Ethical question involving money...

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  • slateman
    Registered User
    • Oct 2001
    • 1346

    #1

    Ethical question involving money...

    This could be kinda long, just so you know.

    I found out to day that my grandfather's estate is gonna be auctioned off on July 10.

    Around I was about 2 or three, my grandfather (whos name was John) divorced my grandmother. Well actually, she divorced him. Turns out he was a bit adulterous. At the same time, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She fought as long as she could but she died when I was five. John never visited her in the hospital or at my house (that I've ever heard about). I understand that he went to the funeral but didn't even say anything to my father or the rest of my family. He never met me. APparantly my father tried to get him to but he wanted nothing to do with me (I guess, I mean, I never met him).

    Well, last year he died and didn't leave a will. I was named as one of the benefactors because I'm 21 and the only child of his daughter (my mother). Turns out that he owned a fair amount of farmland in Michigan and also a decent sized house with a couple of nice cars. My Uncle has been made cheif executer of the estate and is putting it up for auction. He's said that he's happy to give me a far share of the money (It won't be as much as you think. Because there is no will, quite a hunk of it will go to the lawyers. Figures, right?).

    I can't help but shake this guilty feeling I have at taking the money. I never met this man. He apparently washed his hands of his former family, including me. I just feel...wrong I guess, for taking this money. But on the other hand, I could really use this money. I need money for school (what student doesn't?) esp. since I'm gonna have to get my own place (my parents are moving a couple hours away from my school).

    I've talked about it with my Dad and he feels I should take it. He says, that while its not the main cause, his callousness towards my mother probably agrivated her condition. He would know; he spent every second he could with her in the hospital.

    So I've come here, and elsewhere, for advice. What would you do? Take the money and tell yourself you deserve it? Or don't accept the bastard's money?
    BrockSampson "I see dead people..."



    and once I see them, I make sweet, sweet love...
  • FalconGuy016
    Divine Right, Pevs @ AG
    • Aug 2002
    • 6127

    #2
    I wouldnt have trouble taking money from a guy like that if he died.
    Hey
    AIM: FalconGuy016
    BANG!!!

    Comment

    • FutureMagOwner
      Registered User
      • Dec 2001
      • 3354

      #3
      yeah this guy sounds like a jack off to me and i would only not take the money if there was someone who really needed the money badly but because there is no will that person gets the shaft

      Comment

      • -=Squid=-

        #4
        Take it. Not that I dont have good reasoning, but jeez, take it. The man didnt want anything to do with you apparently, so consider this his peace offer (I know HE didnt offer it to you, thats not the point). Not like your going to go blow it, its going towards school anyways.

        Comment

        • gamarada717
          Shiggity Shiggity Shwa
          • Feb 2003
          • 1075

          #5
          I would take it. It's money, the same stuff that millions of people have died for. And it's yours for the taking. Sure, you may feel bad, but think about the money....yeah














          Please don't listen to me, I'm a poor 14 year old.....money........

          Comment

          • NJPaint
            Pro Peace
            • Jan 2003
            • 2478

            #6
            Though it is true that you didn't meet him and though it is true that your family may be distant from him, think about where else the money should go to. You are (from your post) his only grandchild. As such, your uncle, mother and you should be recieving the money. There is no reason for you to turn your back on the "family" money. That having been said, I understand your feelings of distance from the man.

            If you truely have a hard time taking the money for yourself, donate it to somewhere that you know needs the money. They are easy to find, there are millions of people on the planet that can use a helping hand. Look at it as a donation from your grandfather, a good will gesture that he made possible, but was unable to stop from happening.

