This duck walks into a bar....

[p8ntball1016]

and asks the bartender if he has any nuts.

"Nuts!" the bartender says, "This is a bar, we only serve drinks."

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck comes back in and asks for nuts again.

At this point, the bartender is fairly agitated and says to the duck: "Listen! this is a bar, we serve drinks. Thats all. In fact, if you come in here one more time and ask for nuts, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!"

The duck leaves.

The next day the duck returns to the bar and walks up to the bartender and says: "Hey barkeep, you got any nails in this place?"

The bartender looks at the duck and says: "Umm, no. We don't."

Then the duck says: "Well, you got any nuts then?"

[RRfireblade]

Knock Knock.......

Who's there?

Post whore........

Postwhore who?

p8ntball1016.



Got another for you:



Knock knock......

Who's there?

Cphilip........

Cphilip wh..........wait a second!!!

WHERE'D MY POST COUNT GO!!!!!!!

[PyRo]

Its supposed to be walks into I forget where and asks for nuts, not grapes

[p8ntball1016]

Originally posted by PyRo
Its supposed to be walks into I forget where and asks for nuts, not grapes

oh ok.

[yeahthatsme]

not true pyro there are quite a few different versions, all centering around the duck asking for something over a good few days and then the nails part...


a duck walks into a grocery store and ask the guy behind the counter "got any grapes?"

the guy says "no we aint got no grapes"

the duck comes back the next day and asks the guy "got any grapes"

the guy replies "no we aint got any grapes"

the duck comes in a third time and asks the guy behind the counter "got any grapes?"

"no we aint got any grapes, and if you come in here and ask again i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor"

the next day the duck comes back in and asks the man behind the counter "got any nails?"

"no i dont have any nails"

"got any grapes?"

[RoadDawg]

I was thinking it was gonna be like this: A duck walks into a bar and says "quack!"

[sps16]

Originally posted by RRfireblade

Knock knock......

Who's there?

Cphilip........

Cphilip wh..........wait a second!!!

WHERE'D MY POST COUNT GO!!!!!!!

hhahaha, i like that one

[CasingBill]

Wait...is the duck for that insurance??..You know...that supplemental insurance. I can't remember what its called.....

[UltimatePaintballer]

it was on a commercial, i remember seeing this on tv.

the duck walks into a gas station

asks for grapes

he go in three times asking for grapes

fourth time staples then grapes.

just a quick rundown

i know everyone heres it differently but for some reason it makes me mad that no one heres it the same way i do. idk why

[f3rr3+]

Originally posted by RRfireblade
Knock Knock.......

Who's there?

Post whore........

Postwhore who?

p8ntball1016.



Got another for you:



Knock knock......

Who's there?

Cphilip........

Cphilip wh..........wait a second!!!

WHERE'D MY POST COUNT GO!!!!!!!

bah humbug... you beat me too it

[Mikey B]

Originally posted by CasingBill
Wait...is the duck for that insurance??..You know...that supplemental insurance. I can't remember what its called.....

i beleive thats Aflact... or somthing like that.

[p8ntball1016]

AFFLACK!!!

[than205]

A Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, "Hey, you're a duck"

"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.

"Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK," says the barman.

"Guess your ears are fine too," answers the duck. "Now, can have a beer please."

The barman serves the duck a pint and asks him, "So, what brings a duck like you to these parts?"

"Oh," says the duck, "I work on the building site across the road. We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll most likely be in every lunch hour for a pint." The duck slurped down his beer, wiggling his tail happily.

Just as he said, the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunch time lager.

The next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round. The Circus owner wanders in for a pint and the barman tells him about the talking duck.

"You should get this duck to join your circus," he says. "For a little consideration, I could hook you up with this duck and you could make lots of bucks. Everyone would love to see a talking duck I think. Don't you?" The circus man nods his agreement excitedly while sipping his beer and the barman agrees to talk to the duck about the circus.

The following day, the duck comes in at lunch time as he had been for those many days. The barman says to the duck (with dollar signs in his eyes), "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner about you. He's very interested in you."

"Really?" says the duck.

"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."

"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"

"That's right."

"That's one of those big tent things, isn't it? With a big pole in the middle?"

"Yeah!"

"That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck.

"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen on the idea."

The duck looked very puzzled. "But why would he want to hire a plasterer?"

[BobTheCow]

*sigh* If this is turning into a bad joke thread, I just have to contribute :

So there's this guy. He absolutely LOVES pink. He lives in a pink house with pink shudders and a pink door, pink stairs, pink EVERYTHING. So one night after watching his pink TV, he goes up his pink stairs to his pink bathroom, brushes his pink teeth, walks down his pink hall, opens his pink door, goes into his pink room, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.

After a little while, the doorbell rings and wakes him up. So he gets out of his pink bed, walks down his pink hall, down the pink stairs, and opens the pink door. There's a guy standing there, he said his car just broke down, he's wondering if he can spend the night with the pink guy and call a tow truck in the morning. So the pink guy agrees, and lets him in.

They close the pink door, go up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and come to a red door. The pink-freak explains everything the guy needs is in there, and they say good-night. So the pink-freak closes the red door, walks down the pink hall, opens his pink door, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.

A little while later, the doorbell rings again and wakes up the pink-freak. So he gets out of his pink bed, walks down the pink hall, goes down the pink stairs, opens the pink door, and there's another guy standing there, same story as the first guy. So he lets him in, closes the pink door, leads him up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and comes to a blue door. The pink-freak explains that everything he needs is in that room, and they say good-night. The pink-freak walks down the pink hall, goes into his pink room, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.

So a little while later, the doorbell wakes up the pink-freak again. He gets out of his pink bed, walks down his pink hall, goes down the pink stairs, opens the pink door, and there's a third guy, same story as the other two. So he lets him in, closes the pink door, leads him up the pink stairs, down the pink hall, and up to a blue door, and says that everything the guy needs is in there. They say good-night, and the pink-freak walks down the pink hall, opens his pink door, gets into his pink bed, and dreams pink dreams.

The next morning rolls around, the pink-freak gets out of his pink bed, puts on his pink slippers, walks down his pink hall after opening his pink door, and opens up the red, green, and blue doors, and wakes up the guys, lets them know that he'll serve breakfast. So the four of them walk down the pink hall, down the pink stairs, and into the pink kitchen. The pink-freak sits them down in pink chairs at the pink table, and gets out four pink bowls. He gets out a box of cheerios and a box of wheaties. He pours himself a box of cheerios. He asks the next guy, and he picks cheerios. He asks the third guy, and he says cheerios. The pink-freak then asks the fourth guy, but he wants wheaties. So the pink-freak puts away the cheerios and pours the fourth guy a pink bowl of wheaties.

The moral of the story??













3 out of 4 people prefer cheerios.

[logamus]

so theres this rabbit just hopping along minding his business. suddenly this car pops out of nowhere and the rabbit has to jump out of the way. well the car misses all but just a small part of his tail. so the quest is on. the rabbit chases after the car all over the city. down residential streets, through parking lots and up to the rail road tracks. there, sadly, the rabbit is killed by a train. the moral to the story, its not worth getting killed over a piece of tail.