This is sad but turning to AO for help....

[cphilip]

Ok, well my little sister went through similar stuff at about the same age. Parent's got her Paxil for a while and now she's better.

A form of treatment for Depression/anxiety disorders.

Also Prozac.... and there is a long list of possiblities. This is good.

Does she sleep well? There are two manifestations. And you not be able to tell if she does sleep well or not and its not always a symptom early on. One is excessive sleep and more common is restless or inability to sleep well. In some cases like Bipolar Depression there is such highs and lows that sleep is impossible for a few days followed by a low that they sleep for days. But quick mood swings can be seen in both of them. Detemining Monopolar for Bipolar is an important step in treatment thearapy. Different set of medications for each. Might take some experimentation.

[Lohman446]

I know you said you have seen doctors.. and depression has been considered already...

Is it possible she is going through a growing period and not sleeping as much as is required. What you describe reminds me of narcalepsy in mild forms - it will result in depression and an almost automated response to the world around you...

[cphilip]

I know you said you have seen doctors.. and depression has been considered already...

Is it possible she is going through a growing period and not sleeping as much as is required. What you describe reminds me of narcalepsy in mild forms - it will result in depression and an almost automated response to the world around you...

Depression is not "caused". It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. It is a lack of Seratonin in the right places and amounts. Often geneticaly linked. My point is that Doctors would be slow or reluctant to diagnose it as its not measurable with normal instruments and simple lab tests. And might resist concluding it in so young a girl. So they will need to be persistant about it and diligent until they find the one that is open to the possibility. Just because some of them have rejected it so far means nothing. Ask them how they know and what measurement they used to rule it out. Nothing I can tell you. And its only diagnosed on a hunch and with a lack of any other explantions. Often much later than onset of the symptoms...

[MaChu]

Sounds like depression. I went through it, still am, sounds like the exact same symptoms I have at this current moment. Not to be conceited but I am really smart, went into a PSAT blind and came out with a 1290. Except Im stupid at the same time and don't take the pills due to my harsh schedule. Kinda forget in the foray of everyday rush to school. When I do take them, I do ok in school, when I don't, I just don't care about anything. Motivation is my enemy, I just don't care somedays

Its weird because have there been any social problems in the house? Divorces, deaths, etc? Mine was kinda triggered right before my 16th birthday, parents split, mom kicked me out on the street, drifted from friends house to friends house, just stuff like that will really mess you up inside. You feel like there is no future, no hope, almost to the brink of dying is the only way. Its like a slow erasing of the person you once, always knew. Now I know she isn't that far into it or old enough, but go looking into a phsycian for prescribing her some anti-depresents.

BTW everything is fine now. Parents got back together, sister moved back in for a bit, still some occasional fighting, but heck Im outta here in two years anyways. Not to mention I guess paintball was my therapy because once I quit right after this little string of events, felt empty. But when I played a few weeks ago, Ive never felt so alive in what seemed a lifetime. Paintball is truly an antidrug and keeps me safe. She needs to find something that is her passion, something that excites her, and act upon that stimulus and build upon it.

[who_311]

Okay, I am just a sophomore right now, so I do not know anything about parenting, and what not, but I wanted to say something, as a student. Now, I was a very good student through out school up until about 8th grade. Right when I brought a report card home with a C-(i think it was), my folks FREAKED out.

They started asking me about my school every day, and would badger me about things that went on in my day. To the point where I got annoyed with them, and I wouldnt even want to talk to them. They kept sendin me to the counselors and such at school, and my grades kept slipping. As they were slipping, I got more and more depressed with my self, and not having very high self esteem to start with, that aint good. As i got depressed, my grades got worse, and it kept going like that for a while.

Well, once this went on for a year or so, in the next school year i told them "Mom and Dad, I want to tell you something, If my grades start slipping, dont ride me about it! If i make a mistake, i can take care of it! If you badger me and badger about it, I become desinsitized to it, and I get to the point where I just dont want to!" So, my folks, after some talkin, said that they would loosen up on me, and not be so overbaring. Now, im sure I am comin off as a cliche "Rebelious teen" just rebeling against their parents, but please, believe me, with all honesty, I love my parents, and I couldnt be anywhere I am right now if I had different parents. ANYWAYS, Im trying to say, that my parents tryed WAY too hard to work with me on grades and what not, that I just got to the point that I would just not think about it, or that I would totally freak out if I got a bad grade on something because I know my parents would kill me, or badger me about it, and once i started to freak out, I would just do terrible or freeze, and then not show them, and then do it again, and it adds up.

Well, if you can take my $.02 on the same levels as an adult's I would be honored, but I can understand if you take what I say with a grain of salt. But please take what i say as a student, comin from somewht the same situation as your daughter.

[SGTKennedy]

have you tried getting a responsible younger person to talk to/befriend her? Someone you can trust to instill good ideals, just as you would, if she listened to you.

another reason children scare me. you dont know whats going on in there, or why, but you have to deal with it.

I never did work in school. I never failed until my senior slide kicked in, but i should have done a lot better than i did. And there wasnt anything anyone could have done, cuz i just didnt want to do it.
Good Luck.

