one of my biggest pet peeves

[spyderkiller]

I feel for ya...and remember that you have to take all of this objectively, because when some people look back and say that they realize now that their parents were right all along, others may look back and be like, ha, yeah my parents were on crack or somethin' for all those stupid rules and things they did. That's the way it is for me. I went through almost the same exact thing that you're going through now. I was the perfect child...2nd in my class, captain of 3 varsity sports, president of NHS, and the list goes on but that's not the point. The point is, is that my parents, mostly my mom, was so terrified of letting go of the control that she exerted over the first 17 years of my life. It seemed to me that trust was the issue, but I'm sure it was a lot of things put together. The solution that worked for me was to sit down with my parents and have a very mature, very planned out conversation. I went over it 100 times in my head before actually doing it...I actually wrote down all of the things I was unhappy with, how they could be fixed, and why they should be changed. It ranged from being able to see R rated movies without their permission to being able to leave the house after 11 (my curfew was later than that, but once 11 hit, if I was still home, that's where I stayed), and a ton of other things. I made sure to point out my spotless record of no smoking, drinking, or drugs, and explained that I thought I had more than proven my maturity and responsibility to them. I said that the time had come, especially at 18, that they release the reigns and I begin making my own choices. And if they turned out to be the wrong ones, well good, because that's how people learn. I made sure to play the military and voting cards and ask, "If I can die for my country or elect the person who runs our country, why do you think i'm not responsible enough to make other, simple, everyday decisions?" It went rather well, and they were impressed with how prepared I was to discuss the issues that were bothering me. I'm not sure if it'll work in your case because you're 16 and don't have a whole lot of leverage about adulthood, but it's worth a shot. Good luck and keep your head up.

[personman]

Don't want to sound harsh but live with it.

They're doing it because they care about you.

Don't complain about learning piano. If you actually put effort into practice and learning you have the oppertunity to play gigs and make some extra $ in college. It's only a waste of time if you make it one. I had the same mentality about learning the clarinet as you do with piano when I was in 1st grade.

I have to admit though, I cant under stand you not being able to spend the night at a friends house. Well, I could understand if your parents dont know your friends parents. But put yourself in your parents shoes. I know its hard, but think. When you have children, do you want your child (someone you've put years of time educating, protecting, loving) to spend the night at a friends house when you have no idea what they will be doing over there? Who knows, drugs, seckzzz, etc. That's why I say I could understand if maybe your parents arent really friends with your friends parents. But I mean if your parents have known your friends parents for some time, I dont see why not.

Prom: eh, I can see why they wouldn't want you to go to this one either. Honestly, I dont see why you care so much about going this year, when you have your junior and senior year.

Believe it or not, if you try to put yourself in your parents shoes, you'll start to understand things a little more.

[MicroMiniMe]

Well eventually they are going to have to let you start making some big choices and desisions. If they keep you 'locked up' untill you leave for college you will likely act self destructive with the new found freedoms then and have problems. Its better to get experience with those situations and mess up a little while still under their roof.

My parents probably didn't deserve the teenage years I had. They were both the 'wild child' of their families and me as the oldest child was a cakewalk. They would leave for the weekend and say 'don't do anything we would have done' by the time I was like 16. Maybe some strange revolt to their liberal parenting I was such a content teen. Oh well, my younger brother burnt em good, he's moved back too.

But 16 is usually the age to give kids enough rope to hang themselves, if you don't mess up they keep adding more slack. Sr. year I had no curfew and worked 3-11pm most nights. Had the house to myself on weekends most of the year. Ended up having to bust my sisters parties when I visited from college. Lol. Parents should know geeks don't cause trouble. Unless you count missing 24 packs of pop and boxes of Dove Bars.

[Chris42050]

Your parents should be able to give you a reasonable answer once in awhile. I don't see any problem going to a freakin dance. Its a school function for gods sake. How retarded. The schools wouldnt do these functions if it harmed kids. You deserve a proper explanation of why you can't go to the dance. Hell, if they don't give you one just go. If they told you not to do something that you shouldn't be doing I wouldn't be telling you to disobey them. But I dont see anything wrong with a dance. If you want to go, just go. It's a dance. How badly can they ground you over a dance. Playing the piano is stupid too if you dont like it. I dont see why parents force thier kids to do something they dont enjoy. If your hearts not in it, whats the point? Whats wrong with encouraging kids to do what they enjoy. In my experience being forced to do something just makes me hate it.

[SAW]

This thread is about gaining freedoms, not having them revoked intentionally.

[Chris42050]

I thought it was about pet peeves.

[WickeDKlowN]

Somehow I'm thinking that could limit his freedoms.

Not if he watches CSI alot.

[-Tab]

Don't complain about learning piano. If you actually put effort into practice and learning you have the oppertunity to play gigs and make some extra $ in college. It's only a waste of time if you make it one. I had the same mentality about learning the clarinet as you do with piano when I was in 1st grade.

