sorta need to vent

[rhetor22]

you guys do not have to read this.

i just had to type it to sorta vent.

typing in addition to banging a wrench against a pole untill i couldn't feel my arm.

police wont say anything so we have no idea how it happened. some say it was a suicide but i wouldn't think so.




hey drew remember the time my dad showed up with the bed filled, so we had to ride the bikes home? we were doing at least 65 down that dirt road, only took us 4 minutes to get home

drew do you remember riding through the river trying to get to the dunes? You would always just stand up on your seat, and my bike would ALWAYS stall 15 feet from the end, and i'd get my shoes wet

do you remember drew when you went bombing over the jump in my driveway, and you could barely walk for a week? my dad was asking if you were alright and i was just laughin my butt off

and how you always used to get pissed off because your handlebars were bent. all i had to say was maybe if you hadn't dumped the bike in the sand so many times they wouldn't be bent

remember how you used to beat me up after i said something like that, get me into a head lock untill our sides hurt from laughter

how bout that time we drove my dads old truck down to stop and shop and got some soda? you were what 15? that truck was some fun

remember when you first got that bike? I saw that thing sitting in my garage and thought, that must be that italian gajieva 125 your friend had. naw it was too nice. Kawasaki, nah its no italian bike.

we ran out of gas and decided to just use some Sthil 2 stroke mix, we were pretty damn stupid. Of course we just poured that right into the tank and didn't mix it... we were shakin your bike for an hour saying "hey, whos bike is this anyway? nah keep shakin"

Then i got my YZ, we thought we was da kine. seeing those two bikes freshly cleaned, cuz thats all they ever were with us, damn they were so pretty. they'd lean together when we strapped them in the back of the truck. Yeah drew, they're sisters haha

Then when you started working for my dad, that was nonstop fun... we just made fun of him alll day long. "Hey hand me that nail driver inner device like thingy" "you mean the hammer?"

You got that little pos chevy s-10, why did you ever get a chevy? god what a pile... it wouldn't start when the sun wasn't up, barely went above idle. we tried to take that thing off roading haaa what a laugh

then you got the ford, our ford. that truck was so nice it was all we could talk about... the big tires from your dad, how did you ever let you take them...

getting rid of your bike and your truck tore me apart... more than it did to you. I guess i'm better off, i got your truck now and trust me, that truck will be jacked. "diesel" right? haha

I can't remember when the last time i saw you was... before yesterday

I didnt believe it at first, i mean how could i? how could you, andrew, how could you go? you protected everyone close to you, we all felt safe around you. maybe not with the crazy things you do, but if danger comes around, you're there to help us.


and when i went there and saw jake with tears covering his face, i couldn't hold it in anymore. don't cry don't cry... don't let it out just hold it in till my face burns.

then james, what the hell is james going to do now? how can he go on? you know him better than anyone else so tell me drew, what the heck is he going to do?

seeing your dad he's so much like you. he's short but hes damn strong, his hands are like steel.

then seeing you, what you were... what you aren't... i broke down

your mom says you were just talking about us, saying you were going to come back and work with my dad, you were gunna give us a call... you have no idea how much i want that call now, but i can never have it

your mom hugs me and says "tyler, you were the best", no i wasn't. you were the best. how the heck can i be if i hadn't called you for a year? a year? a year is nothing when you live to be 75, but how about 17? 17 years old?


now all i can do is remember that bacon pizza, and the bottle of corona.

I went into your room and saw the speakers we spent 3 hours hooking up.

then i saw the tire that was bald in 2 weeks after doing burnouts in the driveway.

I held the gas cap. we glued it, siliconed it, strapped it, and clamped it. we even tried to duct it and that didn't even hold. as you say, if you can't duct it..... guess you had to spend the $10 for a new one after all huh?

Still don't know why, i don't know if i want to know how. don't know why you had to be so close to coming back and leave us.

i'll never forget, trust me i will never, never forget.

the earring in my ear will stay there till the day i die. that truck will never, never leave me.

drew, we all need you back

[Mango]

Wow man, I really don't know what to say other than, what exactly happened if you don't mind me asking. Where did drew go? Because I'm not exactly sure I understand.

[rhetor22]

don't know how or why, but i got back from his funeral six hours ago

[covadsucks]

It sucks because there's no words for it, and you can't do a thing to bring him back, even if you volunteered to take his place instead.



I'm sorry for your loss.

[-J�ker-]

heres what i got from the story.... drew used to be his best friend they did everything together up until about a year ago when they stopped talking and he now regrets that more than anything.... your story brought me to tears im very sorry for your loss but saying that dosent do anything really.... why wont the police realese any info..... it doesnt sound like Drew would comit suicide... so your saying no one knows the cause of death? not even his parents? when did you hear of his death? im so sorry for your loss

[Mango]

yeah it made me teary eyed too, and I dident fully understand why. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[Gotenks]

I think it goes like this...

He had a good friend, and he was restating a lot of the good times

His good friend committed suicide and he is totally lost of what happened and why he did.

My condolences rhetor

[rhetor22]

thanks guys... i'm starting to recollect myself... its still hard though.

i don't know if it would have been worse had i seen him a few days ago instead of a whole year.

it was just so unexpected...

me and my dad were talking about him the day he died, we had no idea what happened.



we were really close, had a lot of good times. its just hard to take in

supposedly it was a suicide but i really cannot see how. the parents don't know how he died, and the police aren't saying anything yet.

with all the people that were there to say good bye, i dont know how he could have willingly left us.

