1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, or I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're
going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover
your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are
the windshield.
18. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a
lot of that comes from bad judgment
20. The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome
of a rain dance.
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
24. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your mouth is moving.
25. Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
26. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
27. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then
things get worse.
not walk ahead of me, or I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a
broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So, if you're
going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is
simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover
your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk
a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20, and never see that
person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don't squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don't have to
remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are
the windshield.
18. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a
lot of that comes from bad judgment
20. The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome
of a rain dance.
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
24. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much
when your mouth is moving.
25. Experience is something you don't get until
just after you need it.
26. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
27. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then
things get worse.
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