Pilot to Mechanic Communication... Magman007 and NTN... this is for you.

[Muzikman]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

+++


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

+++

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

+++



P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

+++

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

+++

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

+++

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

+++

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

+++

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

+++

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

+++

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

+++

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

+++

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

+++

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

+++

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.

Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[thecavemankevin]

whenever i read stuff like this it makes me wonder if it is real. None the less i still enjoyed that.

thank you

and for crying out loud, give the midget his hammer back...that have to have something to keep themselves occupied on those long flights.

[Lohman446]

whenever i read stuff like this it makes me wonder if it is real. None the less i still enjoyed that.

thank you

and for crying out loud, give the midget his hammer back...that have to have something to keep themselves occupied on those long flights.

Its real, flipping trust me. Anyone who has ever worked as a service advisor in a technical industry will tell you its real.

[magman007]

haha, ive read it before muz, but i appreciate you posting it


but, in the us, to really actually make a career out of aircraft repair, you really need to be an AMT, which is a required course, and in many ways, is actually more difficult, reguarding classes and hours required to achieve.

[Muzikman]

haha, ive read it before muz, but i appreciate you posting it


but, in the us, to really actually make a career out of aircraft repair, you really need to be an AMT, which is a required course, and in many ways, is actually more difficult, reguarding classes and hours required to achieve.

Well, see, to make a good career this might be true, but I know of at least one moron that works on commercial air lines. And let me tell you...he's a complete idiot.

[magman007]

this is true, and the company probabally hates him, because he cannot be a self sufficient employee, after everything he does, especially on a big commercial plane, must be signed off by a certified AMT, oh the world we live in...


you know, the mechanics always argue without us, there would be no plane for the pilots to fly. We always argue back, well without us, there would be no one to fly the plane, and if we found ourselves mechanic less, pilots ae smart enough to fix the problem ourselves, we are just lazy

[Bear_Claw]

Now im a truck mehcanic for a living and found that REALLY funny. I see that kinda stuff all the time.


DVCR's (driver vehical corection requests) have me :rofl: sometimes. Very similare to the above . Trust me that kinda stuff is real.

And as for the pilots being able to fix it im not shure but if ya anything like the truck drivers and bus drivers i deal with SMART is the LAST word that would come to mind.

And the saying i love. "if you bought it a TRUCK brought it and without mehcanics you aint getting SQUAT".

[Vex]

and if we found ourselves mechanic less, pilots ae smart enough to fix the problem ourselves, we are just lazy

That's complete BS, by the way. I'd like to see a commercial pilot change a strut, let alone a wheel.
Ever service the hydralics on a plane yourself?
What about chase down and repair a broken wire going to your AC or heating core?
Can you replace an aileron or stab?
Do you know what an environmental splice is?
Have you ever swapped an engine?

Don't EVER try to tell an aircraft mechanic that you, as a pilot, can do his job.
He's already got minimal respect for you as it is--do you really want to flush what's left of it?

you know, the mechanics always argue without us, there would be no plane for the pilots to fly.

This is true. As I stated above, let's see you make some of those repairs. Just because you know why a system operates doesn't mean you know how it does.

I'll bet that if you asked any of the senior maintenance techs if they think that they can fly the plane, they will most likely tell you "yes".
How would you answer them if they asked you if you could fix it, though?


(Oh, this is coming from my 8 years of aircraft maintenance in the Air Force and 2 years as a flight simulator technician.)

[Lohman446]

Gee... there both highly technical skills. Can some people do both, sure they can. Of those few who can do both how many have the proper certification? The point is most pilots cannot do repairs, most techs cannot fly.

[Vex]

Gee... there both highly technical skills. Can some people do both, sure they can. Of those few who can do both how many have the proper certification? The point is most pilots cannot do repairs, most techs cannot fly.

It's a matter of choice. You either choose to learn to fly or you go into maintenance. Granted, most go into maintenance due to lack of funds--I admit that.
However, I can guarantee you that I know more maintenance techs who are licensed to fly than pilots who are qualified to fix planes.

[Lohman446]

It's a matter of choice. You either choose to learn to fly or you go into maintenance. Granted, most go into maintenance due to lack of funds--I admit that.
However, I can guarantee you that I know more maintenance techs who are licensed to fly than pilots who are qualified to fix planes.

Licensed to fly full size commercial planes or hobby aircraft?

[magman007]

It's a matter of choice. You either choose to learn to fly or you go into maintenance. Granted, most go into maintenance due to lack of funds--I admit that.
However, I can guarantee you that I know more maintenance techs who are licensed to fly than pilots who are qualified to fix planes.

why bother our time? when we have people to do it for us

[magman007]

well um. Im sorry you were a grease monkey!

ok, though, you have to realize, in this great state of Kansas, your typical amt student, isnt the brightest bulb in the bunch. Some of these guys are really sharp. notice i said some...

[Rocp15126]

Well, see, to make a good career this might be true, but I know of at least one moron that works on commercial air lines. And let me tell you...he's a complete idiot.

As a former USAirways mechanic , I'll vouch that there are some real idiots out there working on aircraft. We try to keep them in the paint or seat shop though! Luckily, we have inspectors and procedures to approve the aircraft for flight so they can't screw up too much.

[Caffiend]

but, in the us, to really actually make a career out of aircraft repair, you really need to be an AMT, which is a required course, and in many ways, is actually more difficult, reguarding classes and hours required to achieve.

not true, I'm making a career out of it with my high school diploma. I don't want to be an AMT or get my A&P. Granted you're talking civilian and I'm talking military (apples and oranges, I know, I'm just providing the exception to the rule)

you know, the mechanics always argue without us, there would be no plane for the pilots to fly. We always argue back, well without us, there would be no one to fly the plane, and if we found ourselves mechanic less, pilots ae smart enough to fix the problem ourselves, we are just lazy

We don't need the planes to fly to have work. Without pilots, OUR lives would be much easier, but without mechanics/greasemonkeys/knuckledraggers, YOUR life would be much harder...
I'm not sure who said most mechanics could fly planes (I too lazy to go back and search for it) but they were right, but it's the "landing" that would get us :rofl:
to all the pilots that know how to land