How to kiss?

[pbguy87]

Hey my friend needs to know how to kiss, its his first time. I cant really help him, can I have some opinions please? :)

[shartley]

This is a joke right? You want people to tell you how to tell "your friend" how to kiss? ;)

:rolleyes:

[Demobilized]

First get naked, then go outside with icecubes stuck between your buttchecks. Then roll around on the ground screaming until so fat guy comes up to you and askes u to get off his yard. Congrulation you now know how to kiss!

[Python14]

Dude, just kiss the girl and get on with it. It's not hard. I know you...er, I mean your friend,will somehow survive, provided you...er, I mean your friend gets to Decontamination fast enough.

[BobTheCow]

lol what's kinda funny/sad is it actually IS his friend, not him... lol just thought I'd share this little tidbit. It's been funning up our whole afternoon.

[LittlePaintballBoy]

oh,bobthe cow wants to know how to kiss:D

[Cryer]

step one:
http://spamhate.com/Drunk.sml.gif



the rest will come naturally. If it doesn't, repeat step one numerous times.

[BobTheCow]

oh,bobthe cow wants to know how to kiss
meh... :eek: :D

lol if only I was presented with the oppurtunity...

[shartley]

Yeah, okay…. How about this? Lick your lips real quick so they are not dry. Then lean in real close and try to get your lips close to her lips. Then when she kisses back, follow her lead. She will generally let you know if she wants it hard, soft, etc. Do NOT try to go too fast. Do NOT try to jam your tongue in her mouth. While kissing her, you can gently take your tongue and touch her lips with it. If she is receptive she will open her mouth a bit and usually reciprocate with a little tongue action herself.

Blah blah blah.. yadda yadda yadda… etc. etc. etc.

Better?

Oh.. and make sure it ISN'T one of MY daughters!




;)


No.... I am serious.

[Miscue]

Umm... first of all, make sure you have a clean mouth.

Chapstick is your friend. Make sure you do not have dry/cracked lips. Slightly moisten before going at it.

Let's see... the procedure. Put lips together. Slight suction. Gentle grabbing of individual lips. Progress to mild tongue action later on. This graduates to sucking on each other's tongues, and reaching for tonsils. Oh, and don't forget the rubbing, and get your hips into it.



:D

[FalconGuy016]

lol I will also find this useful :)
Thanks shartley and miscue! I will meditate...

[irbodden]

Originally posted by FalconGuy016
lol I will also find this useful :)

Your family got a new pet dog?

[Python14]

Kissing will quickly become the only thing that you rather do ahead of paintball. Girls rule. Kissing girls rules almost as much.

[FalconGuy016]

Originally posted by irbodden


Your family got a new pet dog?

Dude... no...

















cats are better :)

[Miscue]

Oh, and I was kidding about the hips thing. That's not really something to begin with. But, later on you'll find that you can do it all at the same time... lips, hands, tongue, pelvis... all simultaneously... no problem.

[FalconGuy016]

Originally posted by Miscue
Oh, and I was kidding about the hips thing. That's not really something to begin with. But, later on you'll find that you can do it all at the same time... lips, hands, tongue, pelvis... all simultaneously... no problem.

LOL!!!

[BobTheCow]

wow... I don't think I have EVER seen a more informative/helpful post by Shartley, or Miscue, and that's saying a lot... and in the SAME THREAD!! RIGHT AFTER EACHOTHER!! *cries in utter happiness*

**edit** omg I hate 56k I just missed like 3 posts, soooooooooo: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!

[Benfica4ever]

Wow

let me write these things down.:D

Might come in handy one day.....

[BobTheCow]

"Write down"?? pshh, amatuer...

*highlight*
*ctrl + C*
*open word*
*ctrl + V*
*highlight*
*font size +50*
*print several copies*

[Miscue]

Originally posted by shartley
She will generally let you know if she wants it hard, soft, etc. Do NOT try to go too fast.

...

If she is receptive she will open her mouth a bit and usually reciprocate with a little tongue action herself.



Words of wisdom.

[Benfica4ever]

Originally posted by BobTheCow63
"Write down"?? pshh, amatuer...

*highlight*
*ctrl + C*
*open word*
*ctrl + V*
*highlight*
*font size +50*
*print several copies*
Yeah your right i should


or i can just write it down:D

[shartley]

Originally posted by Miscue


Words of wisdom.
LOL Thanks, but I think the more important words of wisdom are as follows….

Originally posted by shartley
Oh.. and make sure it ISN'T one of MY daughters!


;)

[Miscue]

Umm... you noticed that I took your quote out of context, right? :p

[shartley]

Originally posted by Miscue
Umm... you noticed that I took your quote out of context, right? :p
ummmmm Yes, but didn't "get it" until now. ;)

My OTHER words of wisdom apply even MORE then! :p

[Jazzman]

Don't forget to close your eyes. Try to do this right before your lips meet, otherwise you'll miss.

Don't eat anything with garlic all day either.

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by Jazzman
Don't eat anything with garlic all day either. Damn... *washes mouth vigorously* :D

[Benfica4ever]

Originally posted by BobTheCow63
*washes mouth vigorously* :D
Hahaha

thats a good one.

[Miscue]

Originally posted by Jazzman
Don't forget to close your eyes. Try to do this right before your lips meet, otherwise you'll miss.


Bah. This is not true.

[BobTheCow]

how so?

[Miscue]

You're like right next to each other. How can you miss? This isn't like, long distance sport kissing or something.

[BobTheCow]

Although, this IS coming from Mighty Miscue the Moderator, who (obviously) has had a little experience in this field...

(heh, possible pun... ;) )

[Jazzman]

Originally posted by Miscue
You're like right next to each other. How can you miss? This isn't like, long distance sport kissing or something.

It might be dark. Besides, even if you miss by half an inch, she'll know.

"Why is your tongue in my nose?"

:D

[shartley]

Originally posted by Jazzman


It might be dark. Besides, even if you miss by half an inch, she'll know.

"Why is your tongue in my nose?"

