Help me win argument

[InexactMelissa]

Originally posted by ~WarpedRT#2~
She cant stop you from smoking pot, or drinking, or whatever. I think she needs to learn this now. When parents arent around, kids do what they want anyway. My advise, go around her, and make sure you dont get caught! In the end, she needs to learn she cant stop you.

No, a mom can't stop a kid from drinking or smoking pot, but she has an obligation to try. She can also do other things, like reporting her kid as a runaway, denying him permission for a license when it's time to drive, and the list goes on and on. Oh, and as far as her learning this, um, obviously you are under the impression that parents are born at 35 years old and have never been kids themselves.

Originally posted by ~WarpedRT#2~
If you let this continue, she will try to control your life even when your 20, trust me, I know.

Unfortunately, chronological age does not guarantee that one behaves like an adult, and imo your post clearly illustrates that fact. Almost every parent cares deeply about their children, and will keep parenting as long as it is necessary...don't knock it...when you're an adult going through a tragedy or tought situation, it's good to have a parent to turn to for help and advice.

My suggestion would be to talk honestly with your mom about this stuff - find out what will earn her trust with your teammates. Maybe it's something as simple as meeting their parents, and that doesn't seem too unreasonable to me.

[Lohman446]

Unfortunately I cannot help you because of your age.

When I turned 16 my parents did not want me to ride with friends, they knew my driving habits, they knew I was a safe driver in their eyes, etc. In fact, I can only vaguely recall one time when my friend drove and thats cause... well it was just better that he drove and not me.

Tell your mom as long as you have a better car then all your friends then you will drive , its that simple.

[robertjuric]

My dad has this thing....he knows I do stuff I shouldnt do, and expects me to make the righ decisions myself(most of the time I do). So he usually lets me go and do as I please to an extent. The only catch is that when I get caught I get the a'beatin of my life. Now that can work out 2 ways, 1 learn your lesson so you wont get beat, or 2, learn to not get caught.

But Ive noticed my junior year(right now) especially I have matured a great dea. I used to smoke weed, but it killed my motivation, I almost failed 10th grade and I blame it on weed. So when I came to that conclusion I stopped. My grades have greatly improved(3.43gpa). Now I still have fun and party and do stuff thats illegal. But I learn my lessons when I have to. I get sick taking something, I dont take it again. Once you mature you'll start making smarter decisions.

Its all about maturity level, the more mature you are, the more respect and trust you will gain from your parents. Do the mature thing, get your mom introduced to them so she can build up trust with them. After she finally agrees to it, if she does she'll start to trust you more and you wont have this problem again. If that doesnt work just wait till you get your liscense.

[~WarpedRT#2~]

Truth is, we were all raised a little differently, and believe me Shartly, you cannot possible run your household like my mother did. She nagged to no end, wouldnt let me do anything, never trusted me, and was always asking the same stupid questions. I simply dont want my children to grow up like that. I want them to feel that I trust them.
InexactMelissa, youre right, I dont act like an adult, because I've decided it isnt worth getting old. Your only as old as you feel, and personally, I'd like to feel young forever. My brother-in-law told me that he grew up once, and he decided he'd rather regress. I don't like taking life too seriously. I like to have fun. But still, I'll tell people to do what they want. In the end, your parents dont have anything to say about it, because they cant really stop you. Truth, isnt it? And I said what your parents know about. Not a whole lot of parents know thier kids (the ones that do) smoke weed. It's the same with sex. Schools are finally taking the right appoach, giving condoms, and saying "Be safe" instead of saying "dont do it". Thats what your kids are leaning in school Shartly. Still think their safe in there?

Shartly, you can only punish what you know about. Your kids as well as every other kid on the planet will do what they want. They are doing things right now you dont know about. I guess I get that mentality from my dad. He let me play Doom when it came out, even Wolfenstein, while my mom wouldnt ever let me. He'd tell me when she got home, and to turn off the computer, so she wouldnt find out. He knew I could handle the content. All I'm saying, trust your kids more. I've see all this before, parents saying you'll think different when your a parent. Do you really want to control their lives? Get one of your own.

