June Jotm

[mpsd]

So, I thought that it would be nice to have some motive to get some good laughes every month. Therefore, I decided to promote a JOTM (Joke Of The Month) contest here on AO.

The idea is to let each contestant write a good joke, either new or old, that would allow us to pick some of them and make a poll after each month and elect the AO Clown of the Month!

What do you guys think of it?

Now, for this to work well, we should have some rules and some prizes too.

So, as for prizes, I thought of getting a bunch of Clown noses (that's how we call it here in Brazil - probably the same thing in US), so here we go:

<a href="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x299/mpsd18/random%20mags/DSC02145.jpg"><img src="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x299/mpsd18/random%20mags/DSC02145.jpg" width="600" height="450"></img></a>

So, basically, we have enough for two full years of this contest

And that's what you guys will look as when wearing it, proudly, in shopping mall, during some paintball breaks or when barbecueing with friends:

<a href="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x299/mpsd18/random%20mags/DSC02146.jpg"><img src="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x299/mpsd18/random%20mags/DSC02146.jpg" width="600" height="450"></img></a>

Now, for rules, here's what we have:

1- Must be a written joke, not some graphics you got through e-mail or on the Internet
2- Each contestant will be allowed only one entry per month
3- No racist / hate jokes allowed what so ever
4- No text posts other than jokes allowed inside the current contest thread
5- Not exactly a rule but it would be nice if every Clown Of The Month posted a picture just like mine above... That would bring us even more laughes!

Hope you guys like the idea. Now lets see some good jokes!!!

[chafnerjr]

Alright

Alright, here's one that's OK but it's one of the few clean jokes I know so...


A husband and wife go out for dinner one evening at a new place in town. Their meal is spectacular. So good in fact it was nearly a religious experience. So a week later the husband is watching the redskins game with an old buddy of his and somehow the story of that dinner came about. When the friend inquired as to the name of the place the man was at a loss. He asked for a minuet to try to think.

"I'm thinking of a red flower" the man said, looking into space as he though on...

"a flower with a long green stem" said he before pausing again.

After a few more moments he looked his friend in the eye and asked "... and thorns. A red flower with a long stem with thorns?"

"Ah" said his friend, "You're thinking of a rose!"

"Yes of course!" The man exclaimed! "Hey Rose, what was the name of that great place we ate at last week?"




Thats all I got...

[maxama10]

I liked that one hah.

[wetwrks]

A building contracter hires an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Chinaman. He gathers them all in his office and tells each of them their jobs. The Englishman to shovel a pile of sand. The Irishman has to take the sand in the wheelbarrow to the truck. The Chinaman is in charge of supplies.

The boss comes back two hours later and he sees the Englishman and the Irishman having a cup of tea. ''So have you done the work then?'' he asks.

The workers both shake their heads and tell him that the Chinaman didn't give them a shovel or a wheelbarrow. The boss is infuriated by this and asks the workers if they have seen the Chinaman, they tell him they thought they saw him going toward the truck. So the boss sets out towards the truck and just as he is getting close to the truck the Chinaman jumps out from behind a wall and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

[oneworld]

i know you said no graphics. but if people are coming in here for the same reason as i have(to laugh!) this should work

something about it just makes me laugh out loud every time.

[trevorjk]

then if he can post that, i can post this



and this

[oneworld]

AHAHA. the first one is still making me laugh. genius.

[snoopay700]

Some good jokes in here.

This is one of the few jokes i know that isn't too dirty.

A guy was on a trip to Spain and he went to a restaurant to eat and saw this one waiter come out with these two humongous meatballs on a plate. The man says to the waiter "Hey, why did that guy get such huge meatballs and i'm stuck with these small ones?" and the waiter replies "Oh, well you see each week there is a bull fight, and that man ordered the bull testicles, they're very good. If you come in next week you can order them." So the man finishes his meal and leaves.

The next week the man comes in and orders the bull testicles, and the waiter goes and gets his meal for him. When the waiter comes out he is carrying on the plate two small testicles and the man is outraged and says "what the heck? I thought these were supposed to be bull testicles, why are they so small?" And the waiter replied "well senor, sometimes the bull wins."

[Altimas]

Captain Red Shirt


There was a captain of a pirate ship and he came out on the deck of his ship and gathered up his bucaneers for their daily meeting. before the Cap'n could say anything one of the deck swabbers yelled out,
"Captain why youse wearin that Bright Red shirt?"
"So you don't get scared at the site of me blood! Argg!!"
"Well that makes sense..."
All of a sudden there was a yell from the Crow's nest.
"We got 8 ships on the starboard bow with cannon pointed this way!"
The captain turned and looked at the man who had asked the earlier question and said,
"Go get me brown pants."

[jenarelJAM]

Not an entry

So there's this guy. He has a gambling problem. He goes to Vegas, blows thousands of dollars down the drain, and leaves the casino with almost nothing. When he steps outside he sees a single cabbie. He goes up to the window and says, "excuse me, I have a flight home that leaves in less than an hour, and I really need to make it to the airport in time. The thing is, I've only got $2. Could you please help me out?"

The cabbie, not about to give a free ride, tells the man to get out of his cab and drives away. The man misses his flight and has a real hard time getting home with no money.

The man works hard all year and the next year flies back to Vegas. And this year he's winning. He's just rolling in money. He's playing every game there and it seems like he can't lose. He finally gets up from the casino and walks outside, and at the very very end of a long line of cabs, he sees the same man who wouldn't give him a ride the previous year. Suddenly he has an idea.

He goes up to the first cab in the line and asks, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replies, "That will be $18." The man asks, "And how much for a bj when we get there?" "Get the (insert word of choice here) out of my cab," yells the driver. So the man gets out of the cab, walks down to the next cab and asks, "How much for a ride to the airport?". The incident is repeated and the man goes cab by cab down the line asking for a ride to the airport and a bj when they get there. Every cab driver throws him out on the street.

When he gets down to the last cab, he opens the door and asks the cab driver, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cab driver replies, "That will be $18." The man gets in the cab and waves to all the other cab drivers as they they pass.

[Altimas]

Actually I like this one better:

Jim walks into a bar and sees his friend Dave slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Dave what's wrong.
'Well,' replies Dave, 'You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I always got an erection every time I saw her?'

'Yes,' replies Jim with a laugh. 'Well,' says Dave, straightening up, 'I finally got up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.' 'That's great!' says Jim, 'When are you going out?'

'I actually went to meet her this evening,' continues Dave, 'but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show.

'Sensible' says Jim.

'So I get to her door,' says Dave, 'and I rang her doorbell.
She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.' 'And what happened then?' asks Jim.

(Dave slumps back over the bar again.)
'I kicked her in the face.'