Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

[Head knight of Ni]

never give your adress. the shotgun thing is scary and I failed that test which is a good thing I guess.

[barrel break]

whats this about a test?
anyway, i filled it out mentally, pretty funny...

[Oh_Davey]

How to pass it....

(HOW TO PASS)APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #____N/A__________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____Eagle/All of Them_______________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? _X_Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? _X_Yes ___No
If No, explain:
__________________________________________________ ____________

Number of years they have been married ___(Greater than your age______

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes _X_No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes _X_No

C. A waterbed? __Yes _X_No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes _X_No

E. A tattoo? __Yes _X_No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes _X_No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

__Any time past the given time, SIR.______________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

__Do not come in physical or emotional contact, SIR.___________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

__A way of life. SIR._____________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend __(Same as the family)____________________________ _

How often you attend _Every Sunday or more._____________________________________________ __

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _Anytime_____

mother? _Anytime_____

pastor? _Anytime_____


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

___Little toe_____________________________________ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

___Little toe_____________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

___School/getting a career________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

___My little toe___________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

___Be an honest faithful husband who loves his wife.____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

____Her... not breasts?___________________________________ ____________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __I wouldn't know, SIR.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature ----------------------- Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi ---------------------- State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back).

[The-Z-Man]

HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

ok.....i just dont want to know

[hAppy]

ok.....i just dont want to know

What the monkey, another zman?!

[ramennoodles]

when i read the title i thought it meant an application to the state government for a father to date their daughter(incest) man that freaked me out, but then i understood. That is great.

[coolcatpete]

Thats very funny.
Pete

[RevBrown]

I sure know I've dated some chicks who's fathers are like that. The funny thing is though the more protective the father seems the more wild and crazy the daughter usually is

Ain't this the truth.

Course there is always the father of the girl I dated way back when that couldn't talk to me without clentching his teeth. God he hated me even more so when her sisters found out I gave her hickeys on her twins.
Now I am dating my ex-bosses daughter from like 6 years ago. Nothing like starting a relationship where the father already knows your a loser

[skife]

i almost got that application once.
my ex's dad was going to give it to me.
thank god he didnt

[Warewolf50]

YEah on my first date wiht my girl friend she was staying at her dads, when i got there she wasnt ready yet so I got to have a lil talk with her dad, pretty much the fist thing he said to me was no alchol drugs or sex with my daughter. I was like ooooook, very uncomfortable. Then later i was informed that he was thinkng about pulling out a application thing like that but no matter how u fill it out it makes u look really bad.

[pickedlast]

wow.. i really did get this application... it was a joke tho... i knew the guy for like 4 years... and the rest of the family... so i was like are you for realll!!! and i started filling it out.. he went to his room... for about 10 min... hes a military man.. came out lookin pissed.. so i was like man u krazzie u just pullin my leg.. so he pulled my leg.. and was like yea im just messin*then a whisper*"i dont got a problem goin back to prison" and i was like yep.. blue collar comedy tour

[dansim]

This is how id answer it
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? _X_Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? _X_Yes ___No
If No, explain:
__________________________________________________ ____________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes _x_No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes _x_No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes _x_No

E. A tattoo? __Yes _x_No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes _x_No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

______It means i need to get a pregnancy test____________________________________________ ____________



In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

________it means i cant touch your daughter...with my hands _ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

__________thats when your not in school, oh and its that green liquer that them crazy foriegners drink________________________________________ ____________




REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend _____none_________________________________________ ____ _

How often you attend __never....duh____________________________________ __________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? ___7-8years hell be up parole__________

mother? ___my mother would shoot you__________

pastor? __was shot by my mother___________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

____ my cement brick holding up my van...doh! i mean um barbq_____________________________________________ _ ____________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____my pp_____________________________________________ ____________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______back seat with her ankles in the air ____________________________________________ ____________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

____________if im having releations with your wife aswell______________________________________ ____________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
a mother flippin hustla you better ask somebody
__________________________________________________ ____________

__________________________________________________ ____________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

____"dont sya her boobies,dont say her boobies,dontsay her booies."____________________Her junk in the trunk.....and her boobies
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ___i got a van..i mean 60 dollars_______________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


__________________________________________________ _______
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature ----------------------- Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi ---------------------- State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back).