Funny

[Vex]

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied, "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."

[Vex]

A man is lying in bed in the hospital with
an oxygen mask over his mouth.
A young nurse appears, ready to give him a sponge
bath on his hands and feet.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask,
"Are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies,
"I don't know sir, I'm only here to wash
your hands and feet" He struggles again to
ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises
his gown, holds his willy in one hand and
his testicles in her other hand and takes
a closer look, She then says,
"There's nothing wrong with them. They're normal!"
Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask
and replies, "That was very nice dear, but I said,
"Are... my... test...results...back?"

[Vex]

An 80-year-old man from Minneapolis, went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins.
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy
hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out
hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up
his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he
saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised
his cane and went 'bang, bang'.

Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What
do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of
rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[Vex]

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench
rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am a at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too!"

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

[maxama10]

good ones

[onedude36]

an asian man came to america. He needed to exchange his yen for dollars.
'180 yen for 1 dollar.' the banker said.
'OK'
The next day he needed a few more dollars.
'200 yen for one dollar.'
'But it was 180 yesterday?'
Well thats fluc-u-ations'
Yea well f__ you americans too!!


(fluctuations=F___ you asians for those of you who didnt get it. Yea, my dad told me. I dont mean to be racist BTW.


There were 2 pies in an oven.
the first pie said 'man it's hot in here.
The second said 'HOLY CRAP A TALKING PIE!!