Depression

[-Carnifex-]

I wish I could kill myself.

[Zumina]

Adolescent angst.

[InfinatyBPS]

Ok, I don't feel like posting here, read my website in sig for my feelings...

[Miscue]

Cool site... figuring out how to get stuff out can really help.

[LaW]

Originally posted by Miscue
Depression is a real ailment, nothing to be ashamed of. I've dealt with minor depression since high school, and it took me a long time to realize what was happening. I did not realize that my brain wasn't wired right.

Initially, I had self-destructive... negative thoughts. I thought I was worthless, and stupid. I didn't ask girls out or anything, because rejection could have really hurt me. I'm much better with the girl situation now, but I still find myself questioning my intelligence and appearance all the time. No... I can't do that... I'm not smart enough... those kinds of thoughts. No, she won't like me... I'm too this and that.

It's pretty hard to get stuff done, when in the back of your mind you think: What's the point? I'm just going to kill myself anyway.

It was my biggest setback in college... I had a couple throw away semesters and my GPA sucked. I had an inspirational source with my girlfriend (now ex) at the time, and cranked through my last year of school... and actually got a couple A's. I had nearly given up...

You sound exactly how I have been since my junior year in high school, I am on my 3rd year of college and just like you I tanked 2 semesters (first couple I had B's and A's though) I got a couple years left (computer science) and man you sound just like me just perhaps a few years older ya know. Nice to hear though, very good advice you had there.... exactly what I started doing since January.

[Miscue]

Started with me as a junior in high school as well.

But I tell you what... an engineering degree is hella hard for someone with depression. It doesn't matter how smart you are. The type of work you do, and the amount of time it takes... really works against you.

[LaW]

Originally posted by Miscue
Started with me as a junior in high school as well.

But I tell you what... an engineering degree is hella hard for someone with depression. It doesn't matter how smart you are. The type of work you do, and the amount of time it takes... really works against you.

Well I kind of put blame on it over the years with my parents divorcing and a bunch of other crap.

I completely agree on that statement. The past couple months have really changed around for me... I have 2 jobs, one is a great internship. Got a nice girl that really is supportive and definately a confidence booster. I have been meeting with my advisor at school in order to get some extra help getting through school and staying on track. It just feels so good to actually enjoy life a little lately.

[MagMan5446]

Depression blows.

I don't have manic depression, or am bi-polar, to my knowledge anyway. I just view myself as a coward. I didn't want to deal with life anymore. So here's a little piece of my story.

That's a great site you got there infinity, good way to vent. Try wrestling for your school to lose weight, quit smoking bud too. Wrestling, if you stick with it, will get you in shape quick. It's about the hardest thing to do to yourself if you have a decent school though. It's bad for you, I can't run too great anymore but I'll get back in shape soon. That's not why weed was bad for me though. It wasn't all the weed that screwed me up though, it was the constant dealer, my job, and my situation.

I got a job, met a drug dealer doing it, called him up for an 8th every other night. One night I was sittin, smoking pot and drinking and my buddy (not the drug dealer) asks if I've done anything other than weed and alcohol. At the time, no. So he gave me some ritalin, kept me up good and I liked it. So I asked my dealer if he had any harder stuff, and he had ecstasy. So I did x and it all went from there.

Now my situation. I'm poor and I'm come from a broken home. I was poor to the point of eating canned food for dinner every night until I got a job and fed myself like the rest of the people in my family. Dad was a drunk, mom worked all day and night (nurse aid, graveyard shift at 7-11). And I drank and smoked and to vent all my anger I play football and wrestle. I love wrestling. But during the summer I just worked and did drugs. One summer I was sick of it all for some reason. I smoked weed and drank everyday and did whatever else was around. I still smoke sometimes but the alcohol is my poison of choice these days, and I think I have the right to smoke a little bud now.

Anyhow I think I drifted from the story, but yeah. I got into some hard stuff, shooting up heroin and coke, just tweaking for days. When I wasn't working, I was high. I had nothing else to do. I did have a friend who did everything with me, and that helped. He didn't have too many problems but he just liked to do drugs. So there I am tweaking everyday. Going nowhere, aiming to drop out because I didn't want to go to school. I was a punk, a real punk.

So I don't remember where this story was headed, but I was depressed, doing lots of drugs, and then I realized what I was doing to myself, and I decided to quit, I got sick of sitting around all the time high so I just stopped. Didn't take me a near death experience, I just stopped. A girl I met at the time did help. I cleaned up a lot for her, but it was really for myself.

