I don't know how to feel right now
Yesterday I went with my friend Ryan to the movies, but first we stopped by his house and blazed a bowl. First read about my friend Ryan before you read the rest.
He used to live in San Francisco, but he was a gangster, he used to slang drugs, he dropped out of school... But then he moved to San Jose to try to get a new start. He is always working hard in school, he isn't involved with gang stuff, he dosen't sell anything. But he does occasionaly smoke pot, and you know how I feel about that
But thats it. And it seriously pissed me off on how my dad judged him..
So ya, we got in the movie pretty late because all the showings for X2 were sold out until 6:10 so ya. By the time the movie was over it was like 9. So the busses stop at 10. I wasn't gonna be able to ride the bus back home. So I called my mom and told her that I was at the mall and just drive around to the theater and honk and ill hear her. Well instead, my dad shows up and I say, "can you give my friend a ride, the buses are already stopped running?" he said sure and we left. Well it was pretty quiet in the car but after we dropped off Ryan, my dad was like, hey, get out and get in the front seat. So we drove off and as soon as we did he was like "I don't want to choose your friends for you but he looked like he was on drugs, and I just want to let you know if I ever even dream your on drugs, I'm going to kill you." And I say, "Realy?" not knowing what else to say... And he looked at me all mad, and says"YES ****ING REALLY!" and
And I say,"what makes you think he was on drugs, just because how he dresses?" and he yelled at me again saying something about how he used to be in high school too and knows these things. Well then I tell him, "Last time we talked you said that you would be ok with my trying different things and you wouldn't care." He said something about he feels different than what he said or something...
He said he's tried crank, coke(i had to make a joke saying that I tried a diet coke the other day to release some of the hostility in the car...)marijuana, crack and stuff, and ya.
I just don't know what to do, now. I enjoy smoking pot, but I don't know if its worth dieing for. I was doing it because I thought he was cool with it and he wouldn't mind, but everything is completely different now. I was expecting if I ever got cought I would just get lectured by my parents and such, but not get kicked out of the house or worse. and to let you know why I thought I would be ok if I got cought this is what my father said, "We know that you are going to want to try different things, like drugs, and we're ok with that we aren't going to kick you out of the house or anything, and if you want to smoke thats ok too, its your own health and lungs." But then after all is said and done, he comes up and tells me all this. He asked me if I ever tried drugs or do them, and I of course said no. Do you think that was the right thing to do? I didn't want to say yes after having my life threatened 5 minutes earlier. I just feel so bad now, I don't know if its guilt that i lied, sadness that my dad would threaten me like that, or dissapointed that I probably won't want to smoke pot anymore, or confused on how my dad can just change oppinions so fast.
How should I handle this, just stop smoking and never talk about it again, just keep smoking never talk about it again, tell him the truth that I've been doing it and try to let him know that its not bad(with risk of getting killed...) I just don't know what to do, what to say, how to feel. I don't have anyone to talk to right now so I came to AO...
He used to live in San Francisco, but he was a gangster, he used to slang drugs, he dropped out of school... But then he moved to San Jose to try to get a new start. He is always working hard in school, he isn't involved with gang stuff, he dosen't sell anything. But he does occasionaly smoke pot, and you know how I feel about that
But thats it. And it seriously pissed me off on how my dad judged him..So ya, we got in the movie pretty late because all the showings for X2 were sold out until 6:10 so ya. By the time the movie was over it was like 9. So the busses stop at 10. I wasn't gonna be able to ride the bus back home. So I called my mom and told her that I was at the mall and just drive around to the theater and honk and ill hear her. Well instead, my dad shows up and I say, "can you give my friend a ride, the buses are already stopped running?" he said sure and we left. Well it was pretty quiet in the car but after we dropped off Ryan, my dad was like, hey, get out and get in the front seat. So we drove off and as soon as we did he was like "I don't want to choose your friends for you but he looked like he was on drugs, and I just want to let you know if I ever even dream your on drugs, I'm going to kill you." And I say, "Realy?" not knowing what else to say... And he looked at me all mad, and says"YES ****ING REALLY!" and
And I say,"what makes you think he was on drugs, just because how he dresses?" and he yelled at me again saying something about how he used to be in high school too and knows these things. Well then I tell him, "Last time we talked you said that you would be ok with my trying different things and you wouldn't care." He said something about he feels different than what he said or something...
He said he's tried crank, coke(i had to make a joke saying that I tried a diet coke the other day to release some of the hostility in the car...)marijuana, crack and stuff, and ya.
I just don't know what to do, now. I enjoy smoking pot, but I don't know if its worth dieing for. I was doing it because I thought he was cool with it and he wouldn't mind, but everything is completely different now. I was expecting if I ever got cought I would just get lectured by my parents and such, but not get kicked out of the house or worse. and to let you know why I thought I would be ok if I got cought this is what my father said, "We know that you are going to want to try different things, like drugs, and we're ok with that we aren't going to kick you out of the house or anything, and if you want to smoke thats ok too, its your own health and lungs." But then after all is said and done, he comes up and tells me all this. He asked me if I ever tried drugs or do them, and I of course said no. Do you think that was the right thing to do? I didn't want to say yes after having my life threatened 5 minutes earlier. I just feel so bad now, I don't know if its guilt that i lied, sadness that my dad would threaten me like that, or dissapointed that I probably won't want to smoke pot anymore, or confused on how my dad can just change oppinions so fast.
How should I handle this, just stop smoking and never talk about it again, just keep smoking never talk about it again, tell him the truth that I've been doing it and try to let him know that its not bad(with risk of getting killed...) I just don't know what to do, what to say, how to feel. I don't have anyone to talk to right now so I came to AO...
, ruin your life, did I say ruin your life?
I'd think I'd go with not smoking. 
So, Rather than them thinking of me like that, I'm just gonna stop. And I'm not worried about incrimination.
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