EVER WONDER...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our
skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows
98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a
broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved"
flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal
injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the
material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all
stuck together?
..if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying
is so safe?
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed
because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and
that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter
special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot
after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one:
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our
skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth
closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins
Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows
98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a
broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved"
flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal
injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the
material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all
stuck together?
..if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the
opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying
is so safe?
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed
because of
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and
that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No
purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter
special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot
after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this.
I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk
about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
this one:
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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