Why do baked beans make you fart?

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  • personman

    #1

    Why do baked beans make you fart?

    Ahhhh!
    I ate like a whole bowl of them for lunch and now I CANT STOP FARTING!
    It smells horrible!
  • personman

    #2
    LMAO


    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

    One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

    A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

    So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

    His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

    At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

    While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

    He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

    Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

    To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

    Comment

    • Mango
      i cant wait to blog this
      • Feb 2002
      • 4557

      #3
      toot toot

      Comment

      • Target Practice
        irc.zirc.org:6667 = chat!
        • Nov 2003
        • 3180

        #4
        They do that because they are God's gift to Man.


        "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." --Henry Louis Mencken.

        Comment

        • dj89
          2003 Chevy 2500HD
          • Mar 2003
          • 4275

          #5
          becouse it makes you feel better
          "STAY OUT OF SMART PARTS SECTIONS.
          ANYONE CAUGHT STARTING *poof* IS GONE, PERIOD.
          THIS IS LAW"-PBN MOD
          GITRDONE!!!!!
          Tunamart for all of your mag needs
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          Comment

          • JimmyBeam
            Registered User
            • Mar 2004
            • 1105

            #6
            beans beans the musical fruit.........

            the more you eat, the more you toot

            Comment

            • Glickman
              *Insert Witty Phrase*
              • Sep 2003
              • 2673

              #7
              non digestable sucroses....

              so yes... your farts are sugary treats...

              Comment

              • TMAXXKING1
                ROGUE HAS THE GOOD STUFF
                • Aug 2004
                • 1325

                #8
                its all good

                its all good unlees you end up with a surprise............aka a fart with a lump
                My Automags.org Feedback

                www.themagsmith.com


                Comment

                • TraXeR
                  Registered User
                  • Sep 2002
                  • 1761

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Glickman
                  your farts are sugary treats...
                  heheh...
                  'people should not be allowed to own paintguns which are smarter than they are'

                  -Sparq

                  Comment

                  • Creative Mayhem
                    AO's OFFICIAL CANUCK
                    • Apr 2002
                    • 3633

                    #10
                    farts are a product of nature, and we all know that, if you ignore nature it can have dire consequences, and even natural disasters!



                    Owner:Purple People Eater - AFTICA XMAG
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