It was the middle 90's, 96 to be exact, and times were good. I had just played paintball for the first time, with an automag rental actually. And aside from the rental mask being too big and getting bonus balled in it till it spun around and a subsequent paintball exploding on my teeth, I found it quite enjoyable. So I figured Id take it up as a past time.
Flash forward to the year 2001. Things had gone quite awry with my life, to say the very least, and some where in the middle of the long list of problems was my little brother decided to take the grip frame off of my BM2K and in doing so rip the wiring harness from the circuit board. Frustration aside, it was no biggie as I was in an industrial technology class in high school and could solder it back on to the board. Im not sure if this was the moment that the government decided like it would be a good idea to target me or not, but it was the first time they had reared their ugly head. After soldering the wiring harness back on to the board, with full teacher permission I might add, I was called down to the principles office and subsequently suspended pending investigation, with reccomended expulsion. Well it would seem that my circuit board was some how a deadly weapon, and much more dangerous of a deadly weapon than the brass knuckles being manufactured at an alarming rate right across the hall in the metal shop. So after a long and arduous process of arguing logic and reason, they let me back in school, though confiscating my deadly circuit board. I subsequently finished out my career as a student with no other paintball related incidents of note.
Then came the Army. The same one that defends our freedoms and constitutional rights. This would be late 2002, and Ft Hood Texas was the location. My friend whom I played paintball with lived across post. As a matter of convenience I kept my 2 guns, the aforementioned bushy and my trusty automag rt, in her room. I went to the field for a period of 2 weeks and upon returning, found her room banded and sealed, paintball guns still inside. She had gotten deployed to Iraq with almost no notice. Try as I might, her units rear detatchment refused to break the seal on the room and allow me to get my property.
Several weeks later, I was sent to Korea. It was here, now paintballgunless, I decided to buy an autococker from irbodden. Transfer successful, I was now the proud owner of a shiney blue STO. Upon finding this information out, the government strikes again. They inform me of a policy that it needs to be kept either in the units arms room, or off post. Well it was also the case that our brigade commander didnt want anyones personal property cluttering up his arms room, and as their policies were in contradiction of each other, I was forced to keep it off post. I missed many weekends of paintball, the course being on post actually, due to the fact that Koreans were protesting and we were restricted to post. Then came the big Eighth U.S. Army paintball tournament. I registered a team of 5 men, and got a copy of the rules. It said nothing about whether or not we were allowed to use our personal markers, so I called to verify that it would be the same as normal field rules, which were that personal markers were allowed pending an inspection and chronograph. I was told this was the case. Well upon getting to the tourney, it was run by people from the army, and not our local field gurus. They determined that because my gun was an "Autococker" that it was fully auto and not allowed to be used in the tournament. Now, I attempted to argue this, but logic is forbidden in the Army. It was deemed that there was some secret way to make my gun fully auto, and it couldnt be used. And as I didnt register as needing to rent a gun, they were all out. My team was forced to forfeit. Yay. (Wouldve attempted to borrow a gun, but there was only one other team present at that allotted time, and they werent too keen on giving me one.) Why am I so oppressed? Oh but it goes on...
Upon returning from assignment in Korea to Ft Drum, New York, I was asked if I had any deadly weapons I needed to register with the police. I said no, as the only deadly weapon I had was a 3.5" knife, and they only count knives over 6". So I proceeded on my merry way. I figured the policy here was that I shouldnt be having a paintball gun around in the barracks, so I devised a plan to move it. My roommate has a child, and would soon be moving off post to an apartment when his child arrived. So I held on to it, anticipating keeping it with him. All was well, until just before he actually got his apartment, the army did a health and welfare inspection. They found the paintball gun, quite easily as it wasnt hidden. It would seem that when asked the question "Do you have any deadly weapons to register?" the correct answer is "Yes, a paintball gun." And so now my beloved autococker sits rusting away in the companys arms room, with all the other deadly weapons such as machine guns and grenade launchers. Im not even granted visitation rights. And so here I sit again, at the hands of Johnny Government, paintball gunless.
Which brings me to my solution. I am hereby declaring my candidacy for President of the United States. It is my intention, as President, to raise awareness about the world and culture of paintball, as well as initiating a policy of mandatory death penalty for all Green Bay Packers and New York Yankees fans, in addition to lowering taxes for me. For consideration as my running mate, please post a response to this story. Best argued response, either for or against, will be selected to run on my ticket. Long Live America!