:D
Anyone who dives in with their tongue out is an idiot. ;)

And if you miss the mouth, you can always play it slick and do little kisses around her mouth and her cheek, and bring it onto target. :D Even the most experienced kissers miss the mark now and again.

We ARE dealing with cherries aren’t we…… ;)

[Miscue]

Dude. When you're kissing someone, you're not like... standing in front of each other and then going for a quick peck like two 5 year olds... or a quick, high precision tongue in the mouth.

Generally, the nose is below the eyes, and directly underneath that is the mouth. If you have her head cradled in your hand, you have even more of a reference of where to go.

Man, if you can't find the lips... how are you ever going to find her...

Nevermind. :p

[Miscue]

Originally posted by shartley

Anyone who dives in with their tongue out is an idiot. ;)



Well, that depends on what you are aiming for. :p

[shartley]

Originally posted by Miscue


Well, that depends on what you are aiming for. :p
Doh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[-Jôker-]

Originally posted by Miscue


Well, that depends on what you are aiming for. :p

that was the last person id thought id hear say that :rolleyes:

[MagMan5446]

Ooh tee hee hee, I love the youngins on these boards...


...just don't slobber.

[Jazzman]

Originally posted by shartley



And if you miss the mouth, you can always play it slick and do little kisses around her mouth and her cheek, and bring it onto target. :D Even the most experienced kissers miss the mark now and again.



True, but for the first kiss, hitting the mark is fairly important.



Originally posted by Miscue


Well, that depends on what you are aiming for.



Woo-hah. We'll save that for another post....

[Kevmaster]

you dont know how hard im laughing in my chair over here in the 'ham!!

oh...yeh...and taking notes down too ;)

[spazzed]

Ah hell, might as well throw my 2cents in.. If things are on the up&up, a nibble here & a nibble there is always a good move ;)

[Python14]

The neck is not just for colars and vampires....if you catch my drift

[dcmander]

Paintballers are losers.


:D

[.bolink]

I like to finsih off with a slight sucking of the bottom lip...drives most girls crazy...then theres right below their ear/on there lobe, then the neck, then the color bone, stomach, hip bone, and uh nm lol.

[nippinout]

Word of wisdom: SHAVE

If I don't shave, it ends up ripping apart Miscue's pretty face. :D

[-Carnifex-]

Don't forget to put your hands down their pants. Now, what's harder to learn than kissing is, undoing the bra, jesus.

[Darkling]

Originally posted by Miscue
Man, if you can't find the lips... how are you ever going to find her...

Nevermind. :p

LOL! Wow, this is the funniest thread I think I've ever seen on AO. Miscue, Shartley, you guys are hilarious. Poor kids, they're so funny...

Anyway, I think the smartest thing you can do is be gentle and respectful. Don't try to do anything else, and when they say 'no,' they mean it.

[.bolink]

Originally posted by Darkling

and when they say 'no,' they mean it.

BINGO!

[LittleKrems]

i like girls

[paintball_junkie]

First of this si hilarious. Theres a couple rules first never slobber first and foremost. 2nd always have fresh breathe. 3rd let her use the tongue first just trust me. 4th close your eyes its really unromantic if you dont. Listen to bolink on the sucking of the lip they love that.

[BajaBoy]

Originally posted by nippinout
Word of wisdom: SHAVE

omg i cant believe this is a thread.. :eek: its kinda funny though

but nippinout has a strong point. You HAVE to shave. no questions about it lol

[Sooky]

LOL! This thread is going to get huge!



Originally posted by -Carnifex-
Now, what's harder to learn than kissing is, undoing the bra, jesus. I've never understood whats so hard about that....:confused:

[FooTemps]

um... kissing?

Yeah, how to kiss... Put your lips on the other person's lips... Don't miss and kiss the eyelid or something...

[LittMag]

Originally posted by BajaBoy


omg i cant believe this is a thread.. :eek: its kinda funny though

but nippinout has a strong point. You HAVE to shave. no questions about it lol

Actually, my girlfriend likes it a little bit rough. :D

[joeyjoe367]

Originally posted by LittleKrems
i like girls

Wow! Me too! Except, none like me so I'll just crawl into my corner...

... and die...





... alone :(

[Miscue]

Here's another thing...

Put just a tiny bit of cologne on... like Obsession or Romance or something. Just a TINY bit, that's all you need. I'm talking, dab your finger... tap your neck. Get the whole sensory range going for her, when you kiss.

BTW. DO NOT put your hands where they should not be, unless you want to screw it up. If you do... and she likes it... let me know, cuz I've been looking for something like that.

Be gentle... caress... finesse...

[rehme]

ok i think it is get to WEIRD in AO now. :p

[BobTheCow]

Oh... my... god...
I swear, this thread is my new bible.
The LOVE bible!! :D

[breg]

Originally posted by Cryer
step one:
http://spamhate.com/Drunk.sml.gif



the rest will come naturally. If it doesn't, repeat step one numerous times.

Cryer, step one has been repeated over and over, now i can't figure why my hands won't come off my wrists.

I can't remember why I was doing step one, I already know how to kiss. Maybe I just thought it is a good idea?

[MantisMag]

lol. this thread is GREAT! although it does border on the not work-safe at some points. :eek: i wonder what the sys admin will think if he happens to check the logs and see this discussion...

[FalconGuy016]

lol!!! This is already one of the best threads :) I know when I have to kiss ill come here

[Jazzman]

If you cradle her head in your hand, as Miscue recommends, place your other hand on the small of her back.

[-Carnifex-]

Originally posted by Jazzman
If you cradle her head in your hand, as Miscue recommends, place your other hand on the small of her back.

Or her pants / chest.

[pbguy87]

yup...n... is going to know how to kiss...thanx for the feedback....(n... being my friend)

[SpongeBobSquarePants]

Wow, this was very uh....... whats the word I'm looking for I don't know a cross between infomative and utterly disturbing. I got it Instribing. yea thats it. How ever I don't feel like such a loser now, even I have kissed a girl. Oh, and on the tounge think, let her make the first move. Trust me.

[MagAl]

Ahhhhh!