            If you really could use the money (its not turning into beer/party stuff) then I would, personally feel okay using it. I would rationalize it as "My distant grandfather gave me money so that I could get myself a good education." Well, those are the options that I can think of right now, good luck.
            Rooster "But such is the mentallity of the Arab people. Which is why as long as there are Arabs, there will be a terrorist problem."
            ^^^ known AO racists


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            Comment

            • PyRo
              President Bioloaf inc.
              • Dec 2000
              • 10186

              #7
              Its money, who cares where its from? I could see you having a problem if the money was obtained in an illigitimate way, but simply because it is comming from someone you don't know who may have not been such a great person isn't a good reason not to accept it. I cannot understand what your problem is with taking it?

              Comment

              • BobTheCow63
                IAO Gold Star winner (BTK)
                • Dec 2002
                • 3832

                #8
                I think the best way to look at this situation is to reason that you're really not taking it from anybody else that would be a better choice to get it, anyway... in other words, you're as good as recipient of the money as is any of the other people you mentioned!! And like pyro said, it's legitimately yours... I say go for it.
                Calling all Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, and other east coast AOers...

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                Let us know what dates and locations work for you!!

                Comment

                • paintbattler
                  Mags > Cockers
                  • Nov 2001
                  • 2754

                  #9
                  take it man
                  Someone took away my cool sig. *cough*mod*cough*

                  Comment

                  • Tanner Johnson
                    I'll Be your Huckleberry
                    • Aug 2003
                    • 480

                    #10
                    ok so you need the money, take it
                    It's better than preactically giving it to everyone else, I mean you SHOULD get your fair share of his money. he kind of sounded crooked to me, I would have no problem taking that mans money. Sounds like you could use the money more than your uncle

                    E-Mail: [email protected] Great Traders: Rudy, Automaggot68, argnot, CMDane, GasGuzzler309, guysdaman

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                    Comment

                    • Tunaman
                      Specialized AGD Tech

                      • Dec 2000
                      • 8643

                      #11
                      I am sure your Mother would want you to have it. Take the money and dont think twice about it.
                      Email me for low prices on ALL AGD Products and more. [email protected]
                      Tunamart

                      Comment

                      • Torbo
                        teamless
                        • Apr 2003
                        • 1737

                        #12
                        i understand where youre coming from. But, take it and use it for school. thats the best thing you can do.
                        AO Feedback
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                        • Restola
                          Certificated Cloud Buster
                          • May 2001
                          • 2230

                          #13
                          If you feel guilty, take the money and hide it away in a safe investment (or several) somewhere. Someday you'll be better able to make a decision. If it still bothers you then, donate it to charity.

                          AO Feedback / Ebay Feedback / AOPA / JeepForum.com / IPR

                          Comment

                          • oldsoldier
                            just choke yourself out!!!
                            • Feb 2002
                            • 2459

                            #14
                            No will was left, which means he didnt plan. So, as you said, alot goes to lawyers. HOWEVER, your uncle DOES care, and is willing to share. As your grandfather never made plans for his death, it defaults to the executor. so, it is guilt free. And, if you STILL feel guilty taking it, donate it to a cancer foundation or something...
                            X-mag #10. Nuff said.

                            my feedback

                            Comment

                            • cphilip
                              Former Moderator

                              • Jun 2026
                              • 16216

                              #15
                              Old is right. Take it and do something to remember your mother by if you don't really need it that badly. Thats what is bothering you is you relationship with him and his relationship with your mother. It's not taking the money in itself...its the need to do something with it thats meaningfull to her and you.

                              But if you need it for say College then this is something your mother would rather you do with it. She would probably like to think her family link help you become a better person in some way. Think twice about that before you decide

                              But if you decide to donate it somewhere, I suggest you give locally to a support group for Cancer patients. Research them very well so your sure they give most of it to the patients and families. And do not eat up significant amounts of it in administrative costs. Then give it where you can see it is doing some good. In your mothers name. Immediately you will know its the right thing to do if it is.

                              If it does not feel right or you just cannot decide then take it and put it in the bank until the right thing comes to you. There is no hurry. It might be that the right idea is just going to take a while.


                              AGD, where we are so good we can do it with only ONE tube!

                              cphilip.com

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