Lets tal;k about divorce and how it affected you

[punkncat]

Wow!!! There is some real confessional type stuff going on in here...

My parents got divorced back in 75 0r 76. It was a good thing because the only memory of them together is of fighting. I don't think my dad ever actually layed hands on my mom, but some things certainly went flying around.

The worst thing really was that there was always this power struggle thing going on. Each of them trying in different ways to use or turn me against the other. My different grandparents never had anything good to say about the other side. It created a fairly large rift in the family. The visitation was always a pain in the butt. Having to take off to my dad's home wherever it was at the time....

My father and I have never really gotten along.I haven't spoken to him in about two years. I have spoken to his father maybe 3 times in my whole life, assuming he is still alive. I missed out on a great deal of masculine influence in my life and I certainly regret that. Its not that I am gay or anything, but getting raised by your mother changes your point of view.
Maybe its for the best. I am happily married to a wonderful woman who is a great friend.

[Vircolac]

Yeah, this is an unusual thread.... maybe it will provide a much needed catharsis for some people.

Parents divorced, papers were served sometime around Parent's Night during the fall football season. Had to come up with some fancy excuses when the upperclass cheerleaders came by and asked if I was going to be walking on the field with my parents... there was a bit of a stigma about divorce then.

It upset me and my sister enough that my parents tried "living" together (we had a big house) for us kids. It didn't work out.

They just didn't get along, and I'm something of a romantic in that every time I hear about a divorce I get all moon-eyed and wistfully say, "aw, that's a shame," but hey, it happens. They never played their differences off me and my sister, or used us as bargaining tools, so that was cool. Their relationships (the ones they have with other married couples) change dramatically, and that was what I noticed the most; social gatherings you used to have just weren't there anymore.

As parents, they did the best job that they could, and in many respects, I'm grateful for what I have and what they taught me, although I may not have acknowledged it at the time. They have both been gone from this earth for some time now.

Hey, thanks for the vent session!

[Alley]

Well, since we are all sharing! kinda like group therapy huh?
I'm sure my story will astound anyone, I still can't figure it out myself!

Well, I have never been married..I'm 27, I'm hoping if I wait long enough I'll only have 3 months to live and then I'll get married and my marriage will be "till death do us part" .

Anyway, My parents story. It all started when I was about 13 my parents fighting and fighting major drama, the hate was horrible. Never violent but, always yelling and screaming. It was a battle of considerable intolerance. So, 3 years later they finally got divorced when my mom cheated on my dad.

I chose to live with my dad which put me in the middle of my 10th grade year. I moved about 45 mins away from my high school, technically not in my district anymore but, I left my adress with my mom so that I could stay in school. I made it to the middle of my 11th grade year before rebellion and the chip on my shoulder got so big (and my attendence record got very low) that my dad forced me to move to the proper school district so he could be more aware of my attendence. So, now Im 17 ...halfway through my junior year new school. Puts an even bigger chip in my shoulder I now start to party and fall in with the terribly wrong crowd and things go from bad to worse. I get drunk and wake up at a party very sore and pregnant.

So, I straighten my life out have my first son my senior year graduate and job hop for a little while. Seems I'm still not quite a grown up meet what seems to be the guy of my dreams and along comes kid number 2 ! find out hes a loser, break up with him.

Finally to make a long story short, after all that my parents have been remarried now for almost a year. They are soul mates as they put it. Things between them seem pretty perfect. They are living together so, I get my mom's old house rent free. Posh for me I got a good job will be going back to college soon. Have a terrific boyfriend ... and things right now all seem to have a happy ending !

[covadsucks]

That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. What was she trying to gain by telling you this?

My mother is a very bitter and angry person and hates to see me happy. She takes her anger towards my father out on me as I am very much like he is...in terms of looks and personality. She's a big chicken until she's good and drunk -then all hell breaks loose.

Oh well. I only go to my mom's to see my stepdad anyhow, he's the coolest cat you could ever want for a parent/friend.

[RRfireblade]

Man this is such a strange time for this thread to come up. There's so much going on for me right now and alot of it pivots on this subject.

I'm going over to see my future ex-wife in about 30 minutes to start the paperwork for the big "D".


Wish me luck....

[Muzikman]

This thread makes me wonder if any parents are actually still together.

[Carbon]

good luck RR.

[Lee]

Jay, sorry to hear about that. maybe this thread happened for a reason?

let me know if a fellow pump chump can help you out with anything.

my divorce was just this: a blessing. i tell people now that i am happily divorced.

my parents divorced when i was about 15 or so, but i don't discuss my childhood much so it's going to be left at that.

after a few relationships and one close call to marriage, i've decided to swear off women until i find the "right one". if it happens, great. if not, i'll live and be happy with my children who made 10 years of hell worthwhile.

my opinion is that a divorce is always hard no matter how you feel abotu the person you are splitting from. but in my case, it's all for the better. been happlily divorced 10 years and played a lot of paintball in that time!

[hitech]

Divorce, a subject I know something about.

First, children of divorced parents are more likely to be divorced.

Next. I'm divorced and remarried. My first wife had two children from a prior marriage. They came to live with us when they were about 9 and 11. After the divorce the youngest one is not too fond of me. He acts like nothing is wrong whenever I happen to run into him, but I wasn't invited to his wedding. That one hurt so much I can't bring myself to discuss it with him. The older stepson and myself get along fine. I don't see him very often, but I did go to his wedding. His mom floored me when she came up to me and thanked me for how her sons turned out because I was a big part of it (Dad is non-existent).

My current wife also had two sons from a prior marriage. They were 3 and 6 when I went to live with them. Their dad is involved ("weekend" Dad) and we tolerate each other. I'm proud of the fact that the boys have NO idea that I don't like him very much. They know he doesn't like me, but they don't know the feeling is mutual (they have said so). We also have a little girl (13 months old) together. The boys love her. It's great.

There are lots of issues raising stepchildren. The biggest hurtle is that unless you came along when they were babies, you never had that bonding that happens with babies. The bonding process takes much longer.

For anyone interested in what it "really" takes to keep a marriage together, visit here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/

I could write a book on this subject, but this has already taken to long.

_____________________________________________
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Hey Hitech your starting to sound like me! - AGD
Hitech is the man.... - Blennidae
The only Hitech Lubricant

[Carbon]

Hey yall, thnx for sharing.

[AcemanPB]

This thread makes me wonder if any parents are actually still together.

I'm 18 and my parents have been happily married for 20 years.

[hitech]

Wish me luck....

Good luck. I'm afraid your going to need it...

[Maggot6]

I was just thinking, and then I did a tad bit of research..Turns out that By Human nature, people fall in love and the male stays in "love" for a shorter time period than the female, the female is in "love" for about 1-2 more years than the male. And if you have a baby together, you are In "love" for about 4 more years (adding the 1-2 for females)

If you think about it, it kinda makes sense. When people were cavemen, the male would just try and well, *reproduce and get some food. The female would need to take care of the baby, and needed a male to do the food supplying, because at that time we weren't very good at multi-tasking etc...After the female has a baby, she'll want to hold on to that food supply for as long as she can, but why would the male keep wanting to go get food, after the baby is (nearly) self sufficient.

In my opinion, marriage is a wonderful thing, and definetly shouldn't be looked down upon, but in all reality you should wait like, 2 years when the really fast paced "love" is nearly over, and take a look if you can stand being a partner for the rest of your life.

[Target Practice]

This thread makes me wonder if any parents are actually still together.

I'm 20, and my parents just celebrated their 23 anniversary.

[hitech]

I'm 45 and my parents have been married for 47 years.