5 words "Circular Motion of the tongue" and That goes for both Kissing and ....... :rolleyes:

[AssassN]

Originally posted by shartley
Yeah, okay…. How about this? Lick your lips real quick so they are not dry. Then lean in real close and try to get your lips close to her lips. Then when she kisses back, follow her lead. She will generally let you know if she wants it hard, soft, etc. Do NOT try to go too fast. Do NOT try to jam your tongue in her mouth. While kissing her, you can gently take your tongue and touch her lips with it. If she is receptive she will open her mouth a bit and usually reciprocate with a little tongue action herself.

Blah blah blah.. yadda yadda yadda… etc. etc. etc.

Better?

Oh.. and make sure it ISN'T one of MY daughters!




;)


No.... I am serious.

SAM THE SEX MACHINE!!!

[Cryer]

this thread should be stickied...

[-Carnifex-]

Originally posted by SpongeBobSquarePants
Wow, this was very uh....... whats the word I'm looking for I don't know a cross between infomative and utterly disturbing.

Awww, how sweet, he's still grossed out by girls.

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by -Carnifex-
Awww, how sweet, he's still grossed out by girls.
*giggles*

I officially feel like the hugest nerd ever, seeing as I'm SERIOUSLY taking romantic advice from a group of strangers I know online... aww what am I saying, AO's practically a second family!!! GROUP HUG!!! (make sure not to touch shartley's daughters :eek: )

[paintball_junkie]

I found somthing out if when your kissing you put both your hands on their hips and give them a littel squeeze they love. Miscue try that it worked great.

[Gitaroo Man]

Originally posted by .bolink
I like to finsih off with a slight sucking of the bottom lip...drives most girls crazy...


thats always good

[SI|ENT|3O|3]

Step one: get naked
Step two: start to...oh wait, kissing. uhh go get 'em tiger?
-sebastian

funny thread might i add

edited: o yeah, just so yall don't think im a freak..i was kidding, im only 14 you sicko's ;)

[GT]

Originally posted by pbguy87
Hey my friend needs to know how to kiss, its his first time. I cant really help him, can I have some opinions please? :)

hahaha,
this thread sucks, dont ever tell anyone your username.

jb

[BTAutoMag]

miscue why you posting in here. youre only good at other things as you have stated before (he can pull 9bps with his toungue)























i told you id never let you live that down, what was it over a year ago:)

[Jonno06]

i usually put my hands on her side/hips.

anywho..you cant really..try...to kiss.

tell him you "just do it"...like nike.

anyways...goodluck.


(also, dont get tongue happy)

[BTAutoMag]

BTW i always find it fun to massage her tougnue with my lips and a little suction. drives em crazy

[Jonno06]

also..sometimes..you can ask them if you can kiss them...so you dont get a swift kick to the jewels...

but some girls like to be suprised....


(ide rather not get a swift kick in the jewels either way..so i try being safe, and ask)

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by Jonno06
also..sometimes..you can ask them if you can kiss them...so you dont get a swift kick to the jewels...

but some girls like to be suprised....


(ide rather not get a swift kick in the jewels either way..so i try being safe, and ask) hehehe...


*pushes glasses up nose*
"Can I kiss you?"
*smack*
*sigh* at least the boys are okay...

[gimp]

kiss what? Well, whatever it is, make sure it doesnt smell, then give it hell.

[LittleKrems]

Originally posted by FooTemps
um... kissing?

Yeah, how to kiss... Put your lips on the other person's lips... Don't miss and kiss the eyelid or something...

oooh all this time i thought kissing was sucking the juices out of the eye socket... silly me:rolleyes: :D

[land hurricane]

heh, this thread is great.

[Jonno06]

[cool voice] I'm a pro at kissing [/cool voice]

[Zumina]

Leave it to a member or AO to conjur up yet another bizarre thread :D

[MantisMag]

Originally posted by paintball_junkie
I found somthing out if when your kissing you put both your hands on their hips and give them a littel squeeze they love.

and not just the hips either! some girls like to be squeezed ALL over. although it's probably safer to at least start with the hips. ;)

[i like tictacs]

well i have found from experience that asking to kiss a girl then getting rejected...sucks.;)

[ICOM]

Girls, man what they have to offer... :)















P.S.This thread applys for those that don't like the opposite sex too, ::not pointing fingers at no one::

[sparklie Chick]

Hee hee Yup make sure it's not trouble or fan club either :rolleyes:

Top tip if your lips are chapped gently rub em with a dry tooth brush this will remove dry bits and then chap stick but not too much!

Make sure you clean your teeth there is nothing worse than stained teeth or bits of plaue. I know you guys are mostly american and brits have terrbile teeth so you should be ok on that score just brush em and like the guy said no garlic onions curry ect.

For a first kiss on a first date SHAVE she might not want half her face torn off some of us are delicate flowers and have soft sensative skin. If your doing the reall smoothie I sugest moving skillfully from the cuddle/ hug or arm over her shoulder to gentaly cradleing her face in your hands dead romatic and then you shouldn't miss ;) Gental men are supposed to make the fisrt move but like the lads said if shes happy she will kiss you back.

No means no and if you respect and care then you will stop.

Girl fact kissing burns off some thing like 200/300 caloires per hour:D

Always a good thing :)

If you have any pericings make sure they are all seculy in place. Very few unlucky guys are allergic to lanolin they put in Lippy so if you come out in a rash this could be why!

Kissings great get comfee enjoy good luck you will find your miss right :)

[IcantBelieveit]

theres nothing like the first kiss, it will always stay with you

[-=Squid=-]

Its late, so tomorrow I will come up with something very witty and humorous to say. Out!

[GaryWV]

some of us are delicate flowers and have soft sensative skin

SOME of you may be delicate flowers, but Ive seen plenty of women that could usa a shave. This one time I was kissing this girl and she slobered all over me, she scraped too...but thats for another thread kiddies! :)

[Viral]

LOL. This thread is unbelievable. How to kiss???

