Don't get me wrong, I'm not sexist or anything, my best friend is female. I just found this amusing. If sexist jokes offend you don't read this.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
She gets mad when I interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex driveby 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
----------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
----------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
----------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
----------------------------------------
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
----------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
----------------------------------------
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
She gets mad when I interrupt her.
---------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex driveby 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
----------------------------------------
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days."She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."
----------------------------------------
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
----------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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