[Trigger_Happy]

Apathy is for my generation what rebelion was for yours. What's there to live for anyway? And it's so COOL to act like you just don't care! Your friends do it. Heck, she probably even talks like she doesn't care, right? Fairly quiet and 'dreary'?

As far as positive reinforcement goes, don't even bother. It's for kids who you are trying to help do their best. If your kid is playing video games on Sunday night instead of studying for the test they know they can get a B on, you offer them something in exchange for an A.

If your kid does NOTHING, then you need the negative reinforcement. I know you say you've tried everything, and I believe it. How can you overcome the very attitude that cares about nothing you can do to her?

BUT HERE'S THE HOPE: Kids do care about something. Different for everyone, but it's there. There is SOMETHING that she will put up a fight about. If you ever hear her complain/whine about ANYTHING, zero in on it because it means she cares. You said she cares more about what she wants to do than what she's obligated to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you've tried denying those things from her, but could you take it a step further? Literally anything she cares about get's entirely wiped out until she begins caring about what you care about.

Toys, TV, friends, music, internet, clothing items, money, ANYTHING. If she has anything she want's it's too much. You see, the truth is, there's nothing you can do to a kid who doesn't care about anything. If she care's about nothing, you could go so far as to starve her to death and she....wouldn't care. Your trying would be pointless. As luck would have it, however, everybody cares about soemthing. And there's only more to care about as she gets older. Pretty soon she'll get tired of not having cash to spend, nice clothes to wear, etc, etc, etc.

If you make it really clear what you want, she'll do it. Make a checklist for her so she knows exactly what to do that will end the "torture". It's really "mean" to do what I'm saying, but it's really "mean" of her to lie, disrespect, and ignore. It's not a swift solution. I'm sorry about that. It'll probably take a month for her to hit rock bottom and then decide she'd rather do things your way. On the upside, I've never heard of a kid willing to spend years on end dealing with those kind of 'extreme' limitations.

[danheneise]

Not saying this applies to your daughter, but for me it does. Every time my parents took something away from me, or made me grounded, or restricted or whatever I would just dig my heels in deeper and do worse and worse. Eventually when they gave everything back my grades started coming back up.

oo that is so true. In my case all it took was the fact that I had been ill (transplant, out of state) for the 1st part of 6th grade, hmm seeing a pattern here, and was schooled by a tutor and did a heck of a lot less work than what i would be doing at the normal school level. When i got better and went back home and to school everything in school was 10x more work and i just got discouraged and stopped doing work, it got worse through high school 9-11th grade and the main thing that kept me not from doing my work was my parents hastling me about it as MrWallen posted, they would threaten to take stuff away, never actually doing it, but just annoying me with the hastling. Then for some reason this year, 12th grade the hastling stopped and i started doing good in school getting >c's on my report card rather than the normal D-'s.

The only problem in your situation is you really have "tried everything" and i'm not being sarcastic with that, but i just wonder, when you say "...restriction from most everything except breathing." i wonder what exactly "everything" is. if this includes talking with/seeing friends, that might be a privalage you should give back to her, IMO kids see friends as the main people they can trust, they don't get in trouble when they tell their friends they've done something bad, their friends don't scold or punish them. I'm sure you have said something in the lines of "if you need to talk to someone we will listen to whatever you have to say" etc. the problem is, sometimes the child might be afraid of the consequence of what they have done and won't want to tell someone that has the power of punishing them.

Another thing that got me on track was the fact that i had to have summer school because of 2 failed classes and that my senior year, i WANT to graduate, but since your daughter is only in the 6th grade this won't help too much.

One reason i brought up the friend issue is IMO the child might see friends as a reason to pass their classes, if they see that their friends will be moving on the the next grade and they won't be the troubled child might just work harder to stay with their friends. If you take friends away from them then you've taken away a reason for them to do good in school, I have found that his has also helped me, if i have a friend in a class and i see them doing better than me, I tend to feel that they might think lesser of me, and i will try to work harder, in a way it sometimes turns into a little competition of who can do better on a test, I also have found that the internet has been a great help with studying with my friends, it's a lot easier than calling, and tieing up the phone lines and personally i tend to be a little more open while talking online as you have seen here lol.

I don't know if this will help you but as a senior in high school these things have deffinatly helped me

[vf-xx]

A form of treatment for Depression/anxiety disorders.

Also Prozac.... and there is a long list of possiblities. This is good.

Does she sleep well? There are two manifestations. And you not be able to tell if she does sleep well or not and its not always a symptom early on. One is excessive sleep and more common is restless or inability to sleep well. In some cases like Bipolar Depression there is such highs and lows that sleep is impossible for a few days followed by a low that they sleep for days. But quick mood swings can be seen in both of them. Detemining Monopolar for Bipolar is an important step in treatment thearapy. Different set of medications for each. Might take some experimentation.

Oh yeah I forgot about that. There is a history of sleeping disorders in my family, some more severe than others. Having a sleep study done might not be a bad idea. Nowdays sometimes the fix is really simple too. My dad has a leg twitch that keeps him from getting REM sleep. Now he takes potassium and that helps keep the twitch away. I'm hazy on the timing, but at one point he was also hospitalized for depression. I believe he got the meds for the sleep thing about the same time he got out.