I've always been depressed, always thought about suicide since I was a little tyke, around 4 or 5. I was really killing myself mentally with the drugs. Oh now I remember, music. I love music. It's why I'm alive. Music has helped me more than anything. If I was dead then I wouldn't have music, and that's all you need to realize. You just have to have something like that to live for.

I really don't know where this went, I'm kinda drunk. But when you're depressed, just think of me. A real mess up, failure at life, but I'm getting better. I think.

[Miscue]

You know, and that's the thing. You have to learn how to enjoy life, and get really good at figuring out how to do that... moreso than most people. It's like you have no choice if you want your brain to quit working against you. That's why I try to do stuff that I like doing all the time. I always have something to look forward to. Something's going wrong, I go do something I like to do... I have to. Going on these past couple of trips, I need that stuff to stay mentally healthy. This is what works for me, and I think it's important that everyone who suffers from a miswired brain figures out what works for them.

[MagMan5446]

Don't regret anything. Ever, as crappy as some times have been for me, I don't regret anything. Eduacation = Experience.

[LaW]

Originally posted by Miscue
You know, and that's the thing. You have to learn how to enjoy life, and get really good at figuring out how to do that... moreso than most people. It's like you have no choice if you want your brain to quit working against you. That's why I try to do stuff that I like doing all the time. I always have something to look forward to. Something's going wrong, I go do something I like to do... I have to. Going on these past couple of trips, I need that stuff to stay mentally healthy. This is what works for me, and I think it's important that everyone who suffers from a miswired brain figures out what works for them.

Well said, I have taken up many more activities to fullfil my time. Paintbally has always been a big part of my enjoying life. Thats why I just have to play this summer (working too much so far) and dont' mind going into a little debt by going to shatnerball.... But yeah whenever I start to feel down I will get up and do stuff I like to do. Just like you said! But also like you said it doesn't work that way for everyone.... I tried many other things to get myself going before and failed time after time.

[Hasty8]

Originally posted by SG Avenger
I mean how does me paying you to tell me what I already know, make me feel any better.

This is a tremendous over-simplification of what a "shrink" does. A psychotherapist/psychologist will help you identify what could be the cause for your problems by assisting you in better understanding how your mind is working.

Now, Angelboy. A few things here from a guy who went through clinical depression first.

Depression can either be genetic or psychological.

My depression came about due to the...rather unpleasant life I had cornered myself into.

Here are a few tips on how to pick a good doctor.

First off, run screaming from anyone who prescribes you ant drugs to take within the first two or three visits. These first few visits are for the two of you to get to know each other and develop a rapport.

Second, do not let anyone (family, friends, others) tell you that it will pass. Me doing that almost made my son fatherless at three years old.

Third, do not expect a quick fix. This is a long process that can take years to rectify.

Finally, do not give a single damn what others think. If your "friends" make fun of you for seeing a "Shirnk" then they were never your friends to begin with.

"Adversity is the crucible in which the mettle of true friendship is forged".

Good luck and I hope everything comes out alright.

As for the girl who had sex with her cousin, that is SO not your fault. That one REALLY needs some help.

[aaron_mag]

Life can hurt sometimes. Most of us will go through some tough times in life. I've had my share of loss that made me wonder why should I go on when my reason for living is gone?

As I was thinking these thoughts (back at the beginning of the year) I read a post by FactsofLife where he essentially said that you get through the tough times by getting up and getting through another day. Eventually you find yourself ready to face it all again. It is corny but it is true. Hang in there guys and don't use things that get you into debt or ruin your health (drugs) to get you through it. Eventually we'll all make it to a Shatnerball and it will all be worth it!!!

[-=Squid=-]

Well, if your anything like me, we may have had similar problems. I used to get very depressed and dwell on very little things, and would get like that...well, not the eating part And well, I just got over it. Im 16, and as soon as school ended I just fealt so overly relieved that I was all uber happy. How long have you fealt like this?

[LaW]

Originally posted by -=Squid=-
Well, if your anything like me, we may have had similar problems. I used to get very depressed and dwell on very little things, and would get like that...well, not the eating part And well, I just got over it. Im 16, and as soon as school ended I just fealt so overly relieved that I was all uber happy. How long have you fealt like this?

I wouldn't really call that depression... sounds like you just didn't like school

I don't know just the way I see it, its not as easy as school ending to not suffer from depression... I guess you could feel depressed but oh well i see that as different then depression thats just me lol sorry