Courtroom Quotes

Collapse
X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • BTAutoMag
    AO's Problem Child
    • Oct 2001
    • 7199

    #1

    Courtroom Quotes

    found these on www.dribbleglass.com

    these were taken from official court records nationwide

    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
    A: I went to Europe, sir.
    Q: And you took your new wife?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

    Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
    A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    A: I have been since early childhood.
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
    A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
    Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.
    A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

    Q: What happened then?
    A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
    Q: Did he kill you?

    Q: Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

    Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you alone or by yourself?

    Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

    Q: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

    Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
    A: I'll be three months on November 8.
    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at that time?

    Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
    A: I used to be.

    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    Q: So you were gone until you returned?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there girls?

    Q: You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

    Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
    A: Not yet.
    sigpic
  • Spray Painter

    #2
    LOL

    Comment

    • EsPo
      Dosehead
      • Jul 2002
      • 4140

      #3
      Re: Courtroom Quotes

      Originally posted by BTAutoMag


      Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
      A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

      bwhawhahaha
      WWW.EROWID.ORG

      Comment

      • yeahthatsme
        aka yeahthatswang
        • Sep 2002
        • 2592

        #4
        lol, i love those every time i see'em
        [*img]http://www.browndotdesign.com/Xodus/AO/YeahThatsMe.jpg[/img]
        Image too large- Tato

        Comment

        • dio91
          Boomshakalaka Boom
          • Dec 2001
          • 386

          #5
          Best one hands down...

          Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
          A: I have been since early childhood.
          Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
          A: No.
          Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
          A: No.
          Q: Did you check for breathing?
          A: No.
          Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
          A: No.
          Q: How can you be so sure, doctor?
          A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
          Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
          A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
          dio

          Comment

          • BTAutoMag
            AO's Problem Child
            • Oct 2001
            • 7199

            #6
            amen dio
            sigpic

            Comment

            • Kevmaster
              Owners Group Div: Director
              • Oct 2001
              • 5475

              #7
              as fake as they may be....theyre still hella funny

              Comment

              • beefstew
                SamIAmNot IHopeHeRots
                • Dec 2002
                • 559

                #8
                hahaha need to post my sig pic.
                AIM me!

                Click my Sig Pic to IM me!
                Founding member of no_doz should die!
                pm me to join!

                Wait... Where Is the Smart Part?

                Comment

                • FESTUS33
                  AO's Mad Gunsmith
                  • Oct 2002
                  • 851

                  #9
                  .
                  FSE-LX No-Rise, Halo B, TL63 Trigger, J&J EDGE Set

                  CHUFF CHUFF!

                  Great Trader's The Frymarker {Grip Gurl}, Timmy63, SteveD, SHartley, More to Come?

                  Comment

                  • SpongeBobSquarePants
                    I'm back!
                    • Jan 2002
                    • 3296

                    #10
                    that was great bro this is my favorite btw

                    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
                    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
                    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
                    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

                    Comment

                    • Sinistarr
                      Starr Wang
                      • Jul 2002
                      • 465

                      #11
                      Originally posted by yeahthatsme
                      lol, i love those every time i see'em
                      I agree!! love the ones about the autopsy... ROFLMAO!!!


                      G
                      TAG Factory Support Team
                      Rebuildable Angel Ball Detents for LED, LCD, IR3! as well as ALL ULE bodies
                      Old age and treachery will prevail over youth and skill!

                      My Feedback Thread
                      TAG Sportz
                      COG

                      Comment

                      • pbzmag
                        Registered User
                        • Feb 2002
                        • 1468

                        #12
                        With all these dumb cases coming out all the time, I wouldn't be surprised to actually hear them in the proceedings!

                        pbzmag

                        Comment

                        Working...