A joke I felt like sharing.

[temps]

found it on www.jokedump.com
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GOOD NEWS!
Canada has offered to help the U.S. in the war on terrorism! They have pledged 2 battleships, 6000 troops and 10 fighter jets.



BAD NEWS.
With the current exchange rate that comes out to 2 canoes, a Mountie and a couple of flying squirrels

[Kai]

Hahah, it's funny because I hate Canada. (no offense...aye?)

[Kevmaster]

http://samuraiforce.net/images/history.gif

Ive seen this about 4 times on here

[FalconGuy016]

lol this was already posted, but its still funny :)

edit: didnt see that

[Python14]

What should you tell your girlfriend if she has two blackeyes?



Nothing.....You already told her twice.;)

[Greg98]

Originally posted by Kai
Hahah, it's funny because I hate Canada. (no offense...aye?)

heh he, funny thing too, because I hate America.
(no offense... right partner?)<---said like texas cowboy

[BobTheCow]

Hmm, looks like two big black eyes to me!! :D

Ya can't go wrong w/ the french jokes though. ;)

[Hasty8]

sensuous.

Told my old lady, "Since you was up, get me a beer."
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A guy is in the lobby of his apartment building getting his mail when he sees the hot new blonde lady who lives on his floor come out of the elevator. To his total surprise she is wearing nothing more than a flimsy bathrobe as she too goes to check her mail.

Trying to hide it as best he can his eyes scan her entire body and the blonde seeing this slides next to him, purrs and starts rubbing his arm.

He takes a chance and leans in to kiss her and she responds with a returned kiss so he puts his arms around her and reaches for her rear but she pulls away. He thinks it's over but she says "I hear some one coming. Let's go back to my place." which requires no large amount of contemplation on the guys part.

Not a second after the door closes and they are inside the apartment the woman is naked and standing before him. His eyes wash all over her body and she asks "So, what feature do you find the most amazing?" to which the guy responds "Your ears."

This confuses the woman and she asks why her ears to which the guy states "Remeber when you said downstairs that your heard some one coming? That was me."
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A ventriloquist is on stage doing his act which mainly consists of blond jokes. 15 minutes into the act a woman in the audience stands up and shouts out "You know, it's bad anough that guys are constantly trying to get into our pants without loser comedians like yourself trying to make a few laughs on our supposed stupidity. We blondes are just not going to stand for it any more!"

This surprises the comedian who begins to stammer out an apology to which the blonde replies "Not you pal. I'm talking to the little guy on your knee!"
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A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.

“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.”

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”
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Q -How do we know toothpaste was invented in Alabama?
A - Because if it had been invented anywhere else it would be know as "Teethpaste".
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I love this next joke because as a father I can really see this happen....

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. “Well, we’re not having that sort of {BLEEP} in our garden.”
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And now, one for the ladies out there....
Q - Why are blonde jokes so short?
A - So men can remember them.


To the mods - I hope I didn't cross any lines here but if I did please let me know and I'll change whatever needs to be changed.

[Mickster]

Like the canadian one had my side in stitches :D

Whats a blondes favourite nursery Rhyme?

HumpMe DumpMe

[Kai]

Originally posted by Greg98


heh he, funny thing too, because I hate America.
(no offense... right partner?)

Touché.

[BTAutoMag]

why did the baby cross the road...

because he was stapled to the chicken...

(so stupid, its funny)

now one for the women


why do doctors slap babies when theyre born...

to knock the penis off the smart ones:)

[zen_dawg]

One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner.

I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risqué picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

"Mom, what's this?" I asked. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered.

"Is it working?" I asked. "Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"