"I have this friend, and he wants to know how to think. You see, he's never thought before and he's just recently decided he wants to start thinking. I can't really help him out so can you guys describe, in great detail, how my friend can think? I'm sure a few of you older members have at least rudimentary experience with thinking and probably know how to do it. So maybe you can tell us your little secrets on how you think. My friend wants to be a really good thinker, so thanks in advance for your advice!"

Having read this thread and clicked on several profiles, it just dawned on me that the mean age of AO members is only slightly higher than my shoe size. I have literally been playing paintball longer than some AOers have been alive! crazy! ;)

--Viral

[Ov3rmind]

Wait, I think I may be able to help you with this. As far as I know (don't quote me on this), kissing involves the "mouth". Specifically the lips and inner cavity..... I think. Am I right guys?:confused:

[kenndogg]

rent a couple of softcore porn and you'll be up to speed:) .

[Cypher]

Originally posted by -Carnifex-
Don't forget to put your hands down their pants. Now, what's harder to learn than kissing is, undoing the bra, jesus.

Here's something to practice one handed:
1) put thumb behind clasp of bra to one side (like you're giving someone a thumbs up)
2) bring pointer finger to opposite side of clasp
3) in a counterclockwise motion, twist with your thumb and fore finger
4) TADA!

[scott_p_1]

Now on the bra issue. To REALLY impress her, don't your hands. You have to learn how to take off a bra using less than normal methods. A lot of girls are impressed when you use your teeth. But for the really dexterious people, use 1 foot, while she's sitting on your back completely clothed giving you a massage without her noticing. Now THAT impresses them :)

[FalconGuy016]

Thanks sparklie chick :) Its always nice to have a girl's point of view
I remember when this thread was going to be made, I was there and we just wanted to start a small, simple, thread to give our friend (who I'll let you all know got his first kiss last friday!) some pointers on how to kiss... And now its turned into a guide for us all lol

[BobTheCow]

omg lol I'm back online for like 15 minutes, and I just HAD to bring back this thread!!!!! If you haven't read it, go ahead and have a good chuckle... if you have, LOL LET'S KEEP IT GOIN!! haha nothin beats good practical advice. ;)

Wait, scratch that... I guess experience does... *shrugs*

[Miscue]

Hey, BTW... how did the first kissing thing go anyway?

Send reports!

[DukeNukem1287]

Haha ya, if any gives there first kiss and uses the AO Kissing Advice, tell me if it works out :D

[Mango]

lol how did I miss this thread the first time ! oh man this is funny. :D

[Daroy99]

My first kiss sucked. Royally. I mean it wass good it just wasnt that exciting. Thers other things for that

[Vegeta]

What next? a 'How to find the Clitoris?' thread?



*sigh*

[Python14]

Hahaha, my first kiss was pretty good. Kind of out of the blue, but whose complaining?

[DukeNukem1287]

O heres a good question, Lets say u just met this girl and ur on ur 1st 2nd or maybe even 3rd dat how do you know when the time is right to kiss her?

How can u tell if she will accept it?

My first kiss i will always remember cuz it was on my 14th birthday :D

[FooTemps]

wow... this uh... came back to life... lol

[-Carnifex-]

Originally posted by Vegeta
What next? a 'How to find the Clitoris?' thread?



*sigh*

Do you need help?

[MagAl]

Originally posted by DukeNukem1287
O heres a good question, Lets say u just met this girl and ur on ur 1st 2nd or maybe even 3rd dat how do you know when the time is right to kiss her?

How can u tell if she will accept it?

My first kiss i will always remember cuz it was on my 14th birthday :D

Dam man if she dont kiss you on the first date dump her...

On another note.......

While kissing you hafta grab the hips or her azz to add some excitement up in there..

[MagAl]

Originally posted by Vegeta
What next? a 'How to find the Clitoris?' thread?



*sigh*

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Well what you have to do is get her a bit riled up first then you have to...... nevermind that
*edit*
oh and btw..........SOFTCORE PORN SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!

[Miscue]

Err... don't start crossing lines now.

[dinger]

OMG BUUUUUUMMPPY BUMP BUMP!! THIS IS HILARIOUS


i love how girls have soft lips ^^ [or at least my gf did :o]


also.. i recommend not kissing someone while in a semi-fast walk lol

[impostal22]

well i can kinda see why someone would create this thread..kinda...lol...

the only question i ever really had was: create suction or just press lips together? do both qualify as kissing?

more of a theoretical question rather than a curious question...

[dinger]

btw, how come you never posted how the kiss went? :o

[logamus]

Originally posted by gimp
kiss what? Well, whatever it is, make sure it doesnt smell, then give it hell.

champion advice.

btw this thread is hella funny.

[ERut]

This thread needs to die! die and go to hell!















Or be made a classic...

[RenagadeOfFunk]

i suggest they do it with the opposite sex...or same...or both...whatever they prefer...or like...or expeimenting with...or skip kissing and go to sex...whatever...:rolleyes:

[logamus]

you can always practice on your mom.

[Mango]

:eek:

[logamus]

i love you despair.com (http://www.despair.com).



hotel coral essex. the funniest part of that otherwise horrible sequel.

[nate2k191]

? just get numerous girl friends and play around with kissing until you get it down? then go to the one girl you really like and lay it on her**.

** her excludes that dude's daughters... :)

[davidb]

Originally posted by sparklie Chick
Girl fact kissing burns off some thing like 200/300 caloires per hour:D


Another fun fact- If the first two movies can be used as a precedent, The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King should be good for at least a thousand calories.

Added: Don't try too hard. Maybe I should rephrase that.. Don't try too hard to act like you know what you're doing, because, hell, you don't! She probably knows that it's your/your friend's/some guy you know's first time, and won't be expecting you to be some kind of makeout artiste. This can actually be a good thing, it is generally a pretty special thing to be somebodies first kiss, and she will probably feel special because of it, and making a girl feel special is always a good thing. Don't try anything that might be called a "move", keep it innocent- unless you have a long time where you will be effectively alone (i.e. noncrowded movie theater), and plan on kissing her for the duration, in which case you will probably want to do something different after a while. Generally anything from the neck on up is safe territory, but you might want to check before you start sucking on her neck (sounds wierd, until you've tried it), to see if she: A. is susceptible to hickeys, and B. has a particular aversion to going home with a hickey or two.
I'm sorry, but if I divulge any more than that... I'll have to kill you. And there are a lot of you. ;)

[BobTheCow]

I KNEW this thread couldn't stay away for long!! Keeping it in my sig is very truthful...


your/your friend's/some guy
Come ON dinger, you still don't believe it wasn't me or FalconGuy? :p

[slateman]

you guys realize that he started this thread like three months ago?