Ths is all just my opinion, I'm sure I'll feel a little differently when I have kids. But I will always believe that trust is better than a nag session ever 5 seconds about THE SAME THING. Whle yes, there are alot of people out there doing things that are bad for them, most kids are good kids. Kids like me, who never touched drugs, or drank, or smoked, just want to be left alone. Leaving them do what htey want instills trust, dont you think?

[mpyacfo]

How does your mom actually control you? She sicks the dad on you right? Well, if he's on your side, walk out the door and do what you want. I'm 15 and thats pretty much what I do. Although, my mom wouldn't really care who I was getting a ride out to the field with since once you get to the field there's a LOT of adults there.

[SIGSays]

and when you start driving your mom not gonna let you drive out of a 5 mile radius? lol

i make fun of this kid for that all the time

[InexactMelissa]

WarpedRT#2, I agree with you that kids will always do what they want to do, and that parents will always push when it comes to their kids. The point that I am trying to make is that it is better to have your parents pushing with you rather than against you.

In this particular case, what happens if he disobeys his mom, gets a ride with the kids, and then gets caught? I can imagine a mom saying "those kids must obviously be a bad influence on you. You're not allowed to associate with them anymore" and there you go...he's cut off from his team.

Every action and decision has it's consequences. In general, it's our job in life to weigh our choices against their potential consequences and choose wisely...not just in the short term, but in the long term as well. Don't you think it would be a better idea for him to work on getting his mom on his side and build her trust so he doesn't have to go through this every time it comes up?

While in the short term, it may be embarassing to have to introduce Mom to the teammates and/or their parents, in the long term it may mean that the question about getting a ride to the field is solved, and also provide a stepping stone for bigger things in the future - a field a little farther away, or a tourny that requires an overnight stay.
Maybe another teammate has a similar problem with his folks, but now that Mom is on his side, she can help smooth things over with the other kids parents.

It's not always easy, but the best results come when you can follow the rules AND get what you want.

[Bolter]

~WarpedRT#2~ you sound like I did when I was 15, but then I realised how immature I was and grew up. Maybe your Mom treated you like that ...... because of the way you are!! Hey, now theres a thought. And I can't believe you condone (spell) smoking pot and driving as if its cool? Man you need help. I'm 26 and I only realised that my parents were looking out for me when I was in pubity (like you still obviously are) even though your chronological age probably doesn't back this up, because I was young and I could easily get hurt. Yes I took cars and yes I did drugs but it was the actions of my parents nagging and locking me in my room and stuff that saved my life I think.

It does feel unfair that you could do all this stuff if only you were let loose but what if you got hurt/injured/put in jail/killed/raped etc... would your parents be able to put up with the guilt? Probably not, but hey the world only revolves around you right?


to the original postee......don't take the advice of this person. Listen to those who can think for others.

[~WarpedRT#2~]

Bolter, you know what? I'm not even going to bother telling tyou to reread my posts, because I know you wont do. I said "I'm not saying it's right though either." To us, the US, it isnt right, but to many other countries, it's perfectly fine. You dont seem to realize there is a world outside of the United States. I bet you look down on people who do moke pot, dont you? Do you really think youre better than they are?

You see, if my parents caught me getting a ride from people they told me not to ride with, i'd tell them, that nothing has happened so far, we get to the field, and back alive, and I obviously dont smell like smoke. Then I'd offer to let them drug test me, and if it came up negative, my parents would realize they were wrong. Hence what I said "Truth is, we were all raised a little differently" hence, my parents would actually understand this. My parents are not the same as your parents. Get it?

BTW, when did I ever say "yeah man, go smoke pot while youre driving!" I didnt. Also, I'm far past puberty, but you wouldnt know that because you didnt read my posts, or you didnt read carfully. Read before posting.

