*un* Official Original Poetry Thread

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  • InfinatyBPS
    Dead Black Rose
    • May 2001
    • 2404
    #1

    *un* Official Original Poetry Thread

    Well, this school year I started letting my emotions out by writing poems, its a great release. So I'll post some that I write here now and then, and if anyone else writes. Feel free to post something.

    Common Darkness

    In the dark shadows of my life
    I dwell
    Day and night
    All the darkness is the same
    And there my love for death begins to swell.
    I sit and live,
    Live in shame
    And hope to die.
    Becauses I'm tired of darkness
    its all the same.

    This is one of my shorter ones. But my keyboard is being gay and its hard to type things, so I picked a short one.
    You smell like dookie... No really though.
    Tags: None
    • -Carnifex-
      Registered User
      • Jan 2003
      • 1434
      #2
      Ick, Goth poetry.
      "What we have to accomplish at this time is all the more clear: relentless criticism of all existing conditions, relentless in the sense that the criticism is not afraid of its findings and just as little afraid of the conflict with the powers that be."
      - Karl Marx

        Comment

        • InfinatyBPS
          Dead Black Rose
          • May 2001
          • 2404
          #3
          I'm not goth... just someone who has been depressed for a long time for no apparent reason other than I have a really jacked up head.
          You smell like dookie... No really though.

            Comment

            • -Carnifex-
              Registered User
              • Jan 2003
              • 1434
              #4
              What you wrote is still Goth poetry.
              "What we have to accomplish at this time is all the more clear: relentless criticism of all existing conditions, relentless in the sense that the criticism is not afraid of its findings and just as little afraid of the conflict with the powers that be."
              - Karl Marx

                Comment

                • InfinatyBPS
                  Dead Black Rose
                  • May 2001
                  • 2404
                  #5
                  Most likely you would classify me as a goth. I have long hair, wears black, chains, spikes... But I listen to any kind of music and stuff. I don't consider myself goth, but people sometimes say I am.
                  You smell like dookie... No really though.

                    Comment

                    • -Carnifex-
                      Registered User
                      • Jan 2003
                      • 1434
                      #6
                      Some advice:

                      1.) The image (which is the object of a poem) isn't very clear.

                      2.) There isn't much movement in the image; add verbs.
                      "What we have to accomplish at this time is all the more clear: relentless criticism of all existing conditions, relentless in the sense that the criticism is not afraid of its findings and just as little afraid of the conflict with the powers that be."
                      - Karl Marx

                        Comment

                        • gamarada717
                          Shiggity Shiggity Shwa
                          • Feb 2003
                          • 1075
                          #7
                          I don't think I've seen a true goth in a long, long time. I actually have found that the people who dress with chains and spikes and crap, actually tend to be nicer, and quite friendly. I never pass an oppertunity to have more friends.

                          Back on topic, I think your poetry is very good. I have TONS of poetry that I wrote, I just need to find where I saved it all.

                          EDIT: found it

                          It's a never ending story, of sadness and depression.
                          I want what I can't have, and that fuels my obsession.

                          She says she loves me, I hope it is true.
                          I told her I loved her, she knows I do.

                          But I cannot win a place in her heart,
                          It's all HIS fault, I should have known from the start;

                          I could never have a girl, so kind and sweet.
                          I could never have this girl, nor sweep her off her feet.

                          For she loves HIM too, which crushes my dreams.
                          It destroys all hope; the tears flow in streams.

                          I can't have this girl, She's too good for me.
                          It's all HIS fault, who else's could it be?

                          My life has ceased. It revolves around this girl.
                          My hopes, my dreams, my soul, my world.

                          I'm lost in love, too deep to be found.
                          Let me stay lost, I'm about to drown.

                          I wish to stay lost, and die with her in my head.
                          So not to be let down again, and wish I were dead.

                            Comment

                            • Ov3rmind
                              Speechless
                              • Nov 2001
                              • 2637
                              #8
                              Originally posted by -Carnifex-
                              What you wrote is still Goth poetry.
                              Is their such a thing? We've been studying poetry forever in my English H class and I'm getting sick of it. One thing I've learned is no matter what you write, or how you write it, there will be someone out their who appreciates it. It's almost too subjective for me.
                              Converge Kills

                                Comment

                                • -Carnifex-
                                  Registered User
                                  • Jan 2003
                                  • 1434
                                  #9
                                  Generally only Goths or Goth-like people can appreciate Goth poetry.
                                  "What we have to accomplish at this time is all the more clear: relentless criticism of all existing conditions, relentless in the sense that the criticism is not afraid of its findings and just as little afraid of the conflict with the powers that be."
                                  - Karl Marx

                                    Comment

                                    • FooTemps
                                      HURRRR
                                      • Sep 2001
                                      • 6702
                                      #10
                                      what about... visiGOTHS? hmmmm!?!?

                                      .
                                      		Good Traders:
                                      Tunaman, K-villeplayer, Magman007, Mastersconi, Jon/xpm, Kenndogg

                                      My feedback if you've dealt with me, leave some...

                                      Fruitcat: it's what AO doesn't like.

                                        Comment

                                        • ramenjames
                                          Paintballin'Hippy
                                          • Nov 2003
                                          • 555
                                          #11
                                          http://www.automags.org/forums/showt...12#post1682112 WTT Custom RM for A-5/Mag/Cocker

                                            Comment

                                            • boomerfoxtrot
                                              MOOSE
                                              • Aug 2002
                                              • 1565
                                              #12
                                              http://www.poetry.com
                                              so they are all Copyright... =]
                                              The MOOSE is LOOSE!

                                              Good Traders: RogueFactor, Personman,Bazaro,hawpunch, Devil,bofh,Walker,Boble86,Ryknow,MajorDamage

                                              BAD TRADER::: TheEmagGuy

                                              My Feedback

                                              AO-GA

                                                Comment

                                                • 71 LS6
                                                  Nick Tahou's guru
                                                  • May 2002
                                                  • 230
                                                  #13
                                                  - There's no replacement for displacement.

                                                  "It's not peer pressure, it's just your turn."

                                                  AO Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle: Donatello

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Zygote
                                                      CADmonkey
                                                      • Apr 2002
                                                      • 419
                                                      #14
                                                      Jump if you want to
                                                      But please don't land on my car
                                                      Suicidal Cow

                                                      http://www.brewdude.beers.net/cow.gif
                                                      "Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices." - Voltaire

                                                        Comment

                                                        • TecnoRobo
                                                          I pay the bills...
                                                          • Sep 2002
                                                          • 326
                                                          #15
                                                          hahahaha some of this crap is funny
                                                          i may post something later
                                                          it may be funny
                                                          i dunno

                                                            Comment

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