i'm too assertive- so my mom thinks i need meds or therapy

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  • graycie
    disgruntled
    • Oct 2001
    • 664
    #1

    i'm too assertive- so my mom thinks i need meds or therapy

    an altercation came about last night with one of my relatives who works at my moms restaurant and demands i should "respect" him. now if you demand it you ain't getting it even if you are older than me and a blood relative. so the incident is that his child was being loud in the restaurant which my mom owns, he does nothing to quiet her down and customers keep eye balling her. now i'm sitting in the back of the store and there is a table of 3 adults 10 feet away from me, i don't hear their conversations at all but the kid all the way in the front of the store i hear loud and clear. i go up to the child, and she knows its bad when i have to get up to tell her to be quiet. he see's me saying something to her and he starts throwing a hissy fit like a 6 year old even though he is close to 60. saying that no customers are saying that she is loud, well heck they don't need to say anything if they are eye balling her and shouldn't have to say something. so i challenge his opposition and he continues to through a hissy fit by slamming cabinet doors and saying he is leaving for the night. my mom wasn't around when it happened, so when he got home he calls the restaurant to b$$$h to my mom about it as if i was a kid in school that beat up his kid on the playground, and threatening that he isn't coming back to work. my mom is like, if she was being loud you should of came to me to tell the kid to be quiet, freakin heck! i'm an adult i can speak for myself! its like good god, be a man and be a real parent and take responsibility of your child in public.

    so my mom is like freaking out, saying i shouldn't challenge him and i should let him say whatever he wants to say good or not. if anyone who really knows me knows that i'm not going to sit around and let anyone especially him try to belittle me. oh, and he tried to threaten me too - really stupid idea because i just got in his face even more. so my mom thinks and has been thinking for a while i should take meds to "calm me down", because the current "condition" i'm at right now is too "imbalanced". i will be the first to admit i'm nowhere close to a mother teresa, and i still have issues to work out but i think one of the best qualities i have is being honest. i pointed out to her that i say it like it is, and its not like i am making up stuff, exagerrating, or telling lies. she actually agreed on that, but still thinks i should just turn the other cheek or sweep it under the rug (to let it accumulate even more)when stuff like this happens and meds will help me do that.

    and by the way, even within my immediate and extended family that particular relative is not that well liked.
    Tags: None
    • Albinonewt
      Team Icky Forest
      • Apr 2003
      • 2456
      #2
      It sounds like your mom is taking the easy way out by backing the other family member. I would have done the same thing if I were you. People need to realize that you shouldn't bring your children out in public IF they can't behave. Some kids are too young, some are kept up past their bed time so the parents can go out, and some are just natually irritable. Some people just don't realize that having kids changes what you can and cannot do and where you can and cannot go. It is seriously rude to bring screaming kids into an evirnment where they are not normally welcome (Chucky Cheese springs to mind).

      You were right. There's no need to upset a dozen paying customers because one family member has no respect for the people around him.
      Or better yet, why don't you kill yourself. No, really, die. Drop dead, don't leave a note, in fact burn your house while your little ego is stuck in a bench vice so that you'll also incenerate yourslef and everything you own with it. Because that's all you're worth. You're not even wirh thte time it'll take for the house to burn down, so just kill yourself. You're a waste of space. You are nothing, you always will be nothing. Don't leave a note, you're not worth the ink. - Tyger

        Comment

        • MantisMag
          Dim Sum
          • Dec 2001
          • 1895
          #3
          what generation of american are you, your mom, and this relative? i know my grandparents and relatives who were raised in china probably would have reacted the same way. how many generation's of difference are there between you and him? that also makes a big difference. if you're one generation removed from him you might be allowed to speak up. but if you're two generations lower forget it. to them you have no right to speak to him. which is why your mom would have been the one to say something. it's a stupid notion. especially since it carries out to distant relatives so that sometimes age doesn't even factor in. you could be somebodies "auntie" even though they're much older than you. i'm glad i don't hae to put up with all that crap.

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            • 1stdeadeye
              Still around????
              • Jun 2002
              • 8501
              #4
              Sounds like you were in the right. Maybe you should tell your mom that you will take "chill pills" if you relative will take their anti a-hole pills!

