Oldie but a goodie: Politics of Cows

[cphilip]

FEUDALISM
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the
cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. The cows are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government
gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you
should need.

FACISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both, hires you to take care of them,
and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all
share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
You have to take care of them, but the government takes
all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both cows and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows.
The government takes both cows and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows.
At first the government regulates what you can feed them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill
out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors
try to take the cows and kill you.

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lesson

[BobTheCow]

I like surrealism, I'm not in the spotlight then.

[cphilip]

I like surrealism, I'm not in the spotlight then.

I think I am an ANARCHO-CAPITALIST... I see the future in that arrangement.

[Jeffy-CanCon]

Some more:

SOCIAL DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the feng shui is bad.

CORPORATE: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.

LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas about government. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes for her because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."


... The "Hong Kong" one is my favourite!