For the love of all that's holy, have you ever worked a help desk?

[deathstalker]

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com/index.htm

Stumbled on this tonight and just read 40+ pages of some of the most idiotic tickets entered by a support person. I needed to keep a box of tissues nearby because I was crying so hard.

Some of my favorites (yes, "havening" is apparently a word with which none of us are familiar):
"USER is havening problems printing certain pages in Microsoft."

"USER is havening problems with his settings."

"USER called and she wanted a certain meeting to be cancelled, but she received another phone call and she told me she would call me back but she never did."

[OfficerGoat]

I work at a Mobile Computer Service (Freindly Computers to be precice) and I see all sorts of silly **** all of the time. Just yesterday I went on a call and this chick was like you guys have been out here 3 time and I am still having this problem, my computer will not turn on and then procedes to hit the power button on the monitor and goes see... its blank. I go ok .. and notice no lights on the CPU... hmmm.... push the power down there and she goes wow.. what did you do. I go I turned it on. She goes you mean this isnt the power? I go well yes ... but not all of it.

It still amazes me how computer iliterate so many folks are. This lady had been using the computers in her colege computer lab for years and yet no one had ever shown her how to turn one one.... truly amazing.

[joeyjoe367]

I used to work at the computer lab at my school. My oh my, did I get silly questions.

One girl stuck a diskette into the drive with a post-it note on it and fussed up the insides of the machine. Another would always claim that his machine had a "Virus" no matter which machine he moved to.

Ha, and the best one:

A middle-aged woman, probably mid to late 30's, wants to get on the internet (Oh please, god forbid) so I tell her to click on the Icon that looks like an "E"

She clicks on it.

Once.

So I tells her, You have to double click it.

She says "Why?"

I says, "That's just the way it is."

She says "I don't like that. Change it."

[slushee]

Yes .. I cryed when I read that site ...
I work at a callin tech center ... some people should be banned from buying computers!

[jdev]

i work in technical support for a webhosting company.

you would think that the people that call her would know what they are doing half the time, because a good 80% of the sites hosted here are e-commerce or business related..


couldnt be further from the truth. I havent even read that link yet, and Im sure I can can tell you, Ive heard em all, and probably some that arent there. here are some of my favorites:

me: "thank you for calling media3, this is Joe, how can I help you?"

customer: "is this media3?"

-------

customer: "i signed up for an account with you guys yesterday through your website, and I need technical support'

me: "ok sir, it is comany policy that you fill out a support ticket for tracking purposes, this will go into our support database and a tech will work on it for you. To fill out a ticket, go to the media3 homepage.." (customer interrupts)

customer: "how do I get to your website?"


geeze.. there are so many more.. so little time...

[jdev]

omfg.

me and my coworkers are reading this stuff.

never in my life have I seen such hilarity..

we are both about to pee ourselves, and I am havening to be come lightheaded...

[Gunga]

At one of my previous jobs, the phone rang, so I answered with "Jack Carl (name of the company I worked at), this is JJ."

Their reply was, "Are you guys open today?"

Like I'd be there if we had been closed. And to make it even better, they called in the middle of the week, during normal business hours.

Or another winner was when I asked what version of Windows a caller was using. Her reply was an exasperated sigh and then, "Do I need to know all this technical stuff?"

[NewMag]

I'm busting a gut here. This stuff is off da' hook kinda funny.

-- the Cardinal Rule of Technical Support, which goes thusly: "Verily, thou shalt not take unto thine heart any words spoken by the Luser, for I say unto thee, their mouths spout naught but excrement."

Priceless!

[Skoad]

This little video sums up most of it

http://www.wtfman.com/vids/internethelpdesk.mov

[Big'n slo]

This has probably been here b4, but it is funny.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by Air Force pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

(P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.