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                • joey d
                  yes, I run akaowners.org
                  • Apr 2003
                  • 2030
                  #5
                  i agree with newt, and would have done the same thing. regardless of what the other family member thought. it sounds like that the kid wasnt bothering your family member, maybe he was used to it hearing it constantly in a restraunt environment, however, that doesnt mean other customers are upset about it.

                  agree again with newt on the kids shouldnt be brought out in public if they cant behave themselves. when you bring your child out to public and it misbehaves by being defiant and obnoxious, that reflects poorly on your parenting abilities and your ability to control your children. mom and pop want to go out for dinner, hire a babysitter to watch junior for a few hours. enjoy dinner/whatever meal just like everyone else came there to do.
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                    • MarkM
                      UK Cougars
                      • Jul 2002
                      • 2433
                      #6
                      I will start by saying I do like kids but I just couldn't eat a whole one

                      However when I am out in an adult enviroment then I do not want to have kids around unless they are behaving themselves...those customers you said were eyeballing the kid may not return to your place as they will remember the unruly kid...the same thing applys to bars where some "young adults" get rowdy...people stop returning to that bar because of that element...this comparrison also applys to adults who should know better but once the booze is inside them act like teenagers having their first drink.
                      Generation gaps should not negate the need for common sense as age is not a qualification for wisdom, although it sometimes does help. A restaraunt that relys on continued custom as apposed to one off walk-in's cannot tolorate any disturbance to the ambience...you were right to say something. To this end I will not fly to the states with a particular airline due to their "child friendly" policy.....8+ hrs in a plane with screaming kids is not my idea of fun.
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                        • Albinonewt
                          Team Icky Forest
                          • Apr 2003
                          • 2456
                          #7
                          Originally posted by MarkM
                          To this end I will not fly to the states with a particular airline due to their "child friendly" policy.....8+ hrs in a plane with screaming kids is not my idea of fun.
                          Get back at them. When cabin pressure suddenly drops adjust your mask and then point and laugh at them!
                          Or better yet, why don't you kill yourself. No, really, die. Drop dead, don't leave a note, in fact burn your house while your little ego is stuck in a bench vice so that you'll also incenerate yourslef and everything you own with it. Because that's all you're worth. You're not even wirh thte time it'll take for the house to burn down, so just kill yourself. You're a waste of space. You are nothing, you always will be nothing. Don't leave a note, you're not worth the ink. - Tyger

                            Comment

                            • graycie
                              disgruntled
                              • Oct 2001
                              • 664
                              #8
                              Originally posted by MantisMag
                              what generation of american are you, your mom, and this relative?
                              this relative is her younger brother, and the only boy out of the family so he was revered as a child and because of it has developed the "big king" (it loses its meaning from translation,but mantis you may know what i'm talking about) mentallity. so he allways thinks he is right, and his kid is an only child so that kid is spoiled rotten and pretty much everyone i'm related to knows how annoying she can get.

                              as per 1DE's comment, she really does think there is a cure all "chill pill" which she would hope it would also be the "like children pill". so again she thinks i have a mental situation since i'm not a fan of children.

                                Comment

                                • darklord
                                  missing my matrix
                                  • May 2002
                                  • 2105
                                  #9
                                  Okay, I definitely agree with you on the kids policy. I have children misbehaving, and their parents do nothing! What's worse is people bringing a baby to a movie theater... I mean, if you can't find a sitter, then you shouldn't be at the movie! How can I possibly enjoy Neo saving the world when a freakin baby is crying throughout the dialogue??? I also agree that it's wrong for your mom to jump the gun and give you meds for an isolated incident.

                                  From what you're saying, it sounds like your relative is somewhat... "not normal", especially since he's working for your mom. He may have problems you don't know about...

                                  Even so, what I don't agree with is you "getting in his face". You can't pick your relatives, man, and I believe there is a certain level of respect you should hold to them, whether you like them or not. I think you should've shown some reserve and just laid off. You say "you're an adult and you can speak for yourself!", but you show absolutely no reserve when you flip out on a relative? Tsk, tsk.

                                  I think you are 70% right, but I think you should take responsibility for what you did. You probably didn't even think about the consequences at the time (as most youth do), and now you're up ____ creek without a paddle. Tough luck, bro. If I were you, I'd get the "counseling" instead of the meds. I personally would rather not screw with my body's chemical balance....