I mean, by now he needs advice on...ummm....how do I put this....shall we say, "Other Stuff" :D:D:D

[PyRo]

Yeah somone give him advice on how to hug :)

[BobTheCow]

lol davidb, sorry for misquoting you!!!

AND, if you guys look carefully... it wasn't ME who actually started this thread!!!

*triumphantly crosses arms in assumed victory*

[frost]

everyone know how to kiss! are u kidding me either you can kiss but suck at it or u are good its not life or death





:( someone kill me i dont know how to kiss!

[UltimatePaintballer]

don't have anything in your mouth while your kissing thats all i can say

[BobTheCow]

So what you're saying is to ditch the clove of garlic I keep nestled in the side of my mouth BEFORE I lay it on her?? :p

**edit** substitute "I" for "some random person" :eek:

[UltimatePaintballer]

yea that or gum

[luke]

NO, I didn't read the entire thread, but I want to know, DID HE KISS HER? :D

[BobTheCow]

Yes he did... quite a long time ago, in fact... lol like in June!!

[FalconGuy016]

Originally posted by BobTheCow63
Yes he did... quite a long time ago, in fact... lol like in June!!

Yes I posted that :) or pbguy87... it is too long to remember

[dinger]

i read the ENTIRE thread, because at 1:30am you get a HUGE kick out of this :D :D

and i dont remember him stating he kissed her :o

all i can say.. my first kiss... there was a SLIGHT problem that i cant state here because its kinda awkwards and embarassing and was just "in the way" :(:(

[i like tictacs]

one time a girl kissed me for her first time, i had done it before..dare i say it, she really sucked, and it hurt my mouth, she was like jamming into me, i tried to bak off but she lunged again...

needless to say that relationship didn't last long, as it happened three time in a row and she never learned. :cool:

[GhillieGuy]

Originally posted by i like tictacs
one time a girl kissed me for her first time, i had done it before..dare i say it, she really sucked, and it hurt my mouth, she was like jamming into me, i tried to bak off but she lunged again...

needless to say that relationship didn't last long, as it happened three time in a row and she never learned. :cool:
Haha, well just think that we were all in her position at one time (maybee not as bad of a kisser) but.. o well.

[slateman]

Originally posted by dinger
i read the ENTIRE thread, because at 1:30am you get a HUGE kick out of this :D :D

and i dont remember him stating he kissed her :o

all i can say.. my first kiss... there was a SLIGHT problem that i cant state here because its kinda awkwards and embarassing and was just "in the way" :(:(

:confused: :confused: :confused:

I'm sure the answer is obvious but I don't get it. Maybe its the 6 hours of research I just did. PM me.

[BTAutoMag]

Originally posted by slateman
you guys realize that he started this thread like three months ago?

I mean, by now he needs advice on...ummm....how do I put this....shall we say, "Other Stuff" :D:D:D

ok first you say hi...

then you take off her pants...

[painball]

This thread depresses me. I'm 15 amd still haven't gotten kissed or even had a girlfriend. Well no...not really **** girls. I turned down 3 girls who wanted to go to homecoming with me for paintball :D Which BTW is tomorrow

[i like tictacs]

dude you gotta know when to let the paintball go...i'd rather get laid then practice.


if it was a tourney on the otherhand...

[RenagadeOfFunk]

Girl fact kissing burns off some thing like 200/300 caloires per hour


any girls want to lose weight ;)

[i like tictacs]

Not like i'd be kissing thems ones who needs to lose the weight anyway...

[BobTheCow]

wow... homecoming's on the way, I'm dateless, and coming back to this thread re-solidified how incredibly much of a loser I am.

At least PAINTBALL will always be there for me!! :rolleyes:

[i like tictacs]

Originally posted by BobTheCow63
wow... homecoming's on the way, I'm dateless, and coming back to this thread re-solidified how incredibly much of a loser I am.

At least PAINTBALL will always be there for me!! :rolleyes:

Meh, I wouldn't consider myself a loser, just lacking in the sex dept.

And yeah, paintball will always be there ;)

[FatMan]

Originally posted by i like tictacs
one time a girl kissed me for her first time, i had done it before..dare i say it, she really sucked, and it hurt my mouth, she was like jamming into me, i tried to bak off but she lunged again...

needless to say that relationship didn't last long, as it happened three time in a row and she never learned. :cool:

That sounds like an excellent opportunity to TEACH her how to kiss, which naturally leads to teaching her how to neck, and then a little petting and then and little more petting and a little more petting and then ...

Ah, little girls, like putty in my hands ...

Not that I've ever done that or anything - but it sounds like you could. :D

FatMan

[MantisMag]

hey fatman! welcome back. where ya been?

[GhillieGuy]

Originally posted by MantisMag
hey fatman! welcome back. where ya been?

Eating, where else?

[BlkSprk]

Originally posted by i like tictacs
Not like i'd be kissing thems ones who needs to lose the weight anyway...

Hey, i love me some big girls :)

Oh, and it is very true that girl are damn impressed if you can do the bra one handed, i had to teach my ex how to do it, even she needed two hands... come to think of it, she wasnt the brightest.

hey shartley, can i get a picture of your daughters? jk... please dont kill me

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by BlkSprk
hey shartley, can i get a picture of your daughters?
You're a brave, brave man... or a pitifully stupid one... who knows. :D
lol and I love how this thread just refuses to die!!

[gam-e]

Originally posted by BlkSprk

hey shartley, can i get a picture of your daughters? jk... please dont kill me

i love it
i love it
I LOVE IT!


lol thats great. and on cometh the slaying.

