I lol'ed at this Email

[punkncat]

Don't read this unless you are in a very sarcastic mood or having a slow
day.



SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan for $75,000.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way.....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

[kruger]

you know, just from reading the way the the email was written, I get the feeling that the guy is a little skeptical of the facts that he has learned.................

[bentothejam1n]

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

Actually i refuse to shop at Target because they didnt help out one bit with the kelsey smith case besides providing the security tape

[teufelhunden]

Actually i refuse to shop at Target because they didnt help out one bit with the kelsey smith case besides provide the security tape

What would you have them do? Send out their red vested cashiers to hunt for her?

[olinar]

most of it was ehh, but that last part with th emouse was funny because i had my hand on the mouse when reading and then i was gonna take it off but it was too late

[bentothejam1n]

What would you have them do? Send out their red vested cashiers to hunt for her?

hmm between me and two of my friends we spent $100 on blank t shirts to make find kelsey shirts. And i know a lot of other people who bought a ton of blank shirts. they didnt give anybody free shirts or even discounted stuff. How about some food for the searchers or maybe even some bottled water. How about have some of their workers come help with the search. How about donating some money. How about hosting some self defense classes for women. How about having some security cameras in the actual parking lot. i could go on and on but i hope you get the point

[bornl33t]

Actually i refuse to shop at Target because they didnt help out one bit with the kelsey smith case besides providing the security tape

That and their return policy has got the be the worst one if seen from a corporation of their size. Oh and their security guards in civilian getup are gay and easy to pick out from the average patron ( something about leaving a walkie on the belt gives them away... )

[teufelhunden]

hmm between me and two of my friends we spent $100 on blank t shirts to make find kelsey shirts. And i know a lot of other people who bought a ton of blank shirts. they didnt give anybody free shirts or even discounted stuff. How about some food for the searchers or maybe even some bottled water. How about have some of their workers come help with the search. How about donating some money. How about hosting some self defense classes for women. How about having some security cameras in the actual parking lot. i could go on and on but i hope you get the point

Find Kelsey shirts? Those must've been as useful as the Save Darfur t-shirts my little brother came home with the other weekend. Seriously, by wearing that, it sends in military forces.

And Target didn't give away t-shirts for that little endeavor? I didn't see anything about a shortage of food or water for the searchers so that donation would have been misplaced. Having their workers go search would've been a liability for the company [don't expect you to understand why]. Apparently, they had security camera coverage of the parking lot, because from your wikipedia link:

"Additional surveillance video from Target appears to show someone forcing Kelsey into her car.[4] Additional video evidence from Target identified a suspicious 1970s era Chevrolet truck."

Or did you want Target to have launched a surveillance satellite for the very purpose of watching that single car leave the parking lot?

[bentothejam1n]

Find Kelsey shirts? Those must've been as useful as the Save Darfur t-shirts my little brother came home with the other weekend. Seriously, by wearing that, it sends in military forces.

Hmm well considering that was one of the suggestions the police gave us...... They could have provided paper for the fliers. They could have encouraged their employees to help. None of them were there. I was either in a parking or driving around for four days straight. There was no shortage because WE had to buy it. i never saw or heard about any target employees helping. . Target didnt do ANYTHING besides provide the tapes. Dont try to defend Target when you werent there

[Hexis]

From: http://sites.target.com/site/en/corp...d=PRD03-001336

Target has a long-standing solicitation policy at our stores nationwide. In order to provide a distraction-free shopping environment for our guests, we do not allow solicitation or petitioning at our stores regardless of the cause being represented.

This policy does not diminish Target's support of communities. Since 1946, Target has given 5% of its income to communities. That adds up to over $3 million each and every week. Our company has many other means by which it can support organizations whose programs fall within our corporate giving guidelines. For more information on these guidelines, please pick up the Community Giving brochure in your store's Guest Service area or visit the Community Giving section on Target.com.

Yeah, what a cheap company. Only 3mil a week.


-edit- More details:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Target_Corporation#Philanthropy

[Thordic]

Target wasn't obligated to do jack squat. They aren't a public service agency. Someone got abducted, they handed over their security tapes, end of story.

If they had given stuff away for free, great. But the idea that they are somehow obligated to go above and beyond and hand out freebies is ridiculous.

It's a shame some chick got killed but your anger is obviously misplaced.

[iambored]

that's a funny email, espically the drugged-perfume (i could believe it, too. why else would you buy that stuff) and the target didn't have to do anything other than turn over the tapes, because you chose to drop $100 to make shirts doesn't mean the rest of the world is. sad that the girl got killed and other things; but stuff like that has happpened in other superstores parking lots and they've done alot less.

[bentothejam1n]

i never said anything about not donating to schools. Hell if they donate 3 mil a week why couldnt they have donated $200 to us??


edit: Maybe my anger is in the wrong place but if that would have happened at Hy Vee (a grocery store) i'm sure they wouldve helped a lot more that target did

[Thordic]

Good for HyVee. Who they hell are they? (Correct answer, who cares?)

If you wanted to raise money, hold a fundraiser. Work for it. Don't expect handouts.

[teufelhunden]

It sounds like you're just pissed that the money came out of your pockets and not some big evil corporations pockets.

It didn't say anywhere, but I bet Target Forensics [see your wiki link] also provided support to this case. I bet that support was far more useful than you combing a backyard and wearing a shirt.

And....




Would the outcome have been different if Target had made up shirts instead of you doing it?