Divorce-got any info?

[Echo419]

Brian bro im sorry to hear that man, stick with your brother if you can man he needs you.

[hitech]

I hate that fact atht 90% of the time the kids get brought in between merley as a way of getting revenge with your ex.

There is a saying I learned years ago that I wish every divorced parent would learn:

Love your child(ren) more than you hate your ex.

[hitech]

I was put in the middle, quite some time ago.

I still say you should try and stay out of it. However, it is your parents that need to take responsibility for this, not you.

Good luck to you. Try to learn to forgive after it's all over...

[Lohman446]

ps: just as a note I am the mother that has to beg the father to see its child on its birthday, recieves no support money, pays for the childs school tution and everything else; yet I had to take a day off of work to show up for a hearing because said father wants full custoday of child (so he can look good twards his new fiancee). I just don't get it.

You could hook your ex up with mine for the award of the year.

[Automaggot68]

When my Parents divorced, I chose my Dad.
They gave me to my mother.

/shrug

[jdev]

traditionally, children don't have much say in which parent they are going to stay with. It doesn't matter if there is a 'age' at which the state says the child can decide, it is usually left up to the courts and social services. It is Social service, and to a lesser extent the courts, duty to put the child in a home where they will be provided a stable environment. So. You may like dad better, but, he is going to live in a 1 room trailer with his minimum wage job that will barely support him let alone him and a child. You may have picked dad, but, independant interviews by social services would determine that living with dad will not be best for you.

Truth is, children dont know what they want. They have a hard enough time grasping what is going on, and end up laying unnecessary blame on themselves for the situation. I know I did when my parents divorced. It wasn't easy. And, I wasn't given the option of which parent I wanted to go with. Now, it didnt help that my mother was pre-law at the time of the divorce, so, it was kept out of court and pretty clean. I ended up with my mother (who is who I would rather be with anyways) and things turned out fine.

[beam]

*snip*
Truth is, children dont know what they want.
*snip*

They know they want their parents to not be idiots and stay together.

[tropical_fishy]

traditionally, children don't have much say in which parent they are going to stay with. It doesn't matter if there is a 'age' at which the state says the child can decide, it is usually left up to the courts and social services. It is Social service, and to a lesser extent the courts, duty to put the child in a home where they will be provided a stable environment. So. You may like dad better, but, he is going to live in a 1 room trailer with his minimum wage job that will barely support him let alone him and a child. You may have picked dad, but, independant interviews by social services would determine that living with dad will not be best for you.

Truth is, children dont know what they want. They have a hard enough time grasping what is going on, and end up laying unnecessary blame on themselves for the situation. I know I did when my parents divorced. It wasn't easy. And, I wasn't given the option of which parent I wanted to go with. Now, it didnt help that my mother was pre-law at the time of the divorce, so, it was kept out of court and pretty clean. I ended up with my mother (who is who I would rather be with anyways) and things turned out fine.

True, kids don't know what they want. But the system sucks. It favors the mother WAY too much. Mothers can be abusive, just as fathers can be. Sure, a kid might want to stay with one parent or the other because of the TV, but there also may be other factors-- sexual, physical, emotional abuse. What happens when the court places a child with an abusive mother because that's what's "best" for the child, when the father might have a minimum-wage job but can provide a safe environment? The mother is automatically because she's a mother and she's got "maternal instincts". I think it's BS. "Maternal instinict" is a facet of your personality, not your gender.

[Lohman446]

They know they want their parents to not be idiots and stay together.

Nice oversimplification of something you probably don't understand.

/Thought that way once too
//Not always possible.

[beam]

Nice oversimplification of something you probably don't understand.

/Thought that way once too
//Not always possible.

So you're saying that some kids want their parents to be idiots and get a divorce?

[Lohman446]

So you're saying that some kids want their parents to be idiots and get a divorce?