[BlkSprk]

and on cometh the slaying.


You're a brave, brave man... or a pitifully stupid one... who knows.

Some how i fear i may have opened a can of worms

[Lopy-slopy]

All I can say about kissing is just shove your toung in their and hope for the best. works fine for me.

[Yamz]

BlkSprk,
I give you credit for having balls the size of church bells(since your the only one brave enough to ask) I hope he he doesnt hurt you too bad.

[Benfica4ever]

Hey anyone can Kiss.......Its just the matter of kissing GOOD

[PyRo]

Originally posted by Lopy-slopy
All I can say about kissing is just shove your toung in their and hope for the best. works fine for me.
So thats where you get your user name from :)
I thought this thread was dead along time ago.

[FalconGuy016]

Originally posted by PyRo

So thats where you get your user name from :)
I thought this thread was dead along time ago.

It will never die :)

It will always serve as the highest and most informational guide for all

[BobTheCow]

It will always serve as the highest and most informational guide for all
Thus, my sig. :D

[PyRo]

So your the reason this thread won't die :)

[BobTheCow]

Yep!!

So, I'm assuming shartley never got BlkSprk's message from a page ago... I'm thinking a PM's in order?? :eek: :D

[PyRo]

You do it, i'm not getting involved with that :)

[BlkSprk]

Bob, its your fault i'm on this post in the first place, dont do that too me... please dont do that to me.

[PyRo]

You my friend are so dead :)

[BlkSprk]

i hate you guys

[BobTheCow]

lol I was kidding before... but man oh man, I HAFTA see this now... :D
*sends PM*

[shartley]

LOL I have not been watching this thread. I got a PM so came to check it out. ;)

No, I will not roast you alive, nor rip off your limbs……. Although that might not be a bad idea, and I reserve that right! ;) Also in spite of your bra navigational abilities, they are almost impossible to do with broken hands……:mad::eek:

This picture was posted already here on AO, but is a couple years old. Jenn (the oldest) turns 21 in January, Jess just turned 16, Jay is 14, and Hope is 3.

http://www.automags.org/forums/attachment.php?s=&postid=395038

Now that this is out of the way, any further questions may result in a different response… :mad:

;)

[ExtremeODD]

rofl this has been hilarous (just read the whole thing) heh im not much of a loser, i play paintball and have a gf, and almost made it all of the way (im 15, and I offically hate parents comming home 5 hours early!!!!:mad: ) thats pretty funny, throwing most of clothes back on and trying to act normal

[SpecialBlend2786]

lmao

too bad i have a kinda long distance relationship. I might have been able to put some of this to use :p

[BlkSprk]

Shartley... I love you

[shartley]

Originally posted by BlkSprk
Shartley... I love you
Hey now....... carefull.....


;)

[gam-e]

man... no body has called dibs yet.

fine with me... i got the one on the left!

Dion

[PyRo]

Shartley is really going to be angry now :)

[BlkSprk]

**points at gam-e** look shartley, a distraction **runs away** as for the dibs... not goin there

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by BlkSprk
as for the dibs... not goin there
Good call... :p

[gam-e]

boys im buying a ring...


for my nose. and then im going to propose ;)

[Ov3rmind]

*Digs trench and puts on helmet for ensuing Shartley chaos*

[BobTheCow]

*watches trench, and ensuing chaos, from far, far away*

[PyRo]

/me puts random weapons all over and stands back with a video camera :)

[shartley]

Taking notes……

gam-e
Location: Victoria, Tx
AIM: DionHolm
ICQ: 112756387
MSN & Email : kennysdead43@hotmail.com
DOB December 23, 1985

Yeah, that should do it. I have tracked down folks starting with far less……


:eek:

[gam-e]

come armed, and come ready. we south texas boys dont sleep with our guns off saftey for nothing.

would you like my address....DAD!

Dion

[gamarada717]

Shartley, when you bust into his house ready to kill him, don't forget to take pictures of his face. :)

[PyRo]

I can get his IP adress for you :)

[gam-e]

bring a camera. it will be meet the parents. VOLUME TWO!

[BlkSprk]

Originally posted by BobTheCow63

You're a brave, brave man... or a pitifully stupid one... who knows. :D

gam-e... good luck...

ps if shartley has a nice 30.06... he can hit you from two miles and still manage to kill with lethal accuracy... shartley, wanna borrow mine?

[shartley]

Originally posted by BlkSprk
gam-e... good luck...

ps if shartley has a nice 30.06... he can hit you from two miles and still manage to kill with lethal accuracy... shartley, wanna borrow mine?
Why would you want to kill like that? You younger folks just don’t know how to enjoy yourselves……

Oh, and a camera is a MUST! :D

(Oh… and can you kill with non-lethal accuracy? :p )

[gam-e]

Originally posted by shartley

You younger folks just don’t know how to enjoy yourselves……


sure we do, its called fruit of the vine.

so what kind of drinks are you bringing to the reception.

[shartley]

Originally posted by gam-e
sure we do, its called fruit of the vine.

so what kind of drinks are you bringing to the reception. Bah…. The best fruit is after it is squeezed and fermented!

Heck…… come to think of it, the best punishment for you may very well be to let you live a long and healthy life…. sitting across the table from me every Thanksgiving and Christmas! :eek:

:D

[gam-e]

naked










:eek:

[shartley]

Originally posted by gam-e
naked










:eek:
Homey don’t play that game…

[BobTheCow]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 111 :p :D :cool:

[gam-e]

roflmfao. hehehe, thought you would like that Sam.


i was just teasing you.

