My movie theater rules

[nippinout]

-Cell phones OFF. Even though your cell phone is on 'Silent', your annoying blue screen is really annoying. If your cell phone rings, it gets confiscated.

I can't stand cell phones in theaters. And the people who have conversations.

-No babies. Even if it's a Disney film, keep your crying smelly baby at home. If you get past security, your baby will be confiscated. And then punched in the face.

-No kids in R movies. Kids get scared. Crying is very annoying. 'Punch In The Face' rule applies here as well.

-No kids will be in the theater past 9pm. All PG-13 movies must end by that time.

-No hanging out at the theater.

-No arcades or games at the theater. This encourages kids to be at the theater. And most kids just pretend their playing and get the joysticks greasy. But it's cute, right?

-Chew with mouth SHUT or your food will be confistaced, and you will be forever be on the concessions black-list.

-No slurping. Your drink is empty.

-If you are going to sneak food in, make sure it's quiet.

-When eating movie theater box candy, know how to prepare it. Open bag, empty contents back into box. Discard bag. Buffoons.

-No talking. Don't ask "Who's the killer!?!?"

-Leave shoes on. Your feet smell.

-Don't put weight on my seat or kick it. Any slight movement on the seatback is very annoying.

-Commercials will no be played prior to the movie.

-Groups of teenagers will be told to shut the hell up upon entry. You are not cool. You are not tough.

-Movie Guys will leave their laptops at home.

-Popcorn will have REAL butter.

[personman]

I guess I'm a 'kid', but if you ever start a movie theature, I will be sure to frequent it. You just listed all the reasons why I dont go to the movies

[fire1811]

no sleeping in the theater cause from this list
you ovious dreaming

[-=Squid=-]

This rule list you have compiled only fuels my hate for teenagers, and in fact being one. Just keep in mind not all teenagers are retarded and do said things, namely me.

.... and none others...

Edit: Go personman.

[Cryer]

this one time...

I was in a movie and someones cellphone rings... Sounds kinda close... Anyways, that always gets to me.
The chick I was there with started looking around confused-like (I thought she was looking for who had the phone... like me).
Then she reached into her purse and retireved a ringing cell phone.



She paused for a second to see who was calling. WTF, Just turn it off, woman. Its simple.



Then she answered it



I didnt hang out with her much after that.

[BobTheCow]

Re: this one time...

Originally posted by Cryer
I didnt hang out with her much after that.

LOL!! Good call.

And that's pretty good nippinout, I'd definitely frequent your theatre.

[Brak]

i ask one more thing (other than additional punches in the face), is that tickets stay UNDER 2 figures. im not paying 10 dollars to see 'club dread' you bastards.. that was directed to my local theater

[Cryer]

Originally posted by Brak
i ask one more thing (other than additional punches in the face), is that tickets stay UNDER 2 figures. im not paying 10 dollars to see 'club dread' you bastards.. that was directed to my local theater

the most I've ever seen for a ticket is 7 something... And I think thats steep for some movies. If I had to pay 10 per ticket, you wouldnt get me near a theatre...

[FalconGuy016]

I just was at a movie theatre

YOU NEED TO ADD A RULE

-IF YOU ARE LATE, ESPECIALLY REALLY LATE, DONT COME IN MAKING NOISE WITH SHOPPING BAGS AND TALKING ABOUT WHICH SEAT TO SIT IN, OR COMPLAIN HOW ALL THE SEATS ARE TAKEN BECAUSE YOU WERE LATE AND STUPID, SHUT UP, YOU WILL BE SHOT

[Cryer]

Originally posted by FalconGuy016
... YOU WILL BE SHOT

...and bludgeoned. I prefer bludgeoning.

[Thordic]

Thordic's Scale of Movie Pricing:

Base Movie Price: $2.50

Every 100 people killed bloodily: + $0.50

Each Lesbian Scene (at least one must be hot): + $1.00

Each Boob Shot: + $0.50

Full Frontal (Female): + $2.00

Full Frontal (Male): - $5.00

Pirates/Robots/Zombies: + $2.00

Hero has shotgun and chainsaw-hand: + $2.00

Midgets: + $1.50

Each Car Chase (w/ explosions): + $1.00)

Each Car Chase (w/o explosions): -$0.50 (Who wants to see a car chase where something doesn't blow up?)

Copious Use Of Laser Beams: + $0.75

Each Touching Moment That Makes Your Girlfriend Go "Aww!": - $2.50

Stars Freddy Prinze Jr.: - $1.00


This needs more tweaking, but I definitely think a scale like this would be necessary in a perfect theatre.

[logamus]

or you can avoid the whole mess and do what i do, wait for the dvd to come out. if you dont like it you can always sell it and get some of your cash back. try that at the box office. while there are a few movies that are just made for the big screen, 99% of them work just fine on my tv and i dont have to be annoyed by punk teenagers at home, at least not for 9 more years.

[logamus]

Originally posted by Thordic
Midgets: + $1.50

what would you charge for a midget lesbian scene? and what about if one was a robot that exploded upon completion of the act? im guessing +$10? is that fair?

[Thordic]

Well it just keeps adding up, and I would hope at a theatre such as this, you would be gratious enough to add in a tip if a movie was shown that was of a level of awesome that included exploding robot midget lesbians.

At that point you go back and hand them a $20 on your way out.

[logamus]

i need to get into the movie business.