Best CLEAN joke?

[breg]

I'm really bored, so I thought that I'd tell a joke. Feel free to add your own. But, keep it clean though. Remember, the mods can delete any of them at any time. Note to Mods: if this gets out of hand, close and delete the thread.

Also, don't pull that one about the horse that fell in the mud...

A guy goes to an estate auction. He was looking through and see a beautiful parrot. So, he waits for a moment and asks the auctioneer when it goes up for bidding. The auctioneer replies that it is up next. He quietly goes and sits down and waits. Then the parrot goes up for bidding. Man, you should have been there. The bids went through the roof. Finally, later the guy wins, and winds up paying $3,000 for this freaking bird. Visibly annoyed, he asks if the bird can talk. His only answer was, "Sure, who do you think was bidding against you?"

[edweird]

its a classic ... but seems to always resurface


Arkansas Reading test:

M R Ducks
M R Knot
C D M B D I's
O D M R Ducks

[jdev]

jim was a gynocologist for 20 years of his life. one day, he decided to change his profession to auto mechanic.

jim takes the schooling, training and eveything he needs to become a mechanic.

final day of class comes, along with a test.

students must disassemle a full engine and then re-assemble it.

jim does so.

at the end of class, he goes to the teacher for his grade. the teacher marks him at 150%

confused, jim says to the teacher, how did I get 150%?

teacher says:

well jim. you took the engine apart correctly, thats 50%

you put it back together correctly, thats 50%

having done it all through the exhaust piping, theres your final 50%

[dre1919]

A man walks into a bar in Alabama and goes up to order a drink. "I'll have a Rolling Rock" he says to the bartender. The man gets his beer and sets it in front of the customer, but before walking away asks him "You aren't from around here are you?"

"No" the man replies, "I'm from Pennsylvania."

The bartender immediately looks suspiciously at the guy and asks "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a taxedermist" the customer replies proudly.

"What the hell is that!" the bartender exclaims.

"I mount dead animals" the man says.

"It's ok boys!", the bartender announces to the bar, "he's one of us."




I'd just like to say I always thought that was funny, even though I love the South!

[einhander619]

Two guys walked into a bar, don't you think one of them would have ducked?

[PaInTbAlLeR476]

You messed that up. Its two guys walk into a bar, the third guy ducks.

[BTAutoMag]

why did the baby cross the road?

because he was stapled to the chicken

why do doctors slap babies when they are born...

to knock the penis off the smart ones

[BobTheCow]

Originally posted by joey d
having done it all through the exhaust piping, theres your final 50%

^ lol

Here's this "classic" that I've put up before... oh man I love this one, it's definitely worth reading through, so DON'T GIVE UP ON IT!!

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So there's this guy. He absolutely LOVES pink. He lives in a pink house with pink shudders and a pink door, pink stairs, pink EVERYTHING. So one night after watching his pink TV, he goes up his pink stairs to his pink bathroom, brushes his pink teeth, walks down his pink hall, opens his pink door, goes into his pink room, gets into his pink room, and dreams pink dreams.
After a little while, the doorbell rings and wakes him up. So he gets out of his pink bed, walks down his pink hall, down the pink stairs, and opens the pink door. There's a guy standing there, he said his car just broke down, he's wondering if he can spend the night with the pink guy and call a tow truck in the morning. So the pink guy agress, and lets him in.
They close the pink door, go up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and come to a red door. The pink-freak explains everything the guy needs is in there, and they say good-night. so the pink-freak closes the red door, walks down the pink hall, opens his pink door, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.
A little while later, the doorbell rings again and wakes up the pink-freak. So he gets out of his pink bed, walks down the pink hall, goes down the pink stairs, opens the pink door, and there's another guy standing there, same story as the first guy. So he lets him in, closes the pink door, leads him up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and comes to a blue door. The pink-freak explains that everything he needs is in that room, and they say good-night. The pink-freak walks down the pink hall, goes into his pink room, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.
So a little while later, the doorbell wakes up the pink-freak for a THIRD time. He gets out of his pink bed, walks down his pink hall, goes down the pink stairs, opens the pink door, and there's a third guy, same story as the other two. So he lets him in, closes the pink door, leads him up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and up to a blue door, and says that everything the guy needs is in there. They say good-night, and the pink-freak walked down the pink hall, opened his pink door, got into his pink bed, and dreamed pink dreams.
The next morning rolls around, the pink-freak gets out of his pink bed, puts on his pink slippers, walks down his pink door, and opens up the red, green, and blue doors, and wakes up the guys, lets them know that he'll serve breakfast. So the four of them walk down the pink hall, down the pink stairs, and into the pink kitchen. The pink-freak sits them down in pink chairs at the pink table, and gets out four pink bowls. He gets out a box of cheerios and a box of wheaties. He pours himself a box of cheerios. He asks the next guy, and he picks cheerios. He asks the third guy, and he says cheerios. The pink-freak asks the fourth guy, who wants wheaties. So the pink-freak puts away the cheerios and pours the fourth guy a pink bowl of wheaties.
The moral of the story: <i>3 out of 4 people prefer cheerios.</i>