I have to admit though, I cant under stand you not being able to spend the night at a friends house. Well, I could understand if your parents dont know your friends parents. But put yourself in your parents shoes. I know its hard, but think. When you have children, do you want your child (someone you've put years of time educating, protecting, loving) to spend the night at a friends house when you have no idea what they will be doing over there? Who knows, drugs, seckzzz, etc. That's why I say I could understand if maybe your parents arent really friends with your friends parents. But I mean if your parents have known your friends parents for some time, I dont see why not.

first off, i like playing the piano - once in a while. i don't like being forced to playing piano. i take lessons every week and i absolutely hate that aspect of it. i'd like to play piano when, where, and how I want - not when my mom wants.

i'm a pretty talented piano player, but even more w/ my drums. if i ever got any gigs, it'd be with me and my trapset.

and the whole spending the night at a friends house w/ drugs, etc.. - my friends know how i am and they would never ask me to smoke, drink or do anything retarded like that.



spyderkiller: thanks for the post. i'll take your words

[mcveighr]

My pet peeve, people not using their turn signals. Am I just suppose to GUESS where you are going or why you are slowing down?

I KNOW! If I was a cop i would give out SO many tickets.

People driving into parking spots and backing out is one of mine, some soccer mom driving a Yukon XL or something takes four tries driving into a spot and cant figure out why, BECAUSE ITS FRONT WHEEL STEERING YOU IDIOT! If I can back in a extended cab long box truck using only the left and right mirrors, you can back a cavalier in. Backing out of spots creates traffic and slows everybody down, not to mention its illegal to back out onto a road.


As for the other fellows predicament, tell them to ef off and do what you want, youre 16 get a job if you dont have one already, pay for yourself, if they actually care about you they wont kick you out of the house, so whats the worst they can do? Maybe theyll realize youre responsible enough to stay out past 10.

I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

[noahyay]

i sometimes think my life bad, but when i look at other kids lives they arent that different

i think we expect too much as sophmores

my plan is to get a bus so if i feel like it i CAN run away from home

since i dont really have sports or activities they dont have anything to take away
they could take away my computer -big deal

i just make sure the most important things to me are my friends cause they cant take those away

[xXHavokXx]

If your parents are religious: BLAME SATAN

greatest copout of all time. temptation over took you felt a dark presence yadda yadda yadda,


say you found a cannibal corpse CD, you started hearing voices, you werent in control of your body and that by watching veggie tales you can keep the dark one at bay.

[Slimm Jimm]

I feel your pain. I'm an 18 yr old Senior in hs, get good grades, sports, mock trial, speech, school newspaper ed, and what do i get? a 10:30 curfew on weekdays (if they let me go out at all), 1 am curfew on friday/sat. (even though i have no legal curfew), and i have to be off the comp by 10:30 EVERY NIGHT, and that's after they bicker at me for a half hour straight. i mean, jesus, what unrealistic mold are they comparing me to? I got accepted to good colleges, best act grade in class, and yet they treat me like i'm a 13 yr old drug addict that got expelled from school. I guess the real (subconscious) reason behind their protection is that my oldest sister is a little less than perfect (graduating from college this year, but wasn't too straight in hs), and that i'm the youngest child. They evidently haven't heard of the concept of positive reinforcement, because no matter what good i do, i hardly ever get any more priviledges.

i'm sorry, but i've worked with 13 year old drug addicts that have been expelled from school, and they are still allowed to roam town becasue their parents don't give a flying rat about what their kids are up too, or have no clue. you need to talk to them, you approach them, about when it's time for you to start learning how to make your own decisions, and if/when they do let you make your own decisions, don't be stupid. be responsible in what you do and don't do. and be honest with your parents, it makes them feel like they did something right and you arn't screwing your chances at something later on in life.

edit: i didn't even read spyderkillers post till just now, but try to be a little preemptive about it and ask to learn before you have the freedoms and they can't help you work through it.

[hitech]

Well, I'll bet they won't tell you why because you're not interested in knowing. What you really want is to change their mind, argue with them. They know this and don't want to argue, hence the lack of a reason. I'm pretty sure of this as I'm speaking from personal experience (I'm the parent).

Now, if you really want to know why, you're going to need to ask when your parents will believe that you are NOT trying to change their minds. And that's not such a bad idea. To do this, at a minimum, you're going to have to start the conversation at a time they believe you are trying to do what ever it is you are discussing.

Once your figure out why, you may be able to change it. You may not.

Unfortunately, you are suffering the sins of your sister. They trusted her and it backfired. In other words, they failed. And believe me, that is how they feel. They plan on learning from their mistakes and not failing with you. Sucks, but their reasoning is sound.

Bottom line, you need to start a series of conversations when your parents won't feel "threatened". I believe that if they believe you want to talk and not argue, you might stand a chance of starting the conversation. However, the "worse" your track record, the harder they are going to be to convince.

Good luck.

[AGDlover]

ok for the piano thing they can not force you to sit down and play really just tell them you know your not into it really anymore and just tell them it isnt the 50's anymore and to stop treating you like a prude child

[noahyay]

i went throught 4 piano teachers and they didn't like me because i wasnt interested in piano
then i got a cool teacher who let me play classic rock and i started to like it
then she retired and i quit piano

im in a situation where me and my mom are yelling constantly and i'm getting tired of it so im probably going to to my dads house a block away, we get along a little better

she quite mean to me at times (cough once a month cough) and shes putting all these strict conditions on me like while im telling her that she should stop yelling as nicely as i can she shall yell: i can yell if i want to im the parent your the child you show respect to me in my home
i never fight with my dad so that's where im probly gonna be by sunday