Dion

[GhillieGuy]

30-06's cant shoot passed a mile.. but you were just prolly exaderating..:)

[InfinatyBPS]

This thread might have been helpfull if my first and only girlfriend didn't break up with me after 3 days:( :o

[BlkSprk]

Originally posted by GhillieGuy
30-06's cant shoot passed a mile.. but you were just prolly exaderating..:)
what kinda 30-06 are you refferin to. i have a friend in the military, the ones they use are acuare to just shy of 2 miles (or so he says). though i will admit... i was aimin a little high there... mines not that accurate.

gam-e... no naked

[dinger]

bump for the noobs to the forum

[Lopy-slopy]

AGAIN!:eek: well, I guess it deserves it. I love this thread :D :p

[MaChu]

gam-e and shartley, whens the wedding date?:D

[dinger]

its just because its one of the most outrageous and hilarious threads on here!

and i made it a favorite, so i thuoght id look at it and laugh again :D

[AGDlover]

Open you mouth start kissing and stick his tung down her throght

[Lopy-slopy]

make sure to get all your spit in her mouth, and see if you can touch her tonsils! oh yah, if she lets you kiss her, it means she wants sex, so no saying no after that, go right for the kill.

[BobTheCow]

Best. Thread. Ever.
*points furiously at sig*

[bornl33t]

www.kissing.com

[paint magnet]

Uh oh, SHartley's got a hit list! :D

/me runs

[Dubstar112]

I see this topic, and I think "Very carefully"
lol

kissing.com who'd a thunk?

[PyRo]

Its back :)

[p8ntball1016]

Originally posted by PyRo
Its back :) i hate you

[TecnoRobo]

for some reason i was gonna look this thread up...
then i came to friendly forum and here it is

maybe fate has something in store for me soon

but i doubt it

[-Carnifex-]

Just make sure you get it lip to lip, not lip to just below the nose, or above the chin (they hate that), and don't stick your tongue down their throat.

[Trina]

ROTFLOL...I never saw this one before!! :D

This is great!! Made me think back to that first kiss...wow!! It was so good it made me weak in the knees. :D LOL!

[-Carnifex-]

My first kiss sucked.

[Trina]

It's all about good breath, the right cologne, gentleness...and getting close...real close...LOL!

[-Carnifex-]

Technique is key too.

[Trina]

Exactly what I meant...a combination of everything. What guys sometimes fail to realize, is that if you can "work it" in a kiss that will lead to much more:D Be confident and don't forget about getting CLOSE...and I know you all know what I mean...LOL! ;)

[Lopy]

I LOVE THIS THREAD. It the best thread here. we can never let it die. How many dumb kids do you think actualy used some of the idea in this thread.:D

[impostal22]

It's all about good breath, the right cologne, gentleness...and getting close...real close...LOL!

cologne..pfft.

[Miscue]

Originally posted by impostal22


cologne..pfft.

Dude, wearing cologne could be the difference between her being interested... to her deciding to throw caution into the wind and taking you home with her. :p

Then again, some don't care or don't like it. Safe bet is just a little of the good stuff...

[Miscue]

Originally posted by Trina
Exactly what I meant...a combination of everything. What guys sometimes fail to realize, is that if you can "work it" in a kiss that will lead to much more:D Be confident and don't forget about getting CLOSE...and I know you all know what I mean...LOL! ;)

Agreed. Strategic hand placement and body proximity is a big part of it. How you touch her, how you look at her, little nuances... things to learn if you want to optimize your skills in getting her panties around her ankles.

[Trina]

Originally posted by Miscue
Dude, wearing cologne could be the difference between her being interested... to her deciding to throw caution into the wind and taking you home with her. :p Then again, some don't care or don't like it. Safe bet is just a little of the good stuff...
LOL! Yes, for girls it's all in the senses. As long as you don't wear cheap crap or take a bath in it, cuz that is WAY gross. :eek: She should just barely be able to tell you have it on.

And just remember this one word: Abercrombie...women can't resist it, clothes, cologne, jewelry...it's all so sexy...:D

The way a man dresses is really more important then most guys realize...;)

[MantisMag]

Originally posted by Trina
And just remember this one word: Abercrombie...women can't resist it, clothes, cologne, jewelry...it's all so sexy...:D

hence the attraction to gay men. :p

[Trina]

That's true, but most gay men do know how to dress...:cool:

I'm just a city girl and that's what most girls I know find attractive...if you're from the country and you're looking for a country girl, I'm sure you wouldn't be wearing Abercrombie ;)
:D

[Cryer]

A&F is basically American Eagle... Just $30 more...:confused: I dont get it (or like it) Nautica, St. Johns Bay, and Levis are great.

[bunkermaster10]

I wear A&F and AE :o .....

Its the key guys trust me. Wear that stuff, grow a shag :rolleyes: , wear some nice cologne. I guarentee you will be able to pick up a chick any dude would like. Most girls dig that stuff, its freakin nice ;)





Ps: I don't have a shag.....

[MantisMag]

ewwwww shag. the only people who look semi decent like that are skinny pretty boys. in my opinion anyways. but what the hell do i know? i'm straight.

[impostal22]

Originally posted by Trina

And just remember this one word: Abercrombie...women can't resist it, clothes, cologne, jewelry...it's all so sexy...:D

The way a man dresses is really more important then most guys realize...;)

call me old fashioned but i really don't want to be with a chick who finds me attractive because of my clothes or the sensations she receives from my artificial good smell.:rolleyes:

[Trina]

Originally posted by MantisMag
ewwwww shag. the only people who look semi decent like that are skinny pretty boys. in my opinion anyways. but what the hell do i know? i'm straight.
I guess that's why there are different styles for different people. I mean...I can't exactly wear flowery clothes or I'd look hilarious!! But some girls can and look great:D

You don't have to be gay to know what looks good :D

What do you guys like to see women wearing (besides nothing..LOL!)

[bunkermaster10]

Originally posted by Trina
So...what clothes do you guys think look cool on women?


:D Abercrombie and AE..... ;)

[Trina]

Originally posted by impostal22
call me old fashioned but i really don't want to be with a chick who finds me attractive because of my clothes or the sensations she receives from my artificial good smell.:rolleyes:
I'm not saying these are the only important things...because they definately aren't :D But all I'm saying is these minor details add to everything else. I've been married to Doobie for 11 years and we both still wear cologne and dress nice for eachother, it's definately more important then you may realize. :D

Men are always gawking at girls because of the way they dress or smell...what makes you think that's not important to us...;)

[Miscue]

Originally posted by Trina
What do you guys like to see women wearing (besides nothing..LOL!)

