The Family Circus.....continued

[punkncat]

I have to vent a bit before I explode. The continuing soap opera that my in-laws create.

Y'all already know full well that myself and family have been through the ringer over the past seven plus months over the accident and resulting situation that I caused. We as a family have our hands full dealing with all of this. My wife has already taken all of her vacation time, and a good portion of her sanity coping with the backlash. At this time we are just beginning to see some normalcy return to our lives, although I expect it will be the better part of the rest of the year if not more before we adjust and settle in to the new reality.

So in the midst of all this going on, the crap hit the fan with my wife's family. Her mother and brother are both hopeless cases. They have had problems for years that have accelerated to the point that the rest of the family, including all the aunts and uncles just disowned them. They were on a path of self destruction that kept spiraling downward, and in spite of warnings to change course, mend their life, get help....nothing was done. They got to a point so low that they were not taking care of themselves, their property and home, and lost everything including health.
Her mother had a stroke, and the brother an infection so bad that it nearly cost his life. This landed both of them in hospitals, hospice, assisted living, and then nursing homes. They lost their car and their residence as a result. Her mother lost her purse and all id while actually living in a hospital waiting room for a few weeks before they kicked her out. I really do not think there is enough time in the day for me to get into the whole detailed account of the thing, its just too deep......Here is the part(s) that is about to make my head spin.

Since being in the nursing homes both of them have been pursuing assistance from the family. No one else in the family will help at all in any way at all. In spite of my having the wife cut contact with them a few years ago mostly for her own health..as I say this thing gets deep...she is the one getting the calls from them on an almost daily basis asking her or us to help them out or do things for them. Since both of them live in nursing homes right now, they had to give some address for all their hospital bills to come to. Guess what addy they gave?
On top of that they gave them our phone number.
They have YEARS of bills piled up that they have never paid. The brother hasn't even worked enough in his life to be eligible for any type of government assistance and has no way to even pay his bills. The mother just doesn't.
So now since they so gladly gave these people our address and phone number, and I am home all day guess who gets to field all their bill collector phone calls?
There are very few life forms lower than these bill collecting pieces of trash....I know its their job to collect from deadbeats, but they simply will not listed to reason. I have explained to them that the people they are looking for do not reside here, that they gave our addy and phone number out w/o permission from us, have never nor will they ever reside here. I even provided several of them with the name of the home that both were staying in and told them to call there. One of the collectors even had the gaul to ask me to provide them with the number as well. I told her plainly that I was not in her employ and was not going to do her footwork.
So, on top of that I have a stack about 2 inches thick of bills that are coming in we have to return to sender....

The real topper, the mother has started sending her SS checks here. She has no ID and can't cash them. The place she is staying has discharged her and if she continues to send them there they cash and keep a large portion of them. She has asked my wife to sign for her, cash them and get the money to her half a state away. She is the kind of woman that the moment we do that (which I am not of the mind to do anyway) and then gets mad next time she will try and report my wife for check fraud for cashing them.

I just really don't know what we are supposed to do. We have told them time and time again that we are not in a position, nor inclined to help them out in any way shape or form, and it continues to be put right in our lap.
There is so much more to this that I really have time or inclination to type. I feel like we are being put to some sort of test, but at the same time we would have to be suckers to do ANYTHING involving them. The mother is being discharged as well as the brother. The social service workers either seem disinclined to help them find a place and sort things out, or haven't even been asked. We cannot believe a single word that comes from either of their mouths....its unreal. I am expecting any moment to open the front door and see them both standing there expecting us to let them in.
And I have this resounding saying echoing in my head..."never say never".

[Sumthinwicked]

easy get a person doenst reside here stamp they make them stamp all letters to either return to sender no person living here under that name
do not cash anything for anyone thats not writtent o you change the phone number and dont have the phone comp forward the calls or get a privacy manager service they answer for you then forward calls besides that gl with all the bs hope i helped

[teufelhunden]

I'd assume you're a gun owner, no?

[MANN]

I have a family that has had its fair share of problems. One thing I learned is that you HAVE to keep proof that these people are crazy, insane, etc. Record phone calls, write down dates in a notebook, etc. I promise you that you will one day thank me for suggesting this.

Other than that Good luck, and keep your head down when the shots are firing.

[Lohman446]

Having dealt with bill collectors who call looking for people at work, and gone to my lawyer to help me figure out how to stop those calls (outside of work contracts with my employees are not my problems during working hours) as well as having made some bad decisions in my life and learned from them I can probably help you. My ex-wife and her mother are both deadbeats. Its been like five years since the divorce and I still get calls - though now its mostly people asking if I have any info on them.

Get a name (demand a full name - demand a supervisor if you are not given a full name) and address of any bill collector calling you. After you have that immediatly ask them to cease and desist calls to that number. This gives you temporary reprieve.

Then write up a letter, make it as formal looking as you can, explain that there is no person at that residence with that name and demand that all further calls immediatly cease and desist (they like that term). Send it by US certified mail (with signature confirmation required), keep a copy for your records. If they continue to call remind them they are in violation of the fair debt collection act. If they continue to call after that forward the information to your state attorney general.

As to mail being sent to you. As others have suggested simply send them back return to sender - tell your mother in law you are doing so and demand she files a change of address form. Otherwise demand and have drawn up a power of attorney and start using those checks to pay her bills for her - basically take over her finances, pay her bills, and give her a week to week allowance.