The only cause of divorce is not parents being idiots. Is it better for a child to grow up in a single parent home or a home that has a set of dysfunctional parents? Or abusive? Or where one parent gives a totally bad example? There are far more causes of divorce then "parents being idiots".

[beam]

The only cause of divorce is not parents being idiots. Is it better for a child to grow up in a single parent home or a home that has a set of dysfunctional parents? Or abusive? Or where one parent gives a totally bad example? There are far more causes of divorce then "parents being idiots".

I'm sorry, but all of the behavior you stated (dysfunctional parents, abusive, bad example) is a parent or both being idiots. Now, maybe idiot is too strong of a word? Nah.

The bottom line is this: Kids should have the ideal situation. Two parents that love them more than life.

Divorce is not the ideal situation, and no toddler wishes that his parents would get a divorce. The bad behavior on the parents' part has nothing to do with what the child would want.

Just because divorce is so common these days doesn't mean that divorce is the ideal. No matter what, divorce is the result of something being screwed up long before it comes to fruition. I called that "parents being idiots"

[Lohman446]

I'm sorry, but all of the behavior you stated (dysfunctional parents, abusive, bad example) is a parent or both being idiots. Now, maybe idiot is too strong of a word? Nah.

The bottom line is this: Kids should have the ideal situation. Two parents that love them more than life.

Divorce is not the ideal situation, and no toddler wishes that his parents would get a divorce. The bad behavior on the parents' part has nothing to do with what the child would want.

Just because divorce is so common these days doesn't mean that divorce is the ideal. No matter what, divorce is the result of something being screwed up long before it comes to fruition. I called that "parents being idiots"

I call it a rather simplistic viewpoint into the system. Is it parents being idiots, or one parent being an idiot? I would like to think when I divorced my ex (who was dysfunctional - ie spent 18hrs online and ignored the children, had various extra-marital affairs, was generally verbally abusive, and tried to make the relationship about physical abuse, and chemically dependent) that it was a well reasoned decision based on the best interest of my child. Was that parents being idiots? There are many examples in day to day life of such situations. Not all divorces are because of convenience.

[tropical_fishy]

I'm sorry, but all of the behavior you stated (dysfunctional parents, abusive, bad example) is a parent or both being idiots. Now, maybe idiot is too strong of a word? Nah.

The bottom line is this: Kids should have the ideal situation. Two parents that love them more than life.

Divorce is not the ideal situation, and no toddler wishes that his parents would get a divorce. The bad behavior on the parents' part has nothing to do with what the child would want.

Just because divorce is so common these days doesn't mean that divorce is the ideal. No matter what, divorce is the result of something being screwed up long before it comes to fruition. I called that "parents being idiots"

Parents are people too. They deserve to be happy. NO marriage should occur because of children, and no marriage should NOT end "for the sake of the kids". Living with miserable parents is a bad experience for the children. Living with parents who hate each other is just as bad for kids as divorce. People change. Just because people become parents, that doesn;t mean they suddenly become saints who are perfectly in love until they are 90 and die together in their sleep. Just as a boyfriend and girlfriend can feel like their relationship is no longer healthy, people can feel a marriage is. No one should have to stay in a relationship they're unhappy in.

[beam]

I call it a rather simplistic viewpoint into the system. Is it parents being idiots, or one parent being an idiot? I would like to think when I divorced my ex (who was dysfunctional - ie spent 18hrs online and ignored the children, had various extra-marital affairs, was generally verbally abusive, and tried to make the relationship about physical abuse, and chemically dependent) that it was a well reasoned decision based on the best interest of my child. Was that parents being idiots? There are many examples in day to day life of such situations. Not all divorces are because of convenience.

"parents being idiots" does not mean that BOTH were idiots. I'm not going to get caught up in semantics, but in your case, your spouse was one of the idiot parents. That doesn't mean you were.

But, my point is this: your children come into this world wishing their mother WASN'T like that. Kids are innocent. And naive. They know what they want, and that is that both mom and dad would NOT have their heads up their butts. Just because your wife did, doesn't mean that you do.