Look at what robertjuric said. He stated that he woke himself up. Those lessons you learned the hard way are the ones that stay with you. I'll tell you that when my parents lock me in my room(never actually locked, but made me stay in there) It only made me hate them. It didn't teach me a lesson, it made me think of better ways to not get caught. I understand the need to punish, but not like that. The school systems (like stated before) are on my side, and beginning to realize they were wrong. They now safe "be safe" instead of "NO" and if Marijuana gets legalized in the US(far, far off) they will change their stand again. They will say "Use in moderation, and stay home" instead of "It's evil". It's not a moral question.

[Bolter]

warped warped warped, I'm not out to make enemies here I just think that respecting your parents knowledge and wisdom is a far better option than hating them for trying to help.

You dont seem to realize there is a world outside of the United States. I bet you look down on people who do moke pot, dont you? Do you really think youre better than they are?

I'm from England. Did YOU not read that? I do smoke pot, everyday (thats not a brag its an addiction) thats the extreme last of my worries!! By all accounts my former life as a walking chemist has been forced to change by my parents. THEY SAVED ME AND MY LIFE. But hey what do they know? They are just trying to stop our fun!!

WRONG.

pubity (like you still obviously are) even though your chronological age probably doesn't back this up,

I will explain. This...means....you...are....immature...not....a.. ..teenager....

Hey I know man, why don't you move out of home while you still know everything. See how far you get with that attitude.


Look this is a thread that is supposed to be helping out a baller who needs to get around. Lets give him....positive advice, rather than turning him against his parents.

[~WarpedRT#2~]

No, his parents are going to turn him agains them. Not me.
Puberty doesnt mean "teenager" look it up.
Lastly, There are reasons I dont move out. I cant yet. I'm still in college, and I cant afford a place of my own.
Wait, you said you DO smoke pot? So that means your parents failed, right? If youre still doing it, they were a real good influence

Still, I'll stand by my original statement. Dont get caught.

[barberjohn]

and the award for longest posts in one thread goes to... OH, its the "Help me win argument" thread. anyway, i know how it is, that is the same thing my mom said when my team wanted to go somewhere 4 hours away. oh yea, and warped rt, people at my school cant skip, the school sends postcards to the parents to make sure they know that thier kid was not in school, which suck balls.

[InexactMelissa]

Postcards!?! On the day I moved out of my mother's house, I presented her with 2 years worth of suspension notices that were mailed to my house, which I had intercepted and hidden under my mattress.

But, as for the matter at hand, may I offer some insight being a mother now myself: I would guess that your mom has the biggest problem with the fact that one of your teammates is 23. I know I would. Back in my day (and your mom's) a 23 year old hanging with highschool kids was either looking for sex or such a loser that he had to buy younger kids beer to get people to like him. Times are much much different now, and especially in paintball where we don't have school teams or office/community leagues to loosly divide us into age groups as is the case with sports like basketball or baseball. Your mom may not understand that...maybe show her a magazine that has some bios of pro teams with big age ranges; get her involved with the pb community; introduce her to the owner/manager of your local field. Again, introduce her to the parents of a teammate that is closer to your own age and arrange to ride with him.

Most importantly, please remember that it is easier to gain someone's trust than it is to regain trust that has been lost. You have a lot of years of living at home ahead of you: bide your time, work to earn that trust, and don't risk losing what you've worked so hard for.

[Bolter]

Most importantly, please remember that it is easier to gain someone's trust than it is to regain trust that has been lost. You have a lot of years of living at home ahead of you: bide your time, work to earn that trust, and don't risk losing what you've worked so hard for.

there you go warped...its not just me saying it.
So to the author of this thread, trust your parents, treat them with respect and they will give it back. If you don't and sneak around you will find it hard.

[GoatBoy]

warning: cranky old man response coming

Folks, it is improper to apply certain lessons you have learned about your own family to other families.

Without actually being there and being a part of this young man's family, you have NO IDEA of what is going on. It's kind of like "Hey man, your dad seems really cool!" "That's because you're not there to see him get drunk and beat all of us." You just have flat out no idea as to the (sometimes rather complex) inner workings of a family.

You can offer maybe a little gentle advice or words of encouragement, but that's it. Attempting to impose your own specific conclusion derived from your own very specific upbringing is... stretching it.


This argument shouldn't be for us to win or lose for you, bud.