Funny Quotes

[Warewolf50]

2 part quote
peter- why are the dinasaurs extinct
teacher-cause u touch yourslef at night.
--- family guy

It 430 in the afternoon and some of us are tryoing to sleep in here. Master shake ATHF

We live in the north east, that means, it meaaaans, it meanns,.... 2 days later.... THAT WE CAN GO TO KISSSTOCK.... drill goes into dentis eye. Family guy

Baby needs to suck ash, not *** you pervert save it for the intern. Stewie, Family guy.

[Warewolf50]

"This isnt where I parked my car" EuroTrip

"Rupert, I told you to watch the bags!, O you were looking at the boys again werent you?" Stewey talking to his tedd bear - Family Guy

Hahah the rest of that is stewie says its that stewart over there isnt it.

and one more quote
"yes mr giralff lick off all the marmolade" stewie family guy.

[dre1919]

"I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor. From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!" Do you maggots understand that?"

[Head knight of Ni]

"Oh oh! You could just walk on your hands and use your feet to give high fives and eating sandwiches. You know the important stuff."
-Caboose from redvsblue

"You killed Church you team killing -tard."
-Tucker also from rvb

"Oh you back stabbing -bite."
-Simmons from rvb

Now the Obligatory Monty Python scene.

Arthur: Look you stupid bastard you've got no arms.
Black knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: No you haven't.
Black knight: It's just a flesh wound. Now fight me you Pansy.
Arthur: Just a flesh wound!?

and for the last one look at my Sig.

[digitard]

Elvis: No offense, Jack, but President Kennedy was a white man.
JFK: They dyed me this color! That's how clever they are!
-- Bubba Ho-Tep

Then let's head on down into that cellar and carve ourselves a witch.
-- Ash: Evil Dead II

[NJPaint]

Family Guy quotes

Stewie: Stupid, greedy savages!
Lois: Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say.
Lois: This one particular tribes has lost their way.
Lois: But most Native Americans are proud hardworking people who are true to their spiritual heritage.
Lois: They are certainly not savages.
Stewie: That's funny, Mother.
Stewie: Just this morning you said they were lazy like the dirty Mexicans. Just kidding.
Stewie: The Mexicans are a clean and industrious people with a rich cultural heritage.
Meg: Yeah. Not like those dumb, gargantuan Swedes.
Meg: Actually, the Swedish people run the gamut from very short to tall.
Meg: And did you know that Sweden gave us the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?
Peter: Yeah. Which is more than we ever got from those freeloading Canadians.
Peter: ...(silence)... Canada sucks.


"And remember, guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do." -Gun Promoter's video


Peter: Yea, I'm looking for a book on potty training. What do you suggest?
Bookstore Guy: Well, there's the always popular "Everybody Poops".
Peter: Eh, too generic. What else do you have?
Bookstore Guy: Then we have an alternative version, "Nobody Poops But You"
Peter: No, no, those won't work...you see...we're Catholic.
Bookstore Guy: Ah! Then this one here is for you: "You're a Naughty Boy and that's Concentrated Evil coming out the back of you".
Peter: Perfect! I'll take it.


Doctor: Mr. Griffin I'm saying you're fine.
Peter Griffin: Now what? Are you coming on to me?
Lois Griffin: Peter, he's not coming on to you. He's trying to tell you you're healthy.
Doctor: ...Can't it be both?


Chris: Hey birthday dude you want some ice cream
Stewie: Yes, but NO sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall kill you!


A beer commercial on the television shows two women in bikinis sunbathing. One is applying tanning lotion on the other.

Television: Boy that lotion sure feels good. Sure is hot! And it just got hotter, here now let me do you... *Pawtucket Patriot Beer, if you buy it, hot women will have sex in your back yard!*

Lois: ehhhh... typical male fantasy. Women drinking beer... I guarantee you a man made that commercial.

Peter: Of course a man made it, it's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

[NJPaint]

Peter: Hey, is the Counte a vampire?
Brian: Whats that?
Peter: Well, he, he's got those big fangs. Have, have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're, You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Counte kills somebody, and then sucks their blood for sustenence?
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No they've never done that.


Peter: Brian my there's a message in my alphabets. it says "oooooooooooo"
Brian: Peter those are cheerios.


Peter: "Don't worry, I read a book on this once."
Brian: "Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't...nothing?"
Peter: "Oh yeaaah."


Chris : There's this game at the arcade... you put in a dollar.. AND YOU GET FOUR QUARTERS!!! I WIN EVERYTIME!!


Lois Griffin: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter Griffin: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles]
Peter Griffin: Lois. You've got a sick mind.
Lois Griffin: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter Griffin: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.


Lois: I'm upset because you never listen to me. This is Atlantic City all over again.
[Lois and Peter at Blackjack table]
Dealer: You've got twenty!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter, don't.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: Twenty-one!
Peter: Hit me.
Lois: Peter.
Peter: Hit me.
Dealer: That's thirty.
Peter: Hit me.

[1stdeadeye]

Family Guy quotes
Peter: Yea, I'm looking for a book on potty training. What do you suggest?
Bookstore Guy: Well, there's the always popular "Everybody Poops".
Peter: Eh, too generic. What else do you have?
Bookstore Guy: Then we have an alternative version, "Nobody Poops But You"
Peter: No, no, those won't work...you see...we're Catholic.
Bookstore Guy: Ah! Then this one here is for you: "You're a Naughty Boy and that's Concentrated Evil coming out the back of you".
Peter: Perfect! I'll take it.

The Family Guy rules all!!!

[CasingBill]

"He who farts in church, sits in his own pew."-Confuscius