The Stupid Jokes Thread

[Zumina]

How many Ted Kennedies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, one to hold the bulb in the socket, and another to drink until the room starts spinning!

[Mantis]

OK, this joke was originally told using people of a nationality that somehow got bad rep for the smarts department. I'm of that nationality so I guess I'd be allowed to use it anyway, but I'll be PC.

There were once two brothers, we'll just say they weren't the brightest. One day they went to the market and each bought a pig. When they brought the pigs home, they had a dilemma.
"How will we tell our pigs apart?," said the first brother. The second brother, being a bit smarter, replied, "I know! I'll cut the ear off my pig. That way we'll know that the pig with only one ear is mine."
So, they cut the ear off the second brother's pig. However, the two pigs did not get along too well and got in a fight, in which the second brother's pig bit one of the ears off the other pig.
"Now what will we do?" queried the first brother. "Well," responded the second, "I'll just cut the other ear off my pig, so we'll know that the pig with no ears is mine."
They proceeded to cut off the second brother's pig's other ear. But, wouldn't you know it, the pigs got into a fight again and the earless pig de-eared the other.
"NOW what will we do!?" exclaimed the first brother in distress. After thinking a moment, the second brother replied, "I suppose I'll have to cut the tail off my pig. So that we know that the pig with no tail is mine."
Those ill-tempered pigs though! Sure enough, they got into a third fight which left them both tailless.
"This is hopeless," said the first brother, "we can't cut one of their legs off, they'd be hobbling around..."
"You're right," the second brother said, "I guess... I guess I'll just have to take the white one, and you take the brown one.

[Jonno06]

lol everyone..but here is thee best one.....

2 elephants are taking a shower.One says,"radio".

if you get that,please explain it to me.

[�.C.]

a termite walks into a bar and says "hey whres the bar tender?"

GET IT? TENDER BAR OF WOOD AHAHAHAHAHHHAHA



no

[Jonno06]

i dont get it B.C...lol..

ok,i hope this isnt that bad of a joke,no cursing or anything:

a lice walks into a bar shaking.The other lice asks him why he is shaking.He replies"because i had to sleep in a bikers beard all night".The other lice says"why dont you climb into a stewartess' pibics,and then you will be warm".The lice says its a good idea.So that night he goes in her pubics.The next day that same lice walks into the same bar shaking.The other lice says"why are you cold,didnt you go in her pubics?"he says "yes,but when i woke up,i was in the bikers beard again"....lol,again,i hope this isnt too offensive.

*EDIT* Not allowed

i again,hope these arent to pollitically incorrect???

[AngelBoy]

Whats a fish say when he hits a concrete wall?
DAM!

[Vex]

Ok, here's my two absolute favorites:

A string goes into a bar and pulls up a seat. He asks the bartender for a beer. "Sorry, but we don't serve strings in here" says the bartender. "Damn," replies the string. So he hops down and walks out the door. Once outside, he gets and idea and quickly ties himself and shakes his head. He goes back into the bar and takes a seat. "Gimme a beer" the strings demands. "Are you a string?" asks the bartender. "No, I'm a frayed knot." replies the string.

Ba-dum-bum...

A mushroom goes into a bar and starts drinking. He spies a beautiful blonde at the other end of the bar. He wants to be nice, so he sends her a drink. He watches, mystified, as the woman rejects his offer. He finishes his drink, slides down to the end of the bar, and asks the woman why she refused his drink. The woman replies "I'm sorry, but I don't accept drinks from mushrooms." The mushroom, obviously offended, exclaims, "Mushroom? I'm not a mushroom, I'm a fungi!"

As an added bonus:

A door-to-door salesman rings the bell at 101 Elm Street. The door is answered by an 8 year old boy wearing a fedora, smoking a Cuban cigar, and drinking a snifter of brandy. "Is your mom or dad home, young man?" asks the salesman. The kid replies, "Does it look like it?"


Don't applaud, just send money...

[giblit]

omg these are all so corny

[Zumina]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for some grapes. The bar tender replies with "We don't serve grapes here." His question answered, the duck leaves.
The next day same duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender for some grapes. Once again, the bar tender replies "I already told you, we don't serve grapes here." Again, the duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and once again asks the bar tender for some grapes. Enraged, the bar tender says "Look, you've come in here twice asking for grapes, and I've told you TWICE that we do not serve grapes. Should you ask for grapes one more time, I'm going to nail you to the wall!" The Duck steps back and thinks about what the bar tender has just said, then he asks "Bar tender, got any nails?" the bar tender quickly answers "No". "Good" replied the duck, "got any grapes?"

[ramsee1]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.


What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.


Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the other one could drive.

[Vex]

What did the John Deere say to the farmer's wife?

"I'm a tractor to you..."


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.


What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef.

What do you call a cow that has an abortion?
de-calfinated.

[ramsee1]

funny

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?
Bob

What do you call a guy who cuts himself shaving?
Nick

What do you call a guy hanging on a wall?
Art

[Vex]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel

What do you call the same guy in a hole?
Phil
(don't forget his bro Doug)

What do you call the same guy in your wallet?
Bill


What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs in the court room?
Sue

[ramsee1]

too funny

What do you call a bus load of politicians driving off a cliff?
A good start.

[Vex]

The county sheriff responds to the scene of an accident and finds his deputy has already arrived. "What happened?" said the sheriff. The deputy replied, "A bus load of politicians went over this cliff."
"Oh my God! Did you check to see if there are any survivors?" the sheriff demanded. The deputy confessed, "Well, I called out to see if anyone was still alive, and a couple of them shouted back up and said that they were, but you know how them politicians lie!"


hahahahahahahahahahaha!