I'm sorry, the government has it wrong. They take people they know are not capable of carrying on day to day, often due to mental issues, and they just throw money at them. Often times this money gets blown in 3 days, leaving 27 more days in the month with problems, allowing bills to mount and basically forcing society to take care of them. My ex has conned the government out of assistance. She can't pay her day to day bills but she has HDTV and brand new computers at least twice a year.

[Ninjeff]

"Get a name (demand a full name - demand a supervisor if you are not given a full name) and address of any bill collector calling you. After you have that immediatly ask them to cease and desist calls to that number. This gives you temporary reprieve."


They are in NO WAY legally obligated to give you their full name (the collector on the phone). Trust me, i work in a call center. Actually one of the top 3 debt collectors in the country. Let me know if you get a call from Afni. Lol.

anyhow, i'm not a debt collector as Afni does alot of stuff other than that. I happen to work for Verizon as a buisness tf# tech. Still, working around collectors a lot, and having alot of friends that do that, its not personal. Actually, most of the time they are just so jaded they forget how to be nice. No excuse, i know, but you'd be suprised what they have to deal with. Lies on top of lies. Again my man, dont take those people's attitudes personally. I do beleive there is a "limit" to how many attempts they can make however.....i'll see if i can find out.

Good luck my friend!

[acropilot19]

God Bless you, all I can say is I'll pray for you & your wife. My sister has a similar situation with her husbands mom & his brothers (all drug addicts & mom in poor health). Your best defense is distance & minimal involvement - return the letters, change your Phone #, and if Anybody shows at your door, call the police.
Anybody that has called as a bill collector, draft a letter & have it certified delivered, then follow up with the police & better business b. Lohman had great advice. Team up with as many family members as possible, contact an attorney, and get a record with witnesses (family) detailing the situation BEFORE it becomes a legal issue. Attack them before they can attack you.
God Bless Man.

[wetwrks]

You also need to point out to the callers that as you are not the person who they are looking for and as that person doesn't live there and never has, the continuing calls are harassment.

Maby file something with the police about the harassing calls and then give the phone number of the officer to each of the callers. Let them speak with him.

You also need to look into what the phone company can do about harassing calls. They may be able to help with blocking them or something like that. It is amazing what technology can do now in days.

http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs3-hrs2.htm

http://www.rcn.com/customer/phone_faq_harassing.php

http://www.consumerfraudreporting.org/howtostopharassingcalls.php

Hopefully this helps.

[Ninjeff]

I feel like im just asking for trouble here, but doing all that isnt going to really fix your situation. Yes, i know, the collection calls are annoying. They are supposed to be. Thats how they make money, by waging a war of attrition and hoping people pay up. For the most part, barring any real harm on their (the collection companies) parts, its not "harassment". And honestly, by the sounds of it, you probably have multiple collection companies calling you. That means that where you may get, 10 calls a day, if their is 3 or 4 collection companies calling they are NOT harassing you. it feels like it, im sure, but they cant and wont know the other collection agencies are calling. I dont know the legal limit for calls in an attempt to collect a debt, but i'll see what i can find out.

That being said, taking it out on them will not fix the problem. What you need to do is calmly ask what you need to do, steps wise, to remove yourself from the list. By yourself, i mean your phone number. Anyway, there IS steps to take, i dont know what they are, but i DO know they exist. It may seem like jumping through hoops, but if it was easy everyone that actually owes money would do it. A mistake on your part was NOT offering, or refusing to help, the collectors find an alternate number. I know it seemed like doing "their work" at the time, but if you dont then they can only assume your lying. It sucks, but it happens 90% of the time, and you just happen to fall into that "honest" 10%. Trust me, offering any alternate contact information you may have will ONLY help your situation. They will follow up on any extra info you give them. If nothing else, it buys you breathing room.

I feel like im kinda the odd man out here. But i really want to help you. I just happen to work for a company that does outsourcing for big telecommunication companies, and that also means they have a VERY large collection department. I have some friends who do collections. They work in a different building but i will GLADLY see what i can find out for you. if nothing else i need to see if a buddy will sell me my old a5 back, so i should call him anyway.

I'll let you know what i find out tomorrow.

[wetwrks]

For the most part, barring any real harm on their (the collection companies) parts, its not "harassment".

Actually it is harassment if they call more than once: The debt collector may contact other people such as friends, relatives, or neighbors to find out information about where you live and work. Normally they can only contact these people once. In most cases, they are not allowed to tell these people about your debt, but only obtain information about your address and work.

http://www.lawmo.org/law_fdc.htm

[Ninjeff]

true. The difference (i beleive) is that her mother gave te collectors Punks number as their PERSONAL contact number. Meaning they can call as much as they want.
In this sense, it would be like the collection agency calling me and my sister answering and lying for me saying "he doesnt live here". Would that mean they talked to a family member and cant call anymore? No. That only applies when they cant find the person at the contact number and then call a "secondary" contact. So, in the same example, they then called my sisters house, they could only call once.
Make sense? Kinda hard to describe. basically, as far as the C.A. (collection agency) is concerned they are calling the contact number for the person who owes the debt. The problem is NOT teh collector, its that the person lied about where to call.

Anyhow, im waiting on a call back from a buddy that does colelctions, ill ask him what you should do Punkncat. Well, what to do about the debt collecters anyhow.