her name, don't know what happened, not sure where my vehicle is... I quickly surveyed the situation. Boxers on (Good!), hungover (bad), girl with no name half naked (based on looks very bad!). So to work this all out without hurting anyone's feelings, I called a couple that I knew who lived in my complex and I gave them the rundown (ONLY DO THIS WITH SOMEONE WHO WON'T JOKE YOU TOO MUCH!). They came over about the time the girl woke up. They introduced themselves so I could get her name. Afterward I asked her where my truck was. She told me it was back at the party house. That she had driven us (THANK GOD I DIDN'T DRIVE!). She gave me a ride back to my truck. She asks me, "SO did you really mean all of those things you told me last night?" Uhhhhh.... Like what? "You know that you wanted to find that someone special . . . " Uhhhh.... Kind of. So she drops me off, but the question remains, What did or didn;t happen the night before? So I ask some people at school who know her. They promptly start to joke me that I didn;t know hat had happened. They finally tell me that she said I was too drunk, but that she had tried to no avail. THANK GOD FOR OVERDRINKING!!!

[kosmo]

I went to an Incubus concert in Korea with my girlfriend and an army buddy. Me and my buddy go to get some beers, and at the counter a pretty looking Australian girl gives my friend a good look-down. He walks over to her and says hi, and she punches him in the face. He asks what that was for, and she quite candidly responded "So I dont feel so bad when I wake up in the morning and youve snuck out of my room". Gotta love Australians.

[Pneumagger]

This is almost on topic.

I was at a christmas eve gathering at my girlfreind's house a few years ago, when we were first starting to date. I was sitting on the couch watching a football game with a bunch of her family. There were 20 or so people so it was loud and a bit hectic. My g/f father was sitting right next to me on the couch, kinda close for comfort considering who he was to me... but it was packed so no one thought anything of it. Plus I never noticed it was him cause I was into the game.

As I'm watching the game, I thought feel something on my left thigh. Not trying to look wierd and turn away from the game, I ignore it. Then I defintely feel it move down to my knee to the break of my shorts. I look to the left thinking, "Now what the he.... :confused: :eek: "
I turn and see the most aweful thing ever. A guy... my g/f father... turned talking to someone else... groping... my leg. :cry:

***
A moment to explain my g/f's father: He is a stocky guy, not bigger than me, but would whip my butt any day of the week. Plus he was still kinda in the "So your the walking penis dating my daughter" phase - so things were always edgy.
***

Have you ever had something so horrible happen that all you could do was sit and stare - as a million racing thoughts drained every aspect of mental ability, parylizing you? I stare at him absolutely dumbfounded for about the longest 5 seconds ever.

At this point he got to my knee. He kinda stops and turns as I act uneasy and pretend I'm invisible or something - doing my best to act like I don't notice another male groping my knee. As he turns he starts to say something to the effect of, "Honey, geez your knee's kinda hairy. Wha-..." Then he was enlightened to the fact that he'd been rubbing my leg. The room starts laughing.

Apparently he thought I was his wife next to him the whole time.
Every year I go over for christmas, he jokes about wanting to sit next to me and massage my legs. :spit_take

/It didn't feel good
//That means I'm still straight, right?

[Crighton]

This thread is the best!

It makes me feel like Don Juan in comparison.

[tech-chan]

I swear this is a great thread. Im kindof down because I got shot down by three girls in one week. :cry:

[Dubstar112]

Well, after a normal pick up line conversation ensues at a party there was nothing to write my number on so I offered to write it on her boob (cleavage..) . I attempted to write 783 9207 in a mirrored phase so that in the morning she should be able to read it in the mirror..............I screwed it up and told her I had to write it again.. So I did on the other side, and to my recollection I dont believe that was right either. Its difficult no matter how sober or drunk you are!lol. I did end up meeting up with her for some better times. ;)

Little bit o/t but it fit the bill of something stupid and yet demoralizingly funny.

[slade]

LOL... I do that like once a month. Only it's about nerdy things like mills, computer coding, paintball, etc.
:rofl: I know exactly how you feel!

(smootching, noises, mushy stuff, .... )

g/f: I love you sweethart
me: yeah... mumble-mumble-(inaudible sounds) ... but the Xvalve needs another shim... :sleeping:
g/f: What?? :confused:
me: (wakes up a bit) say wha'? yeah/no... I mean nothing hun... I love you! :tard:
i just got home from working on a biodiesel conversion with a girl.

/solely for the purpose of annoying you.

[tech-chan]

I swear, it takes nothing but coming into this forum to pick me up!!!

[paint magnet]

I drove down to the beach one time (about four hours away) to visit this bartender's daughter for her birthday. Had all kinds of "fun stuff" planned, and ten minutes before I get down there the dumb ***** decides it'd be a good idea to get arrested for smoking weed and driving around :tard: So I spent the night in a $35 hotel and drove back the next day.

[Triangle]

I drove down to the beach one time (about four hours away) to visit this bartender's daughter for her birthday. Had all kinds of "fun stuff" planned, and ten minutes before I get down there the dumb ***** decides it'd be a good idea to get arrested for smoking weed and driving around :tard: So I spent the night in a $35 hotel and drove back the next day.
Failure.

[tech-chan]

Yup, failure.

[paint magnet]

Thanks guys.

[FooTemps]

MASSIVE FAIL.

on that note...

Here's one of the more annoying things I find when I'm with a girl...

So you're just trying to sleep after a night with a girl, no wrong doing that right? Especially after she passes out right? Well, I always happen to be unlucky and happen to find the girls that kick and steal blankets in their sleep. Waking up to an elbow to the head or a cold room 3 times in one night is annoying as hell. It's the worst when she wakes up especially peppy and you've had crap for sleep.

[Triangle]

MASSIVE FAIL.

on that note...

Here's one of the more annoying things I find when I'm with a girl...

So you're just trying to sleep after a night with a girl, no wrong doing that right? Especially after she passes out right? Well, I always happen to be unlucky and happen to find the girls that kick and steal blankets in their sleep. Waking up to an elbow to the head or a cold room 3 times in one night is annoying as hell. It's the worst when she wakes up especially peppy and you've had crap for sleep.

Is this what you mentioned a few days ago?

[Altimas]

Push her into the floor....ever so gently.

[Lohman446]

MASSIVE FAIL.

on that note...

Here's one of the more annoying things I find when I'm with a girl...

So you're just trying to sleep after a night with a girl, no wrong doing that right? Especially after she passes out right? Well, I always happen to be unlucky and happen to find the girls that kick and steal blankets in their sleep. Waking up to an elbow to the head or a cold room 3 times in one night is annoying as hell. It's the worst when she wakes up especially peppy and you've had crap for sleep.


Thats mildly amusing. Last weekend my g/f brought her own blanket because she said that I tend to steal it. I woke up with two blankets :)

[Triangle]

Thats mildly amusing. Last weekend my g/f brought her own blanket because she said that I tend to steal it. I woke up with two blankets :)

Did she get a reciept for that too?


/LAUGH

[FooTemps]

Thats mildly amusing. Last weekend my g/f brought her own blanket because she said that I tend to steal it. I woke up with two blankets :)

Actually I was considering doing that next time. (the stealing the blanket thing, not the bringing an extra blanket thing)