Military Oaths of Enlistment, very funny!
AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear to not do any real form of exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy-sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me and will go home early every day.
So Help Me God!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Rambo, swear to sign aways 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day, even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the only action I will
see is a Courts Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on the PT test. After completion of my "Sexual..." er... I mean "Basic Training", I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay at home because if I left her out, she may leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me 12 times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT, and leave every day at 1300 to report back to "Company." I understand I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.
So Help Me God!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate", because I didn't want to actually live in the dirt like the Army, and beause I thought, "Hey, I like to swim....why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976, and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle, and head", when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in the wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."
So Help Me Neptune!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.... uhhhh... high-and-tight.... grunt.... cammies... ugh... Air
Force women... HOO-RAH!
So Help Me Marine Corps!
___________________Thumbprint _____________Date
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear to not do any real form of exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy-sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me and will go home early every day.
So Help Me God!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Rambo, swear to sign aways 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day, even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the only action I will
see is a Courts Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on the PT test. After completion of my "Sexual..." er... I mean "Basic Training", I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay at home because if I left her out, she may leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me 12 times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT, and leave every day at 1300 to report back to "Company." I understand I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.
So Help Me God!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate", because I didn't want to actually live in the dirt like the Army, and beause I thought, "Hey, I like to swim....why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976, and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle, and head", when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in the wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues."
So Help Me Neptune!
_______________________Signature _____________Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT:
I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.... uhhhh... high-and-tight.... grunt.... cammies... ugh... Air
Force women... HOO-RAH!
So Help Me Marine Corps!
___________________Thumbprint _____________Date
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