I'm impressed by the girl who would be hot in tight, revealing clothes, but chooses to dress conservatively. Most don't... they go for the hoochie mama look to attract attention.

Otherwise... school girl knee socks, a thong, and a ponytail is right up my alley.

[MantisMag]

Originally posted by Trina
What do you guys like to see women wearing (besides nothing..LOL!)

i have eclectic tastes. basically as long as it matches i'll like it depending on who's wearing it.

[BobTheCow]

The thread that will not die. :) Yay. My sig wins again.

[paint magnet]

I wear whatever I feel like usually...and due to recent trends it somehow ends up being in style. (Most of my jeans are faded and torn and have holes in them but I guarantee you I didn't pay $80 for them to look that way brand new, they just get that way after about 2 years...)

As for what I like to see women in...it really depends on the girl. Yoga/jogging pants and a tight top are always good in my book (see Capo poster for example)

[Python14]

I prefer girls in those tight black pants with the zipper in the back. On top, I like a low-cut halter top with no back.

That or a pair of DYE Hybrids, thong showing, and a t-shirt that is 2 sizes too small.

[Trina]

LOL...this is funny!! :D So I have to keep running w/ it.

I just like the scenery (since I'm married that's what it is) when a guy looks like he cares and put forth an effort and also has the confidence to carry it off...that's just beautiful...LOL!!:p

And, don't think women don't notice...;)

[Miscue]

Originally posted by Trina
LOL...this is funny!! :D So I have to keep running w/ it.

I just like the scenery (since I'm married that's what it is) when a guy looks like he cares and put forth an effort and also has the confidence to carry it off...that's just beautiful...LOL!!:p

And, don't think women don't notice...;)

Yup, I figured this out through experimentation. What's cool is, after you get the girl you can be a slob again. You can even be mean to her, and she'll come back for more! They just can't get enough of that. And, when they are being good... you can reward them by taking them out and dressing how you used to... so you just do it once in a while. It becomes a special treat! But, she better hold her end of the bargain when you get home.

[gam-e]

Originally posted by Trina This is great!! Made me think back to that first kiss...wow!! It was so good it made me weak in the knees. :D LOL!

teeth were clankin' and it...


Originally posted by -Carnifex-
My first kiss sucked.

... sucked pretty bad because...


Originally posted by Trina It's all about good breath, the right cologne, gentleness...and getting close...real close...LOL!

... we were rediculously rough and we were swallowing each others faces...


you have to work to be a Don Juan ;)

Dion


oh btw here is something funny

given:
- money is the root of all evil
- time = money
- girls = time + money

so if money is the root of all evil and time is money, then girls are evil. BWAHAHAHAHA

[PyRo]

http://pic8.picturetrail.com:80/VOL252/1890625/3650699/45430364.jpg


:)

[paint magnet]

Yes, but given that equation, paintball is very evil :cool:

[Bad_Dog]

My first kiss sucked same thing here... man peer pressure can me to do anything:(

[p8ntball1016]

http://simpsons.ykt.ru/gallery/data/502/2bart_asq_google.gif?1260

[-Carnifex-]

Originally posted by Bad_Dog
same thing here... man peer pressure can me to do anything:(

Did you get pressured into kissing another guy? :D

[painball]

Is it sad that I am almost 16 and have not even had a gf, let alone kissed a girl? :( I suck at girls. :mad:

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by painball
Is it sad that I am almost 16 and have not even had a gf, let alone kissed a girl? :( I suck at girls. :mad: Woo-hoo, join the club buddy!! :)

[paint magnet]

Word.

[painball]

Being a teenager sucks. Raging hormones. Constantly thinking about girls. Yet i don't know how to approach em. Damn teenage years. :mad:

Stupid girls :D EEEM COOTIES!!

[paint magnet]

Well, uh... from my limited experience, I can tell you that confidence is definately a biggie...

Anyway if you don't have a girlfriend by the end of the year, you can always do like I'm planning to do and wait until the last day of school then start asking everybody, starting at the top of the list and gradually lowering my standards :D

And if it makes you feel any better, if/when you get turned down, you can say "Hey, at least I'm not as bad as paint magnet!" :rolleyes: :( :eek: :confused: :D

[p8ntball1016]

lowering standards works great. start with the hottest girl you know and work your way down.

[painball]

Heh. At my school if you have low standards, you have REALLY low standards. :p

[Torbo]

no dudes. here is what you do. given you are an upperclassman.

find a freshman. You have a couple options here. Either the really slutty one who will do whatever with you, just cuz she likes it. Or, find a cute innocent one. or find a somewhat ugly girl, but not hideous. If you have the slutty one, go for it. she will probably want your body or soemthing like that. So youre set there. Same for the slighty less good looking one, but depending on how slightly less, you might not wanna tell anyone/too many people. (read NO RELATIONSHIP). Best case: innocent cute girl, just chill with her, be friends, and eventually hook up with her, and if youve done all right, even if you suck, she wont know the difference. Bonus points if she is a friends younger, hott sister.

[land hurricane]

Originally posted by Torbo
no dudes. here is what you do. given you are an upperclassman.

find a freshman. You have a couple options here. Either the really slutty one who will do whatever with you, just cuz she likes it. Or, find a cute innocent one. or find a somewhat ugly girl, but not hideous. If you have the slutty one, go for it. she will probably want your body or soemthing like that. So youre set there. Same for the slighty less good looking one, but depending on how slightly less, you might not wanna tell anyone/too many people. (read NO RELATIONSHIP). Best case: innocent cute girl, just chill with her, be friends, and eventually hook up with her, and if youve done all right, even if you suck, she wont know the difference. Bonus points if she is a friends younger, hott sister.

lol

[bunkermaster10]

yea best way for certain guys, is to get a chick that are freshmen & sophomore chicks they like to go out w/ older guys so they can go brag to there lil' friends about it :p .

[paint magnet]

Yeah, but what if you are a sophomore?

[Torbo]

you lose. bahaha you underclassman:p

uh idk then. I guess youre forced into finding a meaningfull relationship or something liek that