[dre1919]

Wow man, that is just horrible. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss bro. A good friend of mine always says, "I don't have friends...I have family." I believe that to the last letter of that phrase. My close circle of friends are my extended family, and I'd be there for them for life, and they would me. I think when you meet people like this that are as close as blood to you, when you lose them it's just very hard to cope with. Hopefully you can find out what happended soon and make peace with those demons becuase you've got your life to live too. You should live your life to the fullest for you and your friend who can't anymore. May God watch over him.

[lillfroboy]

man i know how you feel losing a good friend, here is how it all started it was about a years ago I was 13 me and 3 of my friends Jason, Sarah, and Mike snuck into Whiskey River (its a bar if ya dont know) and me Sarah, and Mike were just talking and Mike was getting Drunk and after he was drunk ( he didn't even act like it yet)one of the bouncers asked if they could see our ID and since we didnt have any he kicked us out, and on the way home(mike was driving,very stupid to let someone drive drunk)Miokewas driving really fast *about 100* in his jeep (I was in the back by myself and Sarah and Jason were shring the passenger seat to make out, and then the police started to follow us *maybe to or three dont really remember* and then Mike started to drive Faster and just before all 4 lans turn right to go on the bridge mike jerks left and onto oncoming traffic for maybe about a mile and there was a really sharpe turn up ahead so i told sharh and jason to jump out before we flip at the turn *on our right was all the oncoming traffic, the left was grass* and maybe 300 or 400 feet before the turn i jump and directly after me jason is trying to get sarah to jump so and she wont so he pushes her out and the he jumps (the jumping is all in a matter of 5 or six seconds) right before sarah hits the groung *we all jumped out the left side* the jeep slams into her and knocks her into the guard rail *the doctors said it just parlysied her* and the the jeep slamed up against her squishing her between the guard rail and the jeep *it killed her... in her casket they had to stuff her just to get her to look decent it was so bad* and Jason flew over the guard rail and fell a good 50 or 60 feet onto so roocks * he died to.... Not to a pretty sight* and i had both legs broken, about 7 ribs broken, a punctured left lung, a broken right collar bone a gash across my left side that i had to get about 300 stitches for, my nose was broke from falling , face first and when i hit the groung i landed on my right hand and it ripped my pinkey and my ring fingure lean off, *it all hurt like hell. and Mike was worse than me both of his lungs were punctured and almost every bone in his body was broke eccept his neck and his back. we both got taken to the hospital and we both almost died but we didnt im almost back a full potential but my handwriting is sloppy as hell i can runs as far fast straight as i used to be able to * just to be able to make it to the 50 at my local paintball field is lucky for me and it is only 30 feet away* i cant breath as good anymore, i get nose bleeds constantly, and i get kidney stones easily. I also got 3 years probation and had to pay a $3000 fine plus some others equaled out to be about $11000 or $12000 and six months in Juve and *really sucks because it was my fault but it wasnt* but any was Mike is 19 and has been charged with 2 counts of man slaughter, vechlicular homicide in to counts, drunk drivine, pedestrian endangerment, wreckless driveing, and 1 count attemt man slaughter he is in jail for about 30 to 40 yearts. i miss them both dearly

[RT pRo AuToMaG]

dude, sorry for your loss, my regrets go to you, Drew and his and your family. that story you wrote brought me to tears.

[Jonno06]

sorry to hear about ur friend..

i had a friend kill herself in freshman year..it sucks

[FatMan]

Hey Rhetor22,

I'm sorry for you loss, man. It sounds like your friend was having some hard times. I want to be sure that YOU keep talking with your parents, your friends, whoever. Grief is a very long process with many stages, and there is no way from inside of grief to really understand what is happening to you - you NEED others to be with you. The good thing is you ARE feeling the grief. It is important that you let yourself mourn your loss, but don't do it alone. You don't have to tell your Dad everything you are feeling, just make sure you are keeping contact with someone. We don't want YOU to end up feeling like Drew did, OK?

Again, I'm really sorry man, and in all seriousness, you might ask your parents about seeing a couselor. There is nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Suicide is VERY hard to deal with, especially at a young age.

We're all thinking about you, dude. Come here and vent any time.

FatMan

[ShooterJM]

Re: sorta need to vent

Originally posted by rhetor22
i'll never forget, trust me i will never, never forget.

the earring in my ear will stay there till the day i die. that truck will never, never leave me.

Man bro. That got me really badly. I went through what close to what you're going through now a little over a year ago. I did the same thing. Just sat down and started writing down all the experiances I could possibly remember and cried. Here's the thing man. Keep a copy of your note, when you remember something else, add it. It helped me a lot as time went on to remember all the crap we'd done over the years.

Also. Don't drink if you can avoid it. I did. Was the only time in my life that I tried to drink to forget something. Doesn't work. You keep drinking and it won't go away, just gets worse till you eventually pass out.

If ya need to vent again feel free to PM me.

God Bless, Jeff

[rhetor22]

thanks for the support...

i will never be suicidal after seeing what death at such a young age does to family and friends.

thanks again