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                                    • 1stdeadeye
                                      Still around????
                                      • Jun 2002
                                      • 8501
                                      #10
                                      You can always run down to West Philly and pick up some LSD. Put it in your Uncle's drink. Then when he freaks out you can tell your mom you were right and it is her brother that needs the "meds"!

                                      Is your brother an owner of your Moms business or just an employee? If the former, then you need to give him some defference as a partner. If the latter, then your Mom needs to grow some and put your brother in his place.

                                        Comment

                                        • graycie
                                          disgruntled
                                          • Oct 2001
                                          • 664
                                          #11
                                          my mom's brother is part owner of the restaurant, and this is because he thought people would respect him if he had ownership (obviously no one did before, and hardly anyone does now). so he thinks he can do less work than when he was just an employee now that he is an owner, breaking news! he didn't do much as an employee either. my mom is really old school, with the whole sibling, male/female dominance thing so there is no real rationalizing with her.

                                          concerning darklords comment about me getting in his face, i defended my side of the argument and was just going to leave it at that. but he came around again and he started to threaten me, i'm sure if someone started to threaten you; you wouldn't just sit there and take it. oh, and by the way I'm 25, he is i think 60 he should be the bigger man and not resort to threatening someone. i take full responsibility for everything i say and do, i'm not going to lie and deny something. as far as in-laws and other relatives that i don't like, your right you can't chose them but you can chose to not talk to or interact with them.

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                                            • Thordic
                                              AFTICA
                                              • May 2001
                                              • 5986
                                              #12
                                              Next time his kid is noisy and in the restaurant, call some AOers up, Amy.

                                              We'll show up, and immediately start complaining about the loud kids. Then he can't say that any customers aren't complaining

                                              That sucks, though. I get along with all my family members, I'm lucky. Lots of my friends and other people I know have issues with family members and I see all the drama that it can cause.

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                                                • graycie
                                                  disgruntled
                                                  • Oct 2001
                                                  • 664
                                                  #13
                                                  Originally posted by Thordic
                                                  Next time his kid is noisy and in the restaurant, call some AOers up, Amy.

                                                  We'll show up, and immediately start complaining about the loud kids. Then he can't say that any customers aren't complaining
                                                  LOL! LOL! you do that and food is on me!

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                                                    • MantisMag
                                                      Dim Sum
                                                      • Dec 2001
                                                      • 1895
                                                      #14
                                                      Originally posted by graycie


                                                      this relative is her younger brother, and the only boy out of the family so he was revered as a child and because of it has developed the "big king" (it loses its meaning from translation,but mantis you may know what i'm talking about) mentallity. so he allways thinks he is right, and his kid is an only child so that kid is spoiled rotten and pretty much everyone i'm related to knows how annoying she can get.
                                                      ah the only male child. carrying on the name and such. i understand completely. ugh. i'm glad i seldom have to deal with all that. most of my more distant relations are still in china. and when they visit we can't talk cause they don't speak english and i don't speak chinese. so the only really traditional ones i have to deal with are my grandparents. and being grandparents they tend not to bother me with such things. they just give me money for ice cream. or more recently books. although they obviously have no idea how expensive textbooks are.

                                                      as for your situation it seems like they expect you to be a good little asian girl. quiet and obsequious. if you had timidly approached him head bowed and not making eye contact and said "uncle, the noise is disturbing our customers. i fear they are getting angry and will not return here." that probably would have gotten a better response. of course from what little i know of you i don't really think that's going to happen. still if you want results your best bet is gentle coaxing. don't even ask him to do whatever it is you want him to do. just quietly present the facts in such a way that he can't do other than what you want.

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                                                        • 1stdeadeye
                                                          Still around????
                                                          • Jun 2002
                                                          • 8501
                                                          #15
                                                          FOrget all this advice.

                                                          Just bunker the old fart! When you have him whimpering in a corner dripping with paint you can tell him that you're in charge now.

                                                          BTW,
                                                          Let me guess about the ownership. Your mom gave him a piece in exchange for sweat equity so he had to put no $ out of his pocket, eh?

                                                          If your uncle is 60 how can he have a little kid? Shouldn't his kid be your age or older?

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