Why Paintball is (not) like sex

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  • jayloo
    www.jayloo.com
    • Sep 2002
    • 1431

    #1

    Why Paintball is (not) like sex

    I did not see anything bad in the following so I am posting it here ofr anyone who has not seen it.....I thought it was funny. BTW, I am not the author of this...credit at bottom of post.

    --------------------------

    I (Dan) figured out why paintball is so popular, it's 'cause paintball and sex are EXACTLY the same.

    1. You are really nervous and don't know what to expect the first time.

    2. You get all sweaty, your heart races, your breathing quickens.

    3. You have performance anxiety. You wonder how long you'll last. You wonder how well you'll do.

    4. It's embarrassing if you are experienced and don't perform up to your partner's expectations.

    5. You have to wear protection. In fact, in the past people used very little protection or protection that wasn't specifically deigned for it. Nowadays, people don't put up with that kind of attitude. If you're not willing to wear protection, no one wants anything to do with you. (There are still people who ignore the dangers and don't feel this way, however.)

    6. It's more fun when you are with someone else.

    7. There are special places you can go and pay for it.

    8. There are special pieces of equipment --some of them even have batteries.

    9. It would be really great to do on a regular basis.

    10. Some people like the opposite sex to be present and some people don't.

    11. You brag and tell exaggerated stories about it.

    12. You have special clothing specifically designed for it.

    13. Like pizza, when it's good -- it's really good. When it's bad -- it's still pretty good.

    14. I had to pay for my first time.

    15. From your partner's point of view -- experience is valued over exuberance.

    16. Just 'cause you have a regular partner, doesn't mean you can do it whenever you want to.

    17. You're ready for it, at a moment's notice.

    18. If you talk about it openly, some people will get offended.

    19. You think about it, all the time. ESPECIALLY when you can't do it.

    20. Some people like the same partners, some people like to have different partners.

    21. Everyone has their own theories on how it should be done. There are those who feel it should be done the way it used to be.

    22. There are virgins.

    23. There are professionals that just do it for money, but most of us just do it 'cause it's so much fun.

    24. You can do it inside or outdoors. However, if you do it outdoors, it has to be a secluded area, so other people won't wander in by mistake and see you. Many would be shocked to see that going on.

    25. Experienced people help teach those who are new at it.

    26. Some experienced people take advantage of those with little experience, just to make themselves feel superior.

    27. There are people whose job it is to give advice about it and try and figure out why EXACTLY we do it.

    There are DIFFERENCES between sex and paintball, though.

    1. You can do one of them naked.

    2. Not everyone enjoys JUST watching.

    3. Playing paintball with a bunch of other people is not usually frowned upon.

    4. People won't earn a "bad reputation" if they play paintball a lot.

    5. If Bill Clinton played paintball with those women, he wouldn't have gotten into so much trouble.

    6. In most places, paintball is a seasonal activity.

    7. If you're single, over thirty, and you play paintball, no one says, "When are you going to get married?"

    8. Given the choice, your spouse would rather have you go out to play PAINTBALL with other people.

    9. Paintball is BETTER THAN SEX because paintball is SAFE.

    10. You're NEVER to tired to play paintball!

    Credit for this list goes to http://durtydan.paintballresource.org
    Visit Jayloo.com - Paintball & Video Gallery
  • dwab3000
    im not wearing any pants
    • Mar 2004
    • 1072

    #2
    hey also
    paintball is like sex ...
    you dont wanna finish until you shot it all

    good list....i wish there was a way to do both at once and still be safe *no hunting for bambi crud*

    nexgt list should be how a marker is like a lady
    HalloWicked
    HATCHET WARRIORS UNITE
    Clown Love

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    • angelbeast24
      team domestic disturbance
      • Oct 2003
      • 654

      #3
      haha thats funny as hell
      TEAM DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE
      dye matrix
      warped superman angel lcd


      "tell the dead box i sent u...u'll get a group discount"

      http://www.automags.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=125256 my feedback

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      • BobTheCow63
        IAO Gold Star winner (BTK)
        • Dec 2002
        • 3832

        #4
        lol, that's awesome... "13. Like pizza, when it's good -- it's really good. When it's bad -- it's still pretty good." about made me crap my pants I laughed so hard.
        Calling all Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina, and other east coast AOers...

        AO Mid-Atlantic Meet (planning stages)

        Let us know what dates and locations work for you!!

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        • TraXeR
          Registered User
          • Sep 2002
          • 1761

          #5
          ROFLMAO!

          '14. I had to pay for my first time. '

          I nearly fell out of my chair on that one.
          'people should not be allowed to own paintguns which are smarter than they are'

          -Sparq

          Comment

          • magking
            Its a Hemi
            • Nov 2003
            • 61

            #6
            man thats funny stufff

            i liked number 8
            There are special pieces of equipment--some even have batteries
            good stuff
            one of these days Your gunna fall in a hole

            Comment

            • FalconGuy016
              Divine Right, Pevs @ AG
              • Aug 2002
              • 6127

              #7
              HAha thats great
              Hey
              AIM: FalconGuy016
              BANG!!!

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              • fire1811
                Firefighter
                • Nov 2002
                • 4930

                #8
                lol
                nice
                "The Few Who Do Are The Envy Of The Many Who Only Stand And Watch"

                Alway Remember *343*

                Si vis pacem, para bellum

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                • ß?µ£ §mµ®ƒ
                  University of Rochester
                  • Aug 2003
                  • 1012

                  #9
                  we hold our balls and put condoms over our shafts
                  • AGD "Yea well our intention is to
                    take over the world....one country at a time..... :)"

                  • Rt Pro X Valved Warp fed My Rtp
                  • Props to Echo for the sig

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                  • swanster
                    apple mac rocks
                    • Jul 2003
                    • 230

                    #10
                    omfg that is so funny lol
                    swanster
                    STORM UK

                    sponsored by:
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                    www.stormpaintballteam.com

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                    • sneakyhacker420
                      AO's Uber Green Guru
                      • Aug 2002
                      • 1247

                      #11
                      14. I had to pay for my first time.
                      LMFAO


                      heres another one:

                      we shoot at our opponents
                      Proud Member Of The AO Cesspool Since 08-24-2002

                      Comment

                      • Target Practice
                        irc.zirc.org:6667 = chat!
                        • Nov 2003
                        • 3180

                        #12
                        Damn...I wish I could find that pic of me after I got goggled with a white-fill paintball. Oh, wait......no I don't.



                        "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." --Henry Louis Mencken.

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                        • xXHavokXx
                          Section XIII.
                          • Aug 2003
                          • 860

                          #13
                          Seasonal paintball????

                          Comment

                          • elpimpo
                            carpe noctem
                            • Nov 2002
                            • 1713

                            #14
                            in paintball you can blow your load in under 10 seconds and be very proud of it
                            www.theangelguy.com for all your angel needs
                            BEER HELPING WHITE PEOPLE DANCE SINCE 1841
                            BEER HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 1841
                            PARTY TILL SHES PRETTY
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                            • TraXeR
                              Registered User
                              • Sep 2002
                              • 1761

                              #15
                              Originally posted by elpimpo
                              in paintball you can blow your load in under 10 seconds and be very proud of it
                              BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA... ..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *deep breath*..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ow, my sides .

                              Best. Line. Ever.
                              'people should not be allowed to own paintguns which are smarter than they are'

                              -Sparq

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