Need advice from AOers who have divorced and delt with afterwards

[RevBrown]

I am having a little trouble trying to figure this out so I come to you.

A year ago my ex-wife and I split. Legally we are still married. I was waiting for her to get her half of the money and then it just got put on the back burner.
The relationship is over and I have met someone that I am growing attached to.
I am not sure if I mentioned to the new girl that the legal documentation still exists.
Should I even tell her? I try to hound my ex-wife about it whenever I get the chance.
I don't know if it would be a big deal to the new girl. I don't plan on getting to serious with her but if things get that way should I tell her while the relationship is still budding?
Or should I just get my ex to finally get her poop in a group and just not mention the whole thing.

Female input would be appreciated cause the testosterone in me says to just keep my mouth shut.

[Lohman446]

I am having a little trouble trying to figure this out so I come to you.

A year ago my ex-wife and I split. Legally we are still married. I was waiting for her to get her half of the money and then it just got put on the back burner.
The relationship is over and I have met someone that I am growing attached to.
I am not sure if I mentioned to the new girl that the legal documentation still exists.
Should I even tell her? I try to hound my ex-wife about it whenever I get the chance.
I don't know if it would be a big deal to the new girl. I don't plan on getting to serious with her but if things get that way should I tell her while the relationship is still budding?
Or should I just get my ex to finally get her poop in a group and just not mention the whole thing.

Female input would be appreciated cause the testosterone in me says to just keep my mouth shut.

Been there, at least the divorced part. Yes, you should tell the new girl. Otherwise you run the risk of one day your ex being mad at you for whatever reason (mine is about once a week for god knows why) and "accidentlally" mentioning it to her. In my opinion all good relationships are based on honest and open communication, from one night stands to long term committed relationships. Both partners should be fully aware of the relationship they are getting into. Waiting on it only makes a "why didn't you let me know" sooner. I am sure she knows you have an ex, a pause in the legal paperwork would be understandable now... not later though. Right now, no big deal. A year from now big problems with not having told her.

Ignore waiting on your ex to get the legalities out of the way If it is an uncontested divorce you should be able to have it written for next to nothing - I suggest paying a good divorce attorney so the document is not junk. Get it done, even if you have to pay for all of it, get in there that she will pay you back for half the legal fees. You need to finish the divorce, it is important - I mean if you won the lotto this weekend do you want your ex getting half? If your ex maxes her credit cards, gets deep in debt, etc. do you want to be responsible for half?

[fire1811]

I would get the paper's for devorce and try to get her to sign them.
if she doesnt then tell your new lady that your having problems getting her to sign.
that will cover you for a bit....hopefully

[BigEvil]

Went through the same thing bro....

and like any man I did the first thing that naturally came to me.. I went out and "Met people". Found one I got attached to, but unfortunatley she was more trouble than my ex. Later on after researching the subject, I found that 90% of all rebound relationships dont work.

Being in a situation similar to yours, I can tell you this. Any woman worth keeping around will be bothered by the fact that you are still married. Any woman that isnt troubled by it, probably isnt worth keeping. (These woman do have their purposes) :-)

I also read, that your supposed to wait a full year from the time your divorce is FINAL to the time you are ready to date. I thought this one was B.S., but found out that hard way that its not.



Just my $.02

[deadeye9]

Get a lawyer, let him do the hounding. They're good at that.

It is a big deal to your new girl friend. It's a female thing.
Does she know you were previously married?
Tell her that the divorce is pending.

[RevBrown]

I would get the paper's for devorce and try to get her to sign them.
if she doesnt then tell your new lady that your having problems getting her to sign.
that will cover you for a bit....hopefully

That is pretty much exactly what is happening. Even calling my ex this morning I get the same ol " I need to get the money response". I don't expect this relationship to last but I don't want to scare her off.
So I won't just "be a man" and shut my mouth.

[Lohman446]

That is pretty much exactly what is happening. Even calling my ex this morning I get the same ol " I need to get the money response". I don't expect this relationship to last but I don't want to scare her off.
So I won't just "be a man" and shut my mouth.

Pay for it yourself - and put a note in that legal document that she will pay you for half of the lawyer fees by whatever date you choose. Trust me on this, it is something you need to get behind you.

[logamus]

you are only killing yourself by dragging your divorce out. sooner is always better than later.

[SCpoloRicker]

Boy, I really am worried about getting married. Not just this, and I'm not engaged or anything, just wow. Tough times, sounds like. Good luck, and it seems like getting it over with would be the best idea.