[WGCB31]

Now you owe me 2 minutes cause you just wasted 2 minutes of my life. ok i have a couple dumb ones but w/e...

What do u call a blonde with one brain cell?.....Lucky
What do u call a blonde who dyes her hair brown....artificial intellagience.

[yeahthatsme]

LOL omg thats great....

[Python14]

um.....ok

Well, heres one....

Why did the sloth fall out of the tree?
It died.
Why did the second sloth fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first sloth.
Why did the third sloth fall out of the tree?
Peer Pressure.

Three blonds are stuck on an island after a nasty storm that wrecked their canoe. They are walking around on the beach and one of them finds and old Arabian Lamp. Being blonds, they rub it thinking a Genie will come out. Well, somehow a Genie does come out and the first thing he notices is that he has three blonds in front of him. So he decides this will be easy and he tells them he will give them each one wish. Being that there are three of them, and that there are usually three wishes, the three castaways make no question about it. The first one thinks for a long while before she says even a word. Finally, after almost 4 hours of powerthinking, she says "Genie, this island sucks. Make me smart enough to find a way off" So he grants her wish and turns her into a redhead. She quickly runs into the water and swims to shore. The next one thinks for twice as long. She almost gets a headache she thinks so hard. After 8 hours, she says "Genie, this island sucks. Make me smart enough to find a way off". The Genie grants her wish, and outdoes himself by turning her into a Brunette. Soon enough, she has a boat built and she drive to shore in style. Well the last blond is sitting there and the genie asks for her wish. She thinks twice as long as the last girl and she even begins to get sick because she is thinking so hard, or atlease hard for a blond. After 16 hours of thinking, she says "Genie, this island sucks. Make me smart enough to find a way off". The genie grants her wish and outdoes himself yet again. He makes her into a man and she walks across the bridge to shore.

[BobTheCow]

Alright so this blonde walks into a 7-11 and sees a thermos on the shelf, because 7-11 has everything. Well anyway she doesn't know what it is, so she asks the clerk working there. The guy says "That's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
So the blonde thinks that's pretty nifty and buys one.

The next day, the blonde goes to work with the thermos. She meets up with her blonde friends during a morning break, and one of them asks her what that strange contraption she holds in her hand is. The first blonde explains "It's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
After the fellow blondes are done oohing and aahing, one of them asks her what she has in it.
The original blonde replies: "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

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<b>Q:</b> A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all jump off a cliff. Who hits the bottom last?
<b>A:</b> The blonde, who had to stop halfway and ask for directions.

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more to come later after my pie break.

[CasingBill]

how blondes print email

[CasingBill]

more

Sara Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, Why the long face?!"

ok, Theres these three guys....nevermind that will get deleted.

[magman007]

A guy walks in to a bar and says "i want an orange juice"

The bar tender askds" Concentrated?"

The man while concentrating very hardly says in a determined voice "I want an orange juice"


that one is better live, but i love that joke fo rsome reason