Lessons learned in marrige

[Warwitch]

I thought it might be nice if there was a place we could share our combined "wisdom" as married men. Marrige sure has a funny way of shortening the learning curve. We might even be able to help future husbands avoid unnecessary confrontation.

For instance;

Today I learned that "The Dish Fairy" is not the correct response when your wife asks "how do you think these dishes get done?"

[StygShore]

remove "fine" from your vocabulary -

"Fine" is not an acceptable answer to ANYTHING - not "hey lets go to XXXXX for dinner", not "I am going to buy XXXXX", and sure as hell not "How do I look in XXXXX"


Styg

[Smoothice]

The best advice would be to just tape record every single conversation you have from the moment you meet your soon to be wife.

This is the only way to actually prove what you did or did not say during a conversation or fight.

If you have no proof then your memory will be disregarded. Because lets face it. As guys we like to use the "i forgot" or "i don't remember that" excuse way to often.

So in the event we actually do remember something and it is not what the wife remembers then we are overruled.

[Frizzle Fry]

On average, we spend 2 hours a day thinking about nothing whatsoever.

If asked what you're thinking, "nothing" is not an appropriate answer and will only lead to more questions... Try saying "you" or "us" with a big stupid grin on your face. Do not say "boobs".

[LK-13]

On average, we spend 2 hours a day thinking about nothing whatsoever.

If asked what you're thinking, "nothing" is not an appropriate answer and will only lead to more questions... Try saying "you" or "us" with a big stupid grin on your face. Do not say "boobs".

wrong.
saying "you" or "us" will begin an interrogation.

you must say something that will create confusion in the mind of your spouse.

"I was considering taking a origami class."
"Why are Jeans Blue?"
"do we need to sharpen the can opener's blade?"
"why is it called a shoehorn? you can't play it..."
"why is it called a HOT WATER HEATER, when you don't need to heat hot water?"
"why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?
"if tin Whistles are made out of Tin, What are FOG HORNS made out of?"
"Jumbo Shrimp?"

[CatoRockwell]

If your wife makes the comment "you're just doing this so you can get sex"

NEVER EVER EVER SAY "Yep" or "Whats wrong with that?"

[CatoRockwell]

My friends father told us this:

Put a penny in a jar for every time you have sex before you have kids. Then take a penny out every time you have sex after you have kids. You'll never empty the jar.

[Warwitch]

"Fine" is not an acceptable answer to ANYTHING - not "hey lets go to XXXXX for dinner", not "I am going to buy XXXXX", and sure as hell not "How do I look in XXXXX"


Styg

I would also like to add "whatever" to the list of words to avoid.

[DEEPSEA]

I like the idea of tape recording everything that she says, because that is what she is doing mentally. As time goes by the recordings get construed to her advantage often.....be careful of what you say.

Never ever ever tell of past girlfriend experiences no matter how well she sets the bait out there for ya......you will regret it. She is just itching to tell her past experiences!

Don't refer to those sweet little children as f*** trophy's!

No dirty dishes at night........yes she will see them in the morning....

[factoid]

Tell your wife that paintball is good exercise and that's why you go play every saturday instead of doing yardwork, cleaning the house or helping with laundry. You're doing it to stay in shape for her.

[going_home]

The Nothing Box

If asked what you're thinking, "nothing" is not an appropriate answer and will only lead to more questions...

Get her to watch this and she will understand your nothing box.




<iframe src="http://www.snotr.com/embed/1180" width="400" height="330" frameborder="0"></iframe>

[JRingold]

Marry a woman who likes to play the same sports as you do (paintball), or sell your equipment and buy new once she's ready to let you play again, you'll be happier in the long run.

Don't pretend to be on the computer thinking up a good reply to a post she'll hate (or do anything) in the middle of one of her rants and then without missing a beat when she proclaims accusingly, "you're not even listening to me.", repeat every word she just said exactly as she said it.

If you don't like doing dishes, cook outside on a grill and use disposible dishes, it's just easier...

[Smoothice]

Never ever ever tell of past girlfriend experiences no matter how well she sets the bait out there for ya......you will regret it. She is just itching to tell her past experiences!

Don't even give her a quantity. No good can come of this.

Another thing a guy should stay away from is doing a specific nice thing too often.

Like lets say your wife/gf likes to have her hair played with. As a man you will play with her hair in hopes it will make her happy. And you hope once she is happy she will give you some good lovin'. Oh sure this may actually happen once in a while. But beware!! If you do this every night she will no longer appreciate it. But she will expect it. So now this nice act no longer = sex. But if you don't do it she will think something is wrong. So now you are stuck doing something that gives you no benefit or pleasure.

[bornl33t]

I thought it might be nice if there was a place we could share our combined "wisdom" as married men. Marrige sure has a funny way of shortening the learning curve. We might even be able to help future husbands avoid unnecessary confrontation.

For instance;

Today I learned that "The Dish Fairy" is not the correct response when your wife asks "how do you think these dishes get done?"

Been there done that....seriously.

You have been as we say "wifed"

[factoid]

Don't even give her a quantity. No good can come of this.

Another thing a guy should stay away from is doing a specific nice thing too often.

Like lets say your wife/gf likes to have her hair played with. As a man you will play with her hair in hopes it will make her happy. And you hope once she is happy she will give you some good lovin'. Oh sure this may actually happen once in a while. But beware!! If you do this every night she will no longer appreciate it. But she will expect it. So now this nice act no longer = sex. But if you don't do it she will think something is wrong. So now you are stuck doing something that gives you no benefit or pleasure.

The correct response to "how many other women have you been with" is ALWAYS: "Exactly enough that I know you're the only one for me."