Flash forward to the year 2001. Things had gone quite awry with my life, to say the very least, and some where in the middle of the long list of problems was my little brother decided to take the grip frame off of my BM2K and in doing so rip the wiring harness from the circuit board. Frustration aside, it was no biggie as I was in an industrial technology class in high school and could solder it back on to the board. Im not sure if this was the moment that the government decided like it would be a good idea to target me or not, but it was the first time they had reared their ugly head. After soldering the wiring harness back on to the board, with full teacher permission I might add, I was called down to the principles office and subsequently suspended pending investigation, with reccomended expulsion. Well it would seem that my circuit board was some how a deadly weapon, and much more dangerous of a deadly weapon than the brass knuckles being manufactured at an alarming rate right across the hall in the metal shop. So after a long and arduous process of arguing logic and reason, they let me back in school, though confiscating my deadly circuit board. I subsequently finished out my career as a student with no other paintball related incidents of note.
Then came the Army. The same one that defends our freedoms and constitutional rights. This would be late 2002, and Ft Hood Texas was the location. My friend whom I played paintball with lived across post. As a matter of convenience I kept my 2 guns, the aforementioned bushy and my trusty automag rt, in her room. I went to the field for a period of 2 weeks and upon returning, found her room banded and sealed, paintball guns still inside. She had gotten deployed to Iraq with almost no notice. Try as I might, her units rear detatchment refused to break the seal on the room and allow me to get my property.
Several weeks later, I was sent to Korea. It was here, now paintballgunless, I decided to buy an autococker from irbodden. Transfer successful, I was now the proud owner of a shiney blue STO. Upon finding this information out, the government strikes again. They inform me of a policy that it needs to be kept either in the units arms room, or off post. Well it was also the case that our brigade commander didnt want anyones personal property cluttering up his arms room, and as their policies were in contradiction of each other, I was forced to keep it off post. I missed many weekends of paintball, the course being on post actually, due to the fact that Koreans were protesting and we were restricted to post. Then came the big Eighth U.S. Army paintball tournament. I registered a team of 5 men, and got a copy of the rules. It said nothing about whether or not we were allowed to use our personal markers, so I called to verify that it would be the same as normal field rules, which were that personal markers were allowed pending an inspection and chronograph. I was told this was the case. Well upon getting to the tourney, it was run by people from the army, and not our local field gurus. They determined that because my gun was an "Autococker" that it was fully auto and not allowed to be used in the tournament. Now, I attempted to argue this, but logic is forbidden in the Army. It was deemed that there was some secret way to make my gun fully auto, and it couldnt be used. And as I didnt register as needing to rent a gun, they were all out. My team was forced to forfeit. Yay. (Wouldve attempted to borrow a gun, but there was only one other team present at that allotted time, and they werent too keen on giving me one.) Why am I so oppressed? Oh but it goes on...
Upon returning from assignment in Korea to Ft Drum, New York, I was asked if I had any deadly weapons I needed to register with the police. I said no, as the only deadly weapon I had was a 3.5" knife, and they only count knives over 6". So I proceeded on my merry way. I figured the policy here was that I shouldnt be having a paintball gun around in the barracks, so I devised a plan to move it. My roommate has a child, and would soon be moving off post to an apartment when his child arrived. So I held on to it, anticipating keeping it with him. All was well, until just before he actually got his apartment, the army did a health and welfare inspection. They found the paintball gun, quite easily as it wasnt hidden. It would seem that when asked the question "Do you have any deadly weapons to register?" the correct answer is "Yes, a paintball gun." And so now my beloved autococker sits rusting away in the companys arms room, with all the other deadly weapons such as machine guns and grenade launchers. Im not even granted visitation rights. And so here I sit again, at the hands of Johnny Government, paintball gunless.
Which brings me to my solution. I am hereby declaring my candidacy for President of the United States. It is my intention, as President, to raise awareness about the world and culture of paintball, as well as initiating a policy of mandatory death penalty for all Green Bay Packers and New York Yankees fans, in addition to lowering taxes for me. For consideration as my running mate, please post a response to this story. Best argued response, either for or against, will be selected to run on my ticket. Long Live America!
Good read Kosmo.
. The latter for sure. 
. I am just a little vindictive though 
)will be present on each bill to go through congress; any bill not meeting this requirement will be subsequently vetoed.
. To get one without a license is as bad as having a gun in your pocket, don't mean to scare you